I’ve done a few months ago for a series of colored pencil portraits with flowers. I decided to work from a reference picture to get a little practice drawing men faces and I thought young Iain De Caestecker fitted pretty well to my theme with his lovely delicate features :)
Strong Language, Sexual Content [Consensual, M/F] (Warnings vary by chapter)
Summary: Amidst her growing fears for her family and the pressures of being a Paladin, Pidge’s feelings for Shiro only intensify. But is it really love, or the need to escape that’s drawing her to him?
Note: This last chapter is very....bittersweet. I just can’t resist writing angst you guys ...even though reading it hurts my soul
Thank you forever to anyone who’s stuck around to the end. You’re my favorite and I love you! 🖤💚
(I might write something as a sequel that’ll take place after Shiro’s found in S3 or post-canon. Idk yet. Since VLD is ending this year, I’ll probably decide after watching it.)
Read on AO3
The nightmares didn't stop.
He saw her again, poised on the victim's seat while he waited to face his prosecution.
Katie's face held no hatred or contempt, only a look of despair.
His friends and family, hers even more, all glared, their eyes pointed at him like knives at his throat.
They started murmuring, the sound a hum like droning bees. Then a shout from someone on the witness stand...
…Lance?
“He's guilty! There's blood on his hands!”
He said this as though someone would have to be blind not to see it, but Shiro wasn't sure what he meant.
“Right there!” he went on and jabbed his finger further in his direction.
Shiro looked down at his sweaty palms shadowed underneath the table he sat at. He flexed his fingers... but no blood.
By some unknown force he jumped to his feet and leveled his hands on the tabletop as he did.
“Your Honor, I object!” he exclaimed to the figure in the judge's bench.
“On what grounds?”the voice asked without emotion. Everyone else's voice was distinct, some familiar, some not, yet the judge... their voice was nebulous, neither foreign nor familiar. Their face was both hidden and yet somehow unimpeded.
Shiro moved to show his hands, but found them stuck.
He looked down, faced with the image of red seeming to ooze from his fingers. He tugged, trying to pry himself away, but did so in vain. Panic set in and his steel eyes flew to Lance and the judge.
“Your Honor, please!” he said, but despite no discernible features, he could tell the figure had no sympathy for him. If anything, impatience.
Still, he tried. “This is a mistake!”
He tugged again, but they wouldn't budge and the puddle only grew bigger, threatening to spill off the table and onto his feet.
Lance and the others scowled, the chatter picking up once again.
Pidge said nothing, did nothing. Until now, she didn't even acknowledge him.
But then, only then, she turned to him, though the movement was stiff and unnatural. Her eyes, big and brown and glossy trained on him and he froze.
She opened her mouth as though time had slowed to a crawl. Then her eyes turned hard, callous and unforgiving, and out of her mouth the judge's voice, “Overruled!”
And the gavel slammed down, booming in his ear.
He started awake to Pidge in one of his shirts and what looked like basketball shorts clutching her left foot and her face screwed in a tight grimace.
“Ahh... Fuck!” she hissed.
“Pidge?”
She hopped over to the far edge of the bed where she knelt and massaged her toes.
“Sorry. I was trying not to wake you up...” she explained like it a confession. “Just going to the bathroom.”
He blinked and rubbed at the inner corners of his eyes with the fingers of his synthetic hand.
“That's fine,” he said, his voice coarse from sleep. He cleared his throat, “What happened?”
“Stubbed my toe.” She squeezed her smallest toe in emphasis.
“Are you okay?”
Her stance was awkward and she seemed reluctant to sit down.
“I'm fine. Go back to sleep.”
She got up, continuing to face him as she did. He was about to question her, but she gave him that smile again, the one from only hours ago...
–
Everything had been perfect, as perfect as it could be, but their peace, their fantasy of normalcy came to a grinding halt.
He should've known.
He should've known from the way the light didn't reflect in her eyes. The way her bangs were always in the way, hiding how her smiles didn't reach her eyes.
He should have seen it, but he didn't. None of them did.
Her mouth was dry.
Her knees were planted on either side of his naked hips, and in the dark, with only the faint light of this planet's moon seeping through the window, she remembered thinking he was somehow even more gorgeous.
Shiro caressed her legs as he watched her too, noting how taut her muscles were and how her fingers curled on his stomach.
“We don't have to if it hurts-”
“No!” she said with a little too much force. It did hurt, but she didn't want to stop. She'd gone this far, she wasn't about to give up now.
She pressed down a little more, gaining almost no ground.
