imagine a scenario where the Paladins get arrested for like. a random crime they committed on a planet
and not just one or two of them, no. ALL OF THEM.
First of all, this is just hilarious. But imagine the scene: the guards start taking everyone away, and Shiro says, “it’s fine, I’ll handle it,” so the team behaves nicely. Until they grab Shiro. That’s when the fight breaks out.
Shiro tries to negotiate at first, but quickly realizes that breaking out of prison with his team would be way easier than asking for pardon.
And now, if we imagine how it would play out:
Lance would try to charm the guards into “forgiving them just this once,” or at least stall long enough for the others to make a move.
Keith says nothing for two minutes straight and then suddenly decks a guard in the face, making everything worse.
Hunk panics so hard that the guards just decide he looks “the most dangerous” and cuff him first. It’d be even worse if he started talking about escaping or tried to run right there.
Pidge would absolutely go full spy mode, steal something from a guard, and probably succeed.
Allura would of course attempt to negotiate with her royal status, only to be arrested anyway. Deeply offended, she’d start yelling about diplomatic immunity.
And Shiro, as I already said, would just sigh at the chaos and admit it’s easier to bust out with the team than keep talking.
Cut to: Team Voltron sitting in a jail cell like it’s a sitcom cold open.
Okay, please enjoy the first 1000 words of the Prison Fic™. Won't post to AO3 until I have a title and a full chapters worth but I need to sleep.
The First Day
The first few weeks went by rather quickly. The Doctor couldn't be sure if these were Earth standard days, all she could go by way the repetitive schedule she soon learned to adhered to. Wake up. Eat. Exercise. Back to her cell. Sit in silence with her own thoughts. Lights out. Repeat.
Quickly she had taken to marking her walls with a bit of rock she had found. If she still had her coat, she probably would have found some chalk in there that was better suited but they had taken her clothes and provided her with a red jumpsuit instead. It was far too big and not her colour at all but it wasn’t like she had had a choice. She had tried to fight them off but they had knocked her out and she had woken up in this monstrosity. At least it turned out rather comfy.
The first day had been very disorientating. She was still surveying the cell when the hollo signs first appeared.
“Oh right, universal means of communication, is it?“ The Doctor said into the silence. She hated the quiet, she always had. In the silence, her own thoughts were far too loud. And she had so much to think about. The red sign in mid-air showed a humanoid shape doing jumping jacks and the Doctor frowned.
“What? Like this?“ She did a couple of jumping jacks just to try it out but nothing much happened. That was when the arrows first appeared and her cell door slid open. The arrows were red and glaring, ushering her along in a silent yet insistent manner.
On that first day, the Doctor had hurried out of her cell. What if she was being rescued? What if someone had messed up and unlocked her door and this was her chance to escape? She slowed her steps when she realised, there was no other way to go than the one the arrows where showing her. The walls were solid rock, like her cell had been and there were cameras everywhere. She counted them on her way past. There were thirty-eight up to the point where she reached what looked like a door. Electricity was visibly running through it in blue currents, she thought it better not to touch. Her hearts picked up speed as the door slid open.
“Right, exercise, yeah figures…“ She mumbled as she stepped into what could only be described as a prison courtyard. So she wasn’t alone after all… the Juddon had made it pretty clear that it was prison they were sending her but until this point, she had not seen any other prisoners. Now she looked around and she wasn’t sure whether she didn’t prefer the solitude of her cell after all. The arrows flashed again, ushering her on, to her own bit of the courtyard it seemed. Every square was exactly the same size. Once she had found hers, the arrows disappeared and the fence closed, leaving her to have her exercise by the looks of it.
Slowly she started doing what everybody else was: Walking in a circle around her little square, surveying her surroundings.
“Well this is great, innit.“ She couldn’t stop herself from talking. She needed to talk to process. She needed to talk when she was stressed, working through a problem and this was both stressful and needed processing. She jumped when suddenly a weeping angel appeared right on the other side of the fence when she hadn’t been looking.
“Alright there.“ The Doctor took a deep breath regaining her composure. It didn’t seem like the creature could break through the fence. “I’m sure we will become fast friends, what’s your name?“ Of course there was no answer from the stone creature and the Doctor sighed, she longed for conversation.
“How about Angela? What do you think?“ She chuckled to herself at the little pun and as she blinked the angel returned to the middle of its square.
“Alright, no need to get like that.“ The Doctor huffed and kept walking. She jumped back a little when two Odds slammed into the fence, trying to go for her. She took a step back, this was not a fun place to be. She seemed safe in her square but the more she looked around, the more she realised she was surrounded by every creature she had ever fought, everything that had ever hated her.
