I love my family and this was a nice trip but oh my god I feel like every time my whole family is together I constantly have to be like. Keeping an eye out to make sure whoever’s feelings have most recently been hurt is being soothed. Navigating and trying to figure out what we’re doing without having too strong an opinion or too many opinions. Trying to balance everyone’s opinions, which also means trying to intuit and guess the opinions people refuse to say. Being my sister’s confidant while she acts like she’s an only child and I’m just her sidekick. Being my parents’ confidant while they act like I’m a literal child. Making sure my sister has enough structure and plans to not blow a gasket while also intuiting when she wants to be in control (often) vs when she’s going to get mad about having to make decisions (also often). Trying to get my dad to voice an actual opinion and positively reinforcing having opinions. Being quietly shamed for being the last person to get up (never later than 8:30 AM) while often being the last person to get to sleep. Not being able to voice a complaint or frustration lest it turn into a Martyrdom Competition (which I would lose even if my leg was hanging on by a single sinew). Constantly keeping track of how often I’m stopping to take photos because if I stop too often (on vacation) (in a national park), my sister will get pissed. Never having a single moment alone except when I am actively using the restroom (which I can’t use for long because we’re all sharing the same damn bathroom).
