The one
@peterparkerbingo
Free.
Disclaimer: My second Peter Parker Bingo, I’m sorry for the delay! My life has been crazy AND GET THIS: As i was writing this piece, i actually broke up with my boyfriend and found comfort in Taylor Swifts songs! Ha, so funny! Anyways, i hope you guys like it.....
The one by Taylor Swift
I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit
Been saying "yes" instead of "no"
Peter goes to Flash’s house party for the first time in his life. Most of his friends can’t believe it but he does it anyway. MJ moves all the alcohol from Peters side during the event and keeps holding his hand, like if he would just get trashed at a random college party. Please.
He’s trying new things, not throwing his future away. For the last two months, Peter occupied his time fully; 8 hours of sleep each day, classes and then time for assignments. He took to attend a bar during the weekend nights to make some money, he’s jogging each day, cooking healthy recipes, reading like never and catching up on his lost shows. Dinners, museum tours, concerts, parkour, he goes into meetup events.
He fills his time, one day at a time on the Google Calendar until it becomes a rainbow flag with lots of different things to do. Peter would do anything to kill any free minute he has because to have spare time is to think of him.
I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though
Still, for a broken heart, New York is the size of Sitka. The route from his apartment to campus got 10 minutes longer because Peter can’t pass by that stupid coffee shop, he donates 3 t-shirts because he wore them on special dates, but his phone always play the same stupid playlist.
He cant see a pretty sunset, neither look at the stars at night. On a random day 3 months later of The Thing, he’s on a bus to Ned’s house down Queens. Peter doesn’t know if it’s the rays of light, the turn of the bus or the collective craziness that takes over Big Apple, but it happens.
His black hair over some leather jacket at the bus stop Peter passes by on the way. He feels faint, it’s like he can’t breathe, and like it all goes to slow motion and it will be hell. Because the bus keeps its path, unknowing of the boy on the back losing his mind, and Peter only fills his lungs with air when he sees clear as day that it was the wrong boy.
Same height, haircut and almost same leather jacket, but his nose is too long, his face too round. Peter ends up having to sit down and try not to panic, but nobody needs to know about it.
I hit the ground running each night
I hit the Sunday matinée
You know the greatest films of all time were never made
Whenever things like that happen, Peter puts, even more, want in his calendar blocking. He does all the college assignments in one evening, then gets up a few hours later to jog the entire Central Park. If he also bakes cookies for every single person in his building, it’s his fucking business.
He goes to movie marathons with his crew and insists on watching Horror flicks. Nothing that lasts, nothing that can make him yearn. Before everything happened, Peter liked to think they could have been a movie. He finds a preference in his loss on the reality of the world.
I guess you never know, never know
And if you wanted me, you really should've showed
Peter likes to think that if He wanted to, they could have worked. He would have called right after The Thing happened. Stayed outside Peter’s apartment building with a boombox, or wrote a letter for each day they were apart. If He had wanted Peter, he should have shown.
And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow
And it's alright now
When The Thing happened Peter cried like a baby in May’s lap. He kept going over every detail, trying to catch where the relation started to rotten and he just couldn’t grasp it. May kept repeating Peter was going to grow from this, but he couldn’t help but doubt.
Now it’s been months and Peter can’t look back without thinking about his fragile and little self, how he wept in the loss of a part of himself. He couldn’t say he was healed but he was stronger.
But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
Peter would very much like to have an excuse for the breakup. At least one that wasn’t as stupid as the truth. But the truth is that they had been good for so long. Young, restless and bored, like His favourite old song, used to say, but good, nonetheless.
They had stayed 3 years together, and if Peter could rewatch it all, front to back, like in 500 days of Summer, he would only see the great parts. Like their birthday’s parties, the Christmas spent together and the kisses on New Year’s Eve. Peter had looked at Him and wished him a happy and long life, with a house in the suburbs and lots of adopted babies, like Peter always wanted.
Just one word and Peter would have done it all.
In my defence, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one
Seeing it all back, it was Peter’s fault. For not realizing that they were going to different paths, for squishing him until nothing was left but them. They had never been aggressive, nobody had been abused, Peter was proud to say they were never a police case.
But wants and wishes were dismissed. Peter had this idealistic future where His wants were tossed out of the window like paper as they weren’t more than dust on Peter’s perfect apple pie prospect. The truth was that Peter had wanted it all, not caring about his partner.
Peter has no defence for what happened, and he hated himself sometimes.
I have this dream you're doing cool shit
Having adventures on your own
You meet some woman on the internet and take her home
Peter unfollowed Him on social media but he could picture his life easy as a movie. He’s probably watching all of the movies Peter hadn’t wanted to see, but no tv shows because he was never into that. Probably hitting the gym more, working on his body.
Having nights out with Steve and the guys, having lunches at Nat’s and going to clubs with Sam. That’s something he would love to do. When they started dating, each of them brought some friends, and when they broke up it felt like they took their niches again. So for the last 3 months, Peter stayed with Ned, MJ, Liz and a couple more, and no contact with the crew.
Peter hates himself for imagining Him meeting someone. At a bar, a coffee, the gym or Tinder. Man, woman, tall, short, strong or weak, blonde or brunette, it didn’t matter. The person would feel so turned on by his strong arms, his beautiful eyes and sharp jaw. It would be so easy for him to get over his ex.
And Peter tried to think about how that was good. He loved that guy so hard that he would never want his unhappiness, but he couldn’t help feeling a bit sick. Jealousy wasn’t a pretty emotion at all, and it could poison everything, including Peter’s heart.
We never painted by the numbers, baby
But we were making it count
You know the greatest loves of all time are over now
They had never been a normal couple. They met in a library, Peter was studying and he was hiding with his buddy Steve from some punk guys. He wanted to fight and Steve required some stitches, and when he smiled like a wolf, Peter couldn’t help but kiss him right there.
Careless. That was how most people described them. They would dance in the rain, fuck in bathrooms and display lots of PDA. It was sad and the best thing they could ever feel. It’s like they knew they had just a little time and made sure to seize each minute.
I guess you never know, never know
And it's another day waking up alone
But if Peter could choose, change, wake up with a warm body beside him, he would. That’s the saddest part, that he would.
But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you
If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?
After months away from his great love, Peter thinks to himself over and over what could have been different. And how it if he behaved differently, if he had been better, his Lover would still be here. He thought of the universe was a crazy tangle of strings and that each choice made it tangle more. And Peter thought he made the wrong choices each time.
We were something, don't you think so?
Rosé flowing with your chosen family
And it would've been sweet
If it could've been me
In my defence, I have none
For digging up the grave another time
Peter sees him in a bar, late in the night, months after the breakup The same leather jacket, high cheeks and dangerous eyes. But when they glanced at each other, he smiled kindly. And Peter was hit once again how he had squeezed that man until he couldn’t breathe anymore, he dug his own grave.
Life was still going for both of them. And they would find new people, and things to do, but Peter would have fun in the universe he got married to Bucky. That he knew, and he couldn’t have it anymore.
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one