“This is going to be fun…“ She looked to a Silence and forgot she had seen them as she looked away. There was an Ice Warrior, a Sletheen, some Sontarans a few squares down… Pting right next to her seemed her best bet for a friend, he was currently trying to chew the bars.
“Not sure I’d do that mate, I know you’re into the energy and all but don’t think that’s edible, even for you… Mind you, if I don’t get any decent food soon, I might try as well…“ Pting just growled at her and she kept walking. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her. The deadliest creatures of all the universe, ruthless killers, the stuff of nightmares surrounded her. They were the stuff of her nightmares too. She would never admit to it freely, particularly if they met them head on, but as she felt their predatory eyes on her, all she could do was hope that the fences would hold.
“Everything that’s ever hated you is coming here tonight. You can’t win this. You can’t even fight it.“ The words came to her like a punch in the gut. She remembered the last time she’d been surrounded like this. How fitting. At the opening of the Pandorica. They had tried to put her in a prison then… it seemed they had finally succeeded. The most dangerous creature in the universe… now she was indeed counted among them.
“Doctor, just this once - just one time - please, you have to run.“
“But run where, River?“ The Doctor asked, replaying the memory in her head as she looked around. “Where would I possibly run to?“ Slowly, she started walking circles around her square, keeping her head down.
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Rating: General Audiences
Word Count: 1430
Alternate: AO3, fanfiction.net
Summary: Bruce and Clark end up in space jail
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: N/A
Prompt #1: “I can’t believe I’m sitting in space jail with you of all people.” [X]
Prompt #2: “Well, this is a nice change of scenery.” “We’re in prison.” “I was being sarcastic.” [X]
Prompt #3: “I didn’t even think of doing this until you told me not to, so when you think about it, it’s your fault we’re in this situation.” “When I get free I’m kicking your ass.” [X]
Bruce watches as the door shuts to the room he and Clark are forcibly shoved into it. Looking around, he sees one metal bunk bed, a metal toilet, and a metal bench. There is no window, not that Bruce had expected one in a jail on this particular planet. The aliens might be humanoid in appearance but they were very different to humans with the way they acted. It almost makes Bruce wonder how different the Kryptonians would have acted from humans if it weren’t for their current predicament taking up all his thought process.
They had gone on a mission across the galaxy to a far away planet that supposedly needed the League’s help. Turns out all they needed was some diplomatic intervention between two rivaling factions. The planet they are currently on, the one in which called them, was being threatened planetary takeover by another hostile planet and needed a couple members of the League—Batman and Superman since no one else was available—to straighten stuff out between the two and come to a compromise. Clark took care of most of it, seeing as with his powers, he was able to learn the language the fastest. However, according to the Kryptonian, the ambassador of the foreign planet that had called upon them, is a huge “jerk” and the king isn’t any better. And that’s how they got themselves, or more like how Clark got them, into trouble.
Bruce sighs, taking a seat on the metal bench. “I can’t believe I’m sitting in space jail with you of all people.”
“Ha, very funny,” Clark retorts. “Should I punch the door off?” Clark eyes the door, squinting as if the Kryptonian is using x-ray vision on it.
“No,” Bruce says. “We’re in enough trouble as it is.”
Clark comes and sits next to him. “So we’re just going to sit here and wait?” Bruce hums in response, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “Well, at least this is a nice change of scenery.”
“We’re in prison,” Bruce deadpans.
“I was being sarcastic,” Clark responds immediately. Bruce hears the Kryptonian leaning back and resting on the wall much like Bruce is doing. “So… any plan on how we are going to get out of here?”
“Not yet.” Bruce opens one eye, looking at Clark through the visor of his cowl. “We wouldn’t even be in this mess if you hadn’t of punched the ambassador in the face for whatever the hell he said.”
“First off,” Clark starts in defense. “He had said some pretty nasty things about you.” The Kryptonian wrings his hands together. “Secondly, I didn’t even think of doing it until you told me not to, so when you think about it, it’s your fault we’re in this situation.”
Bruce blinks open his other eye, looking at Clark in amazement. “When we get free I’m kicking your ass.”
Clark rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, pouting. “Fine, I’ll take responsibility but you can’t deny the fact that you gouded me on.”
“By telling you not to engage?” Bruce asks, incredulous. He almost chuckles with Clark’s display of petulance but manages to keep it at bay.
“Yep, if you hadn’t told me to not punch that ungrateful, arrogant, good for nothing, pig of an ambassador, then I would have never even thought to do so.”
