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its a happy broccoli
Dan and Vampire!Phil Christmas AU
To: @spark-writes
Dan was anxious. It was already dark out: the sun had set hours ago, and here he was, still wandering alone around the London landing bay trying to find some stupid tech for his younger brother. His search however had so far been fruitless, and he was quickly starting to realize how unsafe it was to be outside at this hour when it was so close to the end of the month. He quickened his pace, trying desperately not to breathe. The foggy cloud leaching from his warm mouth in the cold would be a dead giveaway for the Feeders, and Dan had no desire to fight anyone off tonight.
He was nearly at the landing bay now, and he tightly gripped his tube pass. The snow around his feet didn’t help, as he was worried he would slip going at such a fast pace. If he could make it to the underground then everything would be fine. They weren't allowed on the train this late at night, and if any of them tried to make a move on him there, the Minders would lead Dan safely away.
Only about 50 meters away from the entrance now he mused to himself, jogging faster. He could see the light of the opening from here, yet he swore heard… something… trodding behind him now. Even though it was most likely another anxious Human rushing to the gates, he did not intend to stick around long enough to find out. Now only 40… 35… 30 meters…
“Hey, excuse me! Please wait!” A desperate sounding voice called from behind him. It sounded like any young man, late for the train just as Dan was, but the voice sounded slightly sticky and metallic. It was just the tiniest difference from a Human voice, but Dan knew it was one of them. They were very good at copying the real Humans, but Dan had always picked up on their small irregularities easily. Dan started to run now, but he was no match for the creature. He could hear it picking up its pace with inhumanly speed, and heard it gracefully take off from the ground. Just fucking run, idiot, Dan screamed internally as his breathing became shallow and labored as he ran faster and faster. 20 meters now… 15…
“I asked you to STOP!” It said forcefully, suddenly appearing in front of Dan so quickly that he had no time to slow down causing him run face first into it’s pale body. He felt himself land awkwardly on his back in the slushy snow outside the bay, and closed his eyes tightly refusing to look up at the being.
“P-please.” He begged weakly, losing the remaining ounce of courage he had been holding on to. “Just d-don’t hurt me.” He begged as he cautiously opened his eyes hoping to find escape. But regardless of his intents, his eyes uncontrollably raised to meet those of the figure looming over him, and he felt himself passing out quickly as he stared at the vampire’s pristine, pearly fangs. However, as his vision tunneled and he drifted into unconsciousness, Dan swore he could hear the vampire yelling concernedly, and felt him reach down, attempting, he supposed, to shake him awake.
“No I wasn’t trying to hurt you” he heard the being whisper and felt a cool hand touch his cheek as he faded into the blackness.
____________
Dan awoke slowly, unsure if what he had just witnessed was only a dream. He stretched up anxiously from under his sheets and looked around as if he was expecting to see that vampire next to him, fangs bared menacingly ready to drain the life from Dan’s neck.
However, there was no vampire to be seen, and it seemed the only one awake at this hour was Dan himself. He took inventory: everything was just as Dan had left it when he headed out to go Christmas shopping. His drawers were still half empty, and his floor was littered with the same laundry. His filming equipment was still strewn around the room, and he saw that the gifts he had purchased were laying semi-neatly in a pile by his bed frame. Could it really just have been a dream? he wondered unlocking his phone to see a 20% battery warning and a time that read 2:45am.
He was nearly about to accept that it had been a strangely real nightmare and cuddle back up in his warm sheets until he heard a creak come from the kitchen followed by and bubbly but nervous “Oopsie!” Dan stood up slowly and rummaged around in the pile of pants nearest to his bed hoping to find something to use in defense. Grabbing a folded tripod in his left hand, and the phone in his right, he slipped silently through his door, and into the hall.
The closer he got the more rummaging he heard, and the more he thought that maybe he should give up on being brave and instead just turn around and try and escape through his bedroom window. It was too late now though; he was nearly at the glass entrance to the kitchen. It couldn’t be that Feeder rummaging around in there, right? Wouldn’t he have already come for Dan’s blood by now?
