High on life
Doesn’t feel like long. Anyone could go without drinking for 5 days right? This seemed like an impossible task since the beginning of summer.
This summer was one of the craziest times of my life. I was writing the end of my thesis, I was basically homeless, and living in a different country from the one I study. I was a bit heartbroken, overly social (maybe this is normal) and working part time. Since June, I couldn’t spend more than 1-2 days without drinking. At the end of my thesis, the last 2 weeks, I was getting drunk every night and I smoked tobacco as I never did in my life. Nevertheless, I did enjoy those weeks of excesses. I felt very alive and no-guilt, as I tend to feel when I am hangover. After handing in my thesis, I had 3 days to move my stuff from Germany to NL and start working again. In those 3 days, my best friend from Mexico was arriving and staying with me for a month. No more words needed. Then he left and I decided to go to a music festival for 3 days, where I had the most amazing experience with LSD. I came back to Amsterdam the same day my mom arrived from Mexico to visit me for a month. She left last week. But in this last month I also moved to a new house and a lot of shit happened in the middle. So that’s a brief summary of my last 5 months.
It was so busy, and most of my memories of this period are drunk stories, and anxious times.
Maybe I don’t really have a problem with alcohol, but I seriously overdid, so it makes sense to want to have a break.
Ok, this story was to talk about me being high on life today. I feel that the last month was a bit of a fight - realizing that I was drinking too much and feeling that I had no power to stop it made me create an internal fight where no one was winning. As a friend of mine pointed out, I’ve been very emotionally unstable for a prolonged period of time. And I noticed that too; one day extremely happy and grateful of all the love I have, the next day not being able to leave my bed and feeling completely alone. I thought I was overwhelmed by everything that was happening in my life. But my life is same crazy now as it was in the past, thousands of projects, work, moving, travel plans.. it will never quiet down.
Today marks a 5 day strike of feeling seriously good! but in such a peaceful way that I don’t remember feeling in a long time. What an accomplishment. Despite being really sick, or despite that it was raining non stop, without a ray of sun all these days. Is it related to non-drinking?
I have no idea.
Just wanted to share.
And I hope this strike will continue and I will be able to share some more of this magical energy with you.