#speechless au

[spookymultimedia]

Eddie was the first and kinda the only neighbor to understand or notice what was happening and that Wally was having a panic attack over it. So he quiets everyone down and supports Wally through it. As far as he knows Wally has never experienced a panic attack before. Just a really awful day for Wally. Pretty heartbreaking for Eddie to see Wally cry like that.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Rhea's Curse, Pt 5

The following day, Kara puts off visiting Lena. Their conversation from the day before weighs heavy on her heart. That she had gotten so wrapped up in spending time with Lena that she'd lost sight of the identity she was supposed to maintain leaves her uncertain, unsteady in the identities she's so carefully crafted for herself.

But the worst part-- the part that breaks Kara's heart-- is that she'd let Lena believe her best friend no longer cared about her. It's that realization that eventually leads her to bite the bullet and finally visit Lena.

It's late evening when Kara knocks on Lena's door, fiddling with her glasses as she anxiously waits. She doesn't have to wait long.

The door opens, and Lena's features open in surprise for a split second before she surges forward and envelops Kara in a fierce hug right there in the hallway.

The embrace soon turns desperate, Lena's arms tightening as she fights the tears Kara feels building in her friend's chest. Her lips move in silent apology against Kara's shoulder, repeating it over and over.

When she finally pulls away Lena's eyes glint with tears, and she sniffles pitifully as she wipes them away. Her mouth opens to speak, only to remember a moment later that her voice is gone. She begins to sign, then stops herself in frustration before lifting her finger in a signal to pause.

Miming a scribble in her hand, Lena turns away, presumably to find a notepad.

Because Kara Danvers has no reason or expectation to know the sign language Lena has worked so hard to learn.

"Lena! Lena, wait," Kara says, her voice edging on desperate. She reaches for her friend, nearly catching Lena's wrists before diverting to either side of Lena's waist to pull her back.

As much as she longs to hold her friend's hands, she refuses to take away her last means of communication. She won't silence Lena any further.

"I--" Suddenly, Kara doesn't know what to say. A million words flash through her mind: platitudes, both heartfelt and not; I've missed you; I'm sorry I didn't visit sooner. But they all evaporate before Kara can think to speak them.

All but one.

"There's--" Kara's voice breaks. She swallows thickly and tries again. "There's something I need to tell you."

The words are out of her mouth before she can think to censor them. As soon as they are, though, she feels a sense of rightness settle in her bones. She knows it's the right thing to do, even as her heart thunders with apprehension at what Lena's reaction might be.

Dive.

Cat Grant's voice echoes in her ears. With a deep breath, Kara does.

She dives.

"I'm," Kara signs silently, pressing her hand to her chest before closing it into a fist and and pushes it across her body and up towards her shoulder.

Lena blinks, as though puzzled by what the sign could mean, before it clicks that it's her own sign.

A flying S.

Even then, she doesn't seem to register what Kara is trying to say. So Kara tries again.

"I'm Supergirl," she says aloud, repeating the two signs. Unbidden tears burn at the back of her eyes, but she persists. "I'm Supergirl."

Finally, it hits. Lena's eyes widen, and her lips part in a silent gape. Her hands fall still, speechless.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Kara rambles on, fighting to keep her voice steady as tears rasp against her throat. "At first it was just about keeping my identity secret, keeping you and my friends and family safe, but then... then I was worried about what you'd think of me, if you knew. And..."

Kara's voice wobbles audibly. Her hands have given up attempts to sign, and have found purchase in the sides of Lena's sweater, clinging to her.

"I was afraid, and I-- I couldn't lose you, Lena."

Lena simply stares, her eyes wide and unblinking.

"But then I almost did," Kara continues, the words pouring from her in a deluge. "I almost lost you, and I-- I was so scared I wouldn't get you back, and...."

This time it's Kara's turn to sniffle, wiping her eyes to clear the tears from them. She looks at Lena with trepidation.

"Please say something."

For a long moment, nothing happens. Lena's expression doesn't shift except to blink, shock still plain on her face. When she finally does move, Kara expects her to draw, already loosens her grip to let her do so. But instead Lena moves closer, and pulls Kara into another firm hug.