Nonetheless, as Dan peered through the door, he saw the tall, pale figure from a few hours ago searching through his cereal cabinet. Filled with rage by both the kidnapping and the intrustion, Dan banged the door open screaming and waving the tripod over his head. He swiftly brought it down on the vampire’s shoulder with a satisfying crack, and stood there panting, smug, and still fuming waiting for the creature to fall down in pain.
… But nothing happen. Other than the Feeder chirping a little “ow!” and rubbing its arm, the hard thrust of the tripod had no effect. Dan meekly realizing his mistake started backing towards the wall as the vampire turned towards him slowly. As Dan met the beings blue eyes once again, he wrapped his arms tightly in front of his chest waiting silently for the being to attack him. But instead he felt himself warmly wrapped in a bear hug. “Oh thank goodness you woke up! I was worried you’d hurt yourself with that fall. It was really icy and -- oh I haven’t even introduced myself! Hey, don’t worry! It's okay to open your eyes you know…?” The Feeder whimpered, releasing Dan lightly from his grip. Dan slowly opened his eyes to see the vampire-man beaming back at him.
Suddenly realizing that he was not in any immediate danger, Dan quickly regained his confidence (as well as his anger): “Oh I don’t care who you are! Why the hell did you scare me and break into my bloody house and -” Dan looked down at the cereal the boy was gripping in his hand - “eating my fucking cereal of all things!” The being looked down in shame and quietly set the box of Crunchies on the counter.
“Listen! I really am sorry. You don’t understand at all. I didn’t mean to scare you, but when you fainted… well I couldn’t just leave you in the snow because-”
“It’d be bad for your Feeder Rating, right? Leaving a human in the snow you’d get taken in for sure, wouldn’t you… erm… what did you say your fucking name was again?!” He blurted wildly, taking another step away from whatever monster was in front of him.
“No that’s really not it at all! Oh my name’s Phil by the way. Lester. Phil Lester… but I’m getting sidetracked.” The being, erm Phil, blushed a bit running his hands through his jet-black hair before nervously resuming his plea. “Please just give me a few minutes to explain. If you’re still mad then… I don’t know… I’ll pay for all the packages you bought yesterday and buy a new box of those “Crunchies” things. Oh, and leave, of course!”
Dan considered the danger that could come from this, and knew he should call the Minders right away and get this vampire fiend reported and detained as soon as possible. Maybe it was only the fatigue from being awake at 3 in the morning, or maybe it was the innocent look Phil was giving him, but against his better judgement he hesitantly reached his hand out, tilted his head slightly, and smiled. “We can sit over in the living room” he suggested quietly, and Phil accepted Dan’s warm hand with his chilled one.
“Okay it’s a deal!”
____________
Phil took a long sip of the warm coffee that Dan had just brewed and breathed out softly and lovingly as he indulged in the sweet aroma. Dan however couldn’t bear to drink any of his coffee as he stared across the living room at the Feeder. He kept his phone firmly in hand, in case this was all a trick, but the longer Dan stared at Phil, the less he thought that was the case.
“I suppose I should start with the facts.” Phil murmured from behind the steaming mug. “Yes, I suppose so,” Dan nodded, barely able to focus on the words coming from Phil’s still slightly sticky tone. Along with this irregularity, Dan also noticed how Phil’s hands sometimes rested against his side in awkward angles, and how his chuckle sounded strangely dark at times. No matter how hard Dan tried, he couldn’t get over the thought that a vampire was sitting only meters from him.
“Well, not all vampires, or Feeders as you Normies call us, drink blood.” Dan refocused looking questioningly at the monster. Phil giggled again with that oddly bubbly yet awkward sounding laugh. “See, we really only drink blood for the sugar content as our own bodies lack it. But that sugar source doesn’t necessarily have to come from Normie blood. We can take it from smaller creatures such as birds or fish, or we can even intake sugar from other sources. LIKE COFFEE!” Phil smiled taking another sip of the drink. Despite himself, Dan laughed brightly.
“A vampire with a coffee addiction. Who would’ve thought?” He said still slightly wary that Phil would jump on him at any moment.
