"You are a weapon, and I will point and fire you when needed."
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"You are a weapon, and I will point and fire you when needed."
@spokewar cont. from x
There's been a darkness inside him from the beginning, that he is certain. Palpatine had seen it immediately and tugged at its core. Fed the flames of Anakin's anxieties when he was young and malleable. Pretended to be a friend, a mentor, a father figure. And Anakin, feeling strange and unwelcome in the Jedi Temple, easily fell into Palpatine's kindly embrace. Why wouldn't he? Here was a man who he thought far removed from the strange philosophies of the Jedi. He was normal, like his mother was normal, and Anakin felt calm and comfortable in a way that he didn't with anyone else.
At least not until Padme years later, but even she did not ground him the way Palpatine seemed to do.
He knows the truth of it all, now. The conflicting feelings he would sometimes get as he got older. The dark thoughts that felt like an oil spill in his mind. Whispering constantly in the back of his mind when he let his guard down. They quieted as his life on Coruscant continued. He became less foreign in the Temple. He became closer with Obi-Wan as the Qui-Gon shaped hole between them filled. He would never be perfect, he would never truly fit in, but he gained his confidence, found his footing.
Then his mother died, the war began, and every brick he'd built between himself and the darkness deep in his core began to crack. He didn't realize it until the end, but the voice he always heard was every bit Palpatine. An insidious whisper pretending to be the soothing tones of a long time friend.
In the end, the cracks had become wide fissures, and the whisper a siren song that Anakin couldn't resist. I could give you everything you ever wanted or I can take it all away. It's your choice, Anakin.
The dust settled. It felt like waking up from a night terror and he couldn't stop screaming. He remembered the horrific future The Father had blocked in his mind and knew it could have been worse. He had killed innocent people, young Jedi who had once looked up to him. If not for the quick actions of the Council, Anakin doesn't want to consider what would have happened.
He doesn't know or remember who advocates for him. He can't advocate for himself. He doesn't remember the time between seeing the young padawan dead in front of him, and his not-quite-jail-cell in the hall of healing. Underneath all the well-practiced calm, they're afraid. They're angry. Anakin lays in bed and barely moves. He wishes he could bring Palpatine back from the dead to kill him all over again. He'd lost everything, anyway and now Master Yoda could nod gravely as he touts his usual teachings. They can all say how they knew he was a failure all along.
He's made himself sick by the time Obi-Wan is forced to see him. They told him he was coming. He thinks-- no, I don't want to see him, and he's the last person who should want to see me. But the words don't make it past his lips. He resigns himself to the fact that Obi-Wan is coming. So he forces himself to at least sit up. To be more than a lump of flesh that lashes out when they least expect it. It's all he can do even when Obi-Wan finally does enter. A slow blink, tracking the figure that feels--wary, concerned, disturbed--and nothing else.
He owes it to his former master to say something, to try. He should have been trying this whole time. The sight of him brings the surge of guilt back unbidden through the layers of apathy, and along with it the striking pain in his head. The spike that had been there since Palpatine's death.
"Yes," Anakin croaks, the sound weak and raspy. "Why now?"
If he wanted to say more, it was lost to a sudden round of coughing that left him breathless.
@spokewar asked: Don't talk about my father Master that way! (from baby-wan)
For a second, perhaps two, Tarre simply regards the Padawan, consideringly. Not aggressively, not condescendingly, merely regarding him with the full of his attention.
And then he nods, a concession to a debate, if not to an agreement.
"Do you believe," he asks him, "he was right to leave you here, alone?"
And he lets his tone and his presence in the Force both be clear: it's a genuine question.
It doesn't change that Mandalore, right now, is not a place for a Padawan, and especially not one so young.
"You are not old enough to be a Senior Padawan." He adds, and does not hide the way the word is familiar to him. He considers calling him Jetii'ad, but the kid is noticeable in the Force, and Tarre does not shield needlesly. He may be wearing the attire of a mercenary, even if the armor is clearly Beskar, and the Vizsla sigil is visible, but he is also who and what he is.
