A Day Out
Dreams Can Come True Part 8
Summary: You planned a nice outing with your daughter, but running into a familiar face turns things around. As you struggle with the affects of the conversation, Lee comes home to find his wife in distress. He's not too pleased with everything that went down.
Pairing: Lee Bodecker x reader
Word count: 4.074
Warnings: bullying, meltdown, insecurity, neurodivergent reader, angst, Lee gets a little dark, threats, death threats, attempted murder, car chase, car crash. Minors DNI, 18+
Notes: it's here, the one I had in my head for ages and was left on the editing table even longer. Because I love this chapter but it's also hard to swallow. It gets painful and it gets dark, so buckle up!
Masterlist * series masterlist * read the beginning
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You dressed up your little girl in several layers, the sun might be out today but you'd rather take her clothes off than if she was cold, and checked three times if you brought everything you needed with you. Diapers, an extra set of clothes. A toy, a book she was too young for but you thought it would be good to start early, but she always looked so thoughtfully at you or Lee when you were reading to her. Your wallet. An extra sweater for if you got cold. Some food for if you got hungry. Don't forget to take your keys. The stroller was brand-new, Lee insisted on getting the best, had come to the store to check everything, while all the options just started to seem like one pile of letters and information that looked too alike to make sense. He was sure this one would be perfect, it sure did look pretty with its green handles.
You settled your daughter carefully inside the seat, a blanket tucked around her, setting her soft hat on her head securely. She watched you with interested eyes. If she picked up on your nerves, you couldn't tell. You hoped she wouldn't fuss. It was your first time going out alone. Lee was back at work, and you knew you had to start doing things on your own sometime. It would be good for both of you. You could visit the library and get new books. Your parents would be further away, and you decided to do that at a later time, when you felt secure you could do these outings without any trouble. The bus wasn’t an option yet, because the idea of you trying to get the buggy inside and struggling with it, while other people were waiting and watching until you succeed, made you sweat. You wanted to do that when you were certain you weren't going to make a fool of yourself.
Biscuit started waving her little fists around suddenly, indicating she was getting tired of just laying down without any entertainment so you soothed her, softly talking while you put on your brand new coat. Your old one didn't fit you quite right yet, your body having changed with being a new mother, but you'd felt plenty guilty accepting a new one. It cost a pretty penny too, but Lee said he wanted you to look as pretty as a picture, because you were and he had the money. You still didn't understand why he insisted on showing you off. You weren't much, but he didn't seem to think so.
You opened the door, then grabbed the handle of the stroller, pushing it with determination as you walked out of the door, until the first huddle. The 2 steps of the porch. Your grip was firm on the handles so much you feared you would bend them, but the stroller hobbled down easily. Not as smoothly or controlled as you wished but you made it down alright. Your daughter was looking at the sky in wonder, like she watched everything with wonder. Lee insisted her curiosity was beyond normal babies, and that surely it meant she was very smart. While you agreed she was perfect, you doubted anyone could tell she was as gifted as your husband thought she was. She was simply a baby, healthy and happy, and that was all you needed her to be.
God, Lee doted on her. You didn't know which one of them lit up more when he came home from work, him or her, but it filled you with such love to witness it. He was a good father. He never complained he needed time to relax after work, to sit and drink, or watch TV. To go hang out in the bar with his work buddies. He came home, kissed you and played with Biscuit. You once hesitantly asked if he needed some time alone, that was fine with you, having heard from many women around you who complained about the time their husbands were away from home, to be promptly told that's just what man needed. That they worked hard and deserved to have a little time off. But he denied it firmly.
“Where else would I be but here? With my favorite people.”
You never brought it up again, figuring if he needed it he would tell you. You were secretly relieved he came home on time. It was a long day without him. Normally you would go to work, but since you were married, that wasn't really an option. Lee made enough money to not need to, and it was frowned upon, who would hire you anyway? A married woman, with a newborn. Luckily little Biscuit kept you busy enough, but conversation was non-existent and you loved curling up to him in the evening when she was asleep, to go through the day and listen to his stories about what his work had to offer. Listening to his heartbeat in your ear, steadily beating, telling you everything was alright in the world.
Often when he came home he would tell you to take a long shower or take a nap, he had this handled, as he lifted your daughter to rest on his chest, humming softly to her and rubbing her back soothingly. You could use a break, he would tell you, go rest and relax.
You often took him up on it, it was nice to recharge and calm the buzzing in your head a busy day gave you. Sometimes your daughter was clingy or she'd fuzz and you didn't want to ignore her in fear you'd do something wrong, but it tired you out and the moments where you could lie down, or retreat under the warm water and relax your body was precious to you. But sometimes the best moments were when you watched him lie on the soft carpet and play with your daughter, your scents mingling and calling out safety and home and love.