“It’s true!” Phil said defending himself. “Blood is really an acquired taste in this day and age… only the vampires with a really low Feeder Rating do it anymore! Last I checked my Rating was in the 90s. Dan, I promise I really am a good guy!” Dan could see that now. The Rating system was what the Humans used to decide the goodness and Humanity of the vampires that lived among them. The closer to 100, the more normal a vampire would seem. Those above around an 80 were typically pretty great people. The ones that were farther down… those were the Feeders you had to worry about…
“Maybe I’m crazy, but I believe you.” Dan said with certainty. To prove his point, he stood up from his seat, and waddled over slowly to sit next to Phil on the couch. He greeted Phil with a smile and a nod, and in return, Phil’s blushed cheeks stood out sharply against his nearly white complexion. Dan found his heart beating a little faster the closer he got to Phil, but surprisingly, his reaction wasn’t a fearful one. It was actually quite pleasant. He looked at Phil’s blue eyes again, and watched as the candles he’d lit flickered softly in the lightly colored orbs.
Dan scooted away quickly, blushing himself. What was wrong with him? What was he doing? Shaking his head lightly he resumed his discussion with Phil, still bothered by one detail of his story. “So, why did you try and stop me at the station then? We missed the train, and I bet it was really an inconvenience to get me home. Sorry about that by the way…”
“It's fine. I’m kind of used to Normies running away from me… it's happened for nearly 150 years now.” Phil paused here for a bit, and the silence tugged lightly on Dan’s heartstrings. “Regardless, you seemed nice and I’ve been pondering something for quite awhile now.”
“Go ahead. No judgement here!” Dan joked trying to lighten the mood. However, Phil continued with all seriousness.
“Well, I was bitten when I was around 25, and that was nearly 130 years ago. Other than that and my name, of course… well, I don’t really remember much else about my life. I can’t remember my family well at all anymore, or even some basic things like how to brush my teeth or how to work the clasps on a coat… So for the past few decades… I’ve kinda been wondering what this “Christmas” thing is all about. Why the indoor trees? Why all the gifts? Why so MANY TRAVELERS? I NEARLY GET HIT EVERYDAY!” Phil mumbled. “I guess what I’m asking is: why all the fuss? Is it really worth it?”
Dan had to stop himself from giggling. What a silly and adorable thing for this sweet vampire to ask. Any malicious thoughts Dan had held onto about Phil were immediately forgotten. Dan smiled over at Phil and quickly checked his phone. It was 4:30am on the morning of December 12th, which meant Dan had 12 days to show Phil everything there was to know about Christmas, and to prove to the curious vampire that Christmas was really worth it. He pulled Phil into a gentle hug before looking at him sweetly.
“Of course! Don’t be silly, I’ll show you everything… well, maybe starting in a few hours. I’m absolutely exhausted.” Dan giggled. Phil nodded seriously. Dan looked concernedly at Phil: “Do you vampires sleep?”
“Yeah, but I’m really a night owl, haha! Don’t worry though. You can get some rest, and I’ll stake out plans on the couch out here.” Phil said saluting Dan causing him to smirk and laugh heartily. But after he calmed his giggles, he reached his hand out to Phil.
“Nonsense! You can come sleep with me.”
____________
There were 12 days left until Christmas, so how had it just now occurred to Dan that he hadn’t gotten his tree set up? Over brunch he attempted to explain to Phil that decorating was a ~KeY eLemEnT~ of the Christmas holidays. “But why?!” Phil whined like a child. “I don’t understand what’s so important about another glorified houseplant, especially a fake one!”
Dan shrugged pulling out his phone trying to Google an answer. “I dunno… says something here about the Germans starting it… apparently the sparkling stars inspired the lights and shit.” Dan mumbled through bites of food. Phil groaned, still unsatisfied with Dan’s answer.
“Here, maybe after we set it up it’ll make more sense.” Dan tried, still unsure of how to explain it. Dan stood up and threw his plate in the sink before heading to a storage closet near the back of the flat. After some rummaging, he finally found the tree covered securely in trash bags with a box full of baubles and a string of lights resting close by. Dan struggled to move everything at once, but damn it all if he had to make two trips. Phil rushed over with impossible speed and took some of the load from Dan’s tired hands.
“Just thought you could use some help. Don’t want Christmas to kill you… well at least until I learn more about it!” Phil joked and Dan playful bumped his shoulder with the boxes in defense.
