a/n: just something I wrote because I was listening to love is gone and period hormones made me miss Joshua. Hope you enjoy my caffeine powered midnight drabble ♡
The first thing I notice are my fingers. Stiff, cold, and curled around a mug of tea that’s still full. My knees are pulled up to my chest, my feet resting on the seat of my chair. Slowly I lean back and the sore muscles in my neck ache. My eyelids start blinking, cautiously at first. They blink faster. The dim shapes of my living room come into focus. I feel my arm that connects to the fingers curled around the mug. It feels heavy. I push my feet off the chair and with a thud they land on the wooden floor. A long breath is drawn from my lungs. I feel how tense my shoulders are.
My left hand searches for the phone that has fallen somewhere between the cushioning of the chair. The tips of my fingers touch the cold surface of the glass and they pull it out. The screen comes alive when I tap it twice. Ice creeps through my veins when I see no notifications from you. It slowly spreads through every inch of my body and seeps into my bones. The time reads 1:37 AM. No wonder my tea has gone cold. I grasp my phone tightly.
My fingers finally unfurl from the mug. My eyes turn to the hallway door. Sunset gold light spills through it when it opens. Your laughter echoes in my mind as you step into the living room. My throat tightens and I shake my head. The light and your laughter disappear like smoke in the wind.
When I get up, I leave the mug on the small table. Our— my cat jumps off the couch with a small sound. I look at her as she pushes her small warm body against my legs. A smile lifts the corners of my mouth. She turns and trots towards the bedroom, telling me it’s time to sleep. Your bright smile when you held her for the first time flashes through my mind. I move forward and leave the memory in the living room.
My fingers open a drawer and they slowly float over the fabrics of the shirts I find in there. The shirt I pull out was one of your favorites. As I change into it, your familiar scent hits my nose. My eyes flutter closed and the hole in my chest pushes itself forward. I steady my breathing and after a few moments, my eyes open again. My gaze drifts over the small handmade bead bracelet on my dresser that you left here. I still can’t move it to another spot.
The sheets are cold against the skin of my legs. The bed has long lost all of your scent. I lie on my side, legs folded and arms curled tight around a pillow. My fingers grip the material until my knuckles turn white. The ghost of your touch brush my hair behind my ears. The hole in my chest both tightens and expands. It hurts. Hot tears fall from my eyes. A shiver runs through my body.
When I wake up to the sounds of birds outside and soft morning light gently peeking in through a gap in my curtains, I don’t remember when I fell asleep. The ache in my chest has dulled and my muscles have uncoiled. I sit up and wish the door would open and you would walk in with fresh, hot coffee. Just like you always did. I sigh and throw back the covers. A cautious smile tugs at my lips when I realize I am okay making my own coffee.
yk how kwannie dreamt of wonwoo’s demise? he described it as bloody and he cried so much. wonwoo actually thanked kwannie bc theres someone who’ll shed tears for him if he die :((
you have millions and millions of carats, wonwoo :((
