Author’s note: Co-written with @drakesroyalromance. Written during the end of season 11, not canon compliant from season 12. We’re posting this now for Supernatural appreciation week, day 5 - Favourite ship: Dean x Castiel (Destiel).
Word count: 1466 words.
Warnings: Deals with internalized homophobia and related themes.
Tension had been buzzing in the bunker, everyone could feel it, and Castiel knew it was about to come to a head. He and Dean had been sneaking around with each other for months and he thought Sam and Mary knew it, but wasn’t sure because no one said anything. Castiel had never expected this and he knew Dean certainly hadn’t.
It started with just a simple touch. Dean was walking by and gently placed his hand on Castiel’s arm as he walked by. It was a small gesture but intimate. It sent chills down Castiel’s spine, a sensation he’d only felt one other time - when he was human. He almost thought he imagined it until he saw Dean look down at his hand and up at Castiel, alarmed, hurrying down the hall to his room.
He tried to talk to Dean about it but found that Dean was doing his best to avoid him. He thought about trying to google it but he didn’t have the right words. Instead, he decided to go to Sam.
“Hey Cass.”
Castiel took a seat beside Sam and dove right in. “How do you know if you’re attracted to someone?”
Sam raised an eyebrow and pulled his eyes away from his computer to look at Castiel. “It’s different for everyone, Cass. There’s lust and then there’s love.”
Castiel nodded, this made sense. When he was human and that woman attacked him, they had intercourse together first. That was lust.
“Where is this coming from anyways?”
“I - someone who is objectively attractive touched my arm and it sent a chill down my spine. Does that mean I’m attracted to them?”
Sam repressed a laugh. “Did you feel anything else? Have you felt anything else since?”
Castiel frowned. “I felt a strange sensation in my stomach.”
“Like butterflies?”
He nodded.
“Then yeah, I’d say you’re attracted to them, Cass. Who is it?”
“Thank you, Sam.” He got up and marched towards Dean’s door, ignoring Sam’s question.
“What?” Dean barked, tired of the incessant knocking on his door. He paled when he realized who it was.
“We need to talk, Dean.”
“About what, Cass? Can’t a guy have a little space?”
“I find you attractive.” He paused, “sexually.” Dean was as pale as a ghost, but Castiel continued. “I think you do too..find me sexually attractive.”
Dean looked like he was going to be sick. The truth was he’d felt a spark when he touched Cass that day and it scared the hell out of him. It wasn’t that he had anything against gay people, it’s just that he wasn’t gay. He liked women, loved them actually. He couldn’t be attracted to men, let alone his best friend.
“Cass, I -“ Dean didn’t know what to say. Castiel, who’d only had one other sexual experience in his life, decided to grab Dean’s face and kiss him. That’s what people did in the movies when they wanted to express their love for someone else who was stubborn. Dean was unresponsive at first, but found himself leaning into the kiss, pulling Castiel closer for more.
From that moment on, Dean had gone through a phase of denial to shameful acceptance, sneaking around with Castiel so Mary and Sam wouldn’t find out.
Castiel was well aware the Winchesters’ secrets always had a way of coming out, he was sure this one would too but he did his best to keep the secret, for Dean’s sake.
Castiel was new to the idea of a relationship, same sex or not. Dean wasn’t new to the idea, he’d had plenty of one night stands and one or two serious girlfriends over the years. He understood relationships but wasn’t forthcoming when Castiel had questions. Instead, Castiel found himself turning to Sam over and over again when the internet couldn’t provide answers.
“Sam.”
Sam glanced up from his computer at Castiel, mumbled a greeting and went back to what he was doing.
“How do you know when you are adequate at pleasing someone..sexually?”
Sam choked on his beer and looked up at Castiel, pressing his mouth into a thin line. “Cass, where are all these questions coming from lately? Are you seeing someone?”
