An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Summary:
Craig's mad at Tweek and Kyle's mad at Stan. Spending Friday night moping around the school is pretty lame though, so Craig decides they should do something to rile their exes up.
this is an attack for @iksvolforb for the @spinthetags south park olympics! art is by @danilazuli and not included within the attack.
Read now on ao3 or below the cut!
It wasn’t uncommon for Craig and Tweek to be “on the outs” every other week. Usually it started with a small fight that they both pushed down, resolving to talk about it later like mature people, only to forget to do that between the pressures of school and (in Tweek’s case) work. This built and built until it burst and one of them couldn’t handle it anymore and they broke up. They never meant to; they were just teenagers. Not everyone could achieve the same emotional maturity Wendy and Tolkien seemingly effortlessly did.
This particular break up was really bugging Craig though because normally when they broke up, they got back within the month. The problem this time was that neither of them would admit that they were wrong. Craig thought it was pretty clear that Tweek should apologize for forgetting their goddamn anniversary, but Tweek was adamant that Craig should understand by now that he has a job with hours he can never predict because his dad fucking sucks. Tweek’s dad did suck, but it was their anniversary. That had to take priority (the work-skipping kind).
It didn’t, apparently, so the next month rolled around and Craig found himself still single. What was worse, Tweek wouldn’t even talk to him. Craig never liked to think of himself as the kind of guy who had to be in a relationship to function, but he was coming to realize that he couldn’t remember being out of one for this long before. Much of his life outside of school had happened around Tweek, or around where he worked.
His life wasn’t all Tweek of course; there was Clyde. Clyde had started spending more time with Jimmy these days though and they had some long standing Friday night tradition checking out whatever local live show they could find in Denver. It was their thing, like how Craig’s used to be hanging out at Tweak Bros. with Kenny, waiting for Tweek. Kenny was more of a friend of a friend though, or friend of an ex now, so Craig was left with no one tonight.
Devoid of literally anything else to do and not wanting to just go home, Craig decided to wander the school. Aside from completely barren hallways, it wasn’t so different from normal school hours. Teachers sat in their classrooms hunched over papers, grading until they couldn’t take it anymore. A few students stuck around in odd nooks and crannies, mostly those who couldn’t find peace and quiet anywhere else. The goths were out back, basically permanent fixtures.
Craig’s wanderings eventually took him to the gym. He could hear the squeak of sneakers on rubber, so he opened the door. Inside was Kyle, practicing layups alone. He looked over at Craig in the doorway.
“Oh, hey.”
“Hey,” Craig replied. He chewed his bottom lip, teetering on the possibility of sticking around. He and Kyle were on… fine terms with each other. Not friends, not unfriendly. Staying wouldn’t be weird, but it might be awkward. Watching him practice would guarantee Craig an excuse for at least another hour though, so he stepped inside and over to the bleachers.
“Um,” Kyle said. “Did you… want to join in or—”
“No.” Craig waved his hand dismissively. “You keep… tossing that ball or whatever. I’ll just be here.”
“Okay…” Kyle frowned, dragging out the word. He sighed and shook his head, rolling his shoulders and going back to his layups. Craig sat down next to Kyle’s gym bag and took out his phone, mindlessly scrolling between apps. Occasionally he looked up at Kyle. Craig really didn’t know or care much about sports so he couldn’t say what made Kyle good, but he was clearly skilled. It was hard to make team captain if you sucked.
Kyle kept glancing over at Craig from time to time, curious about him. Craig hoped to avoid talking about it but when they accidentally made eye contact, he knew he couldn’t. Kyle was at least nice enough to wait half a minute before clearing his throat.
“So,” he said, “any reason you’re here and not… anywhere else?” Craig shrugged, keeping his eyes locked on his phone. Kyle let out an exasperated sigh. “I mean like, shouldn’t you be spending Friday night with, I don’t know, Tweek or something?”
“Shouldn’t you be spending it with Stan or something?” Craig said, as nastily as he could in his usual monotone. The clumsy clang of the basketball on the rim (as opposed to the quiet swish of the net he’d gotten used to) made Craig look up again. Kyle’s brows were knit together and he wore a deep scowl.
