#spark talk

[yeeiguess]

I should've realised there was something going on in that little brain of mine when I discovered fandom and all my favourite characters were those who had ´X has ADHD' tags on ao3

[sparkexplosive]

Explanation of my disappearance

This explanation is so long overdue, but anyways here goes nothing. 

I had to put my dog down due to unpredictable aggression. It was becoming a risk for myself and everyone around me. I didn’t have a choice. She already has bitten my grandmother and me (November of 2018). She already has two bites on her record. 

Her aggression was sleeping ever since I adopted her. She was an aggressive puppy when we got her but with patience and love. She became the sweetest cuddle-bug who loved to show affection towards strangers and brought smiles to everyone she meets. 

It continues for the next 2 years of her life until she was attacked by a german shepherd whose owners were irresponsible. They tied the dog to a plastic chair and tried to blame me for it. My dog was unleashed who was trained to walk beside me. It was their dog who aggressively attack my dog who clearly defended herself. 

If it wasn’t for her sketchy skin. She wouldn’t have survived. It was the only thing that saves her. The German shepherd had grabbed her by the neck. My dog is a mixed breed who was short legged but strong as Doberman. She was 3ft long when she stands. She didn’t bleed however the German shepherd did which make the owner pissed. 

It wasn’t my fault that my dog defended herself. They were pinning it on me. I was emotionally stressed out, I witness my dog fighting her life. They even tried to do a lawsuit and broke property of ours. 

Ever since the incident, my dog’s tamed aggression resurface. She wasn’t aggressive towards my family who she has met previously the incident for a few months afterward. 

However it took a dark turn when my dog started having blackout episodes, I would call them like her eyes didn’t seem to be my dog with no shine in them. Just pure aggression for split seconds, before returning to herself. 

Sadly, my grandma was nearby during one of her episodes and my dog bit her harshly on her arm when I was typing an essay for my college classes. It was a terrifying sight. My dog was not acting herself for a few minutes until she turns to only whimpering at her grandma's arm. She realized what she did. 

The same month, I was bitten by my dog was saved by the jacket. I didn’t feel her teeth but the grip was so strong that I fear she would crack it. She tried to shake my arm. I had to hit her multiple times in order to release me. When she did, She tried to grab me again. 

I should have putten her down that day, but I was so emotionally stressed that I wasn’t thinking clearly. 

Everyone in my family didn’t trust her afterward, but I did. I wasn’t scared of her at all. 

However, I knew that I had to put my dog eventually deep down. The last straw was her about to attack a visitor like a rabid dog. She had to be away from that visitor. She wanted to actually harm them. 

I tried to look for alternative options of not putting her down but found none. Even professionals sadly admit it was the best option for her to be put down. 

I didn’t really have a choice, because the next time it may not just bite but a life. It was the safety of my dog and family. 

It wasn’t easy to put my dog down. I loved her dearly and had impacted my life so much that I am grateful to have her. 

I loved her as my own daughter. I raised her from 4-month-old puppy to an adult. My love for her was very deep. 

When I first saw her in the shelter. She and I have immediately that I never had felt in my life. 

It affected me greatly when I finally put her down at the vet office at the age of 2. I stay by her side to the end. 

I was depressed for weeks and slowly recovering from my loss. I am getting better by the day. 

____

But yeah, its the reason why I have been so distant on Tumblr. 

It is the reason why I haven’t been writing since then.

I have tried but they don’t look/feel right.

Sorry for this being so long. I didn’t expect it to be so long but try to understand. 

Any recommendations of fanfics

[katsuki-is-babe]

Gonna try to redo the master-list for you guys. The links broke once I changed my username. If I have enough time, I might be able to work on some requests.

[yeeiguess]

I checked when I created the word doc for my current fic WIP because I was certain it'd been like, four months since I started writing and it's been a few days over one month ?????? We love having ADHD /j

[yeeiguess]

Brushing your teeth right before lunch or in the middle of the night is better than not doing it for another two weeks, honestly

[yeeiguess]

My ships are just like-

*bright red bright blue* *dark red sky blue* *bright red soft blue* *dark blue bright orange* and then *bright green dark green* and *orange yellow* are just sitting there

[yeeiguess]

*asks for devices to help with pain*

*gets devices that help with pain*

*feel weak and undeserving*