#soup screams

[anonymoussoup]

@egg-naut This is a dessert soup. It's not a fruit.

[anonymoussoup]

??? I made this blog to blog about my favorite thing??? Soup???? I came out to have a good time but honestly I'm feeling so attacked rn???

[anonymoussoup]

@egg-naut This is a dessert soup >:3

[anonymoussoup]

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[anonymoussoup]

😂😂😂😂 @egg-naut

[anonymoussoup]

@egg-naut The liquid is the milk, and the ingredient is the cereal itself. There is your proof.

[anonymoussoup]

LOOK WHO IS A TOP SOUP TUMBLR!!! YAY!!

[friendhearts]

sorry for venting so much here but i just don't know how to keep this bs in any longer lately. so i use this site like a journal, as ill advised as that may be. i'll put it under a read more so you don't have to scroll past all this bs

uuuugh. i wanna be a boy but i feel like I'll never be one. but also I've been out as a trans boy since i was, like, 9. i've lived more of my life as a boy than i have as a girl but it also feels like i've never truly been a boy, as in i've never been quite able to "reach" it. though i have zero idea what it would even mean to reach that.

and all my vectors for what happiness looks like, in a way that resonates with me, are through the lens of womanhood. the people i look up to, who seem to have their lives together, who seem to be able to look past what besets them and find true happiness and peace and life... all women! and i have no idea what it would be like for a man to have any of those things. i have no idea if it's even possible. and if i did see it, would i understand? would it resonate with me, or would it feel unreal, like it does when i see men who are happy in other ways? too foreign for me to understand, a goal i could never even hope to reach. would it just feel like that?? is it even possible at all????

i don't know. i want to be happy. but i also want to be a man. and for some reason i don't think it's possible. the concept that has grown in my head of what a man is, what manhood and masculinity means, is always beset by this looming connotation of misery. and in that sense, it feels like I've always been a man, because I've always been haunted by misery and loneliness.

i want to be a man, as in my gender and who i am.

i don't want to be a man, as in i don't want to be depressed and lonely and sick. or mean or uninteresting or pathetic. or hated. or dirty. or evil or wrong

i don't want to be a woman, as in i don't want that to be my gender or who i am.

i want to be a woman, as in i want to be happy and bright and alive. and sweet and lovely and kind. and loved. and pure. and good and right

i don't know why my ideas for something as arbitrary and undefinable as gender have evolved to be so. rigid and yet detached entirely from how it's commonly understood. why i associate one gender with happiness and the other with unhappiness, despite the one i associate with happiness not being the gender I want, when happiness itself is something i want, desperately.. im not even sure how to structure that sentence in a way that makes sense! the ideas that grew in my brain are so weird it feels nobody can help me, nobody could help me, because my problems are such weird, drastic manglings of what can be simple as "these are just words people use to call themselves". they're irrational and yet they won't stop fucking with my head and making me utterly miserable. i just want it all to stop. how the hell did i start believing gender norms in a specifically terfy way. what the actual fuck is wrong with me. how do i stop. someone tell me how to stop