This time it’s Bruce’s turn to roll his eyes. “Uh huh, sure.” He turns his body slightly more towards Clark. “That’s why you were getting so tense and your heart rate was picking up speed.”
“My heart rate?” Clark’s arms fall to the side, loose and relaxed. “How do you know that?”
Bruce leans forward and presses his lips against Clark’s neck, right on the pulsing vein. “I like to keep an eye on my favorite chew toy.” He bites the spot and leans back on the bench. Clark is scowling.
“And you complained about me listening to your heartbeat.” The Kryptonian’s arms are crossed again.
“That’s different.”
“How?”
Bruce shrugs and they both end up giggling over their banter. When it dies down, Bruce continues. “I really am going to kick your ass for insinuating that this whole thing is my fault. I can’t even understand what they are saying.”
“That’s probably a good thing.” Bruce’s eyebrows furrow at Clark’s statement but the Kryptonian doesn’t elaborate. “How do you plan on kicking my ass?”
Bruce’s eyes narrow in suspicion. “Oh, I have my ways. I was thinking of something maybe to do with a little Kryptonite, maybe the bedroom. I don’t know yet. I need to plan.”
“Well it’s starting to look like you have plenty of time to do that.” Clark eyes him from the corner of his own eyes. “But no Kryptonite, please. I would rather not throw up while we are in bed together.”
“Fine,” Bruce crosses his arms. “No Kryptonite but I do get to control what happens.”
“Deal.” Clark’s eyes are downcast, watching his hands as they rub blue spandex covered thighs.
Bruce’s eyes narrow even more. “What were they saying about me?”
A small scowl appears on Clark’s face once more. “You don’t want to know.”
“Oh, I think I do,” Bruce says, as sultry as he can possibly make his voice while sitting in a white cube.
Clark shrugs. “They were just talking about you. Saying stuff about how they would love to… see you outside the uniform. See you naked. Get you into bed.” Another shrug. “You know the usual stuff.”
Bruce is full on laughing now, uncontrollable. Clark has always been the only one, besides his own children, to be able to cause Bruce to laugh this hard. Clark is glaring at him and when Bruce calms down, he says to the Kryptonian, “So you punched the ambassador and got us thrown into space jail because you were jealous?” Clark looks away, staring anywhere but Bruce while glowering. “That is the most ridiculous reason for getting arrested I have ever heard.” Bruce shakes his head in amusement. “But leave it to Superman to do it.”
Clark rolls his eyes. “You would have done the same thing if you could understand what they were saying.”
“No, I wouldn’t have,” Bruce says confidently. “Because I don’t get jealous.”
One of Clark’s eyebrows raises. “Uh huh.”
That’s when the door opens and the King of the planet walks in along with the ambassador—who is sporting a purpling wound where Clark had hit him—and one other alien. Clark exchanges conversation with the King and the two other members of the planet, the ambassador glaring viciously at Clark. It seems, at least to Bruce, to be going well until towards the end of the conversation, the King steps a bit closer to Clark and tells the Kryptonian something that makes Clark blush a bright red. Bruce furrows his brows in confusion but doesn’t interrupt. When the aliens and Clark are completely done with their conversation, the three aliens turn to leave.
“So?” Bruce asks Clark immediately.
Clark sighs. “Since we are here on their request and it being our first time on this planet, we are being pardoned from the offense that I caused.”
“They’re letting us go?” Bruce asks for confirmation.
“Yes.” Clark brushes himself off, as if his uniform isn’t already immaculate.
“And what did the King say that had you blushing like a virgin?”
Clark hesitates in answering but at Bruce’s raised eyebrow he finally relents. “He said he would like me to stay longer in order to show me what it really feels like to,” Clark clears his throat, cheeks turning red once more, “have sex with royalty.” Clark swallows. “I think he kind of guessed we are popular back on Earth.”
Bruce barely hears the rest of Clark’s answer, getting stuck on the fact that the king of this planet wants to have sex with Clark. “Does he now?”
Clark chuckles awkwardly. “Yeah, it’s weird.”
Bruce turns and starts pulling Clark along. “Let’s go.” Bruce leads the way and it doesn’t take them long to catch up to the King and the ambassador. Bruce whistles to get their attention and the King isn’t even fully turned around before Bruce’s fist is connecting against the alien’s jaw. Clark’s eyes widen and Bruce postures superiority. “Stay away from boyfriend,” he growls. Five minutes later, Bruce and Clark are sitting on a metal bench together in space jail.
Clark eyes him. “This time, it’s definitely your fault.”
“Shut up,” Bruce groans, leaning his head back against the wall with a loud thud.
