My roommate is seeing this guy who happens to be my aunts ex, and my 6 year old cousins dad. It makes me really uncomfortable. I mean I’m sure hes a good enough guy for her, but I don’t want to see her get hurt. And him and my aunt are going through a really nasty custody battle..my aunt claiming all these horrible things he’s done (which I’m pretty sure none are true at all) I’ve disclosed everything to my roommate (even though most of it I’m not suppose to know anything about it.) but I wanted to tell her what shes getting herself into to since me expressing my feelings about them seeing each other to both of them went nowhere. Neither of them care that I”m not okay with this. I’ve thought about telling her lies about him so that she’ll stop seeing him but I can’t do that. I don’t like lying. I’ve been nothing but honest with her. Can’t say shes done me the same curiosity but not everyone can be truthful...I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be supportive of her. She deserves a good guy in her life...but I’m just not sure that its him. But I also don’t know if that’s just me being bitter and lonely like I have been for the past 3 years. I know that I choose this for myself. That I need to be happy on my own before I get back out there. But I hate seeing her with these guys that shes been seeing since her and B broke up and he moved out. I don’t know. My depression is really kicking my ass and all I can think about is the worth possible outcomes and of course just killing myself so that I don’t have to worry about all this bullshit. I’m just tired of being alone. And part of me doesn’t want Ashlee to find happiness in another person. I know that’s awful and selfish but shes been the only friend I’ve told about wanting to kill myself who didn’t shut me out, shes been here..and I’m afraid if a guy is in the picture then she’ll shut me out too. I don’t trust myself alone. Everyday it becomes more of a struggle to not take a blade to my wrist and she is the only thing keeping me sane at this point. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost and don’t know who to talk to. Which is my I’m spewing all my thoughts here where hopefully no one reads because I just needed to get this shit out. But I’m going to be very late for work so I must go. Must say I feel slightly better, but I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.
