#solo.txt

[plural-affirmations]

Hello! We are a questioning system, and our host has had multiple stressful or anxiety filled moments where they are 100% positive they are faking even though they fit a lot of the criteria of OSDD-1b, we were just wondering if we could get some affirmations for those questioning system's out there who are always doubting if they are valid?

-Tom

Yeah, of course! /gen. Pretty sure we've made one before but I can't find it smh

We'll go ahead and make one right now actually :)

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

(you can totally leave this til whenever you have time honestly I need to get it out of my head as much as get feedback tbh)

Am I a bad person for breaking up with the old hosts boyfriend?

So. When we discovered the system, before I split, old host (we'll call them M) had a polycule of three people, a boyfriend (A) and a agender partner (K). When M felt ready they explained everything to A and K and let a few headmates introduce themselves. K was really nice and understanding, it didn't quite get the entire concept of plurality or fictives (which we have plenty of) but it was friendly and it's been great about asking questions to understand us better and even now still reads resources we send it for stuff it doesn't quite get.

A, uh.. Immediately started cracking jokes about our fictives. He was calling Shoto "knock off Zuko" and telling him to 'roast marshmallows for him', and threatening to send.. Italian mobsters.. After Hitoshi? Because 'Hitoshi is what Mario does to make Yoshi stick his tongue out'? M and Keith, our gatekeeper, both told him to knock it off, and he wasn't as outwardly bad for a while, but still didn't really interact with anyone else much.

Fast forward a bit and M went dormant, I became the new host. K was confused but understanding, it never made me feel bad for being here when M wasn't, and it still to this day talks to us plenty. (M is back but isn't allowed to front at home for reasons, we schedule dates sometimes where it can spend some time with them outside now) But A kind of just. Started acting really weird.

I don't remember a lot of the details here so sorry if it gets fuzzy.

I am an alterhuman in headspace, I was me one day and the next I woke up with cat ears and a tail. Still not sure how that happened but I've embraced it. A started making.. Not entirely safe for work jokes about it. That made me uncomfortable but he never really apologized? He also called me "the cat" like, in a very distant dehumanizing way?

He also uh. Blatantly misgendered someone, repeatedly, and then never apologized because 'his profile picture makes him look like a girl'.

I know there was more but it's all hazy. Eventually Keith sent him a long message that he had to start taking this stuff seriously and that he was treating us like a goofy game and not someone dealing with a lot of trauma that was struggling to hold everything together, told him he had to do some research and learn the ugly side of our disorder and stop acting like we're playing pretend. K directly offered to answer questions and help him figure it out better during the same conversation. But he basically ghosted us for a month after that, never said anything, never reacted when we tried to talk to him, just totally shut us out, so finally I messaged him like, "look I'm sorry but this is too much, I can't handle you in our life right now, I know I'm not M and maybe only they can dump you but as far as I'm concerned I don't want you around" and kicked him from our server/blocked him a few places. That was a few months ago and apparently he ghosted K at the same time, even though they were also dating and we never asked K to pick sides or stop seeing him?

Literally everyone I've talked to about this says I did the right thing and that it's his own fault for not being a safe person for us and not wanting to learn, and even typing it all out, I know I'm better off with him gone, but I can't shake feeling guilty. I didn't really choose to be host, the brain just kind of shoved me forward when M left and I had to roll with it, but I can't stop this feeling like everything I'm doing is destroying M's life and making everyone else miserable. I also had to cut off a friend that flat out fakeclaimed us, even though they'd been friends for years.

Idk I just feel like I'm a placeholder and eventually M is gonna want their body back and I'm gonna have completely torpedoed everything about their life.

(This is going to get long, apologies in advance.)

Hey, it's Solo typing right now. I was host for the first half of the year, and I had some really similar feelings about messing up Nix's life too. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Short answer: no, you're not a bad person for breaking up with him, he sounds like a complete asshole.

Long answer: you deserve to have someone in your life that'll treat you better than that, especially for (I'm assuming from context clues, sorry if I'm wrong) having traumagenic and/or disordered plurality that you quite literally cannot control. The jokes he made were extremely far out of line, and also super disrespectful, in my opinion.

That's not even touching on the fact that he was told at least once to quit, and decided to?? Fucking ghost you??? Nah, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. I'm really sorry if that comes across as rude. It's just, I hate seeing people like you being mistreated just for being a system. It's rife with ableism, it's hurtful to you, it's just... unacceptable. And he probably knew damn well what he was doing, because people who are actually decent wouldn't have left you in the dust as soon as they were called out for being awful.

Now, as far as the being afraid part... I relate really, really strongly to that. That's why I chose to come out and answer this ask, actually. Because, I wanted to tell you... you're not doing anything wrong.

I'll spare you the time and unnecessary details, but TL;DR is that Nix desperately needed a break for about a solid 6 months. So, I split, and I was immediately thrown into the driver's seat.

