#solblog

[solblog]

i see no difference

[solblog]

i'm trans and also i am not in a way that i never understood gender. i am not transitioning, im playing around on the character creation screen. if that makes sense.

[solblog]

guys, does my new doctor look trustworthy, be honest

[solblog]

i wish i wasn't autistic

20.05.2024

the thing is, i don't really want to be autistic. i don't want to be seen as such. and yet i am, by my doctors, by the government. i keep thinking i don't deserve any of this, because i'm low support needs, because i am not disruptive to society, and others definitely have it worse. because it must all be fake.

but i think that i am actually just afraid. of being bullied and ridiculed again for being weird and different. except this time people will have a word for this weirdness, i know what they say these days. 'everyone is autistic nowadays'. 'you just want an excuse'. 'you just want to be special'. it makes me not want to associate with other autistic people, so i can avoid being judged.

but i think this is a very cowardly and selfish thing to do. i probably shouldn't forgo supporting others, i shouldn't be ashamed of my community. pretending to be 'normal' probably doesn't even keep me safe, it just satisfies people who dislike me.

i need to remember that and move forward. somehow.

[solblog]

finally got this LP!

[solblog]

i am a fool in my twenties, but i wish i was an old wise wizard.

[solblog]

why did nobody tell me that goth music is so good

[solblog]

i ordered two binders from a website called WIVOW today. i do not think i'm trans, but i experience dysphoria, so this will be a gamechanger for me. i did not make an account so i don't have a tracking number... i just hope they arrive this month.