Deaf people are largely awkward by nature. Can you blame us, really, when we don’t learn the norms of socializing that hearing people do as they grow up? We’re sequestered away with therapists and other deaf children, left to grow and develop on our own, because we simply can’t keep up with the unaffected hearing kids? This is similarly true for any child with any sort of disability or inability.
It’s a small wonder I even made friends, really. As I grew up relying on reading lips and speaking as best as I could (this was pre-CI), I started following a code of sorts, the code of the deaf people...
Always, always, always face the person you’re talking. Never turn away from them unless the conversation is finished. When in a group, face as many as you can - usually a half-circle facing one person.
Use facial expressions to communicate as well.
Enunciate to pronounce words easier, and to make it easier for those reading lips to understand you.
No one cares about how loud you’re talking if you’re all deaf. Of course, if you’re talking to a hearing person, try to keep your volume level lower than a screaming banshee’s.
No facial hair. Ever. Beards and mustaches are the last circle of hell for deaf people.
Never make eye contact. You’ll be too preoccupied looking at the hands (if you’re signing/reading signing) or the lips (reading lips) or the body (as a whole, for non-verbal communication purposes). What eyes? Don’t ask us what colour your eyes are, we’ve probably never even bothered to look. (What, you have blue eyes?! How did I not know this 20 years ago when I met you?!)
Don’t wear crazy colours or patterns. This is true for signers, mostly because it hurts to read hands that are moving so fast with a crazy, funky printed shirt you’re wearing... it burns the eyes, okay?
Being unabashedly bold. We will sign in public, we will yell, we will make loud proclamations without caring what other people think. If you hang around us, you best be confident and okay with that. The shy avoid us largely because of this, but those who stick around slowly get converted, like a slow infection, in a nice way I suppose.
Even though I have the CI, these habits are hard to break. I always talk with people face-to-face, and I stop talking when they don’t face me anymore (even though I forget that hearing people can still hear without having to face me). It’s awkward and it's damn hard, but I’m trying. The eye contact thing is something I’m still getting used to - I gaze and stare into my family’s and friends’ eyes while they blather on about the news that day, because I can sort of hear them now without having to read their lips. And I get really distracted by how complex their eyes are, and how varied the colours are... even the flecks in their irises are so mesmerizing to me. Point being, I’m guilty of still abiding by the code even though most of it no longer applies to me.
Old habits die hard, I guess.
