quick bit of fun vampire lore since i’m on my vampire!salt raiders (vampire ebbz my fucking beloved) bullshit again but i think vampires would make blood supplements (things w/ human blood in them) designed to help ease cravings inbetween feedings. like these guys have been around for centuries they’re gonna make accomodations and supports for themselves.
there’s a lot of different ways to take these supplements, designed to be accessible and easy to hide amongst humans
pills if you are boring (or if you don’t like the taste of blood because you’re newly turned and still coping poorly)
lollipops
gummies
chewing gum (quality varies wildly. don’t chew for too long, it tends to get a funky “mummified meat” taste after too long and becomes unpleasant)
‘energy’ drinks
chocolates as vampires have a different taste palette and it is widely accepted fact that type b+ blood and chocolate fucks HARD (some instant hot chocolate things made by vampires have dried/dehydrated type b+ chucked in for the flavour, but most would rather make this combo fresh if they could since the aftertaste of blood treated so it can be stored longer is quite noticeable. if you’re busy as hell they’re still good)
mock blood bags that are filled with juice and a small amount of blood to give it a kick (good for people who’re trying to break a habit of over consuming blood. also tasty)
Hi! Quick question, have you ever played saints row 4? I feel like you may find an interest in zinyak! He's a huge, cocky, sassy alien that would fit right in here!
I’m feeling personally attacked right now because Zinyak is exactly the kind of smug alien shitlord that I’m attracted to.
…also I actually have written fan fiction for him because I’m gross 👀💦
okay out of curiosity which fic would y'all want to see me update next the most. ive got like 8 ongoing fics and i have got ideas and/or outlines for literally all of them im just indecisive so.
And since I’m linking my AO3 account to here, seems like a decent time to introduce one of my other OCs, from before I ever thought of them as OCs - Darcy Steinem, my Boss from Saints Row (mostly 2).
“This is my city!”
I really do have OCs for a lot of games, but Darcy was one of the ones I really fleshed out in my head, and also wrote fic for - Running Deep on AO3. It was actually, in true me style, the backstory I figured out for another fic I never finished - an AU where Darcy/The Boss is Dane Vogel’s bodyguard rather than the leader of the Saints, due to genie shenanigans. I felt like that fic was way too complicated for me to really write - and get all the characters on board with - but I really loved the backstory I came up with for it, for Dane and Darcy’s evolving AU relationship (which I knew would never appear as full scenes in the genie fic anyway) so I decided to write that and post it. If anyone’s interested, it’s there. It’s not strictly speaking Dane/Darcy - I feel like they’re both too psychopathic to really love anyone - but it’s fairly intense anyway.
More SR fic! Boss Ell is given a brand new vehicle to use (that may or may not have been inspired by the Mako from ME...) while maneuvering about on New Earth. As anyone who knows her is aware, Ell is not someone who should drive ever for any reason, so naturally she refuses to let anyone else touch the keys. Just as naturally, it should stand that even a short drive doesn’t go as planned--at least not the way Ell, Johnny, and Shaundi had planned.
Gen fic, just a bunch of idiots antsy to be out on actual ground (Johnny and Ell) and fucking shit up (also Johnny and Ell and Shaundi to an extent) and to make it out of the trip alive (Shaundi, who puts up with Ell’s driving far too much and has a very real fear that that’s how she’ll go out--at the hand of Ell forgetting to pay attention to traffic lights and signs.)
“Why is it we don’t get hazard pay?” Shaundi asked as they approached the stark white all-terrain vehicle.
“Because gangs don’t usually offer hazard pay, because you get enough of a share from the money laundering, because Jesus we already offer you all a 401K and Roth IRA to choose from, so stop bitching?” Ell replied, the keys to the vehicle held tight in her hand. She was beyond pumped to get behind the wheel, and didn’t have time for anyone’s bullshit.
Shaundi scoffed. “The Earth is gone, so I don’t think our previous retirement plan means shit, and we don’t have any businesses to run or money to launder so...that all means nothing. And I am almost positive I will die if I get in that with you.”
Ell gave her a shocked look. “Shaundi, I’m offended. I can drive perfectly well when I want to, you know that.”
“No. No, no one would ever have said you drive well. Scarily, badly, with a dangerous lack of self preservation--but not well.”
“Come on Shaundi, this is going to be fun, I promise. Besides, Johnny’s coming with.” Ell opened the door of the vehicle, and Johnny popped out of it as if on cue.
