Feb 26, 2020
i feel like nothing really matters except everything i can’t be
#a good person for one#a great artist#someone smart#someone caring#i think back to as late as mid hs and think abt how much more i yearned to help ppl#now i’m like the homeless man i saw in las vegas#delapidated on the sidewalk pissing myself#yet i’m so much worse!#that poor man was in a feugue state while i am totally lucid to my wrechedness#i can clearly see my horridness#it’s like when someone walks by you and you could call out to say hello but all the inertia trembles in your arms#and then it’s too late and you’re left standing there and cursing yourself for not being nicer#that is the purpetual state i’m in#a rock swelling w potential energy but i am still a rock#i will never do anything on my own#forever i will be a loser
