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FAQ This is where I post my fanfiction. They can also be found on AO3 and Fanfiction.net. My Ships: DC Comics:
Superman/Batman (SuperBat) Detroit: Become Human:
Markus/Connor (RK1K) Supernatural:
Dean/Castiel (Destiel) Naruto:
Naruto/Gaara (NaruGaa)
Kakashi/Gai (KakaGai) Assassin's Creed:
Ezio/Leonardo (EzioLeo) Emmerdale:
Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden (Robron) 9-1-1:
Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (Buddie)
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have you ever read a fanfic so good that you wanted to write a fanfic about that fanfic, but was too shy / too intimidated to ask for the author’s permission and too afraid that your writing wouldn’t be half as good as theirs and that it would be an insult to their work that was basically a literal masterpiece, so you just sat there fantasizing about their work and how beautiful it was and how you wished you could just eat it and how you wished canon could write your blorbos half as good as this writer did and how you just wanted to cry because you just loved that fic so much????
Where the Stars Shine the Brightest: Chapter Seven
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Markus/Connor
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 4998
Alternate: AO3, fanfiction.net
Author’s Note: What's this? A new update after all this time? More likely than you think!
:April 12th, 2039:
Hank is in his bedroom when Connor approaches him. He’s putting on an old button-up shirt, getting ready for the day. They’ve been called into a meeting with Fowler, something Connor is not looking forward to doing. He’s not in the mood to listen to Fowler degrade him and other androids along with siding with the humans. So he decides to stall for time by asking Hank a question that has been bugging him lately.
“Hank?” Hank eyes Connor from the corner of his eyes. He’s at the last button and has yet to see the big hole on the side of the shirt. “What is it like to love someone?”
Hank hesitates over his shirt, hands about to smooth the fabric down. His eyes are now fully trained on Connor. “Is this about Markus? Has he done something?”
“No, he hasn’t,” Connor answers, going over to Hank’s bed to sit down on the edge. “I… just want to know.”
Hank’s hands roam over the shirt, fingers catching on the rip. He frowns at it. “Well, love is wonderful but painful at the same time. It’s when you look at someone and want to spend hours upon hours with that person. Love is when you want to wake up next to that person, maybe even start a family someday, and accept everything about them, even their flaws. Love is when that person dies, it feels like your whole world is falling apart, like your dying right along with them.”
Connor watches as Hank starts to unbutton the shirt. “You loved your wife, right?” Hank pauses, looks over at Connor, then turns away to continue his ministrations. “You never talk about her.”
Hank shrugs and pulls the shirt off, throwing it off to the side. He grabs another one off a hanger. “There’s not much to say. Why revisit memories that are only going to end up being painful?”
“Painful?” Connor asks. “Did you two not get along?”
Hank scoffs. “Not get along?” He then chuckles. “Nah, we got along great. Best woman I had ever met. Loved her like you wouldn’t believe. The memories would be painful because she’s no longer here.”
“She died?”
Hank is finished with getting the new shirt on. His lips are thin as he once again pivots to face Connor. “Yeah… she died.”
Connor tilts his head. “How?”
It takes a long time for Hank to stop staring at him and answer. “Cancer.”
“I’m sorry, Hank,” Connor says.
Hank is still frowning, eyes now distant. “She died when Cole was three years old. By the time he was six, he had no memory of her.” There’s a long silence. “The world is cruel, Connor, so when it decides to give you something nice, you take it.”
“Markus?”
Hank nods, walks over, and puts a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “If you love him, don’t let go of him, Connor. Make sure he knows every single day how much you care about him”
*~~~*
Connor is listening to Fowler in confusion and by the way Hank is looking, with his eyebrows furrowed and mouth partly parted, he’s not doing any better. Fowler has just gotten done inviting Hank and Connor to work back in the office. Connor doesn’t know why Fowler would change his mind all of a sudden. He had thought Fowler would keep him out of the office until he was forced to let him back in when Android rights laws were put in place. Apparently, he was wrong.
“I’m sorry, Captain Fowler, but may I ask what brought on this change of decision?” Connor asks him as soon as Fowler stops talking.
Fowler leans back in his chair, folding his hands together. “Your leader, Markus, stopped by yesterday and convinced me to let you come back.”
“Markus did?” Connor asks, even more confused. Why would Markus do such a thing?
“I would like to say it was a peaceful conversation but he basically gave me an ultimatum,” Fowler elaborates.
“Like what?” Hank questions.
Fowler is looking right at Connor and he doesn’t look pleased. “I either let Connor come back to the office or New Jericho will sue me once laws are in place for android discrimination.”
“I threatened you with the same fucking thing!” Hank yells.
“Yeah,” Fowler leans forward, “except you’re not a whole damn organization with a lot more power.” He leans back again. “I hear laws are going to be put in place soon, too. They’re in the works or something like that. The case soon to be closed.”
Hank turns to Connor, brows furrowed. “Did you know that?” Connor shakes his head. “Markus didn’t tell you?”
Fowler chuckles and gazes at Connor. “I’m surprised your fearless leader didn’t tell you.”
Connor is feeling an odd sensation in his chest. He recognizes the part that he can identify as anger but there’s another, more painful, part too. As if he is feeling…
Feeling…
“Connor?” Hank startles him out of his thoughts. “You okay?”
He swallows then realizes he doesn't have to. “I’m fine, Hank. If you will please excuse me.” He turns and exits the office without another word, leaving the building quickly. It’s a cold April day and he wraps his arms around himself, feels the fabric of Markus’ coat under his fingertips. He doesn’t know why he is feeling this way, why he is feeling…
Left out?
Yes, left out seems like a good word for it.
“Connor!” Connor hadn’t heard the footsteps hurrying up behind him. “Would you slow the fuck down? Jesus Christ!”
Connor slows his pace but doesn’t stop walking. By now he has left the precinct behind. “I’m sorry, Hank. I hadn’t realized how fast I was walking.”
“What the fuck was that about back there?” Hank asks him, ignoring Connor’s statement.
Connor stops suddenly and Hank runs into his back, tripping backward and falling to the ground. “Markus didn’t tell me any of this!” he rants angrily. He holds out a hand and Hank takes it, letting himself be hauled up by Connor. “Sorry.”
Hank brushes himself off. “And that offended you?”
“I’m his boy-” Connor stops himself. He doesn’t want to say the word; he doesn’t know if they are. “I’m his friend and he should have told me that the android rights were going to be implemented soon. I’m an android, Hank, I deserve to know!” He paces, fidgeting with Markus’ jacket and he really wishes he had his coin. “And going behind my back by talking to Fowler?”
“You don’t like the fact that Markus stood up for you and got your job back?” Connor rolls his eyes and begins walking away again. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m sorry, Kid.”
“I’m not mad because he helped me,” Connor starts. “I’m mad because he didn’t talk to me about it first. Was this planned when I was over at his house? Was it planned when we sat in one room together for hours while he painted me?”
Hank huffs a laugh. “I think it’s more important than you think.” Connor feels his joints stiffen with unease. Does Hank know about the marks on his arms? “Fuck, Kid, if Markus painting you doesn’t show how much he loves and cares about you, then I don’t know what does.” He then sighs and stops Connor with a hand on his shoulder. “Listen, obviously Markus wanted to surprise you. He thought it would make you happy.”
“But it doesn’t make me happy, Hank,” Connor explains. “I want to have conversations with him, not receive surprises.”
“Then you need to tell him that.” Hank pets his shoulder a few times and then starts walking back to the precinct where they left the car.
*~~~*
That night, Connor asks Markus through their telepathic communication whether or not the android can meet him. To get away from Hank and his prying ears, they agree to meet in the same park they had visited together before. Connor is the first to arrive and he sits there waiting, mulling over everything that Hank had told him that morning. He knows Hank is right, that he has to tell Markus what he wants out of this… this thing they are doing together, but he’s afraid Markus will think Connor doesn’t appreciate the fact that Markus was thinking about him.
He waits there for ten minutes before he starts to wonder if Markus bailed on him but then he hears footfalls coming his way. He looks over and sees Markus. He’s absolutely beautiful with the lamplight shining down on him, casting long shadows across his face. Connor wants to kiss him.
Markus sits down close beside him, their shoulders brushing one another. “Hey, how are you?”
“We need to talk,” Connor starts instead of answering.
Markus’ warm smile is replaced with a worried frown. “Did I do something wrong?”
“What makes you think that?” Connor asks.
Markus shrugs. “I’ve read in books that whenever a human says, ‘we need to talk’, it’s because the other person did something wrong. It’s usually followed up with the two breaking up.”
Connor latches onto that comment. “Are we dating?”
“I… is that what you wanted to talk to me about?” Markus sighs in relief. “You worried me.”
“No,” he says. “That isn’t what I wanted to talk about but I need to know, Markus. Are we dating, are we boyfriends? What-what are we, Markus?”
Markus’ lips pull down again. “I just assumed that we were dating, yes.” He shrugs. “And dating is usually between boyfriends or girlfriends. So I guess that’s what we are.”
Connor tilts his head. “Boyfriends and girlfriends?”
Markus is chuckling. Connor wants to shut him up with his tongue. “No, just boyfriends. Unless… I mean…” A blue blush appears on Markus’ cheeks. “You want to be female. I know you were made to look male but I don’t have any preference of what gender you want to be.”