“This thing basically drives itself--we’ll be fine. Might get some paint scraped off of it, but we’ll come out fine.” Johnny reassured.
Shaundi shook her head. “Nuh uh. No, nope, not happening. If that thing tips--”
“It won’t tip!” Ell yelled. “Please just come along--I wanted you with because you and Pierce have already been on the surface, you know what to look out for.”
“You could have just brought Pierce, and made him ride in the death-mobile.” Shaundi’s arms were crossed, and she seemed dangerously close to heading back to the ship--which is exactly what Ell didn’t want to happen.
“And Pierce would get distracted trying to find the radio on this thing, which it doesn’t even have, we’d hit a pothole, and everyone would die, probably. So it has to be you, and I really want it to be you. Please?” Ell was almost ready to beg.
Shaundi groaned. “Fucking fine. But if I die, and you live, I’m haunting your ass forever.”
“Wouldn’t want it any other way.” Ell said, a shit-eating grin plastered across her face.
They piled into the armored hull of the vehicle. It was surprisingly warm and comfortable, and for Ell it felt like home. It was a car she basically couldn’t destroy, and those were her absolute favorites.
“You guys ready to fuck shit up?” Ell asked, nearly bouncing in the driver’s seat.
Shaundi sighed, and stared at the floor, but Johnny gave her an optimistic smile. That was enough of an answer for her.
“Let’s get going!” She yelled, laughing as the engine buzzed (a little bit disappointingly) to life and she shifted into drive--or so she thought.
They lurched backwards and Johnny’s smile dropped. “You looked at the manual for this thing, right? I can run and get it if you want; I know Kinzie has it...”
“Please! Yes, let’s all go back and get the manual, and then not get back in here.” Shaundi moved towards the door, but was slammed back as Ell pulled the vehicle into the proper gear and started forwards.
“I got this, stop worrying! The windows on the side are way too little, but take a look out--there’s so much to explore, and probably a ton of crap we can blow up! What isn’t to love about this?” Ell wanted to cry for happiness--she was finally behind the wheel of a real, wheels-on-the-dirt car with two of her best friends and best lieutenants and she felt amazing.
The next few miles were surprisingly quiet--Ell managed to find and stay on a dirt road, though she didn’t really remember where it lead. She’d only glanced at the map Kinzie had given her, and was counting on Shaundi to say if they were about to drive off a cliff or into a lake.
“There’s a fucking cliff up ahead, slow the fuck down! What the fuck, Pierce almost fell off of it too when we first came to walk around down here--do you two have a death wish or something?” Shaundi shouted.
“Sorry, fuck!” Ell pulled off to the side of the road, leaving them maybe a foot before the edge of the cliff. “Does the road end here or...”
“Yeah, it does. We shoulda turned right miles back, that would have taken us to some building--no idea what it is, the map doesn’t say, but we could have gone there.” Johnny said, studying the map in his hands carefully. “I mean, this is fine too--we totally gotta jump a car off this shit at some point.”
There was dead silence until Shaundi snatched the map out of Johnny’s hands. “You had this the entire time, and nearly let us go over a cliff?!”
He shrugged. “Key word is nearly. We’re fine, car’s fine, let’s turn around and check out something else.”
“Agreed. I’ll take that right and we can stop at whatever that building is on the map--I promise, Shaundi, no more major fuck ups. You can chill.” Ell turned back to the wheel, her heart still pounding with adrenaline.
“I don’t necessarily believe you--but fine. I mean, I could enjoy this if I didn’t think I was gonna die...if you can try and drive carefully, there’s a town nearby and the Xoatl there are friendly and seem happy we’ve taken over. Might do some good to talk to people, since we annihilated their leader and all.” Shaundi sat back and slumped in her seat.
“Okay. I can do that.” Ell looked to the energy gauge (which, according to Kinzie, was the same as a gas gauge--the vehicle used batteries rather than gasoline) and let her head thunk on the steering wheel in frustration. “Actually, I can’t.”
“The car is dead, isn’t it?” Shaundi asked, her head in her hands.
“Yup.” Ell said as she raised her head and turned to Shaundi and Johnny.
“And we don’t know how to or have anything to charge it back up, do we?”
“That pretty much sums it up, yeah.”Johnny said. “Don’t freak out though--Kinzie and Asha put shit together for us if we got stuck somewhere.”