“Yeah. Well,” Kyle grumbled. Craig raised an eyebrow. Apparently he and Tweek weren’t the only ones fighting.
His eyes shifted from Kyle down to his gym bag. It was decorated with the South Park Cows logo, some safety pins (probably Stan’s), and a rainbow ribbon tied to the main pocket’s zipper. Kyle had the proud title of the school’s first voluntarily out gay kid, so up-front, loud, and proud when he announced it. Craig had always secretly really appreciated him for it. Being the role model gay kid wasn’t something he was suited for. Kyle handled it much better.
“Hey.” Craig looked back over at Kyle, feeling the kind of stupidly impulsive that came from two months apart from your longtime boyfriend. “Do you wanna go out?” A resounding thud sounded from the backboard as Kyle missed again. He’d whipped his head to stare at Craig so fast his hair smacked him in his face. Kyle swore as he pushed it back, then frowned at Craig.
“What the hell did you just say?”
“Do you wanna go out,” Craig repeated. “You’re gay, I’m gay, both of us are mad at our exes—”
“I’m not mad at Stan,” Kyle said.
“You’re not fooling anyone, Broflovski.”
“Ok asshole, even if I was, why would that mean I’d go out with you?”
“To piss Stan off like he pissed you off,” Craig said. “Look, it doesn’t have to be a real date. We get out of here, go to Tweak Bros. so Tweek can see me with you and then you can post a picture of us so Stan will see you with me.”
“That’s a shit plan, Craig.”
“Ok, well, you have nothing better to do, so…” Craig shrugged. Kyle glared at him, but he also glared down at the floor, thinking. After a few moments of muttering, he threw his hands up in the air.
“Why not,” Kyle said. “You’re paying for my coffee and anything else though.” He crossed the gym floor and picked up his bag. “I gotta shower and change. I’ll meet you outside.” Though fearing for his wallet, Craig smiled a little as he watched Kyle leave. If nothing else, this had to at least get Tweek talking to him again.
***
Only fifteen minutes later, Craig found himself sitting in the passenger seat of Kyle’s car. That was another thing he’d always secretly appreciated about Kyle– his promptness. He also cleaned up nicely, his hair freshly spritzed with something that made it soft and got rid of any evidence of sweat. They both had on a similar outfit of pants, a shirt, and a jacket but Kyle’s pants were chinos (not jeans) and his jacket not as old as Craig’s. Even though it wasn’t a real date, Craig felt bad that he was underdressed in comparison. He took off his hat and combed his fingers through his hair on the ride over. A little more effort than he usually put in. It would do.
“Ah shit,” Kyle muttered when they pulled in. Craig followed his gaze to Kenny’s car parked nearby.
“You know he and Tweek are, like, super close, right?” Craig said.
“Yeah, I know,” Kyle sighed. “That doesn’t mean I knew he’d be here. If Kenny sees us together, he’s gonna bug me about it all weekend.”
“We can tell him to fuck off then,” Craig said, knowing full well that he’d probably also get Kenny hounding him about this “date” and equally not looking forward to it. “It’s none of his business.”
“I doubt he’ll listen but… we’ll see,” Kyle said, smiling tiredly. He turned the car off and got out with Craig following.
Tweak Bros. always smelled like home to Craig. Coffee was way too bitter in terms of taste but the smell was so comforting, like a sigh at the end of a long day. It wrapped around them, a warm and welcoming escape from the Colorado night as they stepped inside. Craig could smell that Tweek had recently taken out a fresh batch of scones too, cinnamon chip ones.
He was there behind the counter– Tweek. His head perked up at the chime of the bell as the door opened, an instinctive customer-service smile halfway on his face.
“Hi, I’ll be with you in a mo—” Tweek froze, realizing who they were. Craig did his best to appear completely unaffected, walking up to the cash register. Behind him, Kyle hesitated for a moment, but he joined Craig and stared at the menu hanging above them. He squinted at it, looking oddly confused.
“You good?” Craig asked. “You can read it, right?”
“Of course I can,” Kyle snapped at him, too quickly, which meant he couldn’t. The print was pretty small and Craig remembered then that Kyle needed glasses. He’d assumed that he never wore them because he opted for contacts instead, but maybe he just straight up never saw well. Craig took out his phone and pulled up the Google doc of the menu. Years ago, Tweek had entrusted it to him to help him study and memorize it.
