confession/rant #1 (sammy)
sometimes i just get tired of everything. i get tired of trying to stay positive. i get tired of saying i'm fine when I'm really not. i get tired of smiling. i get tired of this act. now don't get me wrong i actually am a happy person at times. i'm beyond proud of so many of my accomplishments. i'm no where near the same girl i was last year. these past 8 months have been hell. with the stress from school, and all the problems between my family and myself -which is a whole other post itself- i've felt like i was drowning. get rid of one problem and another one springs up right at you. but i'm proud of myself. even after everything that's been happening i've managed to stay 8 months clean. the last time i physically harmed myself was December 19th, 2013. i've managed to resist the urges. i've managed to set my foot down and not give in and have all these months gone to waste. but i can't help but feel like something just doesn't fit. i constantly fear something going completely wrong and out of hand. and with school only a little over 20 days away i am so fucking scared. i'm going into my senior year and i am beyond terrified. i'm scared of what will happen throughout the year and what will happen after i graduate. will my friends and i stay in touch? will it just be a repeat of what happened after 8th grade? will i almost every single one of my friends again? i'm worried that stress will get to me, and that tiredness i told you about will just continue to grow. i'm scared of what is yet to come.