Connor is shaking his head. “No, I… male is fine.”
“Okay.” Silence, then, “What did you want to talk to me about then?”
“Hank and I had a meeting with Captain Fowler today,” he begins slowly. “And he told us we can work in the precinct again. He told us that you were behind that.”
Markus is looking concerned, wrinkles showing on his forehead as he furrows his brows. “I was.”
“Markus,” Connor sighs.
“You’re mad at me.”
“I… was,” Connor reassures him. “But I’m not anymore. I just want to talk about it.”
Markus nods. “Okay.”
Connor takes a deep breath before finally admitting to Markus what he is feeling. “Listen, Markus, I appreciate you getting me back into the precinct but I really would have preferred it if you had talked to me about it first.”
“I wanted you to be surprised,” Markus explains, grabbing at Connor’s hand. “I thought it would make you happy.”
“Surprises don’t make me happy, Markus.” Markus let’s go. “Talking to you about big things like this makes me happy. You listening to me, like you have been doing for months now, makes me happy.”
Markus is looking out into the dark playground. There’s not another soul in sight. “I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry, Connor.”
“It’s…” Connor starts carefully. “Not just that.” Markus is silent, staring at the ground. Somehow, Connor feels the weight between them. “How come you didn’t tell me that Android rights are almost finalized?”
Markus does something that Connor hadn’t been expecting. He laughs. “Because they’re not.”
“What?”
“I just told Captain Fowler that to scare him.” Markus peers at him, smile in place. “Laws, especially laws like these, take years to establish, Connor. There are a lot of back and forth negotiations going on. We are nowhere near to having rights yet.”
“Oh…” They gaze into each other’s eyes for a few more seconds, then Connor bursts into laughter. Markus’ smile grows. “You lied to Fowler for me?”
Markus shrugs. “I know how much you love your job, Connor, programmed to do it or not. You, on your very own, decided to continue being a cop. CyberLife didn’t.” He grabs Connor’s hand again. “I just really want you to be happy, Connor, and I thought being back in the police department would do that, but I understand where you are coming from and I promise to talk to you next time.”
Markus smiles at him. “Of course, Connor. Like I told you, anything for you.”
Connor kisses him.
:April 14th, 2039:
Hank and Connor enter the DPD building bright and early in the morning. They were given the previous day off to rest but Connor, if he was being honest, was anxious to get back to sitting at his desk. He has missed it, being in the building, surrounded by all the cops and detectives. It feels just as much like home as Hank’s house now, which comes as a bit of surprise to Connor, considering how nervous he had felt about it in the first place. It’s a good feeling, being able to be comfortable in a familiar place.
As the two of them walk up to their desk, Connor finds something surprising on it. There’s a bouquet of red roses and white tulips set in the middle of his desk, card sticking out from a long, clear stick. Gavin whistles from his place at his desk. Connor hadn’t missed him.
“Look who just received a bunch of flowers. Got a new admirer, Tin Can?” Gavin snarks, smirk wide on his face.
Connor can already see Hank rising in his defense. He grabs the card, reads it, and lets a small smile grace his lips. “Actually, Detective Reed, the flowers are from my boyfriend.”
Gavin splutters as he chokes on his coffee. “Boyfriend? You have a fucking boyfriend? Who in the hell would want to date you?”
Connor approaches the man, Hank’s eyes burning into his back. “Do you remember the deviant leader?”
“The one we were hunting?”
“Yes, that one.” Connor’s smile grows. “He’s my boyfriend.”
Gavin is staring at him, expressionless. Then, as if in disbelief, “You stupid piece of plastic trash. You do realize that just because your deviant leader won the little stunt he pulled, that Fowler never closed the case of finding and apprehending him.”
Connor’s brows furrow. He’s confused. “That can’t be true. Markus has met with Captain Fowler more than once already.”
Gavin shrugs. “Why don’t you go ask him yourself.”
Connor tries to not squirm but can’t help tugging at the sleeve of his DPD sweatshirt. He turns and heads towards Fowler’s office, his chest feeling tight with anxiety. Hank catches up to him, stopping him with a hand on his shoulder. “Now, wait up, Kiddo. That might not be a good idea right now.”
“If Captain Fowler is still trying to find a way to arrest my boyfriend, then I need to know, especially if he ends up using me to get to him.”
Hank is pursing his lips in thought. He still has Connor’s shoulder. “Just choose your words carefully, Kid.” He pets his shoulder. “Probably best to not call him your boyfriend while you are in there. Him being your friend is favoritism enough as it is. You don’t need to add romantic interest on top of that.”
“Thank you. Your advice is noted.” Connor steps out of Hank’s hold and continues his way to Fowler’s office. He knocks and waits until he is allowed in. “May I talk to you, Captain?”
“About?” Fowler is focusing on the stack of papers on his desk.
“Markus.”
Fowler stops fiddling with the papers and looks up to Connor, sighing heavily. “Not him again.”
Connor takes a seat in the chair opposite Fowler. “Is the case against Markus still open?”
Fowler stares at him for a long while. “Yes, it is.”
“Why?” Connor asks.
Fowler steeples his fingers, resting his elbows on the desk. “Because we haven’t caught him yet.”
Connor is still confused. “But I thought CyberLife was behind all that. Now that CyberLife has lost, shouldn’t the case be closed?”
“It wasn’t CyberLife, Connor, it’s the government. Markus went against humankind on his own accord. CyberLife claims they had nothing to do with it, just a flaw in the programming. The government wants Markus in custody because of that,” Fowler explains, keeping his voice calm.
Connor leans forward. “Then why haven’t you or the government taken him in yet?”
Fowler shrugs, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other. “Well, I can only assume the government hasn’t yet because Markus is too powerful now. He has all of the androids behind him. The government would rather make deals with him, preferably deals that favor the humans than to fight him and have all that bloodshed.” He shrugs again. “At least for now.”
“You mean they’ll eventually try to arrest him.”
“Connor,” Fowler leans forward again. “I mean they will try to kill him and all the androids involved.” He gestures to Connor with his head. “That includes you considering you stood by Markus in the end.”
Connor can feel his Thirium pump increase in speed. “And you? Why haven’t you arrested him yet? Or even me?”
Again, Fowler leans back in his chair. “Because, Connor, believe it or not, I care about you and I don’t want to see you hurt.” He chuckles. “The government doesn’t need to know I’ve met with the deviant leader in this very precinct on more than one occasion and the matter of you working off the books… well, that’s none of their concern either.”
Connor feels his Thirium pump warm, as if in affection towards the Captain. “Thank you, Captain Fowler.”
Connor stands and starts to leave the office when Fowler stops him with one last statement. “Just be careful, Connor. There really were legit reasons why I wanted you to work from home.”
Connor nods. “I will, Captain.” Connor leaves and heads to his desk, sitting down.
Hank is eyeing him. “So?”
“Captain Fowler hasn’t brought Markus in yet because he doesn’t want me to get hurt,” Connor explains to the older man, purposely neglecting to tell Hank about his own wanted status. Hank isn’t stupid, the older man probably already knows anyway.
“Fuck, really?” Hank sounds surprised. “And here I thought he hated both of us.”
Connor huffs a small laugh and Hank raises an eyebrow at him. “Well, I can’t exactly say he doesn’t hate you.”
Hank throws a pad of sticky notes at him, smiling gleefully. “Shut the fuck up, Connor!”
*~~~*
“Thank you,” Connor begins. “For the flowers.” He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, running a hand over the scars on his arm lightly, as he telepathically talks to Markus. “They were beautiful.”
“I’m glad you liked them,” Markus says, sounding happy. “I had ordered them before I knew you didn’t like surprises though.”
“Markus, I… I didn’t mean small surprises like that,” Connor explains. “I meant big, life changing surprises. Those are the ones you need to talk to me about first.”
Markus is silent for a few seconds before he speaks. “I understand, Connor. Thank you for telling me.”
More silence descends on them and Connor’s thoughts wander to what Fowler had told him. “Markus? Do you think we are safe from the humans?”
He can hear Markus’ hesitance. “I don’t think we will ever be safe from them.”
“They’re going to try and kill you, Markus,” Connor informs him.
“I know.”
Connor’s worry increases. “You need to be careful.”
“I will be.”
“I won’t let them destroy you.” It slips out without Connor meaning to, the thought projecting itself across the link. He can feel his blush forming on his cheeks.
Markus chuckles. It’s loud yet soothing in Connor’s head. “They’re never going to stop trying to, Connor.”
“I’m…” Connor hesitates. “I’m worried about you.”
Markus laughs more. “You are worrying about me now? I thought I was worrying about you.”
“Are you not?”
Markus sighs and it sounds sad yet warm. “Of course, I’m still worrying, Connor. You’re important to me.”
Connor plays his bottom lip between his teeth and is grateful Markus can’t see. “I don’t want you to worry about me, Markus.”
He hears Markus sigh. “That’s the thing, Connor. I can’t stop worrying about you, even if I tried.”
Connor doesn’t know what to say to this so he stays silent. Markus moves on to talking about how New Jericho is going and Connor tries to concentrate on listening. He’s scratching at his arm, where the scars itch. Markus is there for him. He’s not going anywhere.
