#sofia tolstaya

[hashtagvelvette]

a selection of quotes by sonya tolstaya (aka the reasons why lev and i are gonna fight)

i want to leave the dreadful agony of this life... i can see no hope, even if (tolstoy) does at some point return..

i live completely through him and for him, and it’s often painful to me to realize that i am not everything to him.

but if he wants me to entertain whomever he cares to invite; anything to keep him happy and not bored, for then he’ll love me and there’s nothing else i want

i am to gratify his pleasure and nurse his child i am a piece of household furniture. i am a woman.

[tolstayas]

this day in history, 8.3.1865 // from the diaries of sofia tolstaya

[finita--la--commedia]

The best, the most painful and the most powerful thing in the world is love, and love alone; it guides and determines everything. Love gives life to the artist, the scientist, the philosopher, the woman, the child; love lifts up the soul, gives us strength and the energy for work, inspiration and joy.

Sofia Tolstaya (1844-1919), a diary note of 2nd October, 1897, referring to her husband, Leo Tolstoy (Lev Tolstoy) in: “The Diaries of Sofia Tolstoy”, translated from the Russian by Cathy Porte

[saintvellum]

when daughter said “in the darkness I will meet my creators and they will all agree that I’m a suffocator” and when lorde said “I’ll love you till you call the cops on me” and when anne sexton said “a woman who writes feels too much” and when sofia tolstaya said “patience. I shall now go and sacrifice myself to my son...”

[lillyli-74]

I live from day to day, without any goal or serious purpose in life, and I find this exhausting.

~Sofia Tolstaya

[desescrita]

“The best, the most painful and the most powerful thing in the world is love, and love alone; it guides and determines everything. Love gives life to the artist, the scientist, the philosopher, the woman, the child; love lifts up the soul, gives us strength and the energy for work, inspiration and joy.”

— Sofia Tolstaya, a diary note of 2nd October, 1897, referring to her husband, Leo Tolstoy in The Diaries of Sofia Tolstoy (trans. Cathy Porte)

[finita--la--commedia]

I love him intensely and it upsets me that I can’t do more to make him happy. I feel no bitterness towards him, just the most total and terrifying love.

Sofia Tolstaya (1844-1919), a diary note of 1st April, 1865, referring to her husband, Leo Tolstoy (Lev Tolstoy) in: “The Diaries of Sofia Tolstoy”, translated from the Russian by Cathy Porter

[finita--la--commedia]

My God, how often I long to abandon it all and take my life. I am so tired of struggling and suffering. The egotism and unconscious malice of the people one loves most is very great indeed ! Why do I carry on despite all this ? I don’t know; I suppose because I must.

Sofia Tolstaya (1844-1919), a diary note of 25th October, 1886 in: “The Diaries of Sofia Tolstoy”, translated from the Russian by Cathy Porte “ Как я хотела и хочу часто бросить все, уйти из жизни так или иначе. Боже мой, как я устала жить, бороться и страдать. Как велика бессознательная злоба самых близких людей и как велик эгоизм! Зачем я все-таки делаю все? Я не знаю; думаю, что так надо. “