Before Castiel could answer, Dean walked in wearing just his robe, nursing a cup of coffee, his hair still messy from the night before. Just the sight made Castiel weak in the knees. He was grateful he was sitting.
“Morning.” Dean was perkier than usual. Castiel had noticed that whenever they spent the night together, he seemed in a good mood the next day. Clearly Sam had picked up on it too.
“Hey Cass, why don’t you ask Dean? Clearly he was with someone last night.” Sam teased.
Dean looked up from his coffee abruptly and scoffed. “I was alone last night.”
“Yeah, right. Whenever you get laid you have this look on your face, you stink like $3 bar bathroom perfume and you’re bragging about it.”
Dean smirked and made a show of sniffing. “Can’t a guy just be in a good mood?”
Castiel shifted nervously and caught Sam’s curious gaze focused on him, his own hair still showing signs from the night before. He was sure Sam had put the pieces together but he kept quiet for Dean’s sake, for which Castiel was grateful.
The longer into the secret romance they got though, the more Castiel wanted to tell people. He was proud to be with Dean but he felt like Dean was ashamed to be with him. He hadn’t said anything yet, he didn’t know how, but he’d had enough. The conversation needed to happen.
Sam and Dean strut into the bunker after a hunt. Castiel was sitting at the table angrily when they noticed him.
“Hey Cass.” Sam dropped a duffle bag onto the table and Dean was on his heels.
“How ya doing Cass?” Dean asked but continued to walk by the angel towards the bathroom.
“We need to talk, Dean.”
“Seriously, Cass? We just got back, can I shower first or is the world ending? Again.” He sighed exasperated.
“Fine. I’ll come with.”
Dean looked between Sam and Castiel, panicked.
“Dude, we’ve talked about this. Personal space.” He tried to laugh it off but Castiel wasn’t going to let it go.
“Then let’s talk now.”
Sam walked out of the room so Dean sighed and slumped into a chair.
“Fine, Cass. What is it?”
“What are we?”
“What?”
“I mean I know that I’m an angel and you’re a human but what are we?”
“I don’t know, Cass. Why does it matter?”
“I want to be ‘Facebook official,’ as the internet calls it.”
Dean dragged a hand down his face. “Do you even know what that means?”
“I want to be your ‘official’ boyfriend Dean!”
“Cass,” Dean sighed, “it’s not that I don’t want that, but you know I don’t have a good track record when it comes to relationships. I don’t even know what it’s like to have a boyfriend.”
“I don’t either. We can figure it out together. That’s something Sam said couples do.”
Dean groaned. “You asked Sam for relationship advice?”
“I didn’t tell him it was about you.”
“You didn’t have to.” Sam said as he walked back into the room.
Dean shot up in panic. “What? There’s no us, I don’t know what he’s talking about, Sam.”
“Dean, it’s fine. I’ve known for months. Neither of you are exactly stealthy. I was hoping you’d figure this out on your own and tell me, but I forgot how thick headed you can be so listen: I don’t care whether you’re gay or bi or whatever. Cass makes you happy, so be with him. You deserve to be happy. Both of you.” Sam adds, smiling gently at Dean, then at Castiel.
Dean felt a sense of guilt and relief wash over him. He knew Sam wouldn’t care but the idea of his brother knowing had still made him nervous. Now it was out and Dean felt guilty for hiding Cass.
“Alright, Cass. Let’s make it official.”
Castiel smiled and Dean sighed in relief. A weight seemed to be lifted off his chest, the first of many things they needed to figure out as a couple.
“Thank you, Dean.”
“Now that it’s out in the open, can you stop talking to me about your sex life with my brother?” Sam cracked a small smile.
“No. I’m afraid I will still need your advice from time to time.”
Sam grimaced and Dean groaned, dragging a hand down his face. Of all the people he could date, he had to have feelings for the one whose best friend was his brother.
“Now I’m going to shower, and I was serious about being alone.” He pointed his finger accusingly at Cass.
