#snschat

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

-in bed-

Sasuke: Tell me your fantasies

Naruto: I've always wanted to be a dragon

Sasuke: No, I meant -

Naruto: But instead of fire I breathe jellybeans

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

Sasuke: *taking video of Naruto sleeping next to him*

Naruto: *sleeping peacefully*

Sasuke: *lightly stroking Naruto's hair*

-nice, comfortable silence-

Naruto: *snores really, REALLY loudly*

Sasuke: *stills hand*

Sasuke: *moves hand to cup Naruto's cheek*

Sasuke: *quietly hissing out* why are you like this?

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

Kiba and Naruto: *talking about how their friends rate on the 10 point attractiveness scale*

Kiba: dude, Sakura is like, a 5, maybe

Naruto: I think she's closer to an 8, but w/e

Kiba: Hinata's pretty cute, right?

Naruto: I guess? 4, maybe 6 on a good day

Kiba: 6 definitely.

Naruto: What about the guys, though?

Kiba: I'm not gay, but Shikamaru is a 6.

Naruto: amazing. I would say 4 bc I'm nice and he's not my type

Kiba: doesn't matter your type, Naruto.

Naruto: says the man who decided being gay granted him immunity from rating our male friends.

Kiba: okay mr. Smart-ass, what about Choji?

Naruto: ....im so sorry, he's like a 2 on a very good day

Kiba: agreed. What about Sasuke?

Naruto: Sasuke?

Kiba: yeah, we're doing guys, why not do Sas- ok that sounded really bad just rate him. I'd say a 7 bc I'm not gay but hot damn

Naruto: a 7? A 7???? Sasuke is so gorgeous that he broke the scale! He has transcended the scale, transcended the beauty of this plane's existence

Kiba: Naruto

Naruto: and has proceeded to create his own scale

Kiba: Naruto

Naruto: that we can't even hope to understand and even then he's STILL at the top of the scale like holy fuck-

Kiba: NARUTO

Naruto: what

Kiba: *points behind Naruto*

Naruto: *turns*

Sasuke: didn't think you thought of me that way

Naruto: *pterodactyl screeches*

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

~at a bar~

Naruto: *slides up to Sasuke*

Naruto: hey babe

Sasuke: oh god, here we go

Naruto: you looking for the best sex of your life tonight?

Sasuke: no thank you

Naruto: then I'm the guy for you

~later that night~

Naruto: *laying down next to Sasuke*

Naruto: i cant believe that worked

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

Naruto and Sasuke: *arguing*

Sasuke: *has had enough*

Sasuke: I swear to FUCKING GOD, Naruto -

Naruto: you're swearing to fuck God?

Sasuke: what? No, I -

Naruto: that's a little weird

Sasuke: Jesus Christ, Naruto, I didn't -

Naruto: a threesome even? I don't think God is that kinky, though

Sasuke: why the fuck, Naruto. Why the fuck would you say that? What the hell is wrong with you?

Naruto: do you kiss God with that mouth?

Sasuke: We're getting a divorce

Naruto: We're not married

Sasuke: I'm marrying you and divorcing you immediately afterwards

....

~10 years of marriage latet~

Naruto: You forgot to divorce me

Sasuke: for FUCKS sake -

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Naruto: I wanted to be a teacher, and an astronaut-

Naruto: -and the president, probably secret service, a police officer-

Naruto: -a football player, a figure skater...

Naruto: And so, so much more!

Naruto: *nudges Sasuke with elbow* what about you?

Sasuke: I wanted to be dead

Naruto: o-... oh....

What do you want to be now?

Naruto: An artist. Probably a husband, but I already am one!

Naruto: *nervously* Sa-Sasuke?

Sasuke: ...

Naruto: ...

Sasuke: ...

Naruto: ...?

Sasuke: ...still dead

Naruto: Oh, for fucks sake-

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

Naruto: *to the group* meet my wife

Sasuke: they already know me

Naruto: I know. But now you're my WIFE.

Sakura: isn't he your... husband?

Naruto: *crosses his arms* no

Ino: are you trans

Sasuke: *sighs* no

Kiba: is Sasuke the girl?

Sasuke: there is no girl, it's a gay relationship. It's kind of the point.

Naruto: it doesn't matter bc he's my wife no matter what

Group, all together: WHY???

Sakura: Sasuke never struck me as the wife type

Naruto: it's a... well, it's a... a...

Sasuke: a competitive thing

Group: ....

Sasuke: I took his last name

Naruto: *very loudly* AND NOW HE IS MY WIFE! MY MISSES! MY MRS. SASUKE UZUMAKI!

Naruto: *starts sobbing*

Naruto: I've always wanted another Uzumaki

Sasuke: I know, i know *pats Naruto's back*

Naruto: *glares at Sasuke *

Naruto: wasn't expecting him to be such a dick, tho

Sasuke: what the hell do you want from me?

[savage-angel-was-a-mistake]

Naruto, Sasuke's long distance boyfriend: *shows up at Sasuke's door*

Naruto: long time no see, Sas

Sasuke: *starts tearing up*

Naruto: oh, baby, come here *hugs Sasuke*

Sasuke: *ignores the 'baby' bc emotions and shit* you didn't... you didn't tell me you were coming...

Naruto: that's because I haven't yet.

Naruto: *pulls back from hug*

Naruto: But I'm sure I will be soon, with a little help from you *winks*

Sasuke: *immediately stops crying*

Sasuke: *looks Naruto in the eye with a dead expression*

Sasuke: ...really? Already?

Naruto: but... I just -

Sasuke: what the fuck is wrong with you?

Naruto: it was a joke! I just -

Sasuke: I hate you

Naruto: but -

Sasuke: get out