“Here,” Craig said, giving it to Kyle.
“Oh,” Kyle said, surprised. “Thanks Craig.” He looked through it while Craig waited. He always got the same thing so he was ready, but Tweek was doing literally anything but coming to take their orders. There were only so many imaginary spots he could clean though and people started lining up behind Craig and Kyle, so he eventually gritted his teeth and walked over.
“Welcome to Tweak Bros., what can I get for you?” Tweek said in the most forced polite tone Craig had ever heard from him. It genuinely upset him a bit, but if he got upset then Tweek won, so he just blinked slowly instead.
“Small chai tea,” Craig said, then turned to Kyle. “Babe, what do you want?” The coffeeshop air was suddenly no longer warm, but thick with an icy intenseness as both Kyle and Tweek froze at that statement. Kyle’s finger hovered over the phone screen and Craig could see the gears turning in his head. He tensed, just slightly, bracing himself for just in case Kyle decided to slap him for his boldness. Thankfully, Tweek’s palpable rage kept him from also noticing any of this.
“Just one sec,” Kyle said, apparently deciding to roll with Craig. “Uh, I’ll have a latte. Hot, grande size, with oat milk instead of the regular dairy. Three pumps of vanilla syrup, plus an extra shot of espresso, and no foam. Oh, and one of those brownies in the case. No, two actually. And that, uh, turkey wrap thing. Warmed up.”
Kyle patted Craig’s arm and smiled, promising to find them a table as he walked away, but there was a bit of smugness to it. A satisfaction that he’d managed to craft the perfect frustrating and expensive order and left Craig to deal with the consequences of it all. And people thought Craig was an asshole.
“Jesus, what even is that order?” Tweek grumbled, scribbling away at a cup. “Does he know this isn’t– nngh– fucking Starbucks?”
“I’ve seen you make that kind of thing before though,” Craig said.
“Shut up,” Tweek said. “That’ll be $25 dollars and I’m not putting it on a tab.”
***
A few minutes later and $30 dollars poorer (he tipped, of course, even though Tweek told him that wouldn’t change anything), Craig made his way to the table where Kyle was doing his best to avoid eye contact with Kenny, who was standing over him. He turned his attention to Craig.
“Ok, Craig, what the hell?” Kenny said.
“What do you mean?” Craig sat down at the table.
“This,” Kenny gestured back and forth between Craig and Kyle. “What the hell is going on here? I know both of you are going through respective rough patches right now, but being petty isn’t going to fix that.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just on a normal first date.”
“You’re a damn liar, Craig. I’m not stupid. I can’t believe you dragged another person into your problems. And Kyle, c’mon, you’re above this. You have to know this is a bad idea.”
“Oh fuck off, Kenny,” Kyle said, now glaring up at him. “Craig asked me out and I said yes because I wanted to go out with him. That’s all there is to it.” He reached across the table and defiantly took Craig’s hand, interlacing their fingers. Craig blushed. Sure he’d initiated the whole date idea and called Kyle “babe” but he hadn’t expected Kyle to so adamantly defend him. It was nice though.
Kyle’s fieriness was honestly pretty attractive. He sat up straighter and jutted his chin out a bit, his cheeks tinted pink with annoyance. He wasn’t jacked or anything, actually fairly slender, but he had some definite muscle tone and his eyes burned a deep green, challenging anyone to cross him. Honestly, Craig realized, Kyle reminded him a lot of Tweek. He was like if Tweek had a steadier head on his shoulders, which was one of the things Craig had often guiltily wished for.
Maybe, subconsciously, he’d known that and that was why he chose Kyle for this.
“Yeah,” Craig smiled. “Fuck off, Kenny.” He flipped off Kenny, who rolled his eyes and held his hands up, walking away. Kyle sighed.
“God,” he muttered, reaching for his drink and the food. “I love Kenny but I hate when he treats me like I don't know what I’m doing. I’m not a kid.”
“Maybe it’s because you ordered two brownies for dinner?” Craig asked.
“So?” Kyle scoffed. “I was working out when you saw me, remember? I’m hungry.”