You didn't like him going to work, which felt foolish, of course he needed to, he was important and who else was going to bring in money? You understood the pride working gave him, but sometimes you felt so vulnerable when he wasn't here. It felt comforting to turn your head and ask his opinion or share your worries. But this was part of being a parent, you thought. You were simply going to have to figure it out. So far everything had gone well. Your little girl smelled good enough to eat, a sign she was content. Lee had nicknamed her Biscuit, even if it wasn't her name, but the name had stuck. Sweet as a biscuit, he could just eat her.
You walked down the path of your house, onto the street. The sun shining down on you, warming your body and making everything seem brighter. Maybe tomorrow you'd ask your mother to visit and accompany you on your walk, it would be good for your girl to bond with her grandparents and your mother would love to be included. She handled her so confidently, something you hoped to be able to do one day too. To not even think about it, just knowing you knew what you were doing.
You breathed in the fresh air, and checked if Biscuit was happy. Her little hand clutching and unclutching the top of her blanket while she made strange noises if she saw something change above her. Branches of a tree blocking the sight of the sky, an overflying bird, a sudden noise. You watched her more than the road in front of you, a smile in your mouth you weren't even aware of. You should go outside everyday, it would be good for her, you could visit the park, watch the ducks, or maybe do some groceries on the way home so she could get used to more scents.
One day you could visit Lee at work, surprise him. You knew he would love it. Already imagining the surprise and happiness in his face as you showed up unexpectedly, how he'd get up off his chair and give you a kiss and play with Biscuit, showing her around the station, showing her off to his colleagues. You were so busy daydreaming, you weren't paying attention to your surroundings as much until a body blocked your own and you halted abruptly.
Looking up, you recognized her. Caroline Spinnett, a cousin of Marcie who worked at your former job since the summer two years ago, when her husband got laid off and they needed the income.
Smiling at you, you hesitantly smiled back. Her eyes lowered to the wagon and she smiled even brighter.
“Hello, how lovely to run into you, such warm weather we're having today, aren't we? Taking the little one out?”
“Ehm, yes…” you cleared your throat, trying to sound firmer. “Yes, I thought it would be good for her to catch some fresh air.”
“Of course. I used to take mine out every day, which was quite a hassle with the two of them.”
Oh right, she's had twins. Your mother always tutted Caroline had no control of those boys, letting them run amok, because she didn't set any boundaries. You saw her sons sometimes in town and it was usually accompanied by the shouting of their father and the gentle shushing of their mother, to which an arguement would start between them.
She peered over the hood of the stroller and looked down on your baby. “Aww look at him, he's real handsome.”
“She,” you corrected, frowning. “It's a girl.”
“Oh how silly of me,” she giggled. “How could I not realize,” she looked at you. “They have these lovely pink headbands for little girls down at Marbelle’s, they're really not expensive. So no one confuses you for a boy again, little lady,” she talked to your daughter. Her hand reached out to touch her cheek, and you felt the urge to slap it away. You reached out yourself before she could touch her and settled her hat on a bit better and pulled her sheet up, completely useless actions solely doing so to prevent her from touching her.
You could tell by her look she understood it though. She was looking sorely at you when she spoke again.
“So, how is it going?”
“Oh perfect, really,” you smiled, finally having something to say. “We're very happy.”
“Really?” She cocked her head. “And is she, you know,” she lowered her voice, “normal? Or is she like you.”
You froze. Staring at her wide-eyed. You didn't hear her clearly, did you? Your heart started beating wildly. And all you could do was watch her mouth form words.
“We're all kinds of wondering,” she laughed. “I mean, maybe it skipped a generation. Who can tell? How early do you pick up on these things?”
You wanted to be sick, blinking your eyes they started darting everywhere but her. Breathing quickly in and out you felt it coming in. The panic, the tingling in your face, the faint feeling in your head. You couldn't stand to be near her anymore. You needed to leave. You needed to leave!
You grabbed the handles and pushed the wagon and quickly left, walking as fast as you could away from there. You could just pick up “how rude!” as you got further away.
You honestly didn't know how you arrived home. Everything was a blur. As soon as you entered your home you left Biscuit in the hallway and went to the living room. It was like everything came over you. Pushing your hands into your hair, clenching and unclenching, pain and relief, pain and relief. Tears falling down as you felt the fear course through you. What were you going to do? How could you fall apart? You couldn't. You had the little one to think about, but you couldn't help it. Crying and panicking as you felt like throwing up.
