Made-For-TV Christmas

I watch & review all the made-for-TV Christmas movies I see. Mainly, because I needed a way to justify watching so many of them, but also as a way to help other people waste way less time than I have looking for a good, made-for-TV Christmas movie. So it's a selfish kind of service, I suppose. Just the kind of thing that warms your heart, really. (Posts daily starting November 1st, and continuing until December 24th.) Recommend me movies to watch & review! Submit suggestions here. Help provide the blog with new movies! My Amazon Wishlist for possible future reviews is here. Browse past movie reviews! Check out the archive here. Follow along on twitter! Livetweets, links and random musings are here. Help to support this venture by donating via Paypal! All contributions are appreciated! My non-Christmas Movie blog is here. To get into contact with me via e-mail click here.

[tvmoviechristmas]

Just like every other writer you know, I started a Substack. It will always be free and mainly exists so that I can write about the pop cultural ephemera that I can’t write about anywhere else. This includes my thoughts on some made-for-TV Christmas movies from the past couple of years. I included a link above but my username is kaceybange.substack.com if you want to go the old fashioned way about it.

Hope your made-for-TV Christmas movie season is going well!

-Kacey

[tvmoviechristmas]

How does The Santa Suit end? It does not have an ending.

I'm not sure if this is like a genuine question where you are asking me about the ending because the version you watched was cut off or just you complaining about how The Santa Suit ended weirdly. So I don't really know what to say here.

[tvmoviechristmas]

Hi! Are you coming back this year? I miss your posts!!

Hi!

Thanks for reaching out. As I announced last year, I have stepped away from this blog. The blog was a time consuming hobby that I barely broke even on and ten years in, there is no such a glut of blogs that do the same thing I did that it didn't feel like a necessary service anymore.

I flirted with coming back for a bit because there is nothing anyone loves more than validation, and nothing gave me validation like this blog. Then I read a couple tweets about the drama with that new channel GAC and was just like, "You know what? Retirement is okay."

And retirement has been good. After a holiday season last year that was almost hilariously over-the-top traumatic (I won Bad News Bingo), I am still dealing with the ramifications of everything that has happened then now. So it's been good to take a break and not worry about Photoshop or how I was going to juggle writing six reviews in a night or how to get access to certain things. It's one load off my back, and I needed it.

You know, I haven't even watched a made-for-TV Christmas movie so far this year yet. Maybe I will at some point (if you send me money and a movie title, I would easily be swayed tbh), and if I do that writing will probably be found at my main blog: popculturecrazy.com. That's where you can find some of the other Hallmark writing I have done during this year.

Anyway, thanks for reaching out. It's nice to know that I have been missed.

Love,

Kacey

[tvmoviechristmas]

So first, I came across some old tweets from you about the Olsens’ “Two of a Kind”, a show that I enjoy. And now, I realize that you have a blog about tv Christmas movies which is right up my alley since I spend way too much time watching those in the early winter! 😆 I just think it’s a funny coincidence. Keep being you and sharing your interests. 🌻 And happy 2021!

Super belated answer to this very sweet ask because I have not logged onto Tumblr since Christmas, but it really is wild to think that for all the social media links I have posted over the years advertising this blog, what I really should have been doing is talking about definitive one season sitcom Two of a Kind on my twitter.

Anyway, while I’m here (is anyone else here?), I might as well give a heads up that I am going to be doing some Hallmark writing this week on my non-Christmas blog popculturecrazy.com ... so feel free to stop by if you want to hear about Hallmark’s First Gay Lead (Take Two).

Hope everyone’s having a somewhat decent 2021!

[tvmoviechristmas]

And so ends the tenth season of tvmoviechristmas.com!

104 movie reviews later, over 90 of which were new premieres, I have survived another chaotic year of tropes and Christmas magic. I can hardly believe it.

Even harder to believe is that now is the time to retire this blog for good. After ten years and 624 movie reviews, I have decided to hang up my metaphorical Santa hat. This blog has taken a lot out of me over the years. Did you know that over a decade I have never missed a posting day? Through ups and downs and highs and lows in my personal life, I have always made sure that I have kept track of the made-for-TV Christmas movie niche for my readers. I have seen it as a personal duty, and one I have been happy to have. 

Still, it’s a job that is tiring and costly and as I have gotten older, it’s been harder to do this blog for basically free as a hobby. As proud as I am for everything I have accomplished here, I know when it’s time to make my exit and a decade in, it feels like the time is now. It’s a bittersweet decision, even if I know that it is the right one at this time.

Now, I am a strong believer in the “never say never” mantra. This blog may come back in the future. If I’m still unemployed next November, I’ll probably bring this blog back because it’s good to have a project to keep you accountable. If someone wants to patronize me with a ton of money, I’ll probably bring this block back because it’s good to make money. Some people have suggested that I drop in only occasionally to write reviews and I suppose that’s on the table too. Though given my all-or-nothing brain, this feels less likely as an option. Anything is possible! Still, for now the plan is to not return in 2021. 10 years is a nice round number, and it feels like a good time to let go.