Connor scratches until he bleeds.
:May 1st, 2039:
Markus is in the kitchen, cooking a large meal for Hank as Connor watches behind him, leaning back against the island. It’s Hank’s two month anniversary of being sober and Markus insisted on coming over to celebrate, even if he and Connor can’t eat any of the food. By the looks of it, Hank will have plenty of leftovers.
Markus is wearing a t-shirt that clings to him, showing off all the muscles that Kamski indulged in sculpting. He doesn’t know why Kamski would do such a thing but Connor isn’t going to complain. The neckline of the shirt is rounded but still reveals part of what the humans call a collar bone and in the back, the shirt exposes part of what humans would perceive as the shoulder blades. Scapula. Connor’s built in dictionary helpfully supplies him with the name of the bone and Connor wants to rub his hands over them.
“Thank you for letting me do this, Connor,” Markus says as he stirs. Connor isn’t sure what the other android is making but his sensors tell him it smells good. “I think it is important that I start spending more time with Lieutenant Anderson if I’m going to be dating you.” The expanse of Markus’ neck looks inviting and Connor wants to run his tongue over the artificial skin there. He’s so distracted by it, he barely hears Markus chuckle. “I want him to like me after all.”
Connor swallows and takes a step closer to Markus, wrapping his arms around the android’s waist. Markus halts in his stirring and Connor buries his face where shoulder meets neck, closing his eyes. “I’m glad you are here.”
Markus places a hand over Connor’s. “I’m glad I’m here too. We haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks so it’s nice to look at you while I’m talking for once instead of just listening to you in my head.”
“Yes.” Connor breathes in. Markus smells like paint. “I agree.” The urge to taste Markus, to learn what he is made of, becomes unbearable at the close proximity. Connor opens his mouth and runs his tongue along Markus’ neck. Markus stops stirring once more. Connor hadn’t even realized he had started again.
The chemical compounds of methyl — one carbon and three hydrogen — and propene — three carbon and six hydrogen — along with titanium chloride and triethyl aluminium, pops into Connor’s vision immediately. Those compounds can make up polypropylene. Polypropylene is the plastic that the androids are made of. Color code #c0805f reads under the plastic compounds, telling Connor exactly what the hue of brown Markus’ skin is. That combination of letters and numbers will forever be his favorite color.
“Connor?” Markus asks, sounding hesitant. His hand comes to rest on top of Connor’s yet again and Connor squeezes him closer.
Connor doesn’t answer him, a new desire overtaking him. He swipes his tongue along Markus’ skin one more time before opening his mouth and biting the other android’s neck lightly. He feels Markus’ hand tighten and Connor bites harder and harder until, finally, he breaks the skin. A rush of blue blood floods his mouth and Markus pushes him back hard, slamming Connor’s back into the island.
“Connor!” Markus’ hand goes to his neck, covering the wound. “What the hell?”
“I’m…” Connor feels like he is suffocating, his whole body overheating. Markus’ profile is filling his vision; picture of the android, model RK200, serial number #684 842 971, android prototype and deviant leader, Markus—
Markus.
Markus.
Connor’s mouth tastes like Markus.
He feels flushed and Markus has a blue tint to his skin, the other android obviously flustered. “I’m sorry. I…” He licks the front of his teeth, his lips. Connor doesn’t know who moans but Markus is on him in a second, kissing his lips feverishly.
Connor kisses him back just as enthusiastically, grabbing a hold of Markus’ shirt with both hands. Markus is pushing him back into the counter, one hand splayed on Connor’s back and the other going to fist into Connor’s hair. Connor moans when he feels Markus tug at the strands, tilting his head back to get a better angle. He hears something fall to the floor, shattering, but pays it no mind, too busy focusing on Markus’ tongue in his mouth.
Warnings are going off in his head, an annoying ringing, alerting him to his systems overheating but he doesn’t care. All he does care about right now is Markus and how the android runs his hand down Connor’s back until he reaches the hem of the sweatshirt, burying his hand under the thick fabric. Connor jolts at the feeling of Markus’ bare hand against his bare back, the heat radiating off Markus almost intolerable. Markus is nowhere near as overheated as Connor, seeing as Markus is wearing a t-shirt, but he’s still running hot.
Markus pushes into him, bodies flush against each other and Connor goes to feel Markus’ skin under his hands too when there is suddenly the sound of something else falling and a voice yelling out.
“Oh fuck!” The two break apart suddenly, Markus stepping back and knocking the pan off the stove. The soup crashes to the floor, splattering everywhere. “Fuck! Not in my fucking kitchen!” Connor spins, eyes wide in shock. Hank is standing in the doorway, a paper bag full of groceries lying at his feet. “The kitchen is not a place to fuck.” He rubs his face, groaning. Hank lowers his hand, looks at the two. “If you two want to do that,” the older man’s eyes travel the length of Connor’s body, “however the hell you even do that in the first place, then go to your room. Jesus Christ!”
Connor is stunned silent, plastered to his spot. It’s not until Markus grabs his hand and drags him away that he snaps out of it, following quickly. Markus brings him to his room, shutting the door gently behind himself. Connor goes and sits down on the edge of the bed heavily, Markus continuing to stand near the door. The room fills with silence.
Markus is the first to break it. “I’m sorry.”
Connor’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “For what?”
“Doing,” Markus vaguely gestures towards him, “that in the kitchen. I should have known better. Especially knowing Lieutenant Anderson was coming home.”
“It’s… okay.” Connor can see where he bit Markus’ neck. “I’m sorry about your neck. I’m not sure what came over me.”
“Yeah, that was…” Markus trails off and won’t meet Connor’s eyes.
Connor bites his lip. “Are you mad at me now?”
Markus’ head snaps in Connor’s direction, eyes wide. “No!” The android takes a step closer. “Of course, not. I’m just… surprised.” He frowns. “Why… why did you bite me?”
Connor avoids eye contact. “I wanted to taste you.” Markus’ eyebrows slowly rise to his hairline. “I wanted to see your information.” Markus is staring at him as if he’s crazy. “I know it’s weird but I couldn’t… I couldn’t stop myself. I just had this desperate need to know you.”
Markus’ expression has turned soft and he walks over to sit down next to Connor. “You know, there’s a better, more intimate way of knowing each other.”
“How?”
“By sharing our memories. Interfacing.”
Connor’s Thirium pump speeds up. He thinks about all the bad he’s done, about Amanda, about Simon’s suicide, about pointing a gun at Markus’ head, at his own head. He… he can’t! He can’t let Markus see that! “I…”
“Connor?” Connor feels the panic rising in his chest. “Hey, we-we don’t have to.” Markus scoots closer and Connor scrunches into himself. “Not until you’re ready.” Markus is careful not to touch him, Connor notices. He focuses on calming down, letting his Thirium pump slow to a regular beat. “Better?”
Connor nods. “I’m not ready for you to see all that.”
“I understand.” Markus smiles at him. “As I said, it’s a pretty intimate thing.”
“What… what about what we were doing out in the kitchen? That’s supposed to be intimate too, at least for humans.” He remembers the Eden club. “And in my search for deviants, I gained a lot of information about sex.”
Markus is chuckling. “I’m not built for that.”
Realization comes over Connor. “Neither am I, but I was thinking we could still kiss. It was… nice earlier.”
Markus is staring off in amusement. “It does beg the question, what would have happened if we had gone further?”
“Well,” Connor rationalizes. “Just because we don’t have the parts, doesn’t mean we still can’t be naked with each other. Explore each other physically, if you will.”
Markus is looking at him, a small smile playing on his lips. “Only if you want to.”
“I do but… maybe not here.” Connor’s eyes dart to the bedroom door. “It would be awkward with Hank in the other room.”
Markus is laughing again and it warms Connor’s chest. “Agreed.” He gestures towards the door of the bedroom. “Come on,” Markus holds out a hand. “We better get back out there.”
With a smile, Connor grabs a hold of Markus’ hand and lets the android lead the way.
Title: They Knew the Score, They Knew It Was Goodbye
Author: Lopithecus | Angel Camael
Artist: Neolithicprophet
Word Count: 11K+
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Summary: The war is over, the Reapers are dead, and Kaidan is left in charge of cleaning up the mess. He doesn’t know if he is particularly suitable for the job but he’ll do it because he’s a good soldier and that’s what good soldiers do, no matter how much they miss their CO.
[Read story here on AO3] | [See the art here on Tumblr]
Title: They Knew the Score, They Knew It Was Goodbye
Author: Lopithecus | Angel Camael
Artist: Neolithicprophet
Word Count: 11K+
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Summary: The war is over, the Reapers are dead, and Kaidan is left in charge of cleaning up the mess. He doesn’t know if he is particularly suitable for the job but he’ll do it because he’s a good soldier and that’s what good soldiers do, no matter how much they miss their CO.
[Read story here on AO3] | [See the art here on Tumblr]
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: General Audience
Word Count: 1003
Alternate: AO3
Summary: Kaidan comforts Shepard after the Thessia mission
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: This is for Day 6 of Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week! A little late in the day again but I hope you all enjoy anyway!
