Not exactly anything groundbreaking, as this is extrememly similar to other analyses of this song that I've read before, but I figured I'd take the time and take a crack at writing out my own interpretation of this song, from a Milex perspective of course.
And so, without further ado:
I just wanted to be one of The Strokes
“I just wanted to be in a band and make music”
Now look at the mess you made me make
“But now I’m famous and it came with a whole bunch of complications and I didn’t want this”
Hitchhiking with a monogrammed suitcase
I’m not sure if “mongrammed” implies the suitcase has Alex’s own initials on it, or if it’s just some other logo signifying a brand name, but either way ‘monogrammed suitcase’ to me gives the impression of a high end item, something a rich person has.
But he’s also hitchhiking, which is something a poor person would do.
Like, he’s successful now, but in the wrong ways.
Miles away from any half-useful imaginary highway
And he’s nowhere close to where he wants to be
I'm a big name in deep space
Ask your mates, but golden boy's in bad shape
I found out the hard way; That here ain't no place for dolls like you and me
Something about who he (and someone else?) actually is or wanted to be was rejected (?)/he was reprimanded for something (behavior during ECYTE?).
Everybody's on a barge; Floating down the endless stream of great TV; 1984, 2019
Not really sure…general social commentary(?) about how people just want to mindlessly consume things and not have to think about them?
Maybe I was a little too wild in the '70s
Sex, drugs, rock n roll. ECYTE. Y’know. Too gay? Ruining his carefully crafted AM persona? Not selling an easily consumable product?
Rocket-ship grease down the cracks of my knuckles; Karate bandana, warp speed chic; Hair down to there, impressive moustache; Love came in a bottle with a twist-off cap; Let's all have a swig and do a hot lap; So who you gonna call?; The Martini Police
Seemingly talking about the ‘wild times in the 70’s’ – I know people think the ‘rocket ship grease’ is a euphemism, which I can see. He also mentions “love” coming after a bottle, presumably of alcohol. But instead of regretting it, he’s saying “let’s do it again, who’s gonna stop us?”
Baby, that isn't how they look tonight, oh no; It took the light forever to get to your eyes
Obviously refers to the real phenomenon of stars in space, and the light taking so long to reach us that we see them not as they are, but how they were.
In the context of the song, Alex is the ‘star’ and he’s saying that what you see is a façade. The audience isn’t seeing him for what he really is.
I just wanted to be one of those ghosts; You thought that you could forget; And then I haunt you via the rear-view mirror; On a long drive from the back seat
Now this starts the section that we all obviously think could be about Miles. Maybe Alex is saying here that he wanted to end whatever it was that was between him and Miles (though secretly he didn’t want Miles to forget about him). Some sort of clean break (to make things easier career-wise?), that maybe didn’t happen the way he ‘wanted.’ (Maybe Miles rejected that idea and wanted to fight for them.)
But it's alright, 'cause you love me; And you recognise that it ain't how it should be; Your eyes are heavy and the weather's getting ugly; So pull over, I know the place; Don't you know an apparition is a cheap date?
The break was not clean. Whatever they had going on is still going on, just in secret now, perhaps sporadically, and Miles isn’t happy about it.*
(*Reminder that we think they ‘broke up’ (?) after this, in late 2017-2018(?), when Miles left LA due to “just a lot of nonsense” and how fake everybody was.)
As for the ‘apparition’ line: Real Alex is a ghost because the Real Alex can’t be seen – only the façade, only Alex the Star is allowed to be seen by other people.
What exactly is it you've been drinking these days?; Jukebox in the corner, "Long Hot Summer"
Catching up/reminiscing. I think it was misskattylashes that established that ‘Long Hot Summer’ is heavily connected to the time Alex and Miles were recording ECYTE. (Check my ‘Star Treatment’ tag for the post about this.)
They've got a film up on the wall and it's dark enough to dance; What do you mean you've never seen Blade Runner?
“Dance” could be another euphemism. Notice it also only happens in the dark, where no one will see (‘it’s dark enough’ = it has to be dark).
The Blade Runner line is interesting because it seems obvious that it should be connected to Taylor, whose favorite movie was famously Blade Runner, if I’m not mistaken. So, could we be wrong and this whole song is actually about Taylor? Maybe. Though I also wonder if Alex puts in lines like this sometimes on purpose, as red herrings to make us think they’re about something – or someone – they’re actually not. (Like how we think ‘Knee Socks’ could be about Miles because of the ‘king and queen seat/mean streets’ lyrics, even though actual knee socks are something that’s blatantly supposed to make us connect the song to Alexa Chung, who famously wore them.)
“What do you mean you've never seen Blade Runner?” is also not something it makes sense to ask Taylor. I’m wondering more if it’s something she would ask other people, and now maybe it’s in the song as an in-joke between Alex and Miles, which kind of fits with how the ‘Long Hot Summer’ line seems to be reminiscing on that same time period. Idk though.
Oh, maybe I was a little too wild in the '70s; Back down to earth with a lounge singer shimmer; Elevator down to my make-believe residency from the honeymoon suite; Two shows a day, four nights a week; Easy money
He was forced to come back to ‘real life’ (Arctic Monkeys) after ECYTE.
(Feels extremely easy, btw, to draw a parallel between this and lyrics from Alexandra Savior’s song, ‘Cupid,’ co-written by Alex, and it also came out in 2017:
“Stuck in fantasy mode
Whoever really liked coming back down to Earth?
It's not that it hurt*
It was just so much worse
With anyone but you”)
Back to Star Treatment, staying in the honeymoon suite implies that he’s in a relationship, but that he leaves the other person behind in order to ‘go to work.’ The residency is make-believe because the persona is make-believe. He essentially pretends to be someone he’s not for a living.
(*Note that “it’s not that it hurt” also seems to go along with the “easy money” line. The career itself isn’t the hard part.)
So who you gonna call?; The Martini Police x2
Again, almost like he’s stuck between a rock and hard place. He can’t be who he really wants to be; he has to play a part, but he’s also not really giving up Miles, and there’s nothing anyone (the 'police') can do about that. After all, he is playing his part, isn’t he? So, it’s kind of a compromise, and this is the way things are going to be for the foreseeable future.
Oh, baby, that isn't how they look tonight; It took the light absolutely forever to get to your eyes
Directly hinting to the audience: “YOU’RE NOT SEEING THE TRUTH, YOU’RE NOT SEEING WHO I ACTUALLY AM.”
(And that it took the light “absolutely forever” implies that they’re not even close.)
And as we gaze skyward, ain't it dark early?
Not sure if there’s any significance to it being “dark early” – can’t figure that out.
(Maybe it’s that, when you’re a star, you have to be prepared to be “on” all the time, even when you’re not ready? If you’re a star, you may be unexpectedly seen at any moment, and you can’t afford to be caught without the façade?)
[…] It's the star treatment, ooh; The star treatment
“This is what it’s like, being a star. No one sees the real you, but that’s the way it is.”