(Hopefully, I will archive this blog at some point so it’s not lost to time. Ideally, I will also make a little print book for myself of my favorite reviews one day but that’s a dream for when I have like a ton of money to spare. And yes, the review archive should be updated with the final set of review links at some point. I promise. I hope.)

What’s next for me? I have no idea, which is terrifying. I do know that if you want to find out what that entails then you can always follow me on twitter at @kaceybange. You can also find my non-Christmas related writing at popculturecrazy.com. If you’ll miss me, those are the best places to look.

If you have enjoyed this blog over the past decade and want to donate as thanks, you can make a contribution to the blog via this Paypal link. You can also buy me a coffee on my ko-fi page as well, which you can find here. For those who prefer apps, I have CashApp and Venmo accounts that can be found via my e-mail: [email protected]. Donations are not necessary, but they are always appreciated, especially during a year where my economic and living situations have been under constant attack. 

Before I go, I want to thank everyone who has read this blog over the past decade. I want to thank those that sent in DVDs and suggestions for reviews in the early days and those who sent supportive e-mail messages. I want to thank everyone who linked the blog to their friends and everyone who gave donations. I started this blog when I was 19 years old as a lark, thinking it would last a year at most before being forgotten. Instead, I turn 29 next month and this blog has lasted ten whole years. So much has changed, but one thing remains true-- it never would have been possible without readers like you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and happy holidays. I’ll see you during our Hallmark-mandated trip to the Christmas tree lot to buy a Balsam Hill.

Love, Kacey

[tvmoviechristmas]

Borrowed Hearts, (CBS, 1997)

Putting people out of work must be exhausting.

Starring: Roma Downey, Eric McCormack, Hector Elizondo, Shawn Alex Thompson

Plot Synopsis:  Kathleen's a hard-working single mother, who's saving to buy a house for herself and her daughter, Zoe. Sam's a businessman who has to pretend he has a family in order to close a deal with the mysterious Javier Del Campo. Sam owns the company that Kathleen works for, and as her boss, manages to convince her to help him out. But Del Campo is more than he seems, and it just might be Zoe who's making the real deal to get a new home for herself, her mother, and Sam. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: When I was wrapping up the first year of the blog, I was deciding between two movies as my final review of the year. At the time, I was operating under the delusion that this blog was going to be a one year venture so it was an agonizing choice. One of the options for the final blog was A Christmas Romance, while the other was Borrowed Hearts. In the end, I decided to go with A Christmas Romance because it was a more seminal part in how I came to love made-for-TV Christmas movies so much (if you have ever interviewed me, I am sure you have heard me talk about it). 

I figured Borrowed Hearts could be my season-ender if I decided to do a second year of the blog, which quickly changed to “Borrowed Hearts will be my last ever review of the blog”. It was a promise I made to myself years ago, and while yes there are newer movies I could have reviewed in this slot instead... a promise is a promise. So here we are at the end of the line, and I give you my review of Borrowed Hearts.

As a kid, Borrowed Hearts never did much for me, even though I had many friends who swore by it. I understood that it was a genre-molder in its fake dating, fake family glory, but I found it to be more preachy than lively and more melodramatic than fun. I do not have a memory of what kind of star rating I was leaning towards giving it when I was nineteen, but I cannot imagine it would have garnered more than three stars.

Time has not been kind to Borrowed Hearts. Rewatching the movie in 2020, there are so many moments where I could not help myself from cringing. The entire premise hinges on the idea that the playboy male lead needs a fake family to impress a Mexican business owner who values old school families because he is from, and I quote, “the old country”. The male lead’s best friend just lists off a bunch of stereotypes as he implores him to get a fake family together and you want to cover your eyes.

In fact, everything about the male lead’s best friend is just the idea of comic relief gone wrong. He lists off a ton of off-color jokes that are classist and racist and fights with the precocious child character, and at no point does the narrative ever play this off as anything but fun. The male lead gets many lectures about the importance of family and the importance of keeping jobs in the United States, but the best friend is just there to be fun! Maybe that worked in 1997 and back then Borrowed Hearts was a huge hit, but 2020 is a different era.

In 1997, Borrowed Hearts was practically all there was for tropey, Christmas fun. In 2011, Borrowed Hearts was one of about a hundred or so films that existed in the genre. It’s 2020 now, and Borrowed Hearts feels like it should stay firmly in the past. Production companies make a hundred new films like these a year. So standards have to be slightly higher. In terms of political correctness, in terms of tropes. We can do better. We should do better. I hope the genre will keep striving to be better. Because it’s what viewers deserve.

They also deserve to see more movies where Oliva Newton-John helps a lamb give birth during a Christmas Eve blizzard, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s just true.

Watch If: You are not paid to have questions, if you bond with people over your dislike of broccoli or if you climb trees when you are in distress.

Skip If: You are an astronaut who loves their family, if your dad left you because you are “a butterfingers” or if you don’t see people, you see dollar signs.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

A Christmas Carousel (Hallmark, 2020)

A dirty brush is a small price to pay for meeting a beautiful woman.

