a/n; wrote this cute luh drabble in a delirious state in the middle of the night. if you can tell... i'm sorry 😘
cw: pining, they're all awkward and cute. just fluffy and cute asf ^3^.
summary: when you're so competitive that you end up getting the huzz to spoil you instead of the other way around
lee sohee is stupid good at rock, paper, scissors.
with a yell of pure joy, he wrapped his flat palm around your first. “YES! I KNEW I’D WIN.” he started pretending to cry like he’d won an award. this fuckin guy.
you had only won a grand total of like 3 times out of the probable hundreds of times sohee had initiated a game out of nowhere over the years. he grabs your attention with 'hey' followed by your nickname and sliding his fist in your direction and you know you’re destined to lose. lose both the game and the money for whatever little pastry your best friend wanted this time.
“sohee.. it’s not that big of a deal.” you rolled your eyes — you were such a sore loser.
“it’s big to me. i really like ice cream.”
your body sunk slightly limp against the couch in defeat. “yeah, ok. let’s go.”
ʚ ї ɞ
“hi, could i please get two of the blue ones, please? thank you, have a nice day!”
you paid for both you AND sohee’s ice cream and started to walk away from the van in the direction of the park.
“do you know you said please twice?” smiling, he held two fingers up for emphasis, keeping his other hand occupied with his artificially coloured sweet treat.
“i knoww.. i get awkward ordering food.”
“just ask me to order for you next time.”
you laughed, “what, you order and then i only come forward to pay? do i get the broke boyfriend hug too?”
he stifled his laugh, “but i’m not broke…”
“…why’d i just buy you ice cream then?” you squinted your eyes at him in an accusatory expression.
“because i’m super serious about rock, paper, scissors. and a winner deserves a treat.”
“right, right… well, what about all the times i’ve beaten you at mario kart?”
sohee’s eyes widened slightly with realisation. realisation that 1) stupidly, he had never thought to bring the sweet treats outside of rock, paper, scissors; and 2) you had just given him the outlet to do what he’s been plotting for months — put the moves on you.
his eyes relaxed into an almost lazy look. a look that said 'oh, i know what to do.'
nonchalantly, he slipped both of his hands into his jean pockets, “well, that's 'cus you’re already sweet enough.” looking off to the side all proud.
you laughed at him. “what are you talking about, you cheapskate.”
“i’m trying to flirt with you.” he breathed out in a laugh. wait.
you both froze. he did not mean to say that so bluntly.
"oh? is this you feeling bad about making me buy you ice cream?"
"uhm, this is me being brave."
you stared at your friend. you would be shocked— you should be shocked, but you weren't. sohee, as much as he'd like to think, was not very subtle. you would be sitting watching a movie and every once in a while notice him studying your features in your peripheral vision. and on the rare occasion you would turn to silently let him know 'you've been caught', he couldn't care less. just smiles at you and reverts his vision back to the screen.
"wow, i'm blushing." you poked him in the stomach shyly, making him squirm. "are you gonna be my boyfriend now?"
he bent his body slightly, leaning to get his face a little closer to yours "do you want me to be..?"
"god, i mean kinda, yeah."
sohee laughed at your unseriousness, "okay then, i will be. can your boyfriend have a kiss?"
you hummed with a nod, cradling his face to press a kiss to one of the many moles his face, making the peaks of his cheeks immediately flush pink.
the nursery is dim, bathed in the soft blue glow of the nightlight, but it’s still too loud. your son’s cries pierce through the quiet, relentless and sharp, and you’re exhausted - more than exhausted actually.
you bounce him gently in your arms, rocking side to side the way the nurse showed you. he’s warm and tiny and perfect, but his little fists are clenched and his face is scrunched up as he screams in your arms.
“shh, peanut, please,” you whisper, heart aching. “mama’s here. you’re okay. just sleep for me, please.”
but he won’t. he hasn’t, for almost an hour its just been crying.
you hear the soft creak of the floorboards behind you, and you don’t need to look to know who it is. sohee steps into the room, shirt rumpled from sleep, hair sticking up on one side. he takes one look at your face and wordlessly holds out his hands.
you hesitate. shame creeps in as you hand your son over, and sure enough, the second sohee settles him into his arms, the crying stops. just like that. your son nuzzles against his chest with a soft whimper, eyes already fluttering shut.
and you break.
“he hates me,” you whisper, voice trembling as you stand there. “he ... he never calms down for me. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong.”