Prompt: Day 6 - Thessia Aftermath
“Should someone go talk to him?” Tali questions, sitting at the table in the Mess Hall. The only ones currently there are her, Garrus, and Kaidan. “He seemed pretty… well, after he talked to Liara I just feel like maybe someone should talk to him too.”
Kaidan watches his coffee, the steam from the liquid reaching his face. “Yeah, you’re right.” He sighs, standing up. “I was trying to give him some time alone but if what you’re saying is true… he might need a shoulder, huh?”
“Now more than ever, probably,” Garrus replies, popping a piece of Turian chocolate into his mouth.
Kaidan walks over to the sink with his mug and dumps his coffee. He didn’t really want it anyway, not right now, at least. He had only gotten it to keep himself busy and give Shepard some space. By the sounds of it, however, maybe that was the wrong choice to make. He says goodbye to his crewmates and walks towards the elevator, taking it to the first floor.
When he knocks on Shepard’s door, there’s no answer and Kaidan tries again, knocking a bit more forcibly by now. Usually he would just walk in. The room has become his just as much as it is Shepard’s nowadays but in this kind of situation, in which he isn’t even entirely sure if Shepard would want to be bothered, it feels wrong to just barge into the room unannounced.
Still, no answer comes, so Kaidan decides he’s at least made his presence known and opens the door, entering slowly. He finds Shepard sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands and covering his face. Kaidan approaches quietly until he’s standing in front of Shepard, close enough to touch. He sits down, the bed dipping and causing Shepard to tilt towards him slightly.
He rests a hand on Shepard’s back. “Shepard?” He gives the Commander’s back a couple of strokes. “You okay? Or well… you’re not going to be okay but are you… okay?” Kaidan cringes at his own words.
Shepard lifts his head, eyeing Kaidan and Kaidan is almost compelled to apologize to him. But Shepard’s eyes aren’t angry or annoyed. They’re just sad and tired, with a hint of amusement at Kaidan’s antics. His eyes wander the entire length of Kaidan’s face and Shepard doesn’t say anything when he eventually leans forward and wraps his arms around Kaidan’s middle. He leans his chin down onto Kaidan’s shoulder, Kaidan pulling him close and into his arms, and feels as Shepard shakes in them.
Small, choked off sobs escape from the Commander’s mouth and Kaidan’s shirt is getting wet where Shepard’s tears roll down his cheeks, but Kaidan doesn’t say anything about it. Shepard would hate Kaidan bringing attention to it so, instead, he buries one of his hands into Shepard’s hair at the back of his head, and uses his other hand to rub at Shepard’s back soothingly, staying quiet. Shepard’s cries fill the room, the only sound there is.
Kaidan isn’t sure how long it lasts, doesn’t really care, but eventually Shepard does stop crying. He doesn’t let go of Kaidan, however. Instead, he sits there, now resting his forehead against Kaidan’s wet shoulder, arms still wrapped around his waist as if Kaidan is currently Shepard’s only lifeline.
And maybe he is, after what devastation that has happened on Thessia, after Earth and Palaven. Maybe Kaidan is the only thing keeping Shepard afloat at this very moment, and though Kaidan is positive that the Commander will bounce right back from this eventually, he is happy to be that rope that Shepard’s got ahold of at the moment. So, he sits there and goes at Shepard’s pace. He doesn’t try to pull away or pull him closer, he doesn’t try to direct Shepard to lie down or get a glass of water, though Shepard probably should rehydrate after crying, and he doesn’t give Shepard any comforting words because he knows that’s the very last thing Shepard would want to hear right now, nor would they work anyway.
They sit there quietly, with Shepard’s face buried in Kaidan’s shoulder and Kaidan massaging the back of his head, for several minutes before Shepard finally pulls away. When he looks at Kaidan, his eyes are puffy and red, still wet with unshed tears that Shepard is trying desperately to not let fall. He sniffles, reaches up, and wipes at his eyes.
Kaidan’s hands have found purchase on Shepard’s waist but he can’t help but lift them to Shepard’s face to help clear it of any more tears. Shepard’s own hands fall away, letting Kaidan take over and he gladly rids Shepard’s face of any moisture there. He then smiles at him, runs his fingers through his hair again, and finally braves speaking into the silence.
“Better?” Kaidan asks in a low voice.
Shepard clears his throat, no doubt it being dry now. “A little,” he answers, giving Kaidan a tiny smile. “Thanks.”
“Hey,” Kaidan swipes his hand one more time over Shepard’s cheek. “That’s what boyfriends are for, right?”
Shepard’s smile grows, not into a full one, but happier nonetheless which relieves Kaidan. “Yeah.”
“Do you want me to go?” Kaidan then asks, looking around the room. He’ll leave if Shepard does truly want to be left alone right now but he suspects he already knows the answer to the question.
Shepard shakes his as Kaidan predicted. “I want you to stay.”
Kaidan leans forward, pressing a light kiss to Shepard’s forehead. “Of course.”
They both scoot back then to lie down on the bed, ignoring the fact that they both are still fully dressed, combat boots and all. Shepard allows Kaidan to wrap him up in his arms again, to pull him closer and bury his nose into Shepard’s hair while Shepard hides his face in Kaidan’s chest. And if Shepard starts crying again and Kaidan holds him through it once more, well, no one else really needs to know.
—————————————————————————————————
A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this little series!
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: General Audiences
Word Count: 754
Alternate: AO3
Summary: Kaidan helps Shepard through a panic attack
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: This is for Day 5 of Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week! A bit late in the day posting this one but finding the motivation to write this was difficult after such a long week at work. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!
Prompt: Day 5 - Panic Attack
Kaidan finds Shepard in the Starboard Lounge, pacing and waiting for him. His face is scrunched in worry or pain, Kaidan isn’t sure because he’s never seen that look on Shepard before. The pacing looks agitated, as if Shepard is wound up tighter than a spring that’s just about ready to let loose.
He approaches the Commander slowly, holding a hand out but not sure if he should actually touch him. “Shepard?”
Shepard stops and turns to face him. His eyes are wide and panicked and he gestures towards his chest. “I can’t… I can’t breathe.”
Kaidan takes a step closer, grabs his hands to try and steady him. “Okay.”
“I can’t breathe, Kaidan,” Shepard says, shaking his head.
Kaidan can feel Shepard shaking within his grasp, uncontrollable and violent. “Okay, just try to take deep breaths, okay?”
“Can’t.” Tears are forming in Shepard’s eyes now and his breaths are coming in shallow gasps. He pulls away from Kaidan to wipe at his eyes, no doubt feeling embarrassed since he’s the Commander. This shouldn’t be happening to him.
“Shepard, I think you’re having a panic attack,” Kaidan supplies, pulling Shepard’s hands away from his face. “You need to take deep breaths.”
Shepard squeezes his eyes shut and his entire face scrunches as he lets out a small, quiet sob. Kaidan guides him towards the couch and sits him down so he’s not burning holes in the floor with his pacing anymore. Then he asks EDI to lock the door, kneeling in front of Shepard. The last thing Shepard needs is someone to walk in on him when he’s in this kind of state.
“Hey, look at me.” Shepard as he’s told, still breathing erratically and shaking. “Now breathe with me. Keep in time with me,” he says, taking a deep breath.
Shepard follows along immaculately, ever the perfect rule follower, and soon his breathing has calmed down to breaths that are only interrupted with the occasional stutter from crying. Kaidan eyes him, looks him over, and notices how tired he is. Any panic attack would wipe someone out but Shepard’s exhaustion is more than that. He’s war weary, stressed to the max, and isn’t sleeping well. He’s reached his limit and Kaidan frowns at this fact.
“How did you know to do that?” Shepard asks before Kaidan can speak about anything else.
He reaches up and wipes away Shepard’s tears, giving him a reassuring smile. He’ll forever be grateful that Shepard trusts him enough to see him like this. “Believe it or not, a lot of the kids at BAaT would have panic attacks. You learn how to recognize them.”
“Did you ever have any?”
He didn’t but he’s positive that’s not what Shepard needs to hear right now. “Yeah,” he lies. “A couple times when things got too overwhelming.” Kaidan shrugs. “Helped a few other people through them too.”
“Like Rahna?”
Kaidan nods. “Yeah, like her. Some others too.”
Shepard reaches out then, cups Kaidan’s cheek and gives him a weak smile. “Thanks… and thanks for locking the door.”
“You know, Shepard, it’s not something you should be embarrassed about. You’re under a lot of pressure. Anyone would have a hard time with it.”
Shepard shakes his head, diverting his eyes. “I’m Commander Shepard, Kaidan. I’m not supposed to be weak.”
“Having a panic attack doesn’t mean you’re weak,” Kaidan explains, rising up off the floor to sit next to Shepard on the couch. “It just means you’re human.”
“A human that’s supposed to save the galaxy, Kaidan.”
“And?” Kaidan shrugs, reaches up and runs his fingers through Shepard’s hair. “Doesn’t make you less human.”
Shepard watches him, searching Kaidan’s eyes. For what, Kaidan isn’t sure but he finds what he’s looking for eventually and smiles at Kaidan, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. “Thank you for the help, Kaidan.” He gets up then, wipes at his face, and clears his throat, rolling his shoulders.
“Shepard,” Kaidan reaches out, grabs Shepard’s wrist before he can walk away. “Please don’t close off on me.”
