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pick one of my favourite episode [s7 - s10]
Defending Your Life [7.04]
Slash Fiction [7.06]
Season Seven, Time for a Wedding! [7.08]
We Need To Talk About Kevin [8.01]
Blood Brother [8.05]
Citizen Fang [8.09]
Sacrifice [8.23]
Dog Dean Afternoon [9.05]
Bad Boys [9.07]
The Purge [9.13]
About a Boy [10.12]
Brother’s Keeper [10.23]
Episode 130 - 7.04 Defending Your Life
This episode is here seemingly only to flog us with the fact that Dean Is Not Doing Well. Sam may have bounced back guilt-free and performatively coping with his hallucifering, but when Dean gets a second to breathe he just dives head-first into feeling trauma, guilt, and loss. And that's a super terrible combo platter on a good day.
And this is not a good day... >.>
Yes I get a little grumpy with Sam, and Dean, and this whole stupid situation. At least Osiris has cool decor, I guess.
LINKS!
The Superwiki page
My tag
Filming locations map
My rewatch notes from July 2017
My rewatch notes from May 2017 (aah, the good old days when the tnt loop took less than 3 months)
Listen now on Spotify, or wherever you enjoy podcasts!
Dean for several episodes after killing Sam’s Kitsune friend, Amy Pond, who murdered 4 people:
Sam after killing Dean’s Amazon daughter, Emma:
Season 7 Sam was simply too much of a Hot Girl™️ and could not be contained.
“You two have got to get the hell out if dodge. This thing hones in on people who feel guilty who is that sound like to you?”
Love Bobby, telling it like it is
7.02, Hello, Cruel World.
Cas would take it all back if he could, but oops too late, he wades into a lake and explodes into goo. Cue the Leviathan invasion, 16 episodes of Dean’s progressively intensifying angst, mourning via alcoholism, and complete loss of trust in pretty much everything because ouch this betrayal has left him shaken.
Dean can’t trust Sam because he’s hallucifering all over the place and compounding it all by lying to Dean’s face (because with the best of intentions he didn’t want to add to Dean’s pile of worries and like... SAM THIS IS HOW WE GOT IN THIS SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU NUMBNUT JUST BE HONEST but no we need to twist everything tighter because nobody is apparently suffering enough yet...)
Sam can’t tell reality from his hallucinations, but Dean helps him find a way to test reality, squeezing the wound on his hand to understand which pain is real and which is just his imagination. But only after Sam nearly shoots Dean accidentally... so Dean gets it. Sam is really, really not okay rn.
which leads us to 7.03, The Girl Next Door, in which Sam just piles on the evidence that he is really, really not okay, demanding trust from Dean while offering zero trust or honesty in return-- literally sneaking out of the cabin, effectively stealing the car, and going off on a hunt when Dean had just confronted him about his zoning out into Hell-O-Vision... And again, Sam really is just trying to relieve some of the burden off Dean’s shoulders, knowing how bad stuff is for him now. Dean is literally hurting-- emotionally and physically, still recovering from his broken leg-- and yet Sam doesn’t understand that Dean will worry regardless. And that Sam’s protestations of being fine, objective, rational mean NOTHING when Dean can see the evidence that Sam is still suffering from his broken wall symptoms. Regardless of what Sam can say about his choice to let Amy go, Dean can’t trust him to have made the right choice.
which leads directly into 7.04, Defending Your Life, which was readdressed through Anubis in 14.08. (bless you again, Meredith Glynn).
OSIRIS: I don't decide anything, Sam. I don't decide Dean's guilt. I just weigh the guilt that's already there. This is solely about how Dean feels, way down deep. Them's the breaks. SAM: Wait. So, if Dean believes he's innocent, then he is? OSIRIS: If. A big if. Why do I bring up the past? To see if he feels like dog food about it. People want to be judged. They really do. When your heart's heavy, let me tell you, real punishment's a mercy.
But as Osiris weighted guilt, an individual’s burden they believe they deserve to be punished for, Anubis weighs... will... choices:
ANUBIS: This is a miscalculation. SAM: Fine. Then change it. Let her into Heaven. ANUBIS: I'm an accountant. I don't have that kind of power. SAM: Yeah, right. Like you or-- or God has never made an exception? ANUBIS: That's right. Because God doesn't decide. I don't decide. You do, each of you, your individual choices all tallied up at the precise moment of your death. Keep me here. Try and kill me. It is not going to change Lily Sunder's fate. But it might change yours.
But Jo... she gives Dean something to think about:
Jo: You carry all kinds of crap you don't have to, Dean. Kind of gets clearer when you're dead. Dean: Well in that case, you should able to see that I am 90% crap. I get rid of that, what then? Jo: You really wanna die not knowing?