“baby-”
“no, don’t.” your voice cracks as you squeeze your eyes shut. “i’m his mom. i carried him. and he won’t even let me hold him without crying. i don’t ... I don’t think i’m a good mom. i don't even know what i'm doing wrong”
the words hang heavy in the air, and for a moment, there’s only the sound of your son’s tiny breathing as he sleeps against sohee’s chest.
then sohee moves. he leans in close, forehead pressing against yours, gentle and warm. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him,” he says softly. “and to me.”
your lip trembles.
“he doesn’t hate you,” sohee continues. “he’s just a baby. he’s overwhelmed. everything is new and loud and scary. but he loves you, i promise. he knows your voice. he knows your scent. when he’s calm, he looks at you like you’re his whole world.”
you sniff, reaching up to brush at your tears, and sohee smiles, nudging your nose with his. “you’re doing so well. i see how much you love him. i see how hard you’re trying. he’ll feel that, soon. just like i do.”
you blink at him, chest aching. “i’m so tired.”
“i know, sweetheart.” he presses a kiss to your forehead. “let me hold him a little longer. you rest, even just a bit. we’ve got this, okay? we’re doing this together.”
you nod slowly, "i love you. thank you"
sohee gives you a warm smile, one that assures you deep down everything will be okay, "i love you too"
it always hit right around the same time
the sun was going down again, and you hated it before it even fully disappeared.
you had just finished nursing peanut, his body heavy and warm against your chest, his breath slowing as he dozed off. the room was dim now and the shadows seemed more alive than ever. you were sitting in the rocking chain in the nursery with your knees drawn up, one hand holding peanut close, the other anxiously tapping the arm rest.
the sky dusky purple stretched long across the walls, and the air in the house just kept getting thicker and thicker.
your stomach twisted.
nothing was wrong.
"nothing is wrong." you repeated in your head like a mantra
but something felt wrong. it always felt wrong. what if he stopped breathing while he slept? what if you fell asleep and missed it? what if there was a fire? or a break-in? what if sohee went to the store later and didn’t come back?
it wasn’t just a bad feeling. it was dread. irrational, consuming dread that lived in your skin like it belonged there. you looked down at peanut’s soft face, eyes fluttering in sleep, his little hand twitching once under the blanket.
what if this was the last night you held him? what if something happened to him? or to you, and sohee had to raise him alone? what if the power went out? what if he got sick in the middle of the night and you didn’t wake up in time? what if -
"hey"
sohee's voice cut through the loudness of your mind. his shirt was damp from doing dishes and hair tussled but he still had a faint smile. “he’s out already?” he asked, voice soft.
you didn’t respond, just stared at him. he walked over, kneeling beside you. his hand ghosted over your cheek and then the baby in your arms. he shifted against your chest before letting out a yawn and moving closer to sohee's hand. you were too tired. too afraid of what would come spilling out if you opened your mouth.
"everything's okay," sohee whispered. and just like that the dread and panic crashed over you and a tear slipped down your cheek. “he’s okay. his chest is moving, see?” he said, pointing gently to the rise and fall under the blanket. “he just ate. you did that. you’re holding him just right. he’s not cold. not too warm. he’s safe.”
his hand finding yours. “you’re safe. we’re home. the door’s locked. the stove’s off. there’s nothing coming. the world’s not ending.”
peanut was fighting sleep with every ounce of his tiny being.
you could see it in the way he blinked. it was slow, heavy, long blinks that got stuck halfway before his eyes fluttered open again. his sunhat had fallen back, hanging by the strap under his chin, and his hair was damp from ocean air and sweat, cheeks pink from the warmth of the afternoon.
you had him tucked against your chest in the baby carrier, his arms limp, legs dangling as you and sohee walked slowly down the shoreline, letting the tide chase your toes. he’d been unstoppable for hours, digging, stomping, squealing at the waves.
sohee glanced over, hand brushing yours. “he’s out, huh?”
“almost,” you whispered, looking down. peanut’s eyes were at half-mast now, his face smushed against your collarbone. “he’s hanging on by pure toddler spite.”
sohee laughed softly and reached over to adjust the carrier strap. “he had a good day.”
“the best day.”
you walked a little farther, waves lapping gently at your ankles, the sky glowing orange and pink above you. families were packing up, folding chairs squeaking, kites lowering from the air, and the world felt slower now.
peanut let out a tiny, sleepy sigh and finally gave in, his body going completely limp against yours, breath warm and even.
sohee glanced down at him, then at you. “we should get going.”
“in a second.”
you kept walking, just a little longer. the three of you, quiet. the ocean beside you. peanut finally asleep, drool soaking into your shirt. sohee’s hand in yours. and the last light of his first beach day fading behind you.
