#spiders!

[homestuck-shitposts]

[kristsune]

Had another spider surprise today. Alarm goes off at 5am and i groggily go to take a piss before hopping into the shower to wake up and guess who is stood in a defensive posture on the back of the toilet looking at me like i had just attempted to squish him. I just gave him a look, reprimanded him with a "naughty!" Out loud and gently blew at him causing him to skitter away behind the toilet.

Ive had these spiders (yellow sac) in my flat every spring and autumn since i moved in (like 7 years now) & have occasionally spooked me before but i swear bc now i actually have an ID for them and know they can cause a decent little reaction if bitten (though they rarely bite unless really pressed) i now see them even more active around my flat. Though could just be one feisty one. There are 3 others who have just been chillin in their sacs for the past couple days. Ahh well. Ill just have to be more cautious.

[ferventrabbit]

Works for Spiders, Works for Men

“Steeeeede!” 

At first Stede isn’t sure whose voice it is - he’s on deck with Oluwande, who’s valiantly trying to teach him the difference between a clove and rolling hitch at Stede’s insistence. 

“Did you hear that?” Stede asks, mid-knot. “Is there another woman on the ship, besides Jim?”

“Well Cap, Jim is -”

“Steeeeede!”

It’s unmistakable this time, because while it’s a high-pitched, shrill scream there’s a tint of Ed’s voice underneath. He’s up and moving immediately. “Ed?” he shouts, scrambling down to his quarters. A hundred possibilities occur to him at once - Ed ambushed by brigands, run through by British mercenaries, double-crossed by that bastard Izzy returned from exile. He bursts through the door, nearly tearing it off its hinges. “Ed!” 

His co-captain is standing on Stede’s desk, which would strike Stede as odd if he wasn’t beside himself with fear. Ed turns to him, eyes wide. “Stede!” he cries. Stede’s fists are raised in what he hopes is a show of strength against the inevitable adversary that awaits him.

“Where is he, Ed?”

“Over there,” Ed says, crouching down to point towards the bed. “Hurry!”

Stede steels himself for a grisly encounter that may well spell his end, only to find empty air when he spins around to face it. “Show yourself!” Stede sputters, somehow more frightened now than when he arrived. 

Suddenly Ed clambers back to his feet on the desk. “There! It’s right there!”

“It…”

And then he sees it. Stede is an amateur entomologist at best, but it hardly takes training to recognize a house spider when he sees one. The poor thing is frozen on the wall, hiding in plain sight. 

“Ed…” he begins, rather dumbstruck. 

“Kill it!” Ed shrieks. 

Stede turns to look at him. “Ed, you’re not seriously scared of this little fellow, are you?”

“It’s a crawly,” Ed supplies, as if that explains it. 

Stede tries and fails to suppress a grin. “Shall I make him walk the plank, then?” 

“Kill it with fire!” 

“Plank it is,” Stede says. He scoops up a glass from the chest near his bed, then tears a blank page from his journal. In a move practiced from living in an old house in the country, Stede slides the paper under the spider’s legs and catches him in the cup. “A fearsome foe,” he declares, brandishing the captured beast.  

“Be careful,” Ed hisses, which has no reason to make Stede’s chest tighten with fondness. 

“If I don’t return, tell the crew to avenge me.” Ed remains on the desk as he leaves the room, solemnly watching after him as if preparing for his unavoidable task. 

“Everything okay, Cap?” asks Olu, who followed him as far as the deck stairs. 

“A near thing, but I think we’ll survive,” Stede replies, holding the paper and cup out in front of him. Olu eyes it with a raised eyebrow, but Stede supposes that weeks on this unorthodox ship have inured him to ghastly events such as these. Stede reaches the deck railing and rests the paper on the wood. He lifts the glass and expects the spider to scurry off as soon as it’s able, but it lingers on the paper for a few moments, seemingly bewildered. “Off you go,” Stede tells it. “You’re not so scary.” As if on cue, the spider scurries down the railing towards the bow of the ship. Stede returns to the captain’s quarters, having lived to tell the tale.

[alexofasinfulnature]

Arachne

Spider silk to touch,

a chance of venom lies here,

tied in dream like webs.

[sargasmicgoddess]

Hello October....

Time for spooky crap and booby traps ☠🎃👻🕷

I wanted to put on a costume to usher in October but I haven't had time today......soon, my pretties, soon 🤭

[lenora-reyes]

Lenora Reyes’s Not-So-Secret Diary, Entry 4

March 28, 632 K.C.

Dear Diary,

Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike spiders? Just thinking or saying the name brings back that creepy-crawly sensation of excessive legs and discomfort. Our night patrol from yesterday revealed that Duskwood has a serious arachnid problem. And to think we just handled a worgen threat on the south end of town. Now there's a giant spider lurking beneath the ground with its colony of spawn. Here is a summary of my observations from tonight:

• The Nightbane Worgen have been nearly culled by these spiders and made into hosts for these parasitic spiders when they egg lay.

• A number of Duskwood people have been killed beneath the ground for gods know how long in tunnels beneath the Rotting Orchard?

• Fire is very effective when you can throw it right.

• Undead also linger underground!!! (I had to decapitate my first ghoul and... that was really unnerving. Didn't think a head could pop off like that.)

• Luthen Hightower needs a good shaking or beating for going into the woods intoxicated and nearly dying underground! And why is that man so light to carry?! (And Blackscale makes a great bodyguard)

• Sir Adamar has a... strange connection with Kobald and boundless reservoir of bravery.

• Edric should invest in a helmet.

• Sir Folcard shares my opinion that 'Spiders are gross'.

• And lastly... don't rely on me to use a machine. Excavators are not my thing... But maybe it proved helpful given that I ground up a worgen's arm with it.

Well, at least we are done for now with that mess. I have a feeling we will go back to deal with the Spider the size of a barn. But I hope it isn't any time soon. I'm going to take another bath here in a minute and I might sleep in it to avoid the likelihood of a spider crawling on my body.

And can I just say it feels really nice to be out of Duskwood and in Southwatch again? I mean even though it's quiet in the barracks usually, I'm at least in a place where the dreams won't plague me so... And I need to visit with that Blacksmith Apprentice Hal. My legguards were a bit damaged after dealing with the Worgen. Said machinery was used to nearly crush me against the wall as it went rabid. My legs are still... barking. Ha-ha. Get it, Diary? Barking! Cause you know-...

Okay, maybe I should stop writing for now. That joke was corny.

@theborderlandcoalition @honorablecombat @adamarmeadowcroft

[frantawatcher]

🕷

The Joro spider in reference: