The actual fatigue part of chronic fatigue sucks, it's true. But I think the part I hate more is the brain fog.
The worse the fatigue gets, the worse the brain fog becomes. So on days like today, when my fatigue is made so much worse by heat and sun exposure, my thoughts slip through and away from me like fine sand between my fingers.
Lying down helps some. But it's never fixed. It's always a game of attrition: I may eke out some respite but it's never back to a fully functional "normal".
...
I was going somewhere with this. But, remember: sand.
I think I'm just feeling demoralized and deflated today.
My body grief has been well controlled for a long while. But I think my grasp on it slipped some today and as I lie here, confined to my bed for at least a few hours, I'm feeling somber and wistful.
And tired.
Always tired.