And then you heard Biscuit’s cries as she probably picked up on your scent, and the fact you left her alone for the first time since she was born. And you hesitated. Because maybe you shouldn't be around her? Not with the way you were. But she was alone and scared…
You walked towards her, shaking, and for once she didn't stop crying as soon as she saw you. Your scent was not comforting. Your presence not helpful.
“I'm sorry,” you sobbed as you tried to stroke her cheek. Her hand reached out to squeeze your fingers as she cried, while you cried.
You lifted her, feeling her little body using such effort to display her discomfort, and the two of you cried together. She with confusion, and you with complete devastation.
And that's how Lee found you two later. Tear tracks on your face, mostly dried as you stared unsettlingly in front of you, rocking the baby who was beyond fussy and let out an occasional cry because things weren't how they were supposed to be.
“What the-” he started walking forward immediately, checking your expression and if the baby was alright. His hands running over her forehead checking if she was sick. “Honey, what happened?”
“You have to take the baby,” you told him, your tone leaving no room for debate.
He took the baby without any argument, checking her over again before watching you. Luckily she settled against his chest and calmed down now her father's scent was in her nose.
“Why didn't you tell me you needed me?” He asked you worriedly.
You shook your head. “You're busy. I can't just bother you because I'm..” you swallowed. “Because I'm lacking.” Fresh tears once again appearing. You hadn't known you had any left.
“Of course you can, you can always call me and I will always come immediately..”
You looked up at him, then looked away. You didn't deserve him. You didn't deserve both of them. “I…” you thought about how to word yourself. “It's going to be my fault.”
“What is?”
You bit your nails, not through them, just tapping your teeth against the nail, over and over, a nervous habit when things were too stressful and you needed to think. You had learned to stop the habit mostly, especially in public but right now you didn't even think about it. “If she's like me? I didn't think about it. But she could be. I did this to her! What if she’s like me?”
You eyed the wall next to Lee, thoughts racing. Thinking about how hard it will be for her if she inherited your flaws, how she would get teased and how confused she would feel to get punished and not know why. How confusing the world could feel, and maybe, like you, she would feel so lonely and unwanted. And you would have done that to her. You made her.
“Hey! Hey, look at me. Come on.” Lee called out, walking closer again, trying to catch your eyes. You lowered them, but his finger lifted up your chin. “Come on, sweetheart, don't hide from me,” he murmured.
How could he be so soft, like he wasn't even angry? Had he not thought about this before? Didn't he understand? Would he hate you too, or her? What if he started resenting his daughter once he realized how hard it would be raising her?
“None of this, “he spoke firmer, his voice changing. Not yet his Voice, but close enough to it that your eyes snapped to his. “What's caused this? Hmm? You were fine this morning. Said you were going to take the little one out. Did something happen? Tell me, sweetheart. Let me fix this.”
You cried silently and closed your eyes as you told him. “I ran into someone, and they said - “ you gasped for breath as the panic came up all over again. You felt Lee push your face into his neck, while he awkwardly lowered himself as he did a slight squat so you could reach him, while he was holding the baby still securely. You took in deep breaths of him. His scent as always making you feel safer, calmer, sheltered. Even if there was a hint of worry in it, he tried to not let that come out too much.
“She asked if she was like me.”
His scent turned into something burning, and Biscuit made a little screech at the abruptness of it. He shushed her gently, trying to calm down his scent for her. He rocked her gently, kissing her forehead lovingly, and walked over to her playpen to lower her down with her toys. He swung the baby mobile he had bought her and she was instantly distracted as she loved the shiny flickers the plastic made above her. Then he walked back to you and grabbed your arms gently.
“Who?”
You told him, there was no use hiding from him. He would get it out of you anyway. And you really did want to tell him. A part of you wanted to share the burden, hopeful he might not blame you, even if you were so afraid of the rejection.
He was angry. But not at you. He asked you to tell him exactly what the woman had said.
“What if she's right? What if I did this to her? What if she's like me?” You whimpered.
“Then she will be loved, just like her momma.” His lips pressed against your forehead as he pulled you closer. “Then she is smart like her momma, kind and gentle. Then she will make some bastard a lucky man just like her momma did me.”
You sobbed into his chest, letting it all out. “Oh Lee, how could you say that? I'm so…wrong. I'm so much lesser than anyone else.”
He growled. And you stood abruptly at the sound, shocked. “There's nothing wrong with you. There's no one, not one single soul, that's better than you. You know how lucky I feel having you? That you ever thought to give me a chance? How honored I feel that you choose to love me? Have I not loved you enough, to doubt me?”
