Feeling drained
Dear Nobody, 17/05/2025 9:20pm
Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this. Wanting to run away from everything and live in a cabin by your self.
I started going to the gym bc everyone was like "it's going to help ur physical and mental health". I just wanted a distraction from life.
I feel like life is a constant battle trying to make everyone happy. If not family, my friends if not them then my man and like my happiness is never on my radar bc whenever I am happy I somehow mess it up by saying or doing the wrong thins #selfsabotagequeen.
Like, its so draining ,man.
Then I feel like I'm the problem bc I am too much or I act out too much.
I just wanna go and live in a place where no one knows me or has any exceptions from me y'know.?
But then I'm also like I am very loved for by my sisters and friends and my man but like at the end of the day I just feel so tired and I don't get it.
Then I get used to feeling like this and then in a week or two Im back to "normal" whatever that means. Like my man and I have been together for almost 1 year but idk recently all we've been arguing or fighting so much and before it was so nice and peaceful now its like anytime we talk argument.
I try so hard to shut my mouth not to cause an argument. Ik I don't have to because he will be understand and kind but I get so tired and drain from fighting I just cry and cry and cry.
I can probably blame my childhood trauma on my way of coping with stuff but somehow God wanted to make me self- aware AND have a kind heart.
Like that combo is deadly.
How can ik all the dumb stuff I do and then on top of it feel bad when people hurt me and treat me badly?
Then again I don't even realize I'm being treated badly unless I'm being physical abused.
Like at the end of the day I just want a break from people without the guilt of leaving/hurting anyone.
Anyway thats my rant for the day if anyone actually read the whole thing Thank you and lmk if you relate or any insights you have.
Till next time 🫶🏽
Soft Thoughts Loud world 🫶🏽