#sorryifyouactuallyreadthis

[silverstarrymist-blog]

im so f ckig insignificant and just when i start to feel ok and maybe like i could ever be happy some TINY TIN Y THING SENDS ME INTO A DOWNWARD SPIRAL that lasts for months and first im mad and then i just isolate myself and whats wrong with me not a rhetorical question

[workmann]

I should be happy that you're heart broken but it just makes me feel worse because now i know you cared about her more than you ever cared about me and deep down i always knew you never cared about me especially not the way i cared about you. I dont even know why it fucking matters anymore because i know you're not coming back but you made me feel again and then you just left and i didnt have enough time to figure if i actually liked you or if i was just in love with the person you were supposed to be. And it makes me so fucking mad that the one thing i wanted for so long happened and it was such a fucking disappointment. You were such a fucking disappointment and it makes me so angry that i fell for your shit like everyone else. I believed every word you said because I thought i was an exception. I shouldnt have felt as special as i did, after all you do this all the time and im just one of many but i cant fucking understand how some one can say all that shit and then just leave. Your 2 am texts dont phase me anymore. You treat people like shit and then get mad when they call you out on it. You're a fucking entitled piece of shit and yet you're the only guy that got to me. I want to be over you. I want to move on. But i see you in everyone and i desperately wish that it was you that wanted me instead. But i'm just a "fan" to you and that fine and im getting over it but i didnt realize how unprepared i was to deal with you and this whole situation. I miss you so much my heart aches and sometimes i need to say your name because it reminds me of that night and how i never stopped saying your name because you said you liked it when i did. I remember. I remember every word you said and I remember how much you made me laugh and how happy i was because i hadnt felt this way toward anyone in years and i thought that meant you felt the same. But you dont remember and I hate you. I miss you. I love you. And this wasnt supposed to be this long or unorganized but i just needed to say it because when I'm alone you're all i think about.