7.04 (disclaimer: I watched this episode with one eyeball and about 30% of my brain due to Unforeseen Adulting, but I have at least one (1) thought about it)
Guilt. I just made this reply about Sam and guilt a short while ago, and then I get thrown into an episode all about Dean’s personal guilt.
Dean’s put on trial by Osiris to weight the guilt he feels in his own heart. This isn’t about whether others forgive him for the things he feels guilt about, but the fact that he can’t forgive HIMSELF for these things. They weigh on him, making his heart heavy, because he can’t let them go.
This feels relevant to me today because I was already thinking about Jo in 5.10 this morning (first thing I saw this morning before coffee, and it’s kinda stuck with me...), and here’s the ghost of Jo dredging up an old bit of guilt Dean’s still clinging to that really goes right back to s2.
Dean clings to his guilt with both hands, because it’s just about the only thing he’s got, and s7 is doing an excellent job of reminding him of that over and over again.
After Jo, Sam takes the stand in Dean’s defense, but Dean is SUPER FRESHLY FEELING NEW GUILT over Sam after killing Amy at the end of the previous episode. He’s lying about it, hiding that from Sam, despite Sam’s defense of him here, and even something that begins to look a little like acceptance, if not forgiveness on Dean’s part.
But Dean’s still keeping that secret from Sam, and whoa does that spread the guilt on thicker...
Dean knows exactly who that third witness is going to be-- Amy-- and rather than confront that, rather than break Sam’s faith in him, Dean capitulates and accepts his judgment. He already knows he’s doomed.
He’s doing the one thing he can do, which is to protect Sam from the truth coming out. It’s a bit self-preservational as well. He doesn’t want Sam to know this horrible thing he did, that he clearly regrets already...
DEAN: I got a question. So where the hell did that come from, volunteering to defend me? SAM: He was gonna kick me out. [...] SAM : So, who was he talking about? DEAN: Who? SAM: That whole final witness thing. DEAN: No idea. Honestly, that could be just about anybody dead we know. By the way... I mean, I get why Judge Judy put me on trial – I got guilt coming out of my pores. But... why'd he skip you? SAM : I think I just don't... feel guilty anymore. DEAN: Come on. SAM: Look, I don't know what to tell you, Dean. I mean, I've spent a lot of time feeling pretty crappy – like, my whole life. DEAN: What, you got a secret stash of happy pills? SAM: Hell. Look, I'm not saying it's logical. I just... you know, I feel like I did a lot of stuff I should have felt bad for, and then I paid a lot of dues and came out the other side, you know? DEAN: And that worked? I mean, you really feel like your – your slate's wiped? SAM: No. Nothing ever gets wiped. You know? Sometimes I see Lucifer when I friggin' brush my teeth, but, I don't know, I guess I just finally feel like... my past is my past, and I can move on with my life. You know, hopefully.
Sam IS starting to feel less guilty. Learning that so much of the stuff you’d always felt guilty about had been strategically forced upon you by the powers of Heaven and Hell as part of some divine prophecy makes it a little easier to let go of some of that guilt, you know? He’s obviously still got some issues to work through, which will come up again during the Hell Trials in s8, but Sam is better at putting these things in perspective than Dean is.
One last thing, the thing CONSPICUOUSLY ABSENT from the list of Dean’s guilt: Cas. Because strangely, the fact that the LOSS of Cas weighs terribly on him throughout s7, it’s not due to GUILT. Dean doesn’t feel guilty about Cas and his actions in s6. He feels betrayed. And that’s key here.
7.04: An exploration of Dean’s horrible coping mechanisms. Aka, performing Dean at his absolute worst.
What’s it all based on? Guilt.
Sam and Dean BOTH lying to each other-- Sam about his mental state, about why he ran off hunting on his own, and Dean about having killed Amy, among other things.
Lies and guilt and buried feelings and mistrusting each other on a fundamental level, all while Dean is drinking more and more just to cope, hitting on bartenders who he opens up to in a vague way about what’s weighing on him.
I think half the reason Dean does use various waitresses and bartenders as part of his coping strategy is that they are relatively safe to confess things to, in a veiled sort of way. He can talk about his guilt, his frustration, his feelings of worthlessness with these people and receive comfort and affection in exchange. Granted, he’s never able to fully confess the whole truth to them so it never works quite as well as he’d like it to, but it gives him something positive that he can hold on to while everything else in his life is “spinning out.”