Starring: Rachel Boston, Neal Bledsoe, Stuart Hughes, Jennifer Vallance

Plot Synopsis: When Lila is hired by the Royal Family of Ancadia to repair a carousel, she must work with the Prince to complete it by Christmas. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: During the first twenty minutes of A Christmas Carousel, my hopes were raised impossibly high that I had found a new bonkers favorite. The entire premise felt like the royalty trope stretched to its very limits as it pretends that the royalty of a small country would be intimately concerned with the restoration of a carousel on its premises. The characters namedrop the fake country the movie takes place in so much you would guess that their salaries were bumped up with each mention. The male lead’s accent is terrifying. The palace scenes take place in what looks like a hotel banquet room and lobby. It’s low budget and dumb and I was so excited.

Sadly, a stupid fun first twenty minutes quickly turned into a slog of a second eighty minutes. Unless, you absolutely adore a very long discussion on the importance of arts education. And maybe you do! I can’t speak for anyone’s heart but my own.

However, this blog is about how my heart feels and my heart is not up to hearing about loving the arts for eighty minutes. I love the arts. I blog about the arts (made-for-TV Christmas movies count as art!). But when it’s early in the morning, and I’m looking to turn my brain off and watch a tropey nightmare of a movie, endless treatises on arts education is not what I am hoping to see. It’s asking too much for me.

Then again, maybe I was asking too much of A Christmas Carousel. Perfectly stupid movies are rare gems that can only be found every once in a while. When you find them, you cherish them. When you don’t, you move on and hope that the next movie in the queue has the chaotic energy you crave.

Watch If: You are more friendly than roguish,, if you think fathers are a tricky business or if you don’t think a king needs a queen to rule a fake country.

Skip If: You have no interest in drawing pictures or scampering about in tutus, if you are pretty proud of your Casanova status or if you think chartreuse is a subtle color.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

Project Christmas Wish (Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, 2020)

I am between a holiday and a hard place.

Starring: Amanda Schull, Travis Van Winkle, Averie Peters, Amy Groening

Plot Synopsis: For years Lucy has played Santa to her small town's community. As she grants a little girl's wish for a "Christmas like it used to be," she unexpectedly finds her own wishes coming true. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: At certain points throughout Project Christmas Wish, I found every main character to be insufferable. The male lead spends the first twenty minutes complaining about everything and it made me want to roll my eyes out. The female lead spends an entire subplot bowling over a man’s wishes as she tries to push a public proposal on him and that made me want to tear my hair out. And the precocious child in this is so pushy and precocious that at certain points I wondered if I was going to puke my guts out. 

It was a lot.

But you know, if you can get past the fact that I hated every character in this for certain periods of time, Project Christmas Wish is fine enough. It features a Hallmark lead who was divorced, which is cool. The military propaganda is a small enough moment that you can take a bathroom break during it, which is acceptable. They don’t go through with the public proposal, which is a giant relief. So you know... it’s watchable. It’s okay.

I mean, yes, there is a full montage set to a sincere acoustic rendition of “Christmas is All Around” which genuinely baffled me because that song is a parody of celebrity cash grab Christmas songs in Love Actually, but like, you can survive it. You can even pretend it’s sweet. Everything has new meaning if you decide it does! This movie is a joy!!!

I don’t know. Maybe it’s the end of the year. Maybe I am that dog who was happily sitting in the kitchen that is on fire. But this is fine. It’s fine. I promise, it’s totally fine!

Watch If: You are a town gem, if you have been compared to a walking cactus or if you would prefer it if your kids called you “Daddy”.

Skip If: You think juggling life is more fun than actually juggling, if you always wanted to be the focal point of town gossip or if are a strong independent elf getting back out there.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

Spotlight on Christmas (Lifetime, 2020)

This is so A-List!

Starring: Tori Anderson, Victor Zinck Jr., Janet Kidder, Lia Frankland

Plot Synopsis: Dumped before Christmas, famous Hollywood actress Olivia secretly returns to her hometown to eat cookies and avoid the press. Instead, she has to step up to take the starring role in her own life, realizing that home is where the heart is.  (x)

In My Humble Opinion: After railing about how poorly done celebrity-based romances are in my review of A Christmas Break yesterday, Lifetime is back today with another celebrity-based romance just to torture me personally.

Honestly, in a year when trying to figure out Lifetime’s scheduling decisions would just lead one to woe and despair, it makes sense that my journey with them would end on two movies with the exact same premise (just genderswapped) premiering back to back. A normal channel in a normal year would try to create distance between those two premieres so as to not create comparisons. But not Lifetime. Not in 2020.

If one had to choose between the two “celebrity goes home to direct a school play and date an alumnus from their high school now works there” films that premiered this week, I suppose the correct choice would be Spotlight on Christmas. It’s more high-energy and good-hearted. Plus, if you watch Spotlight on Christmas you can tell me if you think this bitchy reporter who cameos at the beginning of the film is Hallmark regular Kimberly Sustad or just a very close doppelganger. 

