Mission Report
Hey guys! 005 here and uh, let’s just forget that this was supposed to be turned in on the 1st of July and enjoy the end result now yes?
The prompt was “I don’t care if you’re an angel. You’re still a jerk.” I took some liberty with that, so hopefully you don’t mind, whoever requested! I also made this part of my Wings!AU universe but no need for any prior knowledge, just that people have wings but no magic whatsoever.
“Did that really just happen?” Q asked, his voice came out high-pitched from pure shock. “Did Bond really just throw the bomb down the open stairwell?”
He didn’t believe his eyes. Not even with the crystal clear footage present from the augmented camera, plus the roomful of Q-branch specialists acting as fellow witnesses, plus the ever watchful and (somewhat) unbiased account of Eve Moneypenny as she leaned over him, her eyebrows raised in an imitation of Q’s own surprise. M’s voice was an irritated crackle on the intercom, while Tanner, who was viewing the large projector screen, simply let out a tired sigh.
“Seems like it,” Moneypenny confirmed. Her tone was calm, but Q could sense her irritation from the way her glossy black wings fluttered behind her. They sent a pile of forms flying off a nearby desk, startling several of his minions. “How long did they say the timer was?”
Q quickly pulled up the relevant footage. “Thirty seconds,” he answered, as the terrorists on screen boast how it would level the entire city block while waving the device around like a drunk with a flag. Sometimes he really wondered how these people became successful criminals. “But it was designed to detonate on impact, which would mean….”
“Right about now.” Tanner supplied from the other side.
The entire room held their collective breathes as they watched Bond take down the terrorists one by one. His movements were sure and unhurried, and Q could swear he was deliberately showing off to the cameras whenever he came into view. Five seconds passed, then ten, and when a full minute had lapsed and everything was still intact save for the bad guys’ bones, the room burst into relieved and confused chatter.
“How is this possible?” Q exclaimed. His could feel his own feathers standing on ends in agitation. “He doesn’t have magic – no matter what he bloody claims – that bomb was armed and ready when it went down.”
“Could be a decoy?” Eve hazarded a guess. “Or they were bluffing.”
“Highly unlikely,” he turned back to the footage, hoping to find some kind of indication of a sleight-of-hand. Otherwise Bond would double down on his alleged otherworldly origins and no one would ever hear the end of it.
Alas, it was too late. The telltale throat-clearing came from the comms a moment later. “Mission accomplished,” Bond announced. He was hovering right above the building’s roof, the bright Tuscan sun giving his magnificently white wings a quite, for the lack of a better word, angelic glow. “Requesting evac and cleanup.”
“What the hell happened?” Q snatched up the mic on his desk. “How did you disarm the explosive without anyone ever noticing?”
Bond smiled. He spun in the air, cutting a graceful figure against the steel blue sky. “That, my dear Quartermaster, would be telling.”
“I sincerely hope that’s not what’s going into your after-action report.”
“Give me a kiss when I get back and you’ll find out?”
“I – ” Q stuttered, his face lit up to the roots of his hair. The nerve of this man. “May I remind you, that it’s an integral part of my job to analyze mission specifics and your job to report them?”
“Hmm,” Bond hummed. He pretended to ponder for a moment before letting out a shrug. “Then all I can tell you is that it’s of divine –”
“Oh for god’s sake, you are not an angel, Bond! They don’t bloody exist. You’re just-”
“Gentlemen,” M’s stern voice cut through the racket. Bond immediately straightened while Q bit back a scathing retort. “It looks to me that the targets are neutralized and the threat has been contained. If we could wrap this up sometime in the next hour, it would be most helpful.”
“Yes, sir,” they both said in unison. Bond had the decency to look chastised as he landed back on the building’s roof. Q went to his keyboard to deploy the requested units. He caught Moneypenny’s sly smile as she passed, and muttered under his breath, fully aware that the agent could still hear him through the earpiece.
“- just a colossal jerk.” he finished, and was answered by Bond’s laughter.