Kara almost bursts into fresh tears as she melts into Lena's forgiveness. Her acceptance. She wraps her arms around Lena's waist and rests her head on her friend's shoulder, savoring the contact for as long as Lena will hold it.

When they finally part, Lena offers a tentative smile.

"Thank you," she signs. She then taps her temple, and brings her hand down to tap her fists one on top of the other.

Thank you for trusting me.

[spookymultimedia]

When Wally started to go back outside again he wondered if the neighbors would be disappointed that he still couldn't speak. At first they want to help Wally speak. Poppy offers Wally tea for his throat but he shakes his head. Then he confirms through yes and no questions that his throat doesn't hurt, the cause of his speech loss is in his brain. He continues to use gestures to communicate but it limits him and can struggle to express what he's trying to say. One night during a sleepover together Julie talks to Frank about how bad she feels for Wally and that she would feel miserable in his situation. They talk about it until Frank gets the idea to create communication cards for Wally. She took out construction paper and started cutting out cards to draw pictures or write small phrases. Then the next morning Eddie laminated them together and put them on a little key ring of sorts. Needless to say, Wally appreciated their help and support.

He doesn't use sign language because forming signs is just as much mental effort as speaking, which doesn't work for him.

[spookymultimedia]

After a month of not being able to speak he starts to say some words. The first time he spoke, he said hi to Barnaby. Except he said "Buh" instead and couldn't pronounce the rest of it. It startled Barnaby for a moment before saying hello back to him. He could say words, but stringing them into a cohesive sentence was difficult and took effort. He remembers how it felt to speak fluently, sure he was slow and void of tone, but it was easy to do. Now it felt impossible to speak his feelings without getting exhausted.

Sometimes he'd loose his words and only be able to make noises.

On some days he couldn't even put the words in the right order he wants and hates how stupid he sounds. Everyone else is very patient and encouraging but it felt incredibly frustrating and made him feel helpless at times.

Despite his frustrations with his skills. . .deep down he doesn't want to speak fluently again and feels overwhelmed by the thought of speaking as frequently as he used to. Maybe he actually hated all those interviews and commercials and being told what to say and how to say it and trying to force himself to use the "correct" tone.

Would he sell his voice to never go through that again? He's shocked at his own answer.

[spookymultimedia]

For awhile Wally spent time with Frank to practice his speech. Sort of like speech therapy but also nothing at all like it because Frank frankly doesn't know how to handle something like this. But Wally wants his help and all he can really do is what his best guess at help. To him it's having Wally read out loud and then try to repeat the sentence without the book. They try this for a week with very little progress and inconsistent improvement.

[spookymultimedia]

At the beginning he was left in a catatonic state after the verbal abuse. He didn't answer to anything anyone said,he just silently walked to home and stared at the wall for the rest of the evening. The next few days he didn't communicate to anyone at all he just stayed at home painting and coloring and trying to recover from the burnout he was expierencing. He let Barnaby keep him company but he wouldn't say anything and just go back to whatever he was doing after letting him in. It almost as if he's in a trance. Maybe it was. Who knows

[spookymultimedia]

While Wally was unable to communicate for the first few days after the incident, he had a depressive episode induced from his burn out.

Barnaby regularly checked in on Wally to make sure he ate something and had water and other bodily needs in general. Wally already had a tendancy to not notice when he's hungry or thirsty but without an appetite, eating felt pointless.

Instead of sleeping and doing his little "I'm sleeping" thing, he just wouldn't even try. He just lays there and stares at the ceiling with too much going through his head that he couldn't talk about even if he could speak.

[spookymultimedia]

Not to "spoil" my own AU or anything but I fully intend for Wally's speech issues to be permanent. Like he is DEEPLY traumatized from getting yelled at like that by the narrator, which has never happened before in the neighborhood. Eventually he can say words but putting them into sentences is hard. And some days he'll regress and lose his speech again for awhile. He might talk slower than he had before and struggle to use proper grammer.

The idea of the AU was imagining what a horrific situation might be for an autistic character. It's also just me imagining how his neighbors would accommodate for his communication issues and how he feels about his speech loss. Instead of being "cured" or "fixed" there's more focus on him being understood and accepted. You know?