You blinked and lifted your head to look at him. “No, of course not. No, Lee, you've been perfect.” Guilt overcame you once more. You hurt him, doubting him. How wrong of you!
“Then believe me when I say I will never blame you, or be ashamed of you. I will never let our daughter down or be able to love her less. Both you and her are perfect in my eyes and you should never doubt that. My life means nothing without you in it.”
You stared at him quietly, soaking in his words. He stared at you intensely, watching if you understood him clearly, and when he found you did, he kissed you softly on the lips. ”You've been such an amazing mother. Biscuit is loving you so much, you should see her face when she sees you. You're so good with her. How could that ever be wrong?”
“But what if -” you started, but he cut you off again.
“If she's like you, then I'm glad we and your family are there to help her whenever she needs. She will never doubt that we love her or that she's wanted. Because she is. So much. Right?”
You nodded. “Yes, of course she is. She's everything.”
He smiled warmly, “She is”. He kissed you again, a little firmer. “Now tell me, before this happened, how was your day?”
And while you were still a little shaky, you told him how it had gone when you decided to step out. Talking about the mundane things actually helped you focus and calm down, and it wasn't long before you were in his arms talking softly, telling him about the stroll you had and how it felt doing it alone, your eyes growing heavy now that all the stress had learned and your worries seemed further away.
“Go take a nap, sweetheart, I'll take care of the little one. She deserves some quality time with her father after being such a brave girl going outside today. She's been good to her mommy, hasn't she? We might go out for ice cream to celebrate.”
“Lee!” You protested. “She is too young for ice cream.”
He smirked. “Then maybe it will be just me.”
You frowned. “Better be. She'll get sick if you give her something.”
“No ma’am, wouldn't dream of it. Now go. I'll take care of dinner.”
You didn't argue, your whole body felt too heavy and raw to do so. A nap was the one thing you really need right now.
-
He had dropped off the baby at your parents, who were surprised but not unhappy to see their granddaughter and spend time with her.
He drove away with determination. He was going to park in front of the house but saw the car leave. Like fate was telling him it was the right thing.
Following the car, he made sure it was the right person behind the wheel, though in the state he was feeling, he wouldn't care who it was, as long as he was sure it would hurt her.
He sped up, following her until she was at an area where it was deserted of other traffic, maybe she was going to visit her friend or parents, he didn't know nor cared. He trailed her and when he thought the moment was right, he sped up and when he was at her side, he slammed his car into hers. Watching her run off the road and slam into a tree.
He hit the breaks, driving backwards until he reached her again, then stopped and got out of the car. Hers was looking half totaled, smoke coming out of it and he wondered if it would catch fire. Yet he walked slowly towards the driver's seat. Lowering himself so he could watch through the window. Blood streaming from her forehead and nose, down her face, in her hair. She looked dazed but alive.
He opened her door and kneeled down in front of her.
Her unclear eyes were trying to turn and focus on him. “Sheriff?” She asked unsurely.
“Hmm. Not dead then,” he murmured, pressing his lips together like he was disappointed. “I wouldn't have minded if you were. Just know, next time you talk shit about my wife or my daughter, I will come back and finish the job, you understand?”
She blinked dazedly, like she couldn't catch up to his words. So he grabbed her hair tightly and pulled her face up so he could whisper in her ear, ignoring her pained whimpers. “I said, you little bitch, if you ever upset my family again, I don't care where you are or who you are with, I will kill all of you. You get that?”
She sobbed and tried to free herself, but his grip was too right. “Yes, okay? Yes. Please I'm hurt, I need help.”
“You don't even get the hurt you'll be in if you do not heed my words. Tell all your little bitch friends. One word. And all of you, including your families will be buried in the ground and no one will ever know what happened to y'all. I will make sure you will watch them die before I finish you off, you say ‘yes sheriff’ if you understand.”
She squeaked out a ‘yes sheriff’ quickly, sobbing and trying to get him to release her.
He did, wiping his bloody hand on her dress, a look of contempt on his face as he straightened himself. He spat on the ground in front of her. “Oh, and don't even think about telling anyone about this. You better make sure they know it was an accident, maybe you had too much to drink, or didn't pay attention. Just remember I am the law around here, and I know where you live.”
He walked off, didn't look back, feeling mighty disappointed he hadn't finished her off, though admittedly if he had he would not feel a single ounce of remorse. But it might be better this way. He’d put the fear in her and every one of those bitches. And for the rest of their lives he would make sure they never forgot. Because he wouldn't either.
Part 9
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