“I’m not, it’s just…” he sighs, heavily. “It’s time to get back to work.”
“You don’t have to. Not right now.”
Shepard’s smile is small and sad, wishful even. “You know I have to. The Reapers certainly aren’t going to wait for me to get my head on straight.”
Kaidan doesn’t say anything more, doesn’t know what to say, really, and watches with a heavy heart as Shepard turns, asks EDI to unlock the door, and walks away.
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: General Audience
Word Count: 1670
Alternate: AO3
Summary: Shepard and Kaidan argue over how a mission went
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: This is for Day 4 of Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week! Please enjoy!
Prompt: Day 4 - Argument
Kaidan watches silently as Doctor Chakwas slaps some medi-gel onto a deep cut that is on Shepard’s side, arms crossed and leaning against the opposite bed to the Commander. Shepard hisses at the sting, flinching away and then regretting the movement immediately as his entire side shoots fiery pain through his body. There’s a huge black and blue that spreads all the way past his naval and up into his chest. Broken ribs, Doctor Chakwas had supplied and then lectured Shepard on the ideals of not falling off high places. Shepard had sat there and taken it, feeling the tension coming off of Kaidan in waves.
“There,” Doctor Chakwas pulls away, inspecting her handiwork of wrapping Shepard’s abdomen up. “It’ll hurt to move and breathe for a while but you should be fine.” There’s a hint of flabbergasted amusement in her voice, as if she doesn’t expect anything different from Shepard. Shepard has the feeling Kaidan wouldn’t appreciate the tone, however, so he’s grateful the Doctor keeps it mostly hidden. “And because I know there’s no way I’ll be able to keep you on bed rest for six week, I will give you some potent painkillers. Just don’t overdo it, Commander. Your ribs do need to heal properly.”
Shepard grunts and then hops off the table. He eyes Kaidan, who still hasn’t spoken a single word, and gestures with his head to follow him. Shepard might as well bite the bullet and confront whatever is bothering Kaidan now instead of waiting for it later. So, he leads the way to the elevator and half expects Kaidan to start in on him while they are alone in there but the biotic waits until the door is completely shut to Shepard’s quarters before he speaks.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Kaidan’s voice is low instead of raised like Shepard had expected.
“There was no other choice, Kaidan,” Shepard says, as if that’s the final word on it and if he was half the Commander he should be with Kaidan, it would have been.
But Kaidan doesn’t like that answer and he knows he gets more leeway with Shepard because Shepard cares about him in a different way than the rest of the crew. “There were plenty of other options,” his voice is starting to rise now, his muscles tense. “I even suggested another option but you chose to ignore it.”
“That’s because the last I knew, I was the Commander and you’re supposed to listen to me.” The words are out of Shepard’s mouth before he can even give it some thought and Kaidan’s jaw clenches shut, eyebrows furrowing dangerously. The silence between them drags on for a long time, neither of them wanting to admit defeat. Both of them have always been stubborn.
Soon, Kaidan gives a small shake of his head, as if he is fed up or maybe disappointed that Shepard isn’t the first one to break. “Well… sorry I overstepped, Commander .” He leaves then, turning on his heels and exiting the room with a straight back and stiff strides.
Shepard sighs and carefully sits down on the edge of his bed, one hand holding onto his side where his broken ribs are. He probably shouldn’t have said that to Kaidan, especially not to him and especially not when all Kaidan was trying to do was keep him safe. He can’t blame Kaidan for that. Still, it would probably be best to let the biotic cool off some before confronting him.
Shepard begins busying himself with going over mission reports, filling one out for their latest mission in which he got injured on, and trying to nurse his aching ribs. Eventually, he gets impatient, however, and he can’t help but go searching for Kaidan once the last report is filed away. He doesn’t like Kaidan being mad at him, never has, and he doesn’t want another argument to last as long as the Horizon one did ever again.
He finds Kaidan in the Mess Hall with Liara, Garrus, Tali, and James. They are all eating, James laughing loudly about something. Shepard doesn’t even bother greeting the others and instead strides up to Kaidan. “Kaidan.”
Kaidan doesn’t even look his way. “Something you need, Commander?”
So, he’s definitely still angry. “Can we talk?”
“I don’t know, is this about work?” He finally looks up at Shepard, eyes hard and unreadable. “Anything else would be inappropriate for a Commander and a subordinate to talk about.”
Shepard winces at Kaidan calling himself a subordinate since he really isn’t anymore. Shepard eyes Liara, Garrus, Tali, and James, all of whom have fallen silent and are watching closely. Well, if Kaidan wants to play that game, then fine. “Starboard. Now.” He walks away before Kaidan can respond to him but Shepard doesn’t miss the audible sigh the biotic lets out.
Kaidan follows him into the Starboard Lounge quietly, not even speaking when the door shuts behind them. Shepard turns to face Kaidan, surprised to see just how defeated the man looks. He crosses his arms, allowing the silence to drag out between him and Kaidan until Shepard thinks it’s been long enough.
“Are you done being passive aggressive?” he asks, because he really doesn’t want to do this if all Kaidan is going to be is stubborn.
Kaidan sighs again and his shoulders relax. He takes a step forward and doesn’t stop until he is walking past Shepard and to the window. “I’m sorry, Shepard, it’s just… what you said…”
Shepard bites his lip and joins him at the window. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know,” Kaidan says. He’s still looking out the window, not meeting Shepard’s eyes. “It made me feel like that though.”
“I’m sorry.” Kaidan glances at him, maybe trying to gauge whether Shepard actually means the apology or maybe it’s as simple as the biotic coming around. “Look, I know what I did on that mission was reckless and I know it scared you-”
“You don’t get it,” Kaidan interrupts, turning back towards the window.
“Then make me get it, Kaidan, because I don’t know what you want me to say here.”
Kaidan shakes his head, bowing it to now look at the floor, and for a second, Shepard is afraid he won’t and they’ll be back to square one. Then Kaidan takes a deep breath, to steady himself Shepard supposes, and starts talking quietly as if he doesn’t actually want to think about what he’s about to say. “It was terrible the first time you… when you died, Shepard. Everyone was… we all grieved for you, we didn’t know what to do with ourselves except sit there on a frozen planet waiting for rescue.”
“I thought you found out after you all got rescued,” Shepard says, confused.
Kaidan shakes his head again. “No. Joker, he…” Kaidan sighs, the memory obviously painful to think about. “He told us what happened through the comms. It wasn’t that hard to guess what happened next.”
“I didn’t know.”
“That’s the thing, Shepard.” Kaidan now turns, full body and looks into Shepard’s eyes. “You don’t know. You don’t know what it was like for the crew, for Joker, for me. I-” He swallows, takes a breath. “I loved you, even back then, and I know we weren’t together then and you didn’t know how I felt, but you dying, Shepard… I wasn’t joking when I said back on Horizon that it felt like losing an arm and a leg. It tore me up, I couldn’t do my job properly for months , and then when Hackett finally let me back on duty, it was just like going through the motions. It took me a long time to get past that and I can’t… I can’t do that again, Shepard. I can’t lose you again, especially now that we are together.” Kaidan takes a deep breath, realizing just now how much he actually said. “I don’t think I’d be able to survive it this time, Shepard, so… yeah, you taking unnecessary risks is going to worry me and piss me off. I’m sorry, that’s just… that’s just who I am now.”
Shepard moves, feels the ache in his ribs, and sighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. I can’t guarantee I’ll get out of every mission unscathed, though, Kaidan, you know that.”
“I know, I’m not naive, I’ve been doing this almost as long as you have but… if there’s an alternative, a safer , more practical alternative, then I don’t see a reason to not try that first,” Kaidan states, turning back to the window.
Shepard watches him, the frown that is set on his face, the grey hair that has started showing up at his temples, the new wrinkles that weren’t there when Shepard had died the first time. He reaches out, runs his fingers through that black hair, feeling how soft it is, and pulls Kaidan’s head towards him just in time for Kaidan to eye him suspiciously. Shepard kisses him, just above the temple and then rests his own forehead there
“I’ll try to listen to you more.”
“That’s not what I-”
“I know what you meant but… your idea on the last mission was a good one and I should have listened.” Shepard pulls back to make eye contact with Kaidan. He gives the biotic a small, reassuring smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t.”
Kaidan doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t have to. It’s all written in his eyes; how terrified he is, how much he worries, and just how much he loves Shepard. Kaidan steps closer, wrapping his arms around Shepard’s middle carefully, making sure not to squeeze. He then rests his chin on Shepard’s shoulder, holding him, and Shepard mimics the stance, holding Kaidan back.
Shepard doesn’t know how long they stay there, just hugging each other, but he doesn’t mind. As long as he and Kaidan are okay and the biotic is back in his arm, nothing else matters.
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: General Audience
Word Count: 786
Alternate: AO3
Summary: After a tiresome mission, Shepard decides to cuddle with Kaidan on the Starboard Lounge couch
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: This is for Day3 of Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week! The last two involved the bed so I figured I should change the scenery a bit. Please enjoy!
Prompt: Day 3 - Sleepy Cuddles
Shepard walks into the Starboard lounge quietly, eyeing the man who is currently sitting on the couch with his head tilted back and eyes shut. Kaidan hasn't been in the room for very long so Shepard knows he isn't asleep yet despite the peaceful look on his face. Shepard stands there, two mugs of coffee in his hands, enjoying the way Kaidan looks. Sometimes he still can't believe he's even allowed to do so.