“Yeah,” Craig said. “The brownies here kind of suck though. They’re dry.
“Ugh, now you tell me. I hate dry brownies.”
“Same.” Craig took a sip of his drink. “What else pisses you off?” Kyle seemed thrown by the question, but slowly he started opening up.
Neither of them were angry people exactly, but they did both have a lot of things that irked them. Craig usually didn’t bring it up because happy-go-lucky Clyde couldn’t sympathize and paranoid Tweek often thought Craig was secretly talking about him. It was a relief to not have to cage himself. Kvetching, Kyle called it. It was one of his favorite destressors. Even though Kyle’s kvetching lost its fieriness as the night went on, Craig thought the smiles he switched to were just as attractive.
Last call for orders seemed to come too soon, even if they had actually been there for hours. Besides Kenny and of course Tweek, only they and some guy typing away at his laptop were left.
“We should go,” Craig said.
“Don’t you want to stay til closing though?” Kyle frowned. “To talk to Tweek?”
“We’ll do that tomorrow,” Craig shrugged. “So we can head out after you have your picture.”
“Oh yeah,” Kyle murmured. “I forgot about that.” He took out his phone and scooted closer to Craig, leaning back and tilting his head so it was just shy of resting on Craig’s shoulder. The idea of it was there, though, that he might do that. Craig too gave the subtle hint of closeness without actually going for it, his face tilted just so that, any moment, he just might nuzzle Kyle’s hair. It was tempting.
In a second the photo was over and Kyle was no longer inches away. Craig watched him post it with the caption “Had a good time tonight 💙”. It was clear, but subtle. Craig liked it. As they exited, Kyle’s phone started ringing. The name on the screen read “Stan”.
“Wow,” Craig said.
“God, that was fast,” Kyle muttered. He stared at the name as it kept ringing. Again those gears were turning in his head and Craig wondered what exactly was going through his head this time. Kyle let it ring all the way to the end and the screen informed he had one missed call from Stan. As it started up again, Kyle hung up on purpose and stuck his phone in his pocket.
“Hey, do you think there’s a lot of people at Stark’s Pond right there?” he asked Craig.
“Probably,” Craig said. “I know a spot near it that's kind of hidden though. I stargaze there.”
“Wanna go?” Kyle smiled. Through the window, Craig caught Tweek’s gaze. All the malice that had been it all evening was gone and it was soft, confused. They would talk tomorrow. About what, Craig wasn’t entirely sure. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to come out of the conversation.
For now, he nodded to Kyle and walked back to his car with him. Kyle switched his phone to vibrate before pulling out. Craig had a strong suspicion that he was putting off his own conversation, but he didn’t care. Stark’s Pond was waiting for them.
This is an event that I'm considering running over the summer, and I need your help to bring it to life by filling out the interest check at the bottom of this post! Below are the general guidelines: if this garners enough interest, an official rule sheet and signup form will be posted!
The South Park Olympics would likely take place over a period of ~1 month, over the course of the summer! Because of the length of the event, there is no daily or even weekly commitment; attacks can be completed at your own pace!
The event itself is based on Art Fight! Players are divided into two teams (yet to be named), and attack each other using their own creations. However, in this version, attacks aren't only limited to art; you can also attack using fanfiction/meta, edits, playlists, memes, and more!
Points will be distributed based on an objective system (to be released soon), and the goal is to gain as many points as possible for your team! When you attack an opposing team member, you gain points, which is added to your team's total. Reblogging works (both by your team and the other team) also gains your team points, so don't forget to support each other's works!
Each user on each team will make a short post detailing characters/ships/headcanons they like. To attack, look at the posts of an opposing team member, pick a concept you'd like to create based on, and post your final creation with the person you've attacked tagged. You will then gain points for your team!
More details will be released if the interest check is successful! Filling out the interest check does not lock you in to participating, so even if you're hesitant, feel free to fill it out! A more official form will be released to determine participants at a later date.
The interest check form can be found here, and will close in one week! Consider reblogging to help us get more responses! c:
SP Olympics Entry
Feat. Angel Pip and Demon Damien For @knightinink
@spinthetags
Pierce your Golden Arrow unto my heart so I may feel that burning sensation of your love inside me -Damien Thorn (Probably)
