@soldierbydesign
This was a long, long time coming.
Half of him wished it never had to happen and half of him wished it had happened years ago. But Tony couldn’t decide which half to listen to. Maybe that’s why he was feeling so unsettled and just plain wrong when he neared Steve’s apartment.
No, actually. There were a whole multitude of reasons he was feeling awful. And that awful feeling made him anxious and stressed which made his heart start to beat faster and his lungs start to close and his chest tighten and his breathing got shorter and----
Alright, c’mon Tony. Get ahold of yourself.
This wasn’t the time for a panic attack. Although, was there ever really a time for a panic attack? No. There wasn’t really, but this would be one of the worst times to have one regardless.
Everyone was right. Tony and Steve couldn’t just tuck themselves away in the farthest apart corners of the domain and pretend like things were settled. Not that anyone actually believed that things were settled, but ignoring it all was one way to handle things, and it seemed like for the past four years neither of them wanted to change that. Or neither of them could face each other and realize just how messed up it had all gotten. Maybe both. Maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was that they were both so tired of fighting and wanted to give up. Or maybe that was Tony projecting on to Steve. Yeah. That was probably it.
Everyone was right. And what everyone was saying was that Steve and Tony couldn’t ignore each other anymore. And Tony was sick of being told that he needed to do something about it. So maybe it was even more his own stubbornness and rebellion that brought him here. But it got the job done. Dammit, did it get the job done.
Tony had no idea how long he stood outside the door to Steve’s apartment. It could have been days and Tony wouldn’t have noticed them go by, wouldn’t have cared if he just collapsed right then and there. Steve was his friend. Someone he respected, someone he might have once even considered family. And after almost a decade of.. whatever this was, Tony wasn’t sure there was anything left to salvage. But their domain was suffering. Everyone was sick of the rift. Tony was too, in a way. And so here he was. One hand shaking and lifted to knock on the door.
And then finally he did. But he kept silent. And waited.
