<I hope I don’t get anything wrong about any disorders in this or say any stereotypes. I’m mostly just projecting <Though some stuff isn’t projection> with variable levels of alteration to make the projection fit the character, the only problem is that for, say, OCD, I don’t actually know if I have it as I’m not diagnosed so I may be completely wrong. The only things I do have diagnoses for are the Autism and ADHD actually, and that’s the section I don’t go into any detail on>
<Also, for the characters, everything is undiagnosed>
Rui and Tsukasa both have OCD. Their compulsions and intrusive thoughts are different though.
Tsukasa’s compulsions and intrusive thoughts are more often related to having to keep things clean, such as “If I do not wash my hands 20 times I’m going to die painfully”, and whilst he can force himself to hold off on doing the cleaning-related thing, he gets increasingly distressed the longer he waits.
Rui’s compulsions on the other hand are more in the vein of “Hm well I tapped my left pointer finger against the table, now I have to tap my right point finger against the table or else the universe will be unbalanced (bad). Hm well now I’ve tapped with my left pointer finger first right pointer finger second but not with my right pointer finger first left pointer finger second, so now I have to do that or else the universe will again be unbalanced (bad). Hm well now-”, and his intrusive thoughts are more often stuff like “Hey wouldn’t it be really screwed up if I stuck my hand in this pot of boiling water”, but occasionally he has ones where instead of the person getting harmed being himself, it is someone else.
They also both feel guilty about it.
For Tsukasa his guilt is more often of the “I know logically that I’m being excessive and wasting resources but I can’t stop it :(“, for instance, with the hand washing, he knows logically that his hands are clean after the first washing, and so when he keeps washing his hands repeatedly he feels bad about wasting water. This is also somewhat related to how, if Tsukasa accidentally drops food, he will end up in a loop of “I can’t waste food” “But it’s dirty now and I’ll get sick” “But I don’t want to waste food” “But I’ll get sick” “But-“.
Rui’s guilt is almost entirely just for the intrusive thoughts, and it is more so “No, bad, evil thing to think, evil, wrong, bad”, especially when it is a “harm someone” intrusive thought.
They also both have both autism and adhd, but that’s a more common headcanon, so I won’t go into much detail.
Gifted Rui is something I don’t have much to say about, all I will say is Rui with severe gifted kid burnout but he doesn’t recognise it as burnout Rui with severe gifted kid burnout but he doesn’t recognise it as burnout Rui with severe gifted kid burnout but he doesn’t recognise it as burnout Rui wi-
<Well, I’ll say that and “Rui who, due to finding almost every school subject easy as a kid, never learned how to problem solve questions you don’t immediately know how to do, and so ends up mentally beating himself up later in life because ‘I’m smart, I should be good at this, why don’t I understand!?’”>
Another thing, Both Rui and Tsukasa are plural. <This section is the majority of the reason I have the thing at the top about how I hope I’m not wrong about anything. Honestly I’m so unsure about this section that I completely understand if you decide to just not even answer the ask. If that ends up happening though I will send a version of this ask without this section>
Tsukasa’s plurality is definitely a dissociative disorder and thus related to his trauma.
For Rui however, due to the discourse around non-traumagenic systems, I can’t fully tell whether or not I feel like Rui’s is related to his trauma or not, as I’m honestly conflicted about the entire non-traumagenic plurality thing due to not being able to find any consensus, but I’m currently leaning more towards Rui’s plurality being <mostly> unrelated to his trauma <Though there’s probably at least some relation>, and so his plurality wouldn’t be related to a dissociative disorder.
Tsukasa doesn’t know about plurality and systems and dissociative disorders, but Rui does, and it causes Rui to feel incredibly guilty about and even deny his own plurality.