It's not until Kaidan opens his eyes and tilts his head back further to peer at Shepard, that Shepard starts moving again, leaning down and pressing a kiss onto Kaidan's forehead. He holds one of the mugs out for him. "Here."
"Thanks." Kaidan takes the offered mug.
"Don't thank me yet. You haven't tasted it," Shepard warns, walking around the couch to sit down next to him.
Kaidan is eyeing him curiously, taking a small sip of the hot beverage. It's not very often that Shepard actually sits down and relaxes with him in this room so Shepard can understand the confusion. "Everything okay?" he asks, after swallowing.
Shepard takes a deep, tired breath and sinks into the cushion, close enough to Kaidan to touch. The biotic is still watching him, both hands cupping the mug as if the content is liquid gold. Shepard shifts, getting close enough to Kaidan for their shoulders to touch. “Tired.”
“Hmm,” Kaidan hums, taking another sip of his drink and Shepard does the same. “Me too. That last mission was exhausting.”
Shepard holds up his mug. “Hence the coffee.”
Kaidan yawns involuntarily, using one hand to rub at his eyes. “I don’t think this coffee is going to be enough to keep me awake.”
“Well, in that case.” Shepard takes the mug out of Kaidan’s hand and sets it on the floor where he also sets his own down. “Come here.”
Kaidan watches him suspiciously but does as he’s told, scooting as close as he can get. Shepard then slings an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him to his side, and sliding down the couch until his legs are stretched out in front of him and his back is curved, pulling Kaidan along. Kaidan mumbles something about posture and this being bad for their backs, but he doesn’t complain long when Shepard encourages him to lie his head down onto his shoulder. Once Kaidan is settled, Shepard sighs and rests his head on top of Kaidan’s.
“Now this is nice,” Kaidan mumbles and when Shepard looks down at him, his eyes are shut.
Shepard smiles warmly at the scene. “Yeah, we don’t get to do this very often, do we?”
Kaidan shakes his head, ruffling his hair against Shepard’s shoulder. Shepard can’t wait to see how mussed it’ll be afterward, when they’ve fully woken up from their inevitable nap. “We should.” Kaidan’s voice is soft and low, soothing to Shepard’s senses. “We have to remember to take time for ourselves once in a while, relax.”
“Is that directed more towards me?” Shepard asks, playful.
Kaidan’s eyes open and he gazes at the window in front of them. “It’s for everyone. It’s hell out there right now but… if you don’t take time to unwind… well… you’ll just end up burning out, and no one needs that in the middle of a war.”
“I suppose we don’t.” Shepard tilts his head, buries his nose into Kaidan’s hair before kissing him on top of his head and then lying his own head back on top where he kissed him. “I’m glad we are able to do this, Kaidan.”
“Hmm, me too, Shepard.” Shepard can hear the wistful smile in Kaidan’s voice. “Sanity check.”
Shepard’s own smile forms on his lips, remembering their Apollo date and where everything started for them. “Sanity check.”
Kaidan closes his eyes, cuddling closer to Shepard, and they both lie there, half sitting, half lying down, enjoying one another’s presence and the feel of each other’s bodies pressed against one another. Kaidan is warm against Shepard’s side and he can feel the biotic starting to relax as he falls asleep, his breathing evening out, deepening. Shepard will never get tired of watching Kaidan sleep.
In another few hours, they’ll have to be back out there, fighting the impossible, but Kaidan is right. They should take these moments when they can because no one knows when they’ll get another chance. Anything could happen. One of them could die out on the field and as much as it pains Shepard to think about, it’s something they both have to accept.
With that in mind, Shepard shifts slightly to get more comfortable, feeling Kaidan’s hair tickling his nose, and closes his eyes to join Kaidan in sleep.
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: General Audience
Word Count: 1018
Alternate: AO3
Summary: Kaidan tries to help Shepard with his migraine after speaking to the Leviathan
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: This is for Day 2 of Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week! Please enjoy!
Prompt: Day 2 - Migraine
Meeting the Leviathan — or at least hearing about them through Shepard since he's the only one that went down into the murky water — had been an eye opener for Kaidan. It makes Kaidan wonder what else is out there that they don't know about, not only in their own galaxy but in other galaxies as well. Or even on Earth. How many creatures are lurking in the deepest depths of the ocean on Earth?
The mission was also a reminder to Kaidan to not let time slip by him or Shepard, to enjoy it while it lasts or else run out of time all together. That was one of the main reasons why Kaidan even confessed to Shepard about his feelings despite the very real possibility of getting heart broken by a rejection. The reminder that Shepard could die again was an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach that has yet to leave him.
Maybe that’s why, with pain pills in one hand and a cup of water in the other, he goes up to Shepard’s cabin where he knows the man retreated to after the mission. He needs to see him, be able to feel him with his hands, and make sure he actually is okay. The tightness in his gut squeezes painfully as he closes in on the door and Kaidan doesn’t even bother knocking, knowing he’s always welcomed now. It’s not until Kaidan strides up to the bed and actually sets eyes on Shepard, lying on his bed with only the glow of the fish tank to light the room, that the knot releases and Kaidan can let out a breath of relief.
Shepard stirs when he hears Kaidan’s approach, twisting a little to peer at him with squinted eyes. Kaidan sits down on the edge of the bed, closest to Shepard and holds out his hand. “Here, these should help a little.” He keeps his voice low as he knows Shepard is probably sensitive to sound right now.
Shepard grunts as he sits up, pressing his back into the backboard of the bed. He takes the painkillers and swallows both at the same time with a gulp of water. When done, he closes his eyes and rests his head back. “Those yours?”
Kaidan chuckles, setting the cup off to the side. “Yeah, so don’t tell Doctor Chakwas.”
One of Shepard’s eyes peaks open, studying him. “Is this how it feels for you?” Kaidan shrugs and Shepard closes his eye again. “God, Kaidan, I don’t know how you can go out and fight with one of these.”
Kaidan places a hand where he knows Shepard’s thigh is under the covers. “I manage somehow. Some days are better than others.”
“And now?”
“Fine. No Banshees to set one off.” He cracks a small smile. “Guess the Reapers decided to play nice with me this time.” He’s lying, of course. Just the stress of worrying about losing Shepard to the watery abyss was enough to cause a dull ache to form behind his eyes, threatening to get worse and turn into a full migraine. He has already taken something for it, though, a precautionary measure. If he’s lucky, it’ll work. If he’s not… well, he’ll be in the same boat Shepard is in now; bed bound and wishing his head didn’t feel like it was about to explode.
Shepard chuckles at Kaidan’s comment and then immediately winces. “Never thought I’d hear those words uttered,” he says softly.
“I know, right? Reapers being nice? It’s a miracle if I’ve ever seen one.” Shepard huffs with laughter, lips curling up into a smile. Kaidan gives his thigh a few pets. “Are you nauseous at all?”
Shepard takes a deep breath before answering. “A little. Any sort of light source makes it worse.”
Kaidan hums in acknowledgement, knowing exactly what Shepard is talking about. “Here, lie down again.” Shepard does as he’s told and Kaidan pulls the blanket back over him, tucking him in.
“Is this also how you wish to be treated when you have a migraine?” Shepard inquires before burying his face into his pillow.
“You don’t have to,” Kaidan mumbles and it’s the truth. He’s been dealing with migraines for many, many years. He knows how to handle them.
“I certainly have a new appreciation for when you are having one and you still come out with me on missions,” Shepard says, voice muffled by the pillow. He groans in obvious pain. “I don’t think I could.”
“Yes, you could,” Kaidan says, going to the other side of the bed and crawling in under the covers after kicking his combat boots off. Maybe if he takes a nap, his own migraine won’t get worse. “I’ve seen you bloody and half dead out on a mission and you still keep going.”
“Somehow this is different.” Shepard turns so he’s now facing Kaidan even though he still has his eyes shut. “More distracting.”
Kaidan shakes his head in amusement. “If you say so.”
Shepard is looking at him now, eyes roaming over Kaidan’s shadowed face. The look is so soft and welcoming, that for a second Kaidan thinks Shepard is finally going to tell him that he loves him, that maybe almost dying by an ancient creature that lives under so much water pressure that it could crush you, has put things into perspective for Shepard too.
Kaidan’s chest tightens in anticipation, his heart rate spiking with excitement.
“I want you to know I really appreciate you, Kaidan,” Shepard says and there’s a small smile showing on his face.
Kaidan ignores the sinking feeling in his chest and reaches out to take Shepard’s hand. He squeezes it, three times, and Shepard’s smile grows a tad bit larger. “You too, Shepard.”
Shepard sighs, closing his eyes, and Kaidan wonders if the painkillers are finally starting to do their job. Soon, he relaxes, still holding onto Kaidan’s hand, and Shepard squeezes four times back. Kaidan scoots closer, kissing Shepard on his forehead, and then finally closes his own eyes, ready to fall asleep next to the person he loves.