The resemblance is uncanny if it’s not her! I am just saying! It has to be her, right? Someone weigh in on this.

Of course being the better “celebrity goes home for Christmas and falls in love with someone they went to high school with while directing a school play” movie that premiered this week is like a very low bar to clear in the grand scheme of judging quality. Still, a win is a win and Spotlight on Christmas can put tis ribbon in this trophy case. Congratulations!

Watch If: You are still chasing the high of your high school drama class experience, if your lucky day involves being given free candy canes or if you think the best pies are drowning in whip cream.

Skip If: You think Shakespeare is about answers, if you can’t kickbox on a bad hair day or if your mom only loves you because you are a movie star.

Final Rating: ★ ★ (★) ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

Cross Country Christmas (Hallmark, 2020)

I’m Lina. This is Max. And we don’t usually sleep on trains!

Starring:  Rachael Leigh Cook, Greyston Holt, Jon Cor,  Keith MacKechnie

Plot Synopsis: Former classmates Lina and Max are traveling home for the holidays, until a storm hits and they have to work together to make it home in time, no matter the mode of transportation. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: It’s been a year. In terms of personal events, in terms of political events, in terms of all events. Life has just been one giant ball of stress and sometimes I feel like I am about ready to explode. I am sure, you understand.

So, there were times where Cross Country Christmas, this year’s second Planes, Trains & Automobiles romantic comedy ripoff, felt like a bit much for me. Every time they got into a new mode of transportation I was biting my nails just wondering when it was going to wrong and how it was going to go wrong. When they bought train tickets and decided to go eat lunch before departure, I was miserable knowing that they were not getting on that train somehow someway. I’m a bundle of nerves and I will need to do deep breathing to get through a Hallmark romantic comedy that I know will end happily. ‘Tis the season.

Whenever, Cross Country Christmas wasn’t trying to destroy my sanity though, it was incredibly cute. It helps that the movie doesn’t waste a lot of time trying to build up antagonism between the leads and lets the movie play out as a series of crazy road trip vignettes more than anything. Rachael Leigh Cook is especially endearing as a character whose perkiness and impulsive thinking could easily have become too much to handle in less capable hands.

Cross Country Christmas, the last new Hallmark premiere of the year, is pretty representative of Hallmark’s 2020 slate in general. Not perfect, full of highs and lows, but strong enough. It’s been a bounceback year for the channel after a mostly forgettable 2019, even if the channel isn’t quite living up to the standards of its heyday. But hope springs eternal. Maybe next year they’ll finally figure out the balance of quality and quantity.

Watch If: You do not know how to cook ham, if you think Thelma and Louise is a fun road trip movie or if

Skip If: You think a tractor is a fantastic getaway vehicle, if your brother let you have the top bunk when you were kids or if you don’t have time for dating (seriously!).

Final Rating:  ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

A Christmas Break (Lifetime, 2020)

He already knows I’m a stalker.

Starring: Cindy Sampson, Steve Byers, Samantha Helt, Arnold Pinnick

Plot Synopsis: School teacher Addison Tate wants this Christmas to be special for her kids especially since the School Board has decided that it will be the last as the school will be closing. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: Celebrity narratives are incredibly popular in the made-for-TV romantic comedy game, and on some level I can understand that. It’s like royalty narratives, right? The dream of some rich, famous guy coming into your small town life and deciding that they want you. There’s a fantasy there. I get it.

However, it is so incredibly hard to pull off these movies on the budgets that these producers are working with that what is supposed to be a fantasy mainly feels embarrassing. Instead of any kind of red carpet realism, instead you get poorly Photoshopped magazine covers and fake TMZ websites and a bunch of vague talk of PR and things going viral. Also not helping is the fact that these super charismatic A-List stars are usually played by actors whose charisma doesn’t come close to matching it. It’s less Hugh Grant and more your friendly neighborhood barista. A royalty movie can potentially overcome that barrier because not every prince is charming (sorry), but Hollywood movies need that little extra bit of star power and you rarely find it in a Lifetime acquisition. All of these things combine into a story that feels even faker than your usual made-for-TV Christmas fare. It’s an extra barrier to entry.

A Christmas Break struggles with these mightily, but what’s even worse is that it seems to have no understanding of how the American public school system works? If they were going to do a GoFundMe Save Our School drive, it most likely wouldn’t be around Christmas time. Why would a school close after winter break in the middle of the school year and not during summer break when they could easily redistrict students for the next school year? Why was this movie not about a private arts academy or something? That would have made more sense. 

Why do I care? It doesn’t matter. It’s a made-for-TV Christmas movie, who is watching for governmental realism. But that’s the problem with Hollywood movies! I see on poorly Photoshopped tabloid cover and suddenly my brain can’t help but notice everything else that seems wrong with the narrative. I become a nitpicker. I don’t like being this way. Can I unilaterally decide that we stop making celebrity based made-for-TV Christmas romances until everyone’s Photoshop skills improve? I think that would be good for my heart and it would let me be a kinder version of myself. That is what Santa would want.