(heck it doesn’t help Dean at all that the whole time he talks to the blonde bartender in 7.04 he’s got a HUGE glowing El Sol sign over his shoulder.. sort of like all the BS signs and the girl named Carmen in the cafe in 12.18, sort of like the girl from the waffles in 12.11, and the bookended El Sol signs in the bar she met Dean at... this IS performing Dean’s performance. It’s just not the real thing. For a long time he was able to deceive himself that it was good enough, but he’s so far past that point now)
And hell, I know I’ve used that phrase in all of today’s summaries, but it’s in the 12.20 promo, Dean telling MARY this. Yes, he’d been resorting to his BS coping techniques for a while there, before Cas showed back up in 12.19 and he was able to reassess the entire situation. But what had been uncertainty and worry before he saw Cas taken over by the nephilim has now morphed into certainty and fear. He’s now got something concrete to worry about, you know? And I think in some ways that has unlocked a much better set of coping mechanisms for Dean.
Knowing what the real problem is means he can directly ADDRESS that problem instead of sitting in the dark with nothing more than a vague worry...
I don’t think the plot of 7.04 itself is comparable to the situation in s12, but these underlying themes certainly are.
DEAN : And... when did our black-and-white case turn to mud? I'm just saying I'm having a hard time not rooting for the ghosts on this one. SAM : No, you said it yourself – it's not on us to judge. DEAN : Yeah, except that that's complete crap. Everybody judges all day long. Look, I'm just supposed to ignore what that guy did? SAM : We've shot people, Dean – more than two. DEAN : Yeah, you know what? When those ghosts come to kick my ass, they've got a compelling case. SAM : So, what, you're saying – what? You don't want to work the job anymore? DEAN : I'm just saying, you know, one simple friggin' day on the job – is that too much to ask? SAM : Well, look. I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go try and find that barn. You coming? DEAN : I'm gonna check the bar. SAM : To work or drink? DEAN : I haven't decided.
Their black and white cases ALWAYS turn wild shades of grey (and have since 4.05 honestly). Back in s7 Dean didn’t feel capable of making these sorts of HUGE judgments that being a hunter has forced him to confront. And immediately after killing Amy, he’s doubting himself EXTRA HARD.
Sam seems to be coping far better than HE is right now, so maybe Sam’s belief that they should let Amy live had been the right decision, after all. Maybe he’d really been wrong to kill her. It’s not like that’s a choice he can take back, though. He’s just got to live with the consequences of it. Unfortunately it shakes his faith in himself to even be able to make those sorts of judgments he needs to as a hunter.
My go-to tag is “Sam vs reality,” but really s7 was one long wake up call for Dean to really begin looking at reality, as well, and begin to find his footing with regards to how he deceives himself just to get through each day.
Whiskey and denial is no way to live. But now in s12 we haven’t seen him resorting to these things as heavily. He DOES trust in his own judgment, and he’s patiently (or not so patiently after 12.19) willing to come to a full understanding before he acts.
Meanwhile Cas is so desperate for a win that he can’t see straight. He’s in such a similar mental and emotional spot to Dean in early s7, but back then Dean didn’t have someone watching out for him. Now, Cas has Dean fighting in his corner too, ready to help bring him back from the uncertainty that led to him making some rash moves that had some drastic consequences.
It’s why Dean’s “we will find a better way” didn’t fix anything for Cas in 12.19. What Cas needed was certainty. Just like Dean needed some feeling of certainty in 7.04 when all he had was self-doubt.
Have we talked about Dean's line, "What'd you let him talk to you like that?" Because I know people loved Dean's protectiveness which it was but it was also interesting because Cas doesn't let Dean talk to him like that. So I loved that it made us think about Cas' comfort with the Winchesters (Dean) and how he feels safe enough with them to fight right back. Whereas with the angels, he's not comfortable, he's not safe. He doesn't belong. We only fight back when we feel safe enough to do so.
Hi there, and yeah, I’ve seen a few gif sets of the line (and a few more of various crack takes on that whole conversation (HASHTAG MARRIED)), but I don’t think I’ve seen anyone tear the whole line down. So, let’s do that! :D
There was a lot of weight to that line, even just surrounding the circumstances leading up to it. It’s established right from the start of the episode that Dean and Cas have been giving each other the silent treatment for at least several days. Neither the Superwiki nor the episode itself give us an exact timeline, but I don’t think it can possibly have been more than a few days, since they open with discussing how busy Cas has been to have made the whole “Find Kelly” board, and the discussion about Mary leads us to believe that she just dropped them at home and went off hunting again, with Dean mentioning how “quick” she jumped back into it.
Regardless of timeline, Sam and Dean’s conversation establishes that it’s been a few days since they got home, and that Dean and Cas have been essentially giving each other the silent treatment for that entire time.