“Well thanks, then! Glad I’m only around for your amusement!” Dan laughed, as he set down the box in the living room, and started to untwist the seemingly endless tangle of lights.
“Well of course that’s why I keep you around!” Phil giggled as he smiled sitting down next to Dan while attempting to untangle the other end of the string. Of course it was nothing, but Dan couldn’t help but notice Phil’s feet lightly touching his as they worked together in joyful laughter. It sent a chill down his body at first as it took some adjusting to being next to Phil’s constantly cold body, but soon it felt comfortable and almost necessary that they be touching while they worked. Dan enjoyed Phil’s presence next to his body. It was very rare that someone visited him at home, and having another person there (even a half-living one) was definitely an upgrade. Phil’s presence in general made Dan’s heart flutter a little. Dan realised how much he hated being alone especially in the dreary months of winter. Phil seemed to fill that void that always crept up on him every year as the holidays approached. It was pleasant.
As they finished hanging the last colored bauble on the tree, it was already starting to get dark. “Okay Phil, this is the best part!” Dan said, reaching for Phil’s hand. The cool touch no longer scared him, but invigorated him with pleasure. He pulled Phil’s body a few steps backwards, placing him at just the right angle. “Okay, now don’t move a muscle!” Dan laughed as he rushed to turn off the lights. He slowly waltzed back over to the tree, and gracefully plugged the string of lights into the wall.
The house was alive with light. The tree sparkled in a rainbow of tinsel and baubles, and the strings of white light they had placed around the house looked almost like the same stars Dan had Googled that morning. Dan, blushing, turned around to see Phil’s expression and found him crying softly. “Is everything alright Phil?” Dan asked with worry, going to hug the shorter boy. Phil nodded quietly, still staring at the tree before looking up to smile at Dan.
“I understand. It’s beautiful.” Phil declared, not letting Dan go a bit.
____________
Christmas was fast approaching, and with only a week remaining, Dan decided (maybe a little over-ambitiously) to bake some cookies to take over to his parents place. Dan had told Phil about his family’s meetup every Christmas, and had even pondered the idea of Phil coming with him. Of course, he hadn’t told Phil about this yet. If it were to happen, he wanted it to be a surprise.
The two boys walked to the grocery store quickly, bundled up in layers to shield themselves from the chill. Phil told Dan he didn’t really need it as vampires were already always freezing, but Dan figured it was best to blend in to not cause attention. Dan didn’t have any of the necessary ingredients to make the promised cookies, so a trip had been absolutely necessary. This was the first time they had gone anywhere in public together, and Dan was afraid of what people would say if Phil was discovered. What would people think of a Feeder camping out with a Normie?
However, Phil seemed to blend in well enough in the large crowds. As they walked in the store Dan became giddy with excitement, and tugged on Phil’s jumper. “Listen, Phil. That right there is a prime example of the trash they play for about a month before Christmas. Ah, the infamous Christmas music has once again become unavoidable!”
Phil frowned. “Oh hush Dan! This song is actually really nice! What’s it called? Who sings it?”
“This, my friend is ‘All I Want for Christmas’ by Mariah Carey: the queen of Christmas music royalties!” He laughed. Phil pushed him lightly, and kept humming the tune as they wandered through the aisles. The shopping went surprisingly quickly even with the lines, and they managed to make it home without any trouble. Almost…
“Ugh, how disturbing!” Dan heard a woman around 30 mumble. From a distance, he could see she was holding a young child close to her, and he saw her glancing over at him and Phil. “I can’t believe they still let Feeders out during the daytime.” she said passively. Dan clenched his fist about ready to go over there and teach that woman a lesson, but then he felt Phil rest a hand on his shoulder.
“It’s not worth it, Dan. Please don’t worry. We’re nearly back at the apartments anyway, and people are entitled to their opinions, no matter how cruel.” Dan, still fuming, turned around to see the face of a man who was absolutely defeated. He could tell Phil had gone through this many times before and that trying to do anything about the situation would probably just make things worse. So instead, he grabbed Phil’s hand giving it a tight squeeze marching both of them triumphantly back to their apartment.