Watch If: You are like a trailer park, if you revert to being a second grade teacher when you are stressed or if you change your coffee routine with the seasons.

Skip If: You want to know what disparate means, if it is about the money for you or if you are a PR firm who doesn’t say that negative traction is negative traction.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

Swept Up by Christmas (Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, 2020)

Grumpy Santa is a dealbreaker.

Starring: Lindy Booth, Justin Bruening, Vlasta Vrana, Susan Bain

Plot Synopsis: An antique seller and a cleaner clash over how to downsize a magnificent estate right before Christmas. As the two uncover the house's treasures, they find a way to reconnect the reclusive owner with his own Christmases past. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: If anyone knows me, they know my two favorite things are movies that serve as military propaganda and cleaning. So you can imagine how happy I was to watch Swept Up by Christmas! It’s everything, I could ever ask for ....ahahahahahahahaha. I’m joking. I’m joking. This movie was a nightmare for me.

You want to know what else was a nightmare though? Hallmark’s new 2020 Christmas wines. Back in September, I ordered them online with the idea that I would drink them and watch the Hallmark Channel to get the full wine mom stereotype experience. I was going to do a liveblog of my descent into drunken madness and it was going to be a joy for everyone to read*. 

However, when I sat down to do this back in early November, I quickly discovered a problem. Hallmark’s 2020 Christmas wines are awful. It took me four hours to finish the bottle of white wine, and I gave up halfway through the red wine because life is too short to suffer too much.

And you know what, that’s true. Don’t suffer through Hallmark wines and don’t suffer through Hallmark Movies & Mystery’s Swept Up by Christmas. Love yourself this holiday season. Aim higher in both your booze and movie-watching choices!

*I originally had plans to do a much longer post about this terrible wine experience even after I hated the wines (complete with pictures!) but my life became a trainwreck of bad news quickly after that night, and I didn’t have it in me to be funny in extended form. Still, I needed to put my opinions on Hallmark wines somewhere since I spent $50.00 on them. So here you go. It’s terrible. Don’t.

Watch If: You will never change up the old snowflake lights, if you are a closet sentimentalist or if you are punctual but don’t run on military time.

Skip If: You don’t have a story to share, if you would complain about dressing up as Santa for your company’s Christmas party or if you can decorate a Christmas tree without cider. 

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

A Christmas Exchange (Lifetime, 2020)

What can I say? Romance is still alive.

Starring: Laura Vandervoort, Rainbow Sun Francks, Yanic Truesdale, Martin Roach

Plot Synopsis: This holiday season, Molly Cooper swaps her snow covered farmhouse for Patrick Kensington's posh London apartment. While enjoying Christmas time in the UK, Molly begins to look forward to every communication with Patrick. Likewise, Patrick finds Molly's warm emails and texts charming and compelling. Sparks fly between them as they get to know each other and fall in love as they live in each other's spaces. Coming home for Christmas Day, Molly is greeted to a new life and a new love. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: Has anyone else noticed that during every Lifetime premiere they say they are honoring a different member of the military but it’s always the same person? Karen Gibson, retired military general, why are you the only person Lifetime wants to salute? Does this have anything to do with A Christmas Exchange? No. Should we talk about it because it’s weird? Yes. It’s very weird! Lifetime couldn’t find any other veteran!!!!!

Sorry. I got distracted. Let’s talk about A Christmas Exchange, a movie that dares ask the question: Would The Holiday (2006) have been a better movie if it was about Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz falling in love?

My answer is no. Maybe, that’s because I have a strong affection for Jack Black’s performance in The Holiday and the entire Los Angeles plotline. Or maybe, it’s because A Christmas Exchange can’t commit to the premise.

Yes, the two leads exchange houses and e-mails and become close while they are houseswapping, but halfway through the male lead decides to go back to his original house in London to lie to the female lead and fall in love with her in person and suddenly, I was very confused. To make things worse, after the male lead’s deception was revealed and the female lead cusses him out, he goes back to the female lead’s house in America??????? WHY? What is the timeline of this movie??????? None of this makes sense to me??? 

So maybe there is a version of The Holiday about the houseswappers falling in love with each other that works magnificently. A Christmas Exchange is not that movie though. It’s too nonsensical for that.

Though still not as nonsensical as Lifetime only finding one military veteran worth honoring this year though. How did that happen??? Was it intentional?? I’ll have to live with never knowing.

Watch If: You look like a cider girl, if your plants like to listen to classical music or if you have never seen a snowblower in your life.

Skip If: You are a man with a terrible overbite, if long walks have never helped you cure writer’s block or if you would rather that your parents have met in a pub during trivia night than at a library.

Final Rating: ★ ★ (★) ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

Hi Kacey! Love your blog. A top 10 blog if there ever was one, for sure. I was just wondering, if you could schedule a day's worth of made-for-TV Christmas movies, what would those movies be? xoxo, definitely not the Kacey who writes this blog

Hello there, Kacey (who is definitely not me). Great question. Did you know I have been thinking about this exact question a lot??? Because I have. There’s a lot to consider when you think it. Do you just schedule your twelve favorite Christmas movies? Do you put into consideration what time of day movies are airing? Do you go for variety or programing coherence? Do I lean heavily on the movies that got me into made-for-TV Christmas blogging or is that too old school?

