#sparkfinder

[whospeaksgnoll]

The Scheduled End

[Piotr Jabłoński] Things fall apart, the center cannot hold, etc. The assorted envoys of Hell promise the end of all things, because it’s an important part of branding, but no one in Hell is actually dedicated to the project of destroying the world. In the minds of many, they’ve already won. So there’s still a department in the sprawling bureaucracy that must be touted in the yearly company newsletter, and funds and legions must sometimes disappear in the name of Apocalypse, but no one really believes in it. Except for the Scheduled End Department itself. Starved of resources, the devils and lawyers of the SED achieve a surprising amount in Hell, due to the fact that there’s no chance for them to advance in the traditional hierarchy of the company. It would have be “reorganized” into another facet of Hell long ago if not for the fact that it’s headed by a senior partner, known by the twin theonyms GOG and MGOG. Within the department, it’s a whole other underworld. The exact manner of causing the apocalypse I will leave to your discretion, but it definitely involves weird sacrifices and breaking seals. Don’t come up with a way to stop the apocalypse after it’s already triggered. Either the players prevent it or get amazingly creative. The apocalypse itself is more straightforward. The armies of Gog and Magog, which exist on the borders of (somehow) every nation, will arrive to sack and plunder. These warriors wear strange sigils, their kit a combination of ancient and modern styles and items. They are endless and intelligent, and probably have some aggravating ability that makes the PCs roll disadvantage against them constantly. The art below isn’t really what I’m thinking of, but it feels ancient enough:

[Piotr Jabłoński] All crops will fail, old wounds will open, every natural disaster will become a weekly occurrence, and only the one country most loved by the Gods will be spared. Angels and demons will evacuate their faithful, save those needed for the civil war that’s probably going on in Hell. Only the merest fraction has any chance. Now’s a good time for the PCs to say goodbye to the people they care about, or to reflect on why there are so few people who will miss them. - Taseqtis is a material like black iron, from which the walls that keep out the armies of Gog and Magog are made. Armor of Taseqtis confers DR 5 against evil-typed creatures, and fire resistance 5, but will explode when the end-times come. Weapons of teseqtis do +1 damage against evil-typed creatures. Weapons cost an additional 1,500 gp, armor an additional 3,000.

[whospeaksgnoll]

Senior Partners

In my Pathfinder setting, Hell is a Wolfram and Hart style evil bureaucracy. “Lawyer” is the profession of most powerful NPCs from that plane. The Devil, and most evil gods of each pantheon are considered “junior partners” of the firm. Up until now, I haven’t actually tried to figure out what a senior partner of Hell would be like, because if the Devil isn’t high enough ranked to be one, then they’re probably too important to include in most stories. Still, it’s a piece of worldbuilding I’m interested in working out. There’s a few alternatives I’m currently considering.

Greater Gods

This seems like the most straightforward choice. There are more primordial forces than Satan, and they’re basically him at a higher order of magnitude. Where a junior partner is one of the leaders in corrupting a world, senior partners are evil gods drawing profane power from multiple planes or negotiating with entire pantheons. They’re colossal outsiders that do sanity damage to mere mortals, even to be looked up. Probably they’ve got crazy names like Zzanxerox the Sinuous. You can climb around on them and they have encounters inside themselves like meaty minidungeons.

Powerful NPCs

This puts more emphasis on Hell as an enterprise, that people can embark on for profoundly selfish but basically understandable reasons. These are folks who are powerful enough to kill demigods because high-level characters are the scariest thing around. Basically the PCs of some other story. Each one has some pulpy story about their rise to power, like they zombified an entire plane or turned each of their bones into a phylactery or killed an archangel and invested the soul wisely, turning it into a fortune over the centuries on the soul market.

Bureaucrats

Doubles down on Hell as a bureaucracy. Why would the highest ranked people be the most physically powerful when their job requires excellent paperwork and leadership skills. Bearded devils with expert levels and skill focus (profession: lawyer.) Wizards who focus on maximizing workplace efficiency spells. The higher up you go, the more banal and meaningless it seems. Maybe in the deepest reaches of Hell, there’s a nice suburban getaway for Senior Partners to raise 2.5 kids and form bowling leagues.

