The universe works in mysterious ways
Ao3 link
Prompts: "Many theories have been suggested on the matter of Danny Phantom's ghostly obsession: fights, attention, heroism… even protection. They're all wrong. Danny Phantom wants to go to space. (PR384)" @poisonouscephalopod and Danny giving or receiving comfort from Clockwork. (PR314) @kiinotasha
The portal activates and for a moment Danny sees a green void filled with billions of stars and planets. For a moment he sees the universe in its full glory and it's beautiful. Mesmerizing. And then the void collides with him, tearing him apart. It is the worst pain he’s ever experienced, molecule by molecule of his body, his essence, being destroyed and then put back together. Yet, even as it destroys him the void twirls around him, soothing him, seeping into him. Danny dies with the universe in his lungs, drowning in it. And for a moment he and the universe is one.
Except, he didn’t die. Not really. Not fully.
The portal spits him out, right into the waiting arms of his crying and screaming friends. They fuss over him and in a moment Danny will turn to them, feeling guilty for scaring them so, and grateful to have them by his side, to have returned to them. But for now, his green eyes glittering with thousands of stars are fixed on the portal. On the space between two worlds. Both. Neither. On the space he, for just a fraction of a second, felt at home in. Felt like one with.
And the green void glittering with stars stares back. Ancient. Patient. Waiting.
🌟🌌🌟
Ghosts start appearing. Starts coming through the portal he opened (the portal he hasn’t dared return to because every time he thinks about it all he wants to do is crawl back into that green void). It's his fault. People are getting hurt because of him. His friends are getting hurt because of him. And he has powers. All superhero media says that with great power comes great responsibility. He has powers and thus it is his responsibility to stand up and take the hits for the sake of others.
And so he does. And it feels good. It does.
He’s helping people. He’s a good person. He’s still human, still good, despite what his parents say about Phantom, about all ghosts. He’s good.
(Why does it feel like he’s trying to convince himself?)
So Danny fights all of the ghosts that come through the portal. He fights and he bleeds and his grades plummets. He sees his dream to become an astronaut slip through his bruised fingers and he tells himself that he doesn't care. This is what he should be doing. This is good, this is what he wants to do. Protect people. Help people. Be the town hero. All kids want to be a hero, right?
He fights and he bleeds and he protects. And along the way he learns about ghosts. About Obsessions. His friends think his Obsession must be with protection. Surely they are right. He feels awful when someone gets hurt, filled with so much guilt it eats at him. Yes, of course he has a protection Obsession, it makes sense. He is a hero who helps people.
(Forget about the stars, about the universe, he can’t reach it anyway.)
It takes him months, but Danny dares to go back into the ghost zone. Passing through the portal should be terrifying - Jazz had told him a lot about trauma and PTSD and triggers, and the place he died should be the greatest trigger of them all, right? - but instead he wants to stay in that in-between forever, and that’s what scares him most. He fights it, because that’s what a hero is supposed to do. Fight the temptations to do what is right.
The fights get harder. He goes to bed with broken bones and his skin stitched together by Sam’s hands - hers are the steadiest. She and Tucker are worried, but they are also so proud of him, so proud to be friends with such a great hero. He smiles through the pain and yells out puns during fights so he won't scream out in pain. He’s a hero. This is what heroes do.
Danny Phantom is a hero and heroes sacrifice themselves for others. No matter what.
That’s why nothing terrifies him more than his evil future self. Nothing else has scared him so much. Not even fighting the Ghost King, certain as he was then that he would die. Because Danny is supposed to be a hero, and yet here he is, destroying the world. Ripping it apart.
Danny is victorious in the end, because heroes have to be victorious, though he almost loses anything anyhow. But an Ancient ghost that feels dangerously familiar - dangerously like home - steps in on his behalf and saves his family and friends. Danny can continue to be the hero he is supposed to be.
Danny Phantom is a hero. Danny Phantom protects people. That’s the reason he’s here. That’s the reason he continues to exist.
But …
🌟🌌🌟
It's a night without clouds. The night sky is infinite above him. Endless.
It’s a rare calm night. No ghosts are out to cause trouble. And Danny can just be. No fighting, no one he needs to protect.
And so, he floats hundreds of feet into the air. So high up that if anyone spotted him they’d think he’s just another twinkling star in the sky. A part of the night sky. A part of the universe.
Danny floats on his back, green eyes glittering with flecks of white fixated on the sky above him. His glowing freckles have changed to match the constellations above him and his black suit is glittering with stardust. He floats there, transfixed with the sight above him. In his chest his icy core - colder than ice, cold as absolute zero - hums in happiness. He is content here.
Here there is no one to fight, no one to protect. Just him and the endless void.
This is where I’m supposed to be, he thinks as a surge of contentedness spreads through him. And up here, alone, he allows himself to indulge in this thought. Normally he’d push it down, overcome with guilt at the very thought of abandoning his town, his people, for this. But there is no one else here but him. No one to remind him, to make him feel bad for wanting this. For craving this.
Just him and the universe.
Ancient. Patient. Waiting.
Without his permission a tear slips down his face. It had just … been so long since he could do this last. When he was younger, before all the ghost bullshit had started, he would sneak out onto the roof at least once a week, sometimes more, to watch the stars. On day’s when his parents had been too obsessed with work to remember him and his sister, or the bullies had been extra rough, nothing had brought him as much comfort as staring up at the stars.
Since becoming a half ghost the need to stare at the stars had increased exponentially but his time to do it had diminished down to almost nothing. He didn’t have time to even sleep most nights, even less so to spend a few hours underneath the stars . And it was tearing him apart inside.
