#spilled something

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

It's okay to make messes, that's why we made the tools to help clean them up.

[curiositeath]

someone told me I was a bit much when I was a kid and I’ve been trying to make myself less ever since

[gidgetsallgrownup]

Bruised

I’m battered 

Red and swollen 

I might have done it 

to myself 

Walked into a wall 

Banged my elbow 

against a table 

Scraped my knees 

on the hard wood floor 

Or I might be 

beating myself up 

In my mind 

In my sleep 

Subconsciously trying to think

of anything else 

But the pain

of missing you 

... 

it’s not working.

@gidgetsallgrownup

[bluemonkwrites]

un(will)flower

best i not presume you wrote spoke thought about me the nothing the ugly thorn on an uglier rose more fertilizer than flower but i sometimes wish your words were fingers pressing against my chest as your lips destroy this fragmenting brain

[boygirl-girlboys]

My friendship is not casual,, also. I will love you forever. Romantic? I think friendship is romantic. of course I'm buying the sweets you like and I'm gonna keep it in my locker for you. As you did it for me. Of course I'm letting you put your head on my shoulder or on my leg or my stomach if we are laying down together. Of course I'll hold your hand If you want me to. Thank you for the little flowers, I love them, I like to dry them and make them last forever. No, I don't think you're overstepping with the physical touch, you told me that's your love language and- no, I don't particularly like physical touch but it's you so it's fine. I like spending time with you. Yes, the days I get to see you are my favourite days too. I forgot to say happy birthday, sorry, I can't tell you what I was going through. I got you a little present and this thing I made myself, I really hope you like it I really tried. I'm glad you did like it um,, I didn't ask but why is it in your locker tho, don't you want to take it home? Nevermind. What do you mean you don't do this with all of your friends? Of course I didn't know I never spend time with you and your friends, I don't know if you treat them the same. So you did all this because you like me, you are attracted to me. Um. Why would you apologize, don't. I say I won't treat you any different but you told me this because you are gonna treat me differently now. You say you're gonna miss me that you need to mourn me. But I'm here. I'm still here and I want to be here for you. I don't have anything to say. We could go back to talk about the green colour. red. blue. yellow. Our feelings are not the same, we know. My friendship is romantic but you crave something else. I feel like I'm the bad guy, I won't tell you that, I also think your friends think I'm the bad guy. I think like a man sometimes? Yeah, I'm a man sometimes. You don't expect this things from a girl? Yeah, I thought you'd notice I don't fit the usual gender roles by now. I only forgot to say happy birthday I didn't forget it was you birthday. I'm sorry. I know it hurts even more because you like me. I'm sorry. It's not my fault. How was I supposed to know? I'd do the same with all the friends I love. I don't want to lose you but if it hurts then it's your choice. You think changing the way you treat me is enough. I think falling in love is a sickness and being with me won't let you heal. What am I supposed to do? Do I keep treating you the same? Yes? Okay. But is it really okay? Do you think of yourself as a victim? I don't really know. Maybe I should ask.

[medicinalvodka]

Speechless

Spent the evening entire with others we didn’t regard, but one another. Interjecting smiles in conversation impressed so by our own attractions. Having just met yet felt a lifetime together. But I’d had to go. Had retire the expiring night. We walked shoulders brushing. Spoke without favor our commute home. And you stopped in the middle of the road. And I stopped in the middle of the road. You were being picked up here you told. We endured in the sapphire headlights casting our shadows down your future. Stood in that road of spotlight silence. We didn’t want to say we didn’t want to part so we spoke not at all. The denial of conclusion. We gazed vis a vis, faces ennui. It was that our night was at end that we didn’t want ending.

And I took the first step away as the lights changed and the cars started. Speechless turned and parted. Speechless left it for next time. If you’ll accept my invitation for a next time. Have I courage enough.

[medicinalvodka]

mama, who bore me

for pride nor peace nor love do i live. but cowardice. i need accept my burdening upon myself and others till death. my subhappy disposition without crutch. that tomorrow always to roll again the rock.

a mother. ever distressed. watch her mothering with deliberate choice. her miscarry not a sign to her. sees something. life. worth living for. letting me find it for myself is what she tells. pushes away. and some interconnectedness must have put this heavying rock at the bottom again.

a father. our father the donor. but no less. more debt to pay than years left to slave. glassy eyes. the marionette watches baseball and commercials through to sleep. works more than most that grey of hair. that hernia smarting. beyond those tempered eyes are oceans of exhaustion. numb pain the boulder in the valley.

tell me what. i was not an accident.

show me what. my nothing found.

only that i accept i cannot leave on my own terms.

ahead myriad tomorrows and boulders.

and ever unanswered questions countless sought.

[gidgetsallgrownup]

limbo

I don’t know what to do with myself 

I can’t stop thinking about you 

I’m not sure if I want to 

hold out hope

Or give up

Somehow I don’t think 

I really have a choice in the matter 

@gidgetsallgrownup