Miscarriage story. i figured i'd share it. yes every detail.
So i found out i was pregnant on january 23rd, and i'm 21 now, at the time i was 20, i was turning 21 on the 29th of the month. i'd never realized how in such a short amount of time just knowing i was pregnant, could hurt me THAT much..i only knew i was pregnant for 2 weeks, but i was already 3 months pregnant when i'd found out i was pregnant.
i miscarried on Sunday, February 10th. i was feeling fine that day, no cramping or anything, no weird colored discharge. I was doing a bunch of cleaning around the house, on and off sleeping. making dr. appointments and whatnot, and i decided to go hang out with my friends. So i napped over at his house for a few minutes, and we did our usual sunday thing. Get lunch, hang out for a while, and then head to Chuckwagon for some free pool. i'd met up with a few more friends there, and as the norm. everyone's touching on my belly talking to it and everything. I wasn't even in the bar for more than 15 minutes. i was sitting down talking and watching friends play pool, and the next thing i knew, i felt a gush come out of me. it wasn't the first time i'd felt that cause i mean every pregnant woman knows they pee them selves at random a little. but i put my hand behind me to check, and when i lifted it up, my hand was red. i looked down at the chair and i saw a MASSIVE amount of blood. my friends shelley and armando looked at me and armando says "Oh no." so shelley gives me my hoodie, and we wrapped it around my bottom half and i begin to waddle towards the bathroom, as we made our way to the bathroom i noticed i was tracking blood all behind me, i finally made it into a stall, pulled my pants down, and sat on the toilet. and i could feel all the blood pouring out, so i pulled my phone out and called my best friend brooke, crying my eyes out "Brooke, something's wrong i'm bleeding non stop. what do i do?" she told me to take deep breathes and when it slows down a bit, to go to the emergency room. so my friend shelley grabs armando, and we run out the bathroom, as i'm walking to armando's car, i called my dad, and asked him to meet me at the hospital and told him something was wrong with the baby and i needed my medicaid card assap. armando drives me to the ER, i remember everything so clearly...i walked into the er, breathing heavily, crying, holding my stomach, and i walk over to the desk and fill the slip out and i had blood...all over my clothes, all over my shirt. through my pants front and back...the lady looked concerned and said "ma'am are you okay?" i looked at her with my eyes full of fear "i'm 3 months pregnant, and i won't stop bleeding." they immediately got me a wheelchair, and got me into a room, had me change, and the lady comes in and asks me questions. the normal, how far along are you, who is your OB doctor, when is your due date, are you on any medications, so on and so forth, i'm still crying hysterically, and armando is sitting in a chair trying to comfort me. soon enough my dad shows up with all of my things. the first time the doctor came in, he felt on my tummy. and he asked me if i still felt the baby in my tummy, and i'd said yes. after that, they told me they were gonna do a pelvic exam. immediately my dad jumps up and leaves the room and armando stays. this was the first time i'd had any kind of pelvic exam, and i wasn't used to a man all up in my vagina like that unless it was sexually related...but there was so much bleeding that they weren't sure of anything, so they gave me some meds, and i was told they were gonna take me down for an ultrasound to see what was up.i never got the ultrasound. 2 hours later my doctor came back and told me the tech wasn't in, and that an oncall ob doctor was on his way, but he was in the middle of delivering a baby. so after another hour, he finally shows up and asks me questions. and then we did another pelvic exam. my bleeding had slowed down a little. and he made the decision from there to keep me over night. and in the morning we'd do an ultrasound, he'd told me it was common for some pregnant women early on to have a tear in the placenta and that it could be easily fixed with simple surgery. so i told my dad to go home grab my phone charger, and stop by where i worked and let them know i was in the hospital. so he left and one of the CNA's for the women's center came down to come get me. Surprisingly i realized who it was, because we went to high school together and we had a drama class together, and she did everything to help keep me thinking positive. we talked about drama class, the plays we'd been in, every skit we'd done. when she took me to my room, she told me she hoped everything ended up well. another nurse got me situated, and told me that she'd come back to check on me every hour. they'd finally gotten me out of a blood soaked hospital gown, into another one, they'd gotten me hospital underwear and pads. And it felt awkward as shit to have someone literally change a pad, check my vagina for abnormal as shit bleeding, and checking my cervix. after the first check back, Dr. Hepfer came into see me and told me that we'll have the ultrasound in the morning, and that from there we'll see. and that he was worried about the whole case because he'd never seen someone at 14 weeks bleed like that. because 14 weeks, that's entering your 2nd trimester. and it didn't make me feel any better that teen mom, 16&Pregnant, and snookie and jwow's epispodes where she was going into labor was all on at once. but the whole night i felt my little bean inside my tummy flipping around like he ususlly did at night. so i thought nothing of it. i had a few friends call me after seeing my facebook status' about being in the hospital, and some of my friends making posts about me in the hospital. and they did their best to comfort me.next thing i knew i had fallen asleep and it was 6 am and i was woken up for my ultrasound, and i felt embarassed everytime i sat on something, i got more and more discouraged as i saw blood. so when i got to the ultrasound tech, she laid me down, and did the ultrasound, and i tried peeking over to see if i could see any pictures on the screen but she had it turnt to where i couldn't see anything, after that, they brought me back to my room. my dad had called me to see how i was and asked if i'd heard anything at all. and i told him no. after two hours. my doctor came back. and he sits down at the edge of my bed "i looked at the ultrasound pictures, and it looks like a miscarriage. which concerned me, because in all my years of practice, i'd never seen someone at 14 months miscarry. So i'm gonna give you some time. You can chose to just take a pill, or have surgery. and the procedure is just a D&C, and what i'll do is go inside you with a probe, and scrape the rest of the remains out of you" and i felt sick to my stomach, because my heart was completely fucking shattered. so i told him thank you, an that i'll have an answer when he came back or when the nurses came back. i didn't cry when anyone was in the room. but as soon as everyone left, i cried the hardest i'd ever cried in my life..