“Come on, Phil.” He said, raising his voice a few levels. “Let’s get out of here. We have Christmas cookies to make!” He felt Phil squeeze his hand back, and heard him whisper a soft ‘thank you’ through a smile.
____________
It was now only a day before Christmas and Dan had managed to procrastinate packing for his parent’s yet again. As he violently tried to shove his things into the bag, he checked it over again to make sure he hadn’t accidently grouped the two train tickets into the jumble of clothing. He smiled in relief seeing them still laying on the bed where he had left them.
“Dan, have you seen that nice shirt of mine that we bought? I swore I left it in the bathroom…” Phil mumbled as he walked into the bedroom half naked, only covered by a few towels around his waist, head, and neck. Dan smiled involuntarily at the presence of the vampire, and giggled as he threw him the shirt laying on the dresser.
“You left it in here, you twat!” Dan said rolling his eyes with mock sarcasm. Catching, the shirt, Phil smiled half-heartedly before thanking Dan softly and going to change. Dan looked after him concernedly. Something was wrong, but he didn’t quite know what. Maybe Phil didn’t really want to go with him to his parents’ after all. He had, in fact, kinda forced it on him…
Dan hurriedly zipped up the case, and grabbed all his gifts in tow to the living room. He quietly snuck into the room, and saw an exhausted looking Phil laying on the couch. He looked paler than normal and had his eyes closed, head nuzzled deeply into a pillow. Even though Dan thought he looked adorable all cuddle up in a ball, he knew that something was definitely not okay. He stepped in place loudly, to feign his entrance into the room. “Everything okay Phil?” He said dearly, as Phil quickly sat up pretending nothing was wrong.
“Oh yeah, of course Dan! Let’s go!” He said cheerily as he grabbed his own bag from the kitchen and the tickets from Dan’s hand. Dan shook his head knowingly, but if Phil didn’t want to bring it up, then Dan wasn’t going to pry. The two rushed out the door towards the loading bay. Although Dan wasn’t in shape, he was beating Phil to the station by a few meters. Phil was much more in shape (being a vampire and all) so it was strange he was lagging behind. As they made it to the station, it was still around a half hour before sunset, so Phil would be allowed on the train.
“Hurry Phil!” Dan said worriedly. If they missed the train, they wouldn’t be able to take another one till morning, as the Feeders weren’t allowed on night rides. Some silly rule to keep them from hurting Humans, Dan supposed. But when Dan turned around, Phil was not hurrying. Instead he was bent to the ground in pain. “Oh my God.” Dan said paling almost as much as Phil was. He dropped his packages in the middle of the loading bay, and rushed to Phil’s side. “God Phil, cut the crap and tell me what’s wrong.” Dan begged tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. He rested his hand softly on Phil’s cheek, rubbing it softly with his fingers.
“I’m low on sugars… really really low.” Phil murmured embarrassedly as tears flowed from his own eyes. “Y-you didn’t have anything sugary enough, and I knew we didn’t have time for me to stop and get a drink anywhere, and I-I thought it would be fine, but it’s not and now I feel like I’m going to die!” Phil sobbed into Dan’s chest. Dan tried to shush him softly, but Phil was having none of it. “And now I’ve ruined your trip, and I was so excited to meet your family because… well because I’ve learned that’s what Christmas is. Sure, the trees, and the music, and the food and stuff are all important, but really it's being with people you love. For you, it’s your family, Dan. I wanted that so much. I wanted to enjoy Christmas with your family, Dan. I wanted to do it… with you.”
Dan was crying by now too. He had been contemplating an idea in his head for a few minutes now trying to decide if it was worth the risks, but he realized it was: for Phil. Dan didn’t know if he cared about anyone more in his life, even though they had only known eachother for a few days. He would risk anything for Phil: even his own life. Slowly he pulled one of his arms back from Phil, and gently rolled up the sleeve before displaying his bare wrist in front of Phil’s face. Phil looked up nervously, glancing at the small crowd that had formed around them. He shook his head defiantly. “No Dan. I can’t let you do this. There are risks. You could die… or you could be stuck like me… and being undead is so much worse.” Dan only shoved his arm closer as he wiped away tears with his other jumper sleeve.