After a fair amount of thought, here is what I came up with. I am starting the day at 6:00 PM because in my vision this is a Friday night o Saturday venture that starts when a person comes home from work. (Have I mentioned that I put too much thought into this?)

KACEY’S DAY OF MADE-FOR-TV CHRISTMAS MOVIES

6:00 PM - 8:00 PM EST - Debbie Macomber’s Mrs. Miracle (Hallmark, 2009) - Debbie Macomber’s Mrs. Miracle isn’t the movie that put Hallmark on the map (that was The Christmas Card). However, it is the movie that made me pay attention to what the channel was doing. A sweet little Mary Poppins tale about regret, loss, moving on and forgiveness. It’s been rare to see a movie in the years since that let its characters and relationships be as messy and flawed as they are allowed to be here. Even so, the movie loves them and wants the best for them and it’s genuinely affecting because of it.

8:00 PM - 10:00 PM - My Christmas Love (Hallmark, 2016) - In ten years I have run this blog, no new movie premiere surprised me quite like My Christmas Love did. The premise sounds goofy, but the execution is absolutely exquisite. In the ten years I have written for this blog, no movie has earned my love quite like this one. It is the fun, fluffy, slightly ridiculous romantic comedy that you come to this genre for. For my money not only is it the best made-for-TV Christmas movie of the 2010s, it deserves some consideration for being one of the best romantic comedies period. 

10:00 PM - 12:00 AM - Christmas Under Wraps (Hallmark, 2014) -  My opinion that Christmas Under Wraps is the best Candace Cameron Bure Christmas movie has come under fire before on this blog. But you know what? I stand by it. I rewatched it last month and had a delightful time. The movie has so much -- the first Schrodinger’s Santa, small town business practices that make no sense, a gruff male romantic lead who originally does not like the small town intruder, a character played by Candace Cameron Bure that you can assume actually had sex with her love interest (upon rewatch, I believe this to be true, they spend the night together) and so on and so forth. There is not a trope that Christmas Under Wraps skips during its runtime, and that is what makes it a delightful time. It is the ultimate Hallmark Christmas movie.

12:00 AM - 2:00 AM - Christmas in Boston (Freeform, 2005) - Put this one down as another seminal movie in the Kacey Christmas Canon. I owned this on DVD. I used to rewatch it every year (before life got too busy to really watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for fun). It’s cheesy. It’s implausible. It features so many people making their lives so hard for themselves, and I loved it dearly. Maybe I’m just a sucker for mystery pen pal romance set at Christmas. I do consider The Shop Around the Corner to be a top five romantic comedy after all.

2:00 AM - 4:00 AM - A Smoky Mountain Christmas (ABC, 1986) - You can’t program a day’s worth of Christmas movies without including Dolly Parton. The most fun of her movies is the 1980s-tacular A Smoky Mountain Christmas. It’s a Snow White tale filled with big hearted celebrities, orphans just wandering around town, evil witches, grumpy mountain men and a ton of absolutely charming chaos. It’s the most pure fun Dolly Parton has ever been, and even though it’s been years since we first saw it, my baby sister and I still make jokes about it to this day.

4:00 AM - 6:00 AM - Christmas Belle (ION, 2013) - I first watched Christmas Belle on the day of a final when I needed a break from studying. It was 4 AM, and I could hardly believe what I was seeing. It’s a movie so bonkers and so poorly made that it circles around to being captivating. The definition of so bad, it’s fun... there is nothing better to fill in the 4 AM slot.

6:00 AM - 8:00 AM - Christmas at Water’s Edge (Lifetime, 2004) - I have never felt more cockblocked by a movie’s ending in my life than I did after watching Christmas at Water’s Edge. It has been over eight years since I watched it, and the pain of that ending still stings. I have had trust issues about angel-human romance stories ever since. Still, every moment leading up to the bittersweet ending is tropey fun. And maybe, there is something to the saying, “Always leave them wanting more.” I figure this movie is perfect for the 6 AM slot because the sense of bittersweet despair you feel will wake you up better than any old cup of coffee could.

8:00 AM - 10:00 AM - To Grandmother’s House We Go (ABC, 1992) - We are now in the “programming for kids!!!” part of my scheduling block. If you want to get your kids into the made-for-TV Christmas genre, it’s hard to go wrong with an Olsen twins movie. It was certainly one of my gateway drugs for becoming a made-for-TV Christmas fan. Well, that and...

10:00 AM - 12:00 PM - Snow (Freeform, 2004) - My life would be different if it were not for Snow. I watched so many shitty Tom Cavanagh shows because 12-year old me had such a crush on him in Snow. I watched so many shitty made-for-TV Christmas movies trying to reach the warm, fuzzy feeling Snow gave me back in the day. Whenever I am trying to get a youth into the genre, Snow is usually my go-to pick of a movie, and you know what! It’s worked! Because that is the magic of Snow.

