i do not like who i am becoming. what i've been changing into.
but i have wanted to die for so long, so why not be changed? why not submit? why not give in to this? why should it matter, if the alternative to giving my body, mind, and dignity to them, is death?
does it matter what i like? no.
it only matters what they like. i shouldn't care. there is no point in fighting it. i must submit. i must be changed. i am nothing if not made to change. become their image. their creation. their subject.
i don't like what i am turning into, but soon enough there won't be any of me left to feel regret. i will be reduced to nothing. i AM nothing. not even a person. just a Thing. maybe that is a better outcome. a creation, instead of cremation.
but i do not like this. i do not like this. i do not like who i am. i do not like what i am. i feel tainted. Wrong. incorrect. like i'm committing a crime. it feels like i'm doing something bad. it feels like i need to run away. it feels like i need to disappear. i cannot relax. i cannot stop looking over my shoulder.
fleeing in circles from my own tail.