“Pidge, it's okay, really,” he tried to assure her, but she wouldn't have it.
“Shiro, please!”
Her voice cracked on her frustration and the edge of something he didn't recognize at the time. He merely sighed, saying nothing, his hands continuing to glide over her skin.
He should've stopped her.
Pidge's chest rose and fell. She wanted this more than anything, she reminded herself, so why....?
Eventually, Shiro sat himself up, his lips meeting hers and cupped her face in his hands.
“You really are beautiful, Katie,” he thought to himself, knowing any comments would only frustrate her further.
He brushed her bangs out of her eyes still downcast and focused on the task at hand. He kissed one of her eyelids and she blinked, granting him only a glance in return.
He smiled at that – she never did like to be interrupted when she was focused on something.
Pidge sucked in a breath and steeled herself, her eyes closed.
“Relax, Pidge...relax. Just get it over with,” she willed. Then to both their surprise, she forced herself down, letting Shiro pierce her in one swift motion.
His eyes went wide as saucers, but Pidge threw herself into his chest before he could see hers.
Shiro had to say something now. Her entire body had turned to steel in his arms. And her walls were so tight around him it almost hurt.
“Katie?” he whispered and tilted his head to try to get a good look at her.
She grimaced, but refused to so much as whimper despite the stabbing pain inside her.
“I'm fine,” she whispered back, “Please... let me do this.”
Gently, she pushed him back onto the mattress and he gave in, still trying to search her face for any sign something was wrong.
She moved her body up and down, her movements stiff but determined. He would be a liar not to admit it'd started to feel good. God, she was so tight and warm and slick. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed sex.
He wasn't sure how long he could last at this rate.
“Fuck...Katie...” The words drifted from his lips like a prayer.
He almost didn't notice how quiet she'd gotten nor the bite of metal in the air. Almost. It was when he opened his eyes and caught a flash of hers in the moonlight did he realize something was terribly wrong.
He bolted upright, his hands on her face once more. He wouldn't let her hide from him this time.
“Katie? Katie look at me!”
Despite herself, she let him. Her eyes met his and they were both so... empty. Nothing like the ones so full of life and charm he was used to... the ones he found himself falling for.
His thumb stroked her cheek desperately as his gaze darted over every inch of her face.
“Katie, what's wrong? Please talk to me! Please!”
She still said nothing, and that's when he noticed the scent of blood. Immediately, he knew why and looked down at his softening prick still inside her. Though the room was dark, he could see the smear of blood between them.
“I'm so stupid,” he groaned.
He lifted her off of him and gathered her into his arms as though she were bits of fragmented glass. He pressed his lips to her forehead, her cheeks, her temples, her hair, over and over.
“I'm sorry, Katie, I'm sorry,” he apologized and she still said nothing. Her silence was killing him. “You didn't have to... We didn't have to...”
She was still so stiff even as he cradled her.
“Does it really hurt?” he asked, “I can take you to the medical wing.”
She shook her head. Finally a response.
“Katie...”
He didn't know what else to say, only knew he had to say something. He couldn't bare more silence.
Pidge swallowed at the lump in her throat. Once. Twice. But it wouldn't go down. She opened her mouth anyway, her lips trembling as she did.
“He's...he's gone.”
His eyebrows bunched and she felt him tense.
“Who's gone?”
She tried again, knowing her voice would fail her soon.
“Dad.”
And as she said this, his skin turned cold.
“What do you mean? What are you talking about?”
“Dad,” she mewled, “Dad's dead!” She couldn't even pretend to keep her composure anymore as the words burst from her, paving the way for a flood of tears.
He shook his head in denial. “How?” he wanted to ask. They would've known. Their allies would've told them. How did she know?
He'd missed her arrival that morning from another mission to search for her family. She'd gone alone, much to his disapproval, but out of necessity rather than choice.
The only ones there to greet her at the Castle were Hunk and Coran and the little rogue she was bypassed them easily.
She'd hid it from them. From him.
He should've known.
Did anyone else know?
“How did it happen? When? What about Matt? Why did she have to be the one to find out?”
As much as he wanted to, he didn't dare ask any of the questions careening through his mind.
“Katie... I don't... I'm so sorry...”
“Stop,” she begged, “Just stop. Just shut up. Please shut up.” Her hands reached out to try to push him, but when he resisted, they clung to him instead. Then without warning, she flung him off of her and bolted to her feet.
“It's not fair!” she screamed while she paced the confines of his tidy room, forgetting how naked she was, and her palms digging into her eyes. “It's not fair, Takashi! It's not fair!” The last word came out as a shriek.