about 15 minutes later i'd gotten a call from my dad, "did you find out anything yet?"
"yep"
"so..what happened?"
"i had a miscarriage.."
"are you okay?"
"i don't know dad. i just wanna go to sleep right now. i'm exhausted. i...bye"
after that call i made a facebook status. i remember my words exactly.
"to everyone who were concerned. i thank you for trying to keep my positive. but Dr. Hepfer just informed me that i miscarried. Now i'm having to make a decision as to if i should get this D&C procedure done, or take a pill.."
so i took a nap on it, kinda hard to do when the hospital constantly has to draw blood from you. after the 2nd time the nurse asked me if i'd made my decision, i'd told them i didn't want the surgery. i wanted the pill and i wanted to go home i couldn't be in the hospital anymore. so she wrote up the prescription and informed dr. hepfer that i wanted to take the pill to clear my system out. so after an hour or so. they came in, gave me my discharge papers, and my prescription, and i was taken to my car. the last time i'd sat in my car, i had a baby in my tummy. the last time i'd been at home, i was playing with my tummy, and feeling my baby swim all around. my dad called me when i'd gotten home, and told me he was on the way home to pick me up take me out to lunch, and for us to go get my pills. so he took me out to get Japanese food, and then grabbed my pills. when i got home. i'd eaten my left overs, and then took my pill. i was supposed to take one every 6 hours. the first pill i took, i was fine. i got a little discouraged everytime i peed, because i saw parts of a baby there.. the first time i peed since i'd taken that pill. the first part i saw was a tiny straight like figure, and it had nubs. i'd realized it was an arm with the fingers developing. and i broken down. i took my 2nd one around 7pm that night and then went to hang out with some friends to get my mind off of stuff...an hour later, i was laying in the passenger seat of my car, screaming my lungs out because i'd felt pain that was SO unbearable. i felt as if someone was taking razorblades, and slicing through my uterus. when i'd gotten home i told my dad i was in pain, and he did research on my pill i was taking. we almost contemplated on taking me back to the hospital, but then my dad had realized that the pill was supposed to be like that. he looks at me and says "do you know what this pill is supposed to do, Kris?" and i shook my head no. "you didn't get your D&C procedure, this pill cleans your uterus out...so meaning...you're gonna see some pretty gruesome shit for the next week.."
well thanks for the information dad. i realized that when i'd seen a fucking umbelical chord fall out of me.. for about 3 days, everytime i laughed, cried, sneezed, coughed, anything with any kind of exerted force...blood cloths, part of a baby fell out, or blood cloths along with pee came out of me. and i felt s depressed as shit. literally i stayed home. i didn't talk to anyone besides select few people. i found myself crying in my bed on most nights asking what i did to deserve not being able to still have my baby.
my due date is August 9th, 2013..that's in two weeks.
i should be 37 weeks pregnant this week.
i miss my baby with everything in me, sometimes i get a little jealous of most grls that i see walking around pregnant.
girls that i worked with that were pregnant, drove me to quitting my job, because it hurt that much to know something so tiny, and innocent had no chance at life, because my body wasn't ready for it.
Noah Preston, i love you. and just know, i would've been more than excited and emotional to be holding you in my arms 2 weeks from now. i know my mom is up there loving you just as much as i could've. thank you for helping mommy be strong now more than ever. you've done soo much to make things turn around for me. i love you, and i miss you. i'm doing everything i can, to make you proud, baby. i really am. i WILL see you again one day. i promise.