The entire time, I felt exactly the way you do. "What if he comes back and hates all the things I've done?". That sorta thing. But, it turns out, when he came back... all the changes I had made were for the better. I cut toxic people out, I went to therapy, etcetera. So, despite my fears, he was actually really, really appreciative and happy about it.

I can't guarantee things will be exactly the same way for you guys, but I do want to say that -- at least from where I'm sitting -- you're making changes for the better, too. Even if M comes back and doesn't necessarily agree with everything you've done, I don't think anyone can fault you for genuinely trying your best with what you were given, considering the circumstances.

Basically... give yourself some credit. It's going to be ok, and everything is going to work out eventually. That much I can promise.

Sorry this got so unbelievably lengthy, I tried to cut down on it, but I had a lot of thoughts. Please feel free to come back if you have absolutely anything else you want to add! You're always welcome here. ❤️

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

This is probably WAY to specific but what about one for a system with a physically disabled member and their struggle with feeling comfortable when they front?

-soup anon

I feel bad turning this one down, but we have no inspiration or ideas for something this specific, really sorry! Feel free to send in another one though!

🖤💜💙💚💛

[plural-affirmations]

https://www.tumblr.com/plural-affirmations/735695074784051200/httpswwwtumblrcomplural-affirmations73516197

the problem was never that i feel like i have to justify being plural to myself it's that i don't want to be a system but my brain won't shut the fuck up about it. i don't find the idea of being a system appealing, in fact i'd fucking despise sharing my life with some complete stranger i probably wouldn't even get along with, let alone multiple.

that wouldn't be a problem if i was able to just move on with my life but my brain keeps coming back to the idea and annoying me about it, and as if wasting years of my life trying to find a system that doesn't exist didn't erode my mental health enough, the constant barrage of the same stupid thought over and over and over has made me spiral so much i can't do the slighest bit of self reflection about my "plurality" without my body just starting to ugly cry regardless of whether or not i feel any strong emotion about what i'm saying.

i don't think my brain likes the fact i'm not a system, it's always whined at me if i try to meet in the middle and think i'm monoconscious or median or something so i guess my brain just wants to be a multiple system specifically. good for it i guess i don't really care what the reason is i just want my brain to leave me alone.

Hm. Well, this is just my two cents worth again, but most people who are singlets don't typically spend this long focusing on them being a system or not...? I'm really not trying to be rude or anything, I'm just like... pointing that out.

Like, I dunno. Maybe you're not plural after all, but this genuinely sounds really similar to a system host in denial, and getting upset when it gets brought up, y'know?

Again, I have no way of knowing if that's the case, but. If that's not the case, I unfortunately don't know how else to help you :/ We're pretty stumped on what else say... I'm really sorry, I know that's not very helpful. 💔

Agh, regardless, I hope you have a really good day, anon. Hoping things get easier for you soon. ❤️ /gen /sympathetic

🖤💜💙💚💛

[evergreensys]

Eeeee hii! For the ask game:

🧠💬🤝

🧠 - What's headspace like?

Oh we've been dying for someone to ask us this. Our headspace is a very, VERY big (about 2 or 3 square miles) pine tree forest, with mountains in the background. There's several areas that are where people live, such as:

The main house, where the frequent fronters live and where the fronting room is

Vivian's (our "CEO of the brain" headmate) cottage

A pretty good sized lake with a sand and pebble beach where Siobhan, a selkie, lives

A treehouse home to the subsystem known as "The Union", which is 3 teenagers who are all 15

Fen's Meadow! Fen is our main physical protector, they're a supernaturally large wolf. But all our other animal headmates live there too!

And lastly, The Graveyard, where most of our angels, a ghost, a vampire, and a catboy live.

💬 - Does anyone have an accent?

Yes! Charlie is a cowboy and has a thick Southern accent, and Rouxes (the aforementioned vampire) has a British accent. The children also sound very... "baby-ish", if that makes sense? And I don't know if it counts as an accent, but Karkat speaks like his typing quirk, which is in all caps. I don't know how you talk in all caps, but he manages to do it!

🤝 - Who was the first alter you discovered?

Technically, Ocean! This actually is a good transition to talk about how we discovered we were plural.

So, she was the first and only syskid in our system for a very long time. Vivian, her mother, always kept an eye on her to make sure she wasn't, y'know, causing any trouble. Except... one day she didn't! Ocean then ran to the front, took control of the body, and after our host talking to "himself" in the mirror/promptly having a panic attack, he had a chance to think about it. Thankfully, our special interest is psychology, so we'd already been up to date on plural terminology, which means he figured it out pretty much immediately!

Thank you so much for the questions! We love getting chances to talk about our experiences!

[solosvejs]

It would be really super great if I could stop feeling bad about writing short fics, thanks.