#source:john mulaney

[happyinhellqotes]

Sev: I married my wife. I love saying ‘my wife,’ it sounds so adult. Sev: ‘That’s my wife.’ It’s great, you sound like a person.

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

K Rool: (holding a fancy bottle with a clear liquid) Hey is this whiskey or perfume??

Ridley: (grabs the bottle, quickly chugs down all of it)

Ridley: it’s perfume.

[incorrect-the-terror-quotes]

Little: Some people give off a vibe like right away they’re like “don’t fuck with me”.

Little: My vibe is more like “hey you could pour hot soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you”.

[justafukkinpipedream]

Vixen trying to flirt with Neil: So was PSU your first options or were you thinking of other colleges?

Neil: Colleges? I thought I would be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.

[jellyjam]

Arthur:my wife is a bitch and i like her so much

[slycooperandcarlosfox]

Also, I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her. That is not true. My wife is a bitch and I like her so much. She is a dynamite, five-foot, crazy bitch and she’s the best. 

Victor Van Dort (on Alice Liddell)

[timcurlyshepard]

Darry: is this alcohol or perfume?

Two bit, already chugging it and smashing the bottle on the ground: it’s perfume

[incorrect-transformers]

Whirl: Shut up! You're all gonna die. Street smarts!