12:00 PM - 2:00 PM - Christmas with Holly (ABC, 2012) - There are many tragic haircuts in this movie, which is an absolute shame. But outside of that, Christmas with Holly is a great. It tackles serious subjects without being maudlin, and features a romance you can buy into. Though I may be a sucker for a movie that prominently features a child character who chooses not like to talk to people, because I was also that kid once upon a time. (*insert joke here about how now I don’t shut up now*)

2:00 PM - 4:00 PM - Marry Me for Christmas (UP, 2013) - I would not have guessed it at the time, but Marry Me for Christmas launched UP’s signature franchise about the yearly holiday shenanigans of the Chandler family. While the sequels have been more miss than hit, the original is so much fun that you can get why everyone wanted to return to the well here. It’s a fake dating story that is willing to mess around with the tropes to fun and delightful results.

4:00 PM - 6:00 PM - Window Wonderland (Hallmark, 2013) - Paul Campbell is my favorite Hallmark lead, and no movie has used him as well as Window Wonderland did. It is also one of the few movies that Hallmark has made that has done my favorite romantic comedy trope--rivals who fall in love!-- right. After a full day of Christmas fun, I think this is a good ending point of a marathon.

So there you have it. A full day’s worth of made-for-TV Christmas movie viewing. Though, honestly, I could probably program a week’s worth of movies... there is a lot to see. So as a bonus, here are ten more movies to watch, in alphabetical order:

Christmas Bow, The (Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, 2020) - My favorite new movie of the year and the epitome of what an ideal Hallmark Movies & Mysteries movie should allegedly be.

Christmas Romance, A (CBS, 1994) - This blog would not exist if Olivia Netwon-John did not help a sheep give birth during a blizzard on Christmas Eve.

Dear Secret Santa (Lifetime, 2013) - It’s The Lake House. It takes place at Christmas. What more does anyone need to say?????

Matchmaker Santa (Hallmark, 2012) - If Christmas Under Wraps was Candace Cameron Bure’s best Christmas movie, than Matchmaker Santa is Lacey Chabert’s. I wish more movies had Santa magicking up bears to create romance.

Mrs. Santa Claus (CBS, 1996) - Angela Lansbury stars as Mrs. Claus in an absolute bonkers musical.

Picking Up & Dropping Off (Freeform, 2003) - It may not be all that Christmas-y, but the Liz Phair montage in this movie has stuck with me for decades. Also Scott Wolf stripping during a weather report as a culmination of a character arc. Back when it was ABC Family, Freeform was reliable in putting out quality made-for-TV movies and that is my nostalgia talking most likely!!!

Road to Christmas (Hallmark, 2018) - Chad Michael Murray is strangely great at pining. Also Hallmark’s first subtextual gay couple. (But the subtext is so heavy, you’d be surprised it wasn’t text.)

Snowed Inn Christmas (Lifetime, 2017) - Andrew Walker is wasted on the Hallmark Channel, but this Lifetime movie manages to make him charming (by making him an asshole) in this rivals to lovers romance.

12 Dates of Christmas (Freeform, 2011) - My favorite of Freeform’s Groundhog Day style Christmas movies that they would churn out once every five years or so.

12 Men of Christmas (Lifetime, 2009) - It’s not that Christmas-y. But it is the movie where you will see the most amount of shirtless men. The view is his penis.

[tvmoviechristmas]

The Christmas Lottery (BET, 2020)

The Queen is ready to collect her coins.

Starring: Reginald VelJohnson, Asai'h Epperson, Brave Williams, Candiace Dillard Bassett

Plot Synopsis: The Davenport sisters have drifted apart over the years but when their Dad wins the lottery all he wants is having his girls home for Christmas. Getting over years of resentment proves a big task but it's pushed aside when their mother suffering from dementia looses the ticket. They put aside their differences to help find the ticket and in doing so get over their differences and finally learn to come together. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: The Christmas Lottery has it’s heart in the right place. It’s a story of family forgiveness and coming together after a long time apart. It’s a story about when we show up for one another. It’s a story about watching our loved ones struggle and how we handle it. It’s also the only movie this year that features a Black couple made up of two women (who are allowed to be intimate with each other on screen). The Christmas Lottery may be the most well-intentioned movie of the year, and it’s easy enough to love it for those reasons on its own.

Sadly, at times The Christmas Lottery tries to take on too much for its own good. Mainly, this struggle comes across in how the movie wants to give each of the three daughters its own separate character arc throughout the film. Some of these plotlines are more central to the family narrative and help work with the story (one daughter is mad at her sisters for skipping out on her same-sex wedding and leaving her with the burden of their struggling parents alone). Other plotlines feel extraneous to the film and a waste of time (one daughter reconnects romantically with a man from her past). It’s admirable that the movie wants to give equal screentime to all three of the daughters, but not all subplots are created equal and the movie struggles with that.

Still, The Christmas Lottery deserves praise for being a heartfelt family narrative that is willing to be somewhat realistic about the drama families can go through during the holidays. It might not be perfect, but it’s still a refreshing change from the usual holiday romantic comedies that flood the airwaves this time of year.

