#social interactions

[pixierainbows]

April 10th: Are holidays/birthdays/similar social gatherings something that you find difficult in any way as an autistic person? Talk about it.

Too much sensory stress .

Breaks daily routines .

Too much intense unpredictable social interactions . Often with too many people Pixie not really know . Especially If is celebration of some sort . Where everybody expect be “ on best behavior “ . And . Pixies “ best “ is never ever “ good enough “ .

People too often think Pixie should be able keep Pixies ( unwelcome , inappropriate , ) “ disability related behavioral issues “ from interfering with or spoiling other peoples experience . Too many people really actually believe that Pixies disabilities can ( and should , no matter the cost ) be easily just “ put aside “ for during “ special event “ times .

[kikanawj]

had a bit of an odd moment about social awkwardness recently.

my friend group does our own friday night magic gathering at my dad's workplace (it's a driving school and has a classroom so he lets people use the space when not being used for the business). At one of these gatherings, a person who works in one of the neighboring units was invited by to see what it's all about, as he was interested in the game.

The new guy didn't sit down, but just kind of stood around the various tables we were all playing at and occasionally asked a question about the game play. Apparently he's played the pokemon card game before and was trying to understand what was transferable vs different with MtG. He repeatedly turned down offers for him to sit down, or even try a practice game with a lent deck. Eventually he thanked us for letting him come by and left.

On the way home that night, my boyfriend brought up the oddness of the new guy's behavior. He pointed out and then asked me to confirm that the new guy's actions- hovering, not really engaging when offered, silent observing instead of joining discussions- were anti-social and a bit awkward, even rude.

And I confirmed, yeah, by a lot of cultural norms, the new guy had been varying amounts of awkward and maybe even rude. And my boyfriend asked me why I didn't seem upset or off-put by any of it. And I just kind of turned to him and raised an eyebrow before saying something to the effect of, "I am very used to not taking anti-social and awkward behaviors personally. There's not a single member of our normal friend group that's not on spectrum or anxious or some flavor of neurodivergent, if not more than one. So it's not hard for me to extend the grace and benefit of the doubt I have on hand for my known friends to a stranger."

And he just kind of looked at me for a moment before going, "Oh. Oh, yeah. Huh."

Which just prompts me to remind everyone, that we can extend grace to strangers, even if their brand of awkwardness is different from the ones we're used to understanding from our friends and families.

[kitsmittens]

*fucks up a social interaction* that’s so not going to haunt my every waking thought for ten years

[jaljeeraspecial]

Going to a uni fair on a bus with a beautiful girl sitting in front of me. (as in right in front of my seat facing me, I was pre occupied with wordle to notice her sitting there) should I make small convo? I tried to avoid it by playing nyt games but I completed all of them and I don't wanna seem like a dork who played games on his phone all trip, like idk I feel awkward. I wanna stay silent but that's lame.

Last time a guy sat in front of me I tried making convo with him cus I noticed a gta logo pin on his bag and complimented that but I don't wanna look around her to find something to talk about, thats creepy.

I'm gonna read by book. (in a bus that's wobbling all over am I nuts??) No I will scroll tumbler then ig

[jhesite]

[lynzine]

If I pull out my phone mid-conversation, I’m either looking up something you just said or looking up something I’m about to say to make sure I’m remembering right. (This usually also means I’m learning something which means it’s a good conversation!)

[mrvelocipede]

That last post is really hitting me hard today, probably because I've been struggling more than usual with exactly those questions in the last week or so. I grew up in a family of relentless info-dumpers, raconteurs, and rambling-inner-monologue-broadcasters, and I was trained from birth to be the dumpee. The Designated Dumpster, if you will. I am an absolutely fantastic listener: engaged, interested, encouraging, validating—even when I don't actually want to be. It's such a lifelong collection of ingrained habits that it's very hard to switch it off. Sometimes I feel like I have a giant neon sign over my head that says "TALK TO ME." When I lived in Seattle, I eventually stopped taking the bus, because I was tired of spending every journey politely nodding and desperately looking out the window while somebody earnestly told me their life story. When I was walking instead, people would frequently stop me to ask for directions, and I would get to hear all about what was on their minds.

But the people in my family have rarely been willing to let the conversation flow in the other direction. It goes outwards from them like a fountain of firehoses. When I try to get a word in edgewise, they act all hurt and annoyed and offended, and also change the subject.

"Oh, [thing] happened to you? That reminds me of a time when my old buddy.....[long story about something from way before I was even born]"

"Have you ever noticed the shape of trees? Look at that tree over there!"

Or the very literal "Not to change the subject, but..." which I got just a couple of weeks ago, like a slap in the face.

After a lifetime of this kind of conditioning, it's incredibly, painfully difficult for me to say anything, in any circumstances. Such as "I've been working on a project that I would like to show people, but I'm fully expecting anyone who hears about it to be offended at my interruption, and to change the subject." On the internet, where people live and die by their ability to publicize themselves, this is the opposite of a survival trait. So it's kind of an interesting series of interconnected problems, and it also really sucks.