It felt like he was constantly in pain, his core tense in his chest like a small wounded animal coiled into itself to hide. The moments without pain were rare, even without any new wounds to mar his body.
There were moments like this, during calm nightly patrols when he could gaze upon the stars. There were stolen moments in the labb when his parents were away from there, when he could stare into the swirling green abyss. And then there were the times he could sneak away to Clockwork. The Ancient ghost had welcomed him into their Lair whenever he wanted to visit and … Danny was pretty certain that Long Now had slowly drifted closer to his portal. Clockwork would even pause time for him, sometimes, to allow him to rest in their tower for as long as Danny needed before his duty called him back.
Space, the portal, and Clockwork. The only things that offered his hurting core any semblance of relief, like a balm on a burn.
It just wasn’t fair! More tears started falling down his face as he let his emotions run free. He hurt and he bled over and over and over again and it only made him feel miserable. He shouldn’t feel miserable! He was doing a good thing! A heroic thing even! Danny was helping people! Protecting people! He should be happy!
Why wasn’t he happy?
A breath of icy mist escaped his mouth, but before he could tense in preparation for a fight, his core sent a wave of home safe love through his body and started to purr. Danny turned his head around and found Clockwork floating on their back next to him, their red eyes fixated on the sky above. His tears immediately stopped falling down his face at the comforting presence of the older ghost next to him. As long as they were here Danny had a safe place for as long as he needed it.
“Hello, Daniel”, they said softly and turned to smile at him. Danny’s lips twitched upwards in an answering smile without his permission. “Lovely night, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is”, Danny breathed out and drifted closer to Clockwork until their auras mingled together. The sense of comfort grew stronger, like a cloud embracing him.
“And yet you’re sad.” It was a statement, not a question, and considering who Clockwork was, they already knew the answer anyhow. Still, Danny couldn't help but protest. It was ingrained in him at this point, to always have to show a strong face.
“No, I’m fine!” He said, smiling as wide as he could. It felt stiff and unnatural on his face.
“No, you’re not.” The way they said it, as if they could see right through him into his very core - and maybe they could, it wouldn’t surprise Danny if Clockwork truly was omnipotent - cut through all his walls, all the defenses he kept up around other people. It cut right into the deep wound of pain and sadness festering inside. Before he knew it, he was crying again.
Arms closed around him and pulled him into a chest that was surprisingly warm and soft considering the pane of glass inlaid in it. His head rested right over Clockwork’s core and he could hear it purring in their chest. A wave of comfort safe loved washed over him and he relaxed into the hug. He let his tears run freely, sobbing into the older ghost’s chest.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged like this. By an adult he trusted and loved and who loved every single part of him in return - even the ugly parts he hated about himself. Not since the Accident, at least.
Clockwork hushed him and started to rock him gently from side to side. Danny’s legs morphed into a tail and he curled it around Clockwork’s waist. In turn, Clockwork hugged him tighter, their core purring louder and their aura flashing stronger with the feelings of home.
“It’s alright, I got you”, they whispered. “Let it out.”
And so Danny cried in Clockwork’s arms until no tears would come and he was exhausted, almost falling asleep against the ghost. He sniffed and rubbed his face against Clockwork’s already wet cloak. “I’m just … so tired of fighting and always getting hurt. But I shouldn’t be. It’s my Obsession, I have to protect people. So why does it hurt so much?”
“Because it’s not your Obsession”, Clockwork said calmly, as if the words hadn’t just shattered Danny’s whole worldview. He pulled back so he could look the ghost in their eyes. They stared back at him, their face calm yet serious.
“What are you talking about? O-of course it's my Obsession!”
“No, it's just what your friends thought your Obsession was and your guilt wouldn't let you examine whether it was true or not. But Daniel, my sweet starlight, you were not made to be a hero.”
Danny gaped at the ghost, stunned. He should protest. Being a hero is what he must be. What he had to be. But … Clockwork saying that wasn’t what he was supposed to be was a relief. “I’m … not?”
Clockwork smiled at him, kind and warm. They stroked his white hair back from his face. “No, starlight, you were made for much greater things than that.”
The nickname made his core jolt with happiness and he had to stop himself from nuzzling into Clockwork. This was serious, he had to concentrate on what they were saying. Something told him this moment was vital. Pivotal for the rest of his existence. “Then … what was I made for?”
Instead of answering, they looked up at the sky above them. Danny frowned, feeling inpatient, but turned to look up too. The breath was stolen from his lungs. Millions of stars. Billions, even. All looking back at him, all waiting.
Abruptly, he remembered the portal. Remembered dying all over again. Remembered drowning with the universe in his lungs, with it seeping into every molecule and becoming part of him. He and the universe as one and the same.
“Space…”, Danny whispered, the echo in his voice deeper than before, less human and more other. His core vibrated wildly in his chest, colder than absolute zero and deep, so much deeper and vaster than he had ever felt it be before. Infinite.
“Starlight”, Clockwork said, and this time their voice sounded like chiming clocks, like sand falling steadily, like atoms breaking apart and reforming. Turning green eyes filled with stars towards them, he could see that their form no longer resembled a human at all, and yet he was not scared. For why should he be scared of his Guardian, his Parent? “You could be infinite, if you only accepted it.”
“Time”, he whispered. His mind felt too vast for the body he was limited to. He could feel his form twisting and turning at the thought, trying to expand.
Clockwork’s smile was filled with love. “That’s right, Time and Space. Finally, you’re ready. My child, I’ve waited for you for so long.”
He smiled back, mouth filled with the void of space. “I’m finally home.”