Concepts

The Devil is a personification of evil, and in a way that’s comforting. Senior Partners aren’t about being comforting. Evil, pain, and hatred are not intrinsic or necessary. Instead, they confer in their obsidian hall, discussing how best to cause suffering across all existence. Nigh-unkillable even compared to a god, they are difficult for mortals to comprehend. Possibly not even alive in the usual way. The First Evil from Buffy is a similar sort of concept.

Grand Conspiracy

There are no senior partners.The whole top of the Hellish hierarchy, whom millions kill and die to join, is just the grandest of all grand lies. Perhaps it’s an illusion created by a council of good and neutral gods who feel opposition is required in the universe. Perhaps there’s one very stressed elf trying to bring it all down from within but, Producers-style, fails to fully fail. Perhaps it’s the burbling nightmares of a crippled demiurger, like Cthulhu beached on the shoals of existence. Maybe it’s three gnomes in a trenchcoat.

[whospeaksgnoll]

Pathfinder Monster: Bowdler

Deep in the woods, a broken-down shack sells tickets to spy vague glimpses of the Bowdler. Every day, widows and orphans crowd against the river banks to watch their loved ones, and to caution travellers against rowing across, knowing they will never return.

The Bowdler is a mockery of humanoid happiness and joviality. Appearing as a humanoid in orange formal attire and an orange cap, Bowdlers in their homes are very accommodating and, when playing crony to an evil ringleader, affably violent in the way of the gentlemen highwaymen of myth.

Bowdlers usually reproduce by inviting travellers into their homes, the peculiarities of their magic gradually making them one of them, for anyone who stays with a Bowdler becomes themselves a bowdler. However, in combat there is another method they employ, expedited, to bowdlerize their victims.

If an insignificant character becomes a Bowdler, use the stats below. If a significant character is Bowdlerized, their type becomes fey, they gain blindsight 10, get +3 natural armor, DR 2/cold iron, and the feats, spell-like abilities, and special abilities of the Bowdler. A player character is retired if they become a Bowdler. - Bowdler CR 5 NE Medium fey Init +3; Senses blind-sight 10 ft.; Perception +12 DEFENSE AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 17 (+3 Dex, +4 armor, +3 natural) hp 32 (7d6+7) Fort +4, Ref +9, Will +8 DR 2/cold iron. OFFENSE Speed 30 ft. Melee rapier +8 (1d6+4/19-20) Ranged sling +8 (1d4/x3+touch of civilization) Special Attacks bowdlerize Spell-Like Abilities (CL 7rd; concentration +10) At will—ghost sound (DC 16), accept gift (DC 16) 1/day—hideous laughter (DC 17) STATISTICS Str 14, Dex 18, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 14, Cha 16 Base Atk +6; CMB +8; CMD 22 Feats Weapon Finesse, Slashing Grace, Power Attack, Cleave Skills Acrobatics +13, Bluff +13, Perception +12, Perform (sing) +13, Sense Motive +10, Stealth +14, profession (sommelier) +6 Languages Common, others based on original form SPECIAL ABILITIES All Mad (Ex) Bowdlers are creatures touched by a peculiar form of insanity. Any attempts to read their minds or detect their thoughts automatically fail, and the caster makes a DC 25 will save or is stunned for one round. Additionally, so slippery are their minds that if, at the end of a Bowdler’s turn, they are under the effect of a charm or compulsion effect, the effect may be negated. Bowdlerize (SLA) Whenever a Bowdler successfully hits an opponent in melee, they may inflict one of the following effects. If a character falls victim to all three effects, they become a Bowdler in the next 2d6 minutes. --The Bowdler forces an orange coat on the victim. They must make a DC 15 reflex save or get -3 to hit and damage against Bowdlers. --The victim forgets their name. They must make a DC 15 will save or treat Bowdlers as allies and their allies as enemies for the purposes of effects that relate to that. This is a mechanical effect that does not change their level of hostility. --The victim’s face twists into a jovial grin. They must make a DC 15 fortitude save or their mental stats each become 12, or 14 if it is a stat they cast with. Every time they succeed on one of these checks, they get a cumulative -2 to saves to avoid Bowdlerization. Each effect lasts for ten minutes. Touch of “Civilization” (SLA) If a creature with an ongoing magical effect is hit by a Bowdler’s sling, they are targeted by a dispel magic effect with a caster level of 5.