And the entirety of Sam and Dean’s talk about this is:
DEAN: I’m not pissed that he cares about us. You know, I’m... I’m grateful. But Billie said that there would be cosmic consequences if that deal got broken. You have any idea what that means?SAM: No.DEAN: Neither do I. But I’m pretty sure it ain’t jelly beans and g-strings.SAM: My point is, Cas thought he was doing the right thing.CAS: I was doing the right thing.DEAN: You sure about that?CAS: Yes.DEAN: I’m not so sure. And what if the other shoe drops?CAS: I’ll deal with it.
So we already know from this entire conversation that Dean’s only upset that Cas essentially took on the burden of their deal, that it seems like the “consequences” are now going to fall on HIM instead. And the consequences could potentially be worse than their original deal, because cosmic consequences (in the Winchesters’ history) have a tendency to escalate...
(interesting side note: while I’m typing this, I’ve got 7.03 on in the background, and in the scene where Dean kills Amy Pond he uses the same phrase, “Maybe in a year, maybe ten, but eventually the other shoe will drop. It always does.” Then he stabs her and says, “I’m sorry.” I just... there was already a parallel made between this scene and the scene at the end where Dean tells Lily Sunder that she’s done, but Cas tells her to come find him if she can’t forgive him. Okay. Sorry. Just thought that was interesting that the same “the other shoe” line was in that conversation above, putting the scene from 7.03 as bookends for the entirety of 12.10.)
(this is why I should probably turn off the tv while I’m answering questions. Digressions ahoy!)
So already we know that Dean’s not talking to Cas because he’s upset that Cas isn’t talking to him, essentially. When you boil the whole thing down to the simplest elements, Dean and Cas are BOTH pissed at EACH OTHER for trying to take the cosmic consequences on THEMSELVES, INDIVIDUALLY.
This is BOTH of them saying, “No it’s on me. I’m protecting you!” and the other replying, “Well, no, it’s on me. I’M protecting YOU!” And both of them trying to out-protect the other. I mean... married much?
*imagines an infinite loop of Dean and Cas stepping around each other to stand between the other and the nebulous future potential cosmic consequences and just laugh-cries forever*
But when there’s an actual physical and immediate threat, Dean’s ready to drop their tiff to stand shoulder to shoulder with Cas. Dean’s grumpy about the fact that Cas DOESN’T immediately allow him to stand with him against that threat, and the fact that Cas was ready to storm out of the bunker to face that threat alone.
I think that was the first time Dean realized that he and Cas weren’t on the same page here. That Cas might not have understood WHY Dean was so upset.
Yeah, Dean and Cas had been having a spat, but over the course of the episode, Dean and Cas BOTH get a clearer picture of what the other really needed to hear, and it clarified the DIFFERENCE between the way Dean was snapping at Cas (because he cares about him and is WORRIED for him and just wants Cas to let him HELP), and the reasons Ishim was snapping at Cas (because he’s an ASSHAT and ANGRY and bears a GRUDGE against Cas).
And now, Cas can see the difference.
But there’s also the fact that Cas was willing to take a bit of abuse from Ishim because they had history. Ishim had been his commander at one time, and Cas had taken orders from him. Cas also cared about Benjamin, and had said to Ishim that finding Benjamin’s killer was his primary goal, and so he was willing to take a little abuse for it.
And Dean sort of understood that line of reasoning. There’s a lot of abuse Dean would be willing to take on Castiel’s behalf, too. That’s one thing family does for each other, right?
Family might argue and get grumpy with each other, but when it’s time to take a stand against an external enemy, Family is supposed to drop their squabbles and face the enemy together, side by side, as a united front. Sorta like this:
When the first thing Cas was confronted with when walking into the Wright Spot to meet Ishim was this antagonistic scene:
Ishim and Mirabel, presenting an already divided front, with Ishim clearly looking confident, like he already knows he has the upper hand. Already it’s not about Benjamin, but Ishim is trying to make it about Castiel...
Cas doesn’t understand WHY Ishim might be angry about Cas’s involvement now (I mean, Cas doesn’t know yet that Ishim’s already on the defensive here, and is scrambling to keep the truth about Lily from coming out, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, puts his issues aside for the greater good... until he DOES learn the difference.)
(I was just telling lizbob that I’ve been working on this ask for the last two hours because I keep getting distracted by 7.03, then 7.04, and now 7.05, because I am a sucker for extreme pain... and the parallels are SO RELEVANT to s12... and she directed me to this tangentially similar message she answered already, because she’s not letting herself get drowned in extreme Dean Feels like I’ve been all morning... so for compare/contrast, have her answer too:
http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/156980163843/what-do-you-think-about-ishim-calling-how-dean