There have been times where Rui has ended up going down rabbit holes of research around dissociative disorders and systems and plurality and related things, and it just makes him feel worse and worse, as he’ll see a list of symptoms and relate to almost all of them but then he’ll remember the dissociative disorder requirement of having to have had repeated childhood trauma without being properly comforted or without being comforted at the time, and he’ll be like “Does what I’ve gone through count as trauma? Would it even be the correct type of trauma? Does it even matter, I was given comfort by my parents, so I don’t meet that part of the requirement anyway? Also this source says the trauma must occur during this developmental period, and all the things I’ve gone through that might count as trauma were after that! Even if I am a system, would it even be right for me to tell anyone? My potential trauma isn’t that bad, so I’d just be taking away attention and resources from those that need it more! Also do I actually relate to these symptoms in the first place? What if I’m misinterpreting what it means? What if I’m wrong about how I feel? What if my brain is just faking everything? I only started noticing these things after I started doing research so I must just be faking it for attention even if I literally haven’t told a single person about it and am honestly incredibly opposed to telling anyone, you can fake stuff for attention even if you really don’t want any attention for it! Faking is evil and bad and so I must be evil and bad! And also what if I do relate to these symptoms but I don’t relate to them hard enough?”. He occasionally considers non-traumagenic plurality, but due to the discourse and the lack of consensus, he always forces himself to stop thinking about that possibility.
Rui with hearing damage <This man does not wear ear protection whilst working on his robots I refuse to believe it> and an auditory processing disorder. Rui likes listening to Tsukasa speak simply because Rui can actually hear him well due to how loud Tsukasa is and how well he enunciates his words.
Whenever Rui re-listens to Cyberpunk Dead Boy, even though due to the song being made from his own feelings he knows exactly what it is about, sometimes some of the lyrics <For instance, the lyrics that roughly translate to “I never read the lyrics anyway, so just give me something catchy”> will make him feel bad, as, due to the auditory processing disorder, sometimes when listening to music he’ll stop actually listening to the lyrics due to just not understanding what’s being said. In fact multiple parts of the song will make him feel like a hypocrite. Yeah, Rui who feels like a hypocrite whenever he listens to a song born from his own feelings. Scratch that, Rui who feels like a hypocrite about almost everything he does, says, feels, or thinks.
Rui once ended up doing a ton of research on the palm oil industry for an assignment and the stuff he learned made him so sad he vowed to never eat anything with palm oil in it ever again. That screwed up his diet even worse than it already was for like a month before he ended up having to return to allowing himself to eat things that have palm oil in them simply because there were so many things that either contained or possibly contained palm oil that there weren’t enough things he could eat. He still feels guilty whenever he eats something with palm oil in it.
Rui will sometimes just switch between having hyper-empathy and hypo-empathy <He feels guilty about both>.
Rui will sometimes just straight up forget to eat until his stomach is hurting really badly, and Tsukasa will intentionally go without eating so that he has more time to train his acting skills.
Rui is atrocious at switching between “Doing stuff mode” and “Free time mode”.
Rui will sometimes bite himself when his emotions become too overwhelming. Not even just negative emotions, though he only bites hard if it is a negative emotion. With positive emotions he’ll do like a light nibble on his hand, or he’ll bite the inside of his cheek.
Tsukasa prefers hot showers <He feels cleaner after a hot shower than a cold one>, only problem is that he ends up really lightheaded and his legs go weak when he takes hot showers. He does not know why, and I, as the person projecting this onto him, don’t know why it happens to me either. It also only happens sometimes.
Tsukasa is petrified of prion diseases. Like, recurrent nightmares about them level of terrified. We can only hope he never finds out about the deer prion disease CWD apparently only being a few mutations away from being transmissible to humans.
Rui has a skin allergy to citrus. Kinda sucks citrus is in most handsoaps, eh?
Tsukasa sometimes will hallucinate an ant being on the floor near him, and Rui sometimes will hallucinate the sound of footsteps if he stays up late.
Even if Rui realises that he has an issue, he won’t try to find help, as he doesn’t want to “take” resources from people who need them more and who have less privilege.
Rui who is far too aware of bad things going on in the world for his own good.
Both Tsukasa and Rui will sometimes experience The Emotion™️. It’s certainly an emotion. It’s certainly there. What emotion is it? They certainly don’t know.
Sometimes Rui will ask Tsukasa if something he is experiencing is normal <It is not>, but it’ll be something Tsukasa also experiences, so he’ll say that it is normal cause he doesn’t realise it isn’t.
Okay yeah I’m out of things. Can I be ☆*:.｡. .｡.:*☆ anon or is that taken?