“I know, Katie, I know...”
“No! No, you don't! You don't know! You don't fucking know!”
She found the nearest wall and banged a fist and her forehead against it as her rage dissolved into sobs.
Shiro jumped from the bed, ignoring his own lack of modesty and spun her towards him. She pushed him away, her countless hours of combat training kicking in now. But Shiro was bigger, stronger, and while she was faster, he had far more practice.
He overpowered her quickly and trapped her arms under his. He held her as tight to him as he could even after she gave in.
It was the only thing he could think to do.
–
The words came to him easily even as he fought off sleep, lying there beside Pidge while his hand smoothed over her hair and exposed cheek.
“When this is over, when the war is over, we'll go home,” Shiro said, “Me, you and Matt.”
“We'll go home. I'll meet Colleen properly this time. I'll tell her how perfect you are and give this a real shot... if you'll let me. We'll bake peanut butter cookies. Real ones. And lay in bed watching movies. I'll take you on a real date, somewhere nice. Just you and me. We'll watch the sunset on the beach. I'll be real romantic and cheesy. We'll play all your favorite video games.”
His hand lingered and his eyes blinked slowly.
She reached up to cover his hand with her own.
“I'd like that,” she said softly. Her throat felt full, her eyes puffy, and dried tears made the skin on her face feel tight.
Shiro blinked and forced his own eyes wider so he wouldn't be tempted to drift off.
“Me too.”
She was quiet again and for a moment he thought she'd fallen asleep.
“Promise me when it's over we can do that.” She looped her pinky finger around his before he had a chance to answer and squeezed.
He returned the gesture without hesitation. He'd promise her anything if it could make it right. He decided he would end this war, with his bare hands if he had to. Not just for the universe, or for Earth and all the Paladins' families, but for her. Above all else, he'd end it for her.
No more loss, he swore. No more pain.
–
In the coming days, it became clear they couldn't keep this news a secret. “We need to tell the others,” he'd said, “They'll figure it out even if we don't.” And while she resented the idea, she knew he was right. They were a team, a family, and they'd realize something was wrong sooner than later. It was bad enough they were keeping one secret, but the last thing she wanted was their sympathy. The only ones who really understood were Coran and Allura and Keith. They didn't make her feel like some kind of pity project. Grieving or not, she was still the Green Paladin and just as capable as she'd ever been.
“I am not sitting this one out!” she'd snapped at Lance while Keith and Hunk were already halfway to their lions. “I'm still a member of this team whether you like it or not!”
“That's not what I meant, I just...”
Shiro stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
“It's fine, Lance,” he said, “Let's move.”
He was the last to descend his elevator, clearly taken aback by the whole exchange.
“I didn't mean it like that,” he defended himself again, though too quietly for Coran or the princess on the dais behind him to even hear.
But even as things went back to normal, as normal as they could be, Shiro realized he couldn't do it anymore. Not after the nightmares. Not after what happened. And not while they grew so close to fighting Zarkon head on, everything they'd been working towards finally coming to a head.
Pidge insisted it didn't matter, that whatever they had between them, the sex, had nothing to do with it.
But he couldn't stand the guilt.
If the rest of the team knew... what would they do? What would they think of their dear leader? Lance already knew and while the Blue Paladin didn't hate him, he was clear about his objections.
“Then tell them! I don't care who knows anymore. There's nothing to hide! You're not a monster!”
He wanted to believe that – he truly did, and a part of him almost managed to. But a much stronger, more dominant part wouldn't let him.
“Let's just... wait... okay? I meant what I said, about when this is over and doing things right, but right now... Right now I just can't.”
Pidge crossed her arms on the kitchen counter and frowned at him from across the room, a half empty cup of hot chocolate at her fingertips.
His own cup he rotated back and forth between his palms.
“I care about you too much.”
She watched him, analyzing him, then he said it – just a few simple words she didn't know how much she needed to hear:
“I love you too much.”
He'd been staring at his hands until that moment when he looked her in the eyes, not a hint of reservation to be found.
But she didn't understand what he meant. How he could feel that way yet not want to be with her. How he could just say something like that! It was absurd, illogical, and it made her want to scream.
She didn't understand then.
And after their battle with Zarkon, while she stared at the empty cockpit of the Black Lion, she didn't understand now.
But he'd promised they'd go home together. He promised they'd start over and do things right. And Shiro never broke a promise. So she refused to cry.
They would find him, she decided despite anything and everything – him and her brother. Whatever it took, they would find him.