Watch If: You keep cake in your brief case, if getting laid off is just what you needed or if 

Skip If: You love to drink Ancient Eastern detoxifiers, if you are unhappy when you are high or if you are never home for family traditions.

Final Rating:  ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

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[tvmoviechristmas]

Christmas on the Menu (Lifetime, 2020)

Someone’s developing tastebuds...

Starring: Kim Shaw, Clayton James, Cynthia Gibb, Katrina Norman

Plot Synopsis: Josie, a celebrated chef heads home for the holidays and creates a special Holiday menu for her mom's new bed and breakfast bistro, where she runs into Tanner, the famous food critic who panned her old bakery in a review. Soon, a holiday romance begins to blossom between them just in time for Christmas. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: Finally, we are at the final ten reviews of the year. The finish line is closer than ever, and it’s time to gear up for the final sprint. I always liken the blogging season to a marathon, and there is a part of me that feels a little more spirited when I get to the final miles so to speak.

There is also a part of me that feels a little exhausted. Once you have seen 90+ Christmas movies in an eight week span, everything begins to feel repetitive. There’s not a plot that you haven’t seen in some variation before. There’s not a trope you haven’t seen a hundred times already. Sometimes my note taking feels less like new observations and more like a catalogue system. 

Every single part of Christmas on the Menu, I could link to some other 2020 movie. A chef who falls in love with a critic who wrote her a bad review? That was in Love, Lights, Hanukkah!. A parent worrying about review for their new bed and breakfast venture? Five Star Christmas had that. An evil editor willing to change words around for a more sizzling story? That was part of Christmas Unwrapped. To top it all off, this is the third film of the season from writer-director Jake Helgren, who also made Dashing in December and A Very Charming Christmas Town this year.

All of what has happened in Christmas on the Menu has happened before, and all of it will happen again. It’s inevitable. It’s the genre. That’s why so much of what separates one Christmas movie from the other is execution.

Christmas on the Menu is very blandly executed. A majority of the movie is just spent on people eating food and then talking about how good it is. The shift from enemies to would-be love interests between the leads happens way too quickly to be interesting to watch. There are way too many side characters who don’t add anything to the story, such as the female lead’s high school ex-boyfriend who seems to exist just to exist.

Can I hate on Christmas on the Menu for being formulaic? Nah, practically everything reviewed on this blog is formulaic. But I can hate Christmas on the Menu for being a boring version of the formula. So I will. So I have.

Watch If: You are a selective romantic, you love the summer flock of ducks on the lake or if you only need one hand to eat.

Skip If: You love whipped cream from a can, if you think high school sweethearts getting back together is romantic or if you live in Los Angeles and would eat a red velvet cheesecake pie.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!

[tvmoviechristmas]

A Glenbrooke Christmas (Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, 2020)

I need to hear the bells.

Starring: Autumn Reeser, Antonio Cupo, Lisa MacFadden, Beau Daniels

Plot Synopsis: As Christmas nears, heiress Jessica Morgan seizes what seems like her last chance to experience a relaxed Christmas and heads off to the small town of Glenbrooke, where she meets a handsome fireman. (x)

In My Humble Opinion: A Gleenbrooke Christmas is supposed to be a pleasant enough franchise starter about a heiress with a heart of gold who goes to a small town for Christmas and finds love. And in many ways, it is that movie. Autumn Reeser is sweet and the town is small and love is found before Christmas. A love that is not tainted by the promise of money.

However, so much of A Glenbrooke Christmas feels incredibly tone deaf as well. The movie very much revels in a “poor little rich girl” concept and while the heiress does have a tragic backstory (her parents died in a car accident), there are still so many scenes where the movie wants us to feel bad that she’s rich. Poor heiress taking vacation time before inheriting money. Poor heiress who doesn’t have time to dedicate to her hobbies. Poor heiress whose bedroom is so big that someone comments that it’s larger than her apartment and we are supposed to find that charming. 

All of this tone-deaf message culminates in a scene where the heiress tries to argue that “not all people with money are evil!” and my eyes just about rolled out of my head. Are you kidding? Is this time?

We are living in a moment where so many people are unemployed, where so many people are unsure if they’ll be able to stay in their houses long-term or if they can afford their next meal, and where a pandemic rages and yet so many people can’t afford healthcare.

There might have been a year where A Glenbrooke Christmas was charming and the dream of a rich heiress finding someone who loves her for herself was nice, but that year is not 2020. #NotAllRichPeople is not the vibe I am manifesting for myself this holiday season. 

Watch If: You think the greatest good is taco money, if you start Christmas decorating in August or if your childhood bedroom was covered in Justin Timberlake posters.

Skip If: You do not want to follow in your parents footsteps, if you have failed to solve problems before in your life or if you don’t think “clink” is a proper toast.

Final Rating: ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

If you like this blog, please consider donating to my Kofi page! You can also donate money to [email protected] through either Venmo or CashApp. Thank you!