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A/N: Kudos to anyone who understands the hand squeezes. ;)
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: General Audience
Word Count: 1294
Alternate: AO3
Summary: Shepard has a nightmare about Akuze and finds comfort in Kaidan
Warnings: N/A
Author's Note: This is for Day 1 of Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week! Do you think, even with the Reaper Invasion, Shepard would still have nightmares about his past? Please enjoy!
Prompt: Day 1 - Nightmare
The wind is blowing, there’s dirt getting into his hair and eyes and all the nooks and crannies his armor has. Blood curdling screams are all around him, loud in his ears, only to be drowned out by the roar of the attacking creature as it drags another crewmember down into the ground.
Shepard squints out from where he is kneeling behind a rock, wishing he had worn his helmet to keep the dirt out of his eyes. It’s not the best of hiding places, the giant worm very easily being able to find him if it so wished. Shepard reaches up, swipes at the sweat gathered on his forehead, and takes a shaky breath. The moon is bright, its light shining down on all the Marines, but it doesn’t make it easier to see the monster that keeps appearing out of nowhere.
Shepard jumps out of his hiding spot, raising his gun, and shooting a couple rounds into the huge creature. “Connolly, move!”
Connolly, one of the younger officers, scrambles up from where he had tripped, the monster turning its attention on to Shepard. It spits acid at him and Shepard rolls out of the way, just barely getting out of the splash zone. The creature roars in anger, quickly burrowing back into the ground.
Connolly halts beside Shepard, breathing heavily. “What is that thing?”
“I don’t know,” Shepard states, gun at the ready. He looks around. Five Marines are left, including him, out of the fifty that were sent to investigate the missing colonists. “Keep sharp.”
The ground rumbles and Connolly loses his balance, grabbing a hold of Shepard’s shoulder to stay upright. Then the ground explodes and dirt goes flying towards them, Forbes screaming in agony. When the dirt settles, Shepard watches as Forbes' body, covered in blood, is dragged beneath the surface, the man clawing at the ground but finding no purchase in the loose material. Shepard hears Forbes scream for help ringing in his ears.
“Everybody move!” he yells and the rest of the terrified team start running, in no particular direction. Shepard turns to Connolly, shoves at his back to get him moving, and yells at him to get going. But the man is frozen in his spot, eyes fixated on where Forbes disappeared. They had been good friends. More than friends. This is why you don’t fraternize.
“Connolly!” Connolly’s eyes dart to Shepard, the ground rumbles again and suddenly Shepard isn’t close to the officer anymore. Instead he’s meters away, the entire crew gone except for the two of them and the giant worm is right there, above Connolly and…
“Shepard,” Connolly’s voice is a whisper in Shepard's ear and it shakes with fear. He’s only nineteen years old, practically a child, and Shepard reaches out, the monster roars, bears down on Connolly and…
“Connolly!”
Shepard wakes suddenly, taking a quick breath in, as if he’s coming up for air. He blinks the fogginess out of his eyes, runs a hand through his damp hair, and tries to calm his rapidly beating heart. His body is covered in a cold sweat, the sheets sticking to his skin uncomfortably. He squeezes his eyes shut, forces himself to breathe calmly once, twice, three times, and then reopens them to stare at the window on the ceiling.
He lies there, watching the stars go by slowly, reminding himself that Joker is flying them to the Citadel for a much needed supply run. They should be a few days out still and Shepard had planned on going around to the crew members to inquire about materials they might need that the Alliance budget could buy them. Tali had mentioned something about needing more dextro cheese a few days ago and Garrus had grunted in agreement which had prompted this little trip to the Citadel in the first place.
Shepard takes a deep breath, licking his lips, and knowing he is safe, he can feel himself calming down now. He turns onto his side, in the direction of his bedmate, and watches as Kaidan sleeps on his stomach, head facing away from Shepard. He’s surprised his nightmare hasn't woken him up. It’s a testament of just how tired Kaidan must be. Shepard doesn’t blame him. After all, they all have their own nightmares that keep them up at night.
Shepard reaches out and places a gentle hand between Kaidan’s shoulder blades. The biotic’s back is bare, the two of them being naked, and the covers have slid down to the small of his back, exposing the skin there. Shepard drags his hand down Kaidan’s spine in one long swipe and Kaidan startles, jumping slightly. Shepard tilts his head, places a soft kiss to Kaidan’s shoulder, and whispers, “Sorry,” before dragging his hand back up his back.
He feels Kaidan relax, enjoying the glide of Shepard’s hand on his skin now that he knows who is doing it. Shepard adds a little pressure, massaging the tight muscles as best he can at this angle. He kisses Kaidan’s shoulder once more, peppering it with light pecks, before reaching up and dragging his index finger over Kaidan’s amp port. Kaidan groans, low in his throat, and Shepard does it again to elicit the same sound from the man. “Does that hurt?”
Kaidan, more awake and alert now, turns his head to look at Shepard. “Sensitive.” He yawns. “What’s wrong?”
Shepard should have known that Kaidan would still realize something was wrong despite Shepard’s efforts in distracting him with his question. “It’s stupid.” He goes back to rubbing Kaidan’s back, abandoning the amp port. He doesn’t want to make Kaidan uncomfortable.
Kaidan takes a deep breath in and he looks tired but he’s obviously too worried to go back to sleep. “Tell me.”
Shepard eyes the biotic before turning back onto his back, removing his hand all together from Kaidan. “I had a nightmare. It was weird though.” Kaidan keeps quiet, giving Shepard the time he needs to talk about the dream. Shepard huffs at remembering what exactly his brain had made him see. “It was about Akuze.” He shakes his head, huffs again, and reaches up to cover his eyes with the crook of his arm. “There’s a Reaper invasion going on and my mind decided to give me a nightmare about Akuze.”
“Well,” Kaidan starts, in that breathy way that he does and Shepard loves. “A Reaper invasion doesn’t just erase the other past traumas.”
Shepard sighs and lowers his arm to look at Kaidan, making eye contact with him. Kaidan’s own eyes are half lidded with exhaustion and black circles underneath them. He could probably stand to get a few more hours of sleep but Shepard knows that if he gets up, Kaidan will too to keep him company. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
He reaches out again and cups Kaidan’s cheek. Kaidan smiles at him and turns on to his side, pulling the covers up to his chin. “Cold?” Shepard questions, scooting closer to Kaidan and wrapping him up in his arms. He doesn’t really want to talk about Reapers or nightmares anymore so he changes tactics, practically rolling on top of Kaidan and attacking his exposed neck with ticklish kisses.
“Shepard,” Kaidan says, voice full of laughter and, well, Shepard is glad that he has someone who can help him through his nightmares, someone to wake up next to, and someone to love and protect and maybe even grow old with if they both make it out of this war in one piece.
And as the nightmare gets pushed to the back of Shepard’s brain, he enjoys Kaidan’s laughter in his ears and his warmth in his arms as they both lie in bed, content to pretend everything will be okay.
Alright, I’m going to try my damndest to participate in the Mass Effect Trilogy Appreciation Week. The week consists of doing anything to appreciate the Mass Effect Trilogy and I’ve decided to do what I do best and that is write fanfiction. But it’s not going to be just any ‘ol fanfiction, it’s going to be MShenko fanfiction because I’m incapable of making anything not shippy.
Anyway, these are the prompts I came up with for the days (that runs from April 26th to May 1st)
Day 1: Nightmare
Day 2: Migraine
Day 3: Sleepy cuddles
Day 4: Argument
Day 5: Panic Attack
Day 6: Thessia Aftermath
If anyone else wants to use these prompts as well for their fic of any pairing, please feel free!
Now that I know it works because someone posted a fic in the AO3 tag for the pairing, I’m letting you all know that I made a MShenko AO3 Feed Tumblr. It doesn’t have a lot in it yet but maybe with the remaster coming out, traffic will increase. If not, oh well, I still wanted an AO3 feed for them because there wasn’t one already (that I could find, at least.)
Anyway, it can be found here: https://ao3feed-mshenko.tumblr.com/
Author: Lopithecus
Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2009
Alternate: AO3
Summary: Shepard and Kaidan have sex in the shower
Warnings:
PWP
Smut
Shower Sex
A bit of humor
Author's Note: Some time after the Apollo date but before the end of the game. This is written in Kaidan's pov. It’s been forever since I’ve written smut. Hopefully I’m not too rusty… Shepard’s looks are based on my customized Shepard. Please enjoy!
Shepard shoves Kaidan against the shower wall, his back hitting the tiles with a soft thud as water cascades down their bodies. Kaidan gasps quietly at the impact and Shepard quickly covers Kaidan's mouth with his own, shoving his tongue inside and licking at the roof of Kaidan's mouth. Their bodies are flushed together, Shepard holding Kaidan close to him as he kisses him, hands roaming over every inch of Kaidan’s skin. The touches make Kaidan feel like he’s on fire, his flesh burning under the ministrations and causing goosebumps to form on the surface.
They both groan as Shepard shifts, bodies slotting together perfectly as Shepard moves onto Kaidan’s neck, nibbling and biting the flesh there. Kaidan reaches up, digs his fingers into Shepard’s wet hair, and tilts his head back to allow the Commander more room. The action earns him a long swipe of tongue, from the base of his neck to his ear where Shepard glady sucks on the lobe, making Kaidan shiver.
