Early in the morning, I’ve spilled coffee in the dark. Mercilessly, within a few seconds, the old blood like brown coffee stained the bright white bedding that had just been washed. I almost reacted with an urge to smash the thin glass coffee pot & ceramic cup.
There was no time, due to the fact that I needed to send some emails and carry out some administration to resolve a work problem. On top of that, why didn't my morning coffee simply wake me up! I had had enough!
In the next moment, the person on the tracks happens a lot in Tokyo & its suburbs in Japan, occurred in my mind.
Perhaps, this kind of small incident triggers a build-up of years of frustration. The momentum of the situation might cause them to jump on the tracks, straight after smashing a coffee pot & cup.
I’d met up with my friend in Kawasaki, on the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan. She had treated me to a Barbecue feast. It was so yummy that I was able to store up almost a whole year’s worth of energy.
“It’s such a let down that so many people jump on the tracks these days. It’s begun to cause serious problems for commuters.”
She threw the words into our joyful conversation. I, too, have noticed that there have been way too many announcements of ‘person on the tracks’, while using public transport in Tokyo and elsewhere, in Japan.
We don’t need to have such a purpose to live.
All we have to do is to complete a life that we were given. We did not choose to live in this world. As Prof. Taizo Kato mentioned in his book, some of us were born in fortunate circumstances, and some of us weren’t, but bullied instead.
This world is unfair, in the first place.
There is no such thing as a big or small emotional scar, for each individual.
How often, have we felt like dying due to our emotional scars, so far?
After all, it’s only other people’s problems, not ours.
And start again, after we have recovered.
早朝、暗闇の中で珈琲をこぼしてしまった。こぼれた珈琲は、時間がたった茶色い大量の血のように、容赦無く一瞬のうちに、洗ったばかりの真っ白な寝具に染み渡った。その無情な数秒に、異常な怒りを覚え、ガラスの珈琲ポットや倒れた陶器のカップを思いっきりぶっ壊したい衝動にかられた。
仕事先のトラブルによる対応メールなど、自分に直接関係ない厄介な、事務処理が、しかも前触れもなく舞い込み、寸を争う時に限って、なぜに目覚めの珈琲さえ、わたしの仕事を増やすのか！えーい、腹の立つ！！！
次の瞬間、朝の通勤時に頻繁に起こる「人身事故」の事が、ふと脳裏によぎった。
“珈琲がこぼれたとか、ほんの些細な出来事が原因で、蓄積された我慢とストレス、すなわち‘心の深い傷’が、あまりに大きな怒りと化し、目の前のガラスや陶器をぶっ壊した後、その勢いで、そのまま電車に飛び込んじゃうのかな。”
先日、久しぶりに会った友人が、川崎でジンギスカンを奢ってくれた。この先1年分のパワーをもらった気がする程、美味しかった。
‘最近、あまりにも通勤時に人身事故が多くて困る’、とその楽しい会食の合間に、彼女が一言こぼしていた。また、都心を電車で移動中に頻繁に流れる人身事故のアナウンスには「えっ、またですか」と気にせざるを得ない。
与えられた命を自分なりに全うすれば良いのだ。もともと、希望してこの世に生を受けたわけでもないし、再三述べてきた、加藤諦三先生の本にもあるように、あるものは優しい親の元に生まれスクスク育ち、あるものは虐待を受けて育つ。
わたしたちは、生きていく上で、精神的に何度も電車に飛び込んできたのだ。