“It’s safer if it’s my arm right?” Phil nodded. “This is the only way I can keep you from getting sicker. I trust you, Phil. You’re a good vampire, no screw it, an amazing guy. You know your limits, and I hate seeing you this way… Now hurry up and do it already or we’ll miss the train!” Dan said giggling and smiling sweetly at the boy. Phil contemplated for a moment before nodding and quickly bending down to meet Dan’s arm.
It felt like nothing more than a pinch: like getting a shot at the doctor or getting blood drawn for donation. In no more than 30 seconds, it was all over, and Dan saw the color returning back into Phil’s figure. A little blood dribbled slightly down his chin and onto the new shirt they’d bought him, but none of that matter to Dan when he saw Phil’s relieved smile. Phil’s eyes looked up and met Dan’s and for only a moment it seemed like the world stopped. For a split second it was only them. The crowd was gone and all that mattered was that Phil was okay.
“Last all-accepting train #231 is heading out now, please head to the station for departure!” The intercom blared, and Dan was released from his trance. Glancing once more at Phil to make sure he was alright, he quickly pulled the other man from the floor and rushed to grab his things. The pair made it to the gate in plenty of time, and headed into their seats. They smiled softly at each other while loading their bags in an overhead compartment, and Dan rested his hand inside Phil’s. Everything would have been perfect --
-- If that lady hadn’t noticed the red stains on Phil’s shirt and the blood still dripping slowly from Dan’s wrist. “I refuse to sit on the same train as this beast!”She screamed violently reaching out to her baby to pull him away from Phil. An attendant ran to try and comfort the woman, but she refused and even threatened to call the Minders on Phil for attacking Dan. Dan, still gripping tightly to Phil’s hand tried to explain to the woman what had happened, but the closer they got, the tighter she clung to her phone and the more she threatened to get Phil taken away. The only option seemed to be for the pair to stay behind.
In her defense, the attendant did offer Dan and Phil another ticket for a morning train, and full compensation and benefits for all future travels, but it still left Dan and Phil stuck at an emptying train station. To make matters worse, they refused to let Phil leave the building since it was already past dusk. Dan used some highly profane language, but nothing seemed to change the station’s mind. After hours of arguing with official after official, the pair finally resigned the fight, and sat alone together on a bench in the empty tube station.
“You can go home if you want, Dan. Or just take a night train. I can meet you first thing in the morning.” Phil pleaded with Dan over and over, but Dan shook his head every time.
“Don’t you get it you twat?” Dan said, half seriously and half not, “I could never leave you here alone. You just mean too much to me now.” Dan smiled.
“Whatever, Danny boy!” Phil giggled. “I give up!” he said resting his head in the crook of the living boy’s neck. He rubbed Dan’s arm softly, inspecting the two pin-sized dots he had left from earlier. “I’m so sorry… It didn’t hurt too much did it?”
Dan shook his head softly. “Nah it was fine. I was just so worried about you, so maybe that reduced the pain or something.” The two sat in silence for a moment before the furious sound of ringing bells came from the tower near the bay. It was midnight. “Hey look. Merry Christmas!” Dan said sarcastically, nearly defeated. “Sorry I couldn’t make Christmas perfect for you, Phil.” He mumbled rubbing his fingers across Phil’s back.
“What are you talking about?!” Phil laughed. “It’s been perfect. I loved our little tree, and baking cookies together, and Mariah Carey is my life now!” He giggled making Dan smile a bit. “But you were the most perfect part about it. I’ve never had someone stick up for me before like you have. And saving me like that… you’re so selfless and sweet to me even after all the trouble I’ve caused you… God you’re so perfect, and I love you!” Phil declared before clamping his hands over his mouth. “Did I say love? I mean… I don’t mean love... You’re just really great and I like that you --” But Phil couldn’t finish because Dan’s lips were softly pressed against his. The kiss wasn’t long at all, but there was so much tenderness in it, that it might as well have lasted for hours. Dan slowly pulled himself away looking down at Phil whose face was currently blushing next to his own.
“Don't worry, Phil. I love you too.” Dan said, ready to face Christmas, and every day yet to come with this beautiful little vampire by his side.
if you were my girlfriend, i would try flirt with you but fk it up anyways *finger guns*
but I would secretly love it :^