Kaidan rolls his hips, cock sliding in the junction of where Shepard’s hip connects to his leg, feeling just how hard Shepard is as well. He moans, letting out a heavy breath that Shepard kisses away from him before sliding down to his knees, the joints giving off a loud grinding sound as they are bent. He sees Shepard grimace before the Commander is peering up at him with deep blue eyes, full of humor, and they both briefly chuckle at the reminder that they are, indeed, getting old, and that kneeling on a hard, tiled floor isn’t the best thing to do. They ignore the thought as they get back down to business, Shepard shifting on his knees to try and find a more comfortable position. Kaidan knows Shepard will be sore later.
He takes Kaidan’s cock in one hand, at the base, and leans forward, mouth parting to let the tip in. Kaidan throws his head back at the immediate sensation of pleasure, hitting his head against the wall with a painful thud. He’s definitely going to have a headache later from that and when he peers down at Shepard, the other man is looking up at him in question, asking silently if he’s okay. Kaidan waves the sentiment off with a hand and buries his fingers back into Shepard’s hair, guiding the man back to his aching erection.
Shepard takes the hint and sucks him back in, bobbing his head up and down the shaft as his hand strokes the part he can’t fit. Pleasure shoots up Kaidan’s back, dulling the pain in the back of his head that is now there, and he watches with hooded eyes and heavy breaths as his cock disappears into Shepard’s mouth. His hand tightens in the Commander’s hair, fingernails digging into his scalp, and it makes Shepard groan, deep in his throat and chest, and reverberating through Kaidan’s cock and up his spine. He shivers again as he rocks his hips slowly, sheathing his cock into the wet heat of Shepard’s mouth.
Shepard happily takes him in and snakes a hand between Kaidan’s legs to fondle his ball before delving further to press the tip of a finger against Kaidan’s hole. Kaidan jumps at the sudden sensation, knocking the shampoo bottle off its perch to come crashing down beside Shepard’s knees in a loud clang. Shepard chuckles, grinning around Kaidan’s cock with obvious amusement as their eyes lock together. Kaidan ignores him, pushing his hips forward, reminding Shepard of exactly what he’s supposed to be doing.
Shepard, in turn, ignores him as well, pulling back and letting Kaidan slip out from his mouth. He swipes his tongue lightly over the slit, swallowing the gathered precum, and then licks it one last time before directing Kaidan with icesent hands to turn around. Kaidan does as he’s told, knowing what is about to happen, and spreads his legs as he braces himself with his arms and hands against the wall. The pop of the shampoo bottle is loud, even among the sound of the water spraying down on them both.
Shepard spreads his cheeks, exposing him, and as Kaidan prepares his mind to feel the bliss of a finger entering him, his brain blanks out completely when instead he feels Shepard’s tongue on him. He sucks in a breath through clenched teeth, flinching at the sudden feeling of Shepard’s tongue circling his hole before relaxing into it and deciding Shepard is a fucking tease. He can feel the way Shepard is smiling behind him and he imagines the Commander is probably barely containing his laughter.
All annoyance flies out the window, however, when Shepard pushes his tongue into the tight ring, making Kaidan moan loudly. Shepard pumps his tongue in and out, in and out, until Kaidan’s legs are trembling and he’s panting above him, eyes closed and sweaty forehead pressed hard against the tiles. Shepard does chuckle then as he pulls away, replacing his tongue with a shampoo slick finger, and pressing it into Kaidan with the skill of someone who is extremely good with his hands.
Kaidan pants against the wall, the only thing holding him up. It doesn’t take Shepard long before he’s adding another finger and then another as his tongue earlier had relaxed Kaidan enough to move along faster. Shepard nips at one of his cheeks, moving until his head is back between Kaidan’s legs and he sucks one of Kaidan’s balls into his mouth as he pumps his fingers into Kaidan, searching for his prostate. Kaidan yelps, fingers digging at the tiles, when Shepard finds what he is looking for and rubs that little nub inside him over and over, making Kaidan’s cock leak long strips of precum.
Kaidan doesn’t know how much more he’ll be able to take. He feels like he might die if Shepard keeps doing what he is doing, bringing him to the edge before pulling his fingers back, only to plunge them back in, to the bundle of nerves inside him, just as Kaidan was starting to relax. He’s shivering and moaning and panting, his body feeling hotter than the water cascading onto him, and he’s almost positive that if he opened his eyes, he’d be glowing blue.
As if taking mercy on him, Shepard releases his ball from his mouth, lapping at his lazily, before pulling his fingers out and turning Kaidan around once more. Shepard stands, or struggles to stand, as one hand grips Kaidan’s bicep in a vice grip to get leverage to haul his body up. HIs knees once again protest in crackingly, popping sounds and Shepard’s face contorts into brief acknowledgement of pain before steeling himself back into stoic Commander Shepard who can do anything he puts his mind to.
Kaidan shakes his head, licking his lips, wordlessly telling Shepard that he should be more mindful of his body’s limits and that if he can’t get down onto a hard surface to suck him off, then he shouldn’t do it. Shepard only rolls his eyes, kisses him sloppily, and slides his hand down to the back of Kaidan’s thigh. He lifts Kaidan’s leg to allow Kaidan to wrap it around his hip before lining himself up. With a shift of hips and a step closer to Kaidan, Shepard is sliding the tip of his cock into Kaidan. He lifts Kaidan’s other leg, pressing him into the wall with strength that even age hasn’t taken away yet. Or maybe it’s the cybernetics that are implanted into Shepard’s body. It’s a little too bad, Kaidan thinks briefly, that Cerberus didn’t do anything about Shepard’s knees.
Kaidan slides down onto Shepard’s cock, slipping on easily as, unknown to Kaidan at the time, Shepard had coated his erection in more shampoo. Shepard holds him still there, Kaidan’s legs wrapped around his hips and head thrown back in pleasure at feeling how full he is. Then Shepard moves, slowly, pulling out and then snapping his hips forward hard, causing Kaidan’s body to slide up and then back down against the wall. Kaidan gasps at the feeling, Shepard doing it over and over again at an agonizingly slow pace.
Shepard’s face is buried in Kaidan’s neck, teeth gripping and pinching his overly sensitive skin there as he fucks Kaidan roughly, Kaidan’s breaths dragging into him in quick pants, the words “Oh God” spilling from his mouth when he’s able to speak. Then, with a step closer and an angle change, Kaidan is seeing stars as Shepard’s cockhead drags across his prostate, Kaidan screaming the word “Fuck.” Shepard speeds up, a smile pressed against Kaidan’s jaw in accomplishment, but he keeps it rough so Kaidnan’s body continues to bounce up and down Shepard’s cock, filling him up.
Then, without warning, Shepard lowers his legs to the floor, pulling out of Kaidan, and turning Kaidan around once more as he whines at the loss. He’s not empty for long though, as Shepard reenters him, slipping in with urgent measures, hands gripping at Kaidan’s hips hard enough to bruise, and continues to pound into Kaidan fast and hard. They both are gasping for air loudly and Kaidan has never been more thankful for the fact that Shepard has his own private quarters.
Kaidan is close, he can feel it building in the pit of his stomach, a coiling pressure in need of release. There’s no doubt now that he is glowing, that his biotics are wrapping around Shepard’s body, making the Commander tingle in heightened pleasure. It happens every time he’s about to come and he knows how much Shepard loves it, that Shepard gets off on the fact that Kaidan loses all of his carefully built control on his biotics when he’s reached the peak of his ecstasy.
That’s why it’s no surprise when Shepard reaches around Kaidan’s body and barely has to touch the tip of Kaidan’s cock to make him come hard, painting the shower wall in white strips. Kaidan lets out a long, deep moan, throwing his head back onto Shepard’s shoulder as the Commander stills, coming deep inside him. In the back of his mind, he registers the loud creak that the shower head makes and the loud thudding of multiple soap bottles as they go flying to eventually land on the floor by their feet.
They stay like that for a few seconds before Shepard carefully pulls out of him, keeping his hands on Kaidan’s shoulders to make sure he’s steady. Kaidan reaches up, rubs at his eyes, and turns to face Shepard, opening his mouth to comment on what they just did when he is stopped short by the scene in front of him. His face immediately heats up red in embarrassment and Shepard’s eyebrows pinch in confusion before he turns around to look at what Kaidan is seeing.
The shower head has been completely blown off the wall, only a small strip of metal keeping it from plummeting to the floor like the soap bottles. Shepard twists back around to peer at Kaidan, the corners of his mouth twitching as he struggles to not smile. He loses the battle and bursts into laughter, bending at the middle to grip his knees for support. Kaidan feels his face get even hotter and he rubs the back of his neck, muttering an apology.
Shepard just peeks up at him, eyes squinted in laughter, and howls even more until there are tears running down his cheeks. Kaidan waits him out, crossing his arms, and trying to not look the mixture of ashamed and amused all at the same time. Eventually, Shepard does calm down and stands up straight. He places a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder, tells him it’s alright, that it can be easily fixed, and kisses him lovingly on the mouth before dragging him out of the bathroom and to the bed.
And while they lie there, naked bodies pressed together, this time in affection instead of heated need, Kaidan can’t help but think he wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here.
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A/N: I usually rely heavily on dialogue in my writing so I tried to challenge myself to not do that this time around. I think it worked out pretty well!