"There are many who will not be kind to you, if they find you." He tells him. And then, "What brings you here, ad'ika? I am not one to ignore the Force when it calls, nor a youth in need. And you are clearly the latter."
@spokewar asked: i've got no reason to lie.
"No." He agrees, and it is not exactly a sigh that is there in his voice, because even at this point in time he believes himself above such gestures, but there is certainly something displeased there.
"And I don't think you are Fallen." He adds, very much unaware of the irony of it all. He will be, in time, but for now he's just been brought out from the debris of a crash by men who look identical in the face and are far from identical in the Force.
By men who are soldiers and who answer to a Jedi, fighting a war on behalf of the Republic.
It feels implausible. It also feels, in the Force, like the truth, and isn't that the worst part about it? Because Dooku, even young as he is, has his issues with the Senate and with the Order. But he could not have expected this.
"How did we get to this point?" He asks, however.
He doesn't miss a glance traded behind him. He notes it, catalogues it, but doesn't mention it. Instead, he regards the older Jedi.
"And what is it that needs doing, in this planet?"
If nothing else, he will learn and likely help after being helped, as long as he has no more traces of Sifo-Dyas' lost signal.
@spokewar commented on this post:
Coughs. "How does one know if they - uhm. Have a curse? Are cursed?"
. ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡ ܁ . ⊹ ₊ ܁. What a loaded question. One in which he can tell was fueled by anxiety. Casimir finds himself burdened with sympathy. Gesturing towards the cushions positioned on the slightly elevated surface of his shop, "Why don't you sit? Relax some. I'll make you some tea.
"There are many symptoms for many ailments, curses are the same. Tell me what is ailing you. We will start there, my friend."
@spokewar // from here
The Jedi have a lot of quirks. Their eccentricties is something he's observed by working alongside Mace, Anakin, and Obi-Wan alike. Still, he much favors working with Obi-Wan. Although Obi-Wan is an out of the box thinker, he's a little less impulsive than Anakin. Just listening to Rex's and Ahsoka's stories involving Anakin is enough to make his heart rate spike.
"Don't worry, it has become clear to me that there is a lot they don't know. I suppose it's not their fault though. There's only so much you can learn about Jedi from reading and watching holovids of them. It's best to learn from the source." Cody replies with a soft shrug. Although Shaak Ti sometimes trains with the cadets and although some natborns train them as well, most of cadet training is done by other clones. Although their brothers are talented at many things, understanding every little aspect of being a Jedi is not one of them.
"That's a pretty powerful skill to use on accident," Cody notes, voice full of warmth. Obi-Wan's skill both on and outside of the battlefield never fails to impress him. "It started to fade when the battle ended," he assures Obi-Wan, all the while reaching to unclip one of Obi-Wan's wayward lightsabers from his belt to offer it to him. "The only hum I feel now is from the lightsaber you're prone to misplacing."
With the lightsaber passed to its rightful owner, he returns to the topic at hand. "I'm just thankful that you accidentally giving me your force reserve didn't put you in a tough spot." Obi-Wan's care for the clones in his battalion is well known. A lot of new recruits fight over the possibility over joining the 212th. The care is mutual, with the 212th worrying about Obi-Wan in turn.
As Obi-Wan continues to explain and apologize, he gives one of his shoulders a gentle pat, an attempt at a soothing gesture. "It's alright general. I just was caught off by surprise. I trust you not to control my thoughts or anything nefarious like that. If anything I'm flattered that you so seamlessly and accidentally used battle meditation with me. As far as I'm aware I'm the only one that experienced it."
(okay let me preface this with the fact that i CANNOT draw to save my life but after watching these friggin nerds this morning, i had to. oh and this one gets an honorable mention. just because.)
Having a laser sword pointed at him was not how this day was supposed to go. So much for going to his favorite class. "The first part! I fuckin' swear!" Assassin?! Ryan was anything but one. Like he said, he was the world's unluckiest person when it came to this kind of shit, and he had no control over it. Holy hell, he wished he had been anywhere else. "You saw me fall. I have no idea where the hell I am!" He could lash out with his magic, but that would only prove the laser-wielding dude right.
@spokewar