He pulled open a compartment hidden in the ceiling and food, blankets, and god only knew what else rained to the floor. It was a beautiful sight, but not one that left Ell feeling great.
“So they pretty much knew I was gonna fuck up after like an hour of being out here?” She mumbled.
Johnny frowned. “Don’t think of it like that--they put this shit in here in case anyone got stuck in this thing, not just you. They figured we all had an equal chance at fucking up as soon as we got out and started driving around.”
“Equal opportunity fuck-ups--that phrase shouldn’t make me feel better but...” Ell smiled. “Kinda does.”
“Actually, we’ve all been kind of stir-crazy on the ship lately--they didn’t plan this, did they?” Shaundi asked.
There was a beat, and then a moment of realization that smacked them all in the face.
“Well fuck. Guess we did need a break away from the ship--they could have just asked though. No goddamn respect, that’s the problem.” Ell grumbled.
Johnny laughed. “Bullshit. You’re just pissed that they did us a favor without us figuring it out. Let em have this one.”
“This could be worse, actually. After all, now that we can’t go anywhere, you can’t accidentally tip the car over and kill us all.” Shaundi smiled, for the first time in the trip, clearly at peace with the moment if only because it wasn’t currently involving Ell’s awful driving.
“There’s nothing that can kill us out here though, right? Like, we’ll be fine until Kinzie or Keith or someone can come out and bring a new battery?” Ell asked.
“...Kinzie didn’t say shit about that.” Johnny said.
“Guns out then, and the second we hear something sniffing around the car we get out and shoot it. Agreed?” Ell asked.
“Or we could get out and shoot stuff now, and scare away whatever is out there.” Shaundi offered.
Ell pushed her way into the backseat and wrapped Shaundi in a hug. “Best idea ever! I told you that you would end up liking this!”
Shaundi rolled her eyes, but the smile hadn’t left her face. “I don’t know if I like what’s happened--but I can deal. That, and I know I can kill more of whatever the fuck might be out there than you two can.”
“You fucking think so? Then prove it!” Ell pushed the door open and jumped outside with Johnny and Shaundi right behind her, guns in hand.
As they ran off, the still-unnoticed radio crackled to life. “So. Guess no one listened when I said I would be putting a mic in the vehicle and using the radio to check in.” Kinzie sighed, the sarcasm in her voice dripping over the mic. “Glad to know I’m listened to--shame there’s no one hear now to hear me say that it might be another day till we can get a new battery out. Or how I totally won the bet that you assholes would get stuck out there.”
There was another frustrated sigh, and then silence, except for the echo of gunshots in the distance.
SR fic below the cut! Been awhile since I’ve written fic, so this might not be perfect, but it feels good to be back in the habit again!
Boss Ell and the Saints have the new Earth (conveniently pointed out by God, as a thanks to Johnny for not invading heaven) but there are rules and regulations to keeping the peace between the various races and peoples in space--and the Saints have to play ball. Or at least, they’ll kind of try, sort of. Mostly my Boss Ell, Johnny, and Zinjai in this one (and yes, GatBoss is in this, because you all know I’m trash for that ship and will be forever.) Mentions of violence and blood in this (though not too much), so if that isn’t your thing might wanna skip this one. I’ll be sure to tag for it too though!
Note: As of writing the end of this one....I may start a little mini series. Cause this one ends kind of on a cliff hanger sorta? (best way I can describe it) and I have so many more ideas for this particular strand of thoughts re: Ell and nonsense she and the Saints get up to so...maybe more to follow as I have time to write it!!
All she had do was address the council of allied alien species, win over the enemy planet’s commanders, or declare war. Simple, easy, and Ben had helped her prepare a speech for either eventuality. She could do this.
“I don’t think I can do this.” Ell confided to Johnny as they dressed. The costumes Zinjai had created were ridiculously elaborate and difficult to get into, but she had just enough breath left to admit her fears.
Johnny, on the other hand, wasn’t faring as well, his response muffled by the swath of dark purple fabric trapping an arm against his face. “You’ll do fine--and even if you don’t we can just shoot them.”
“Yeah. But the Zin want that as a last resort and I mean...we took over their entire empire. Like, we probably owe it to them to try and not fuck this up.” Ell muttered as she watched Johnny free himself. Her own costume, a dark plum dress with a floor length skirt that flowed and fluttered with each step and long sleeves, was finally on (and she’d even managed not to tear it in the process.)
“Look, they’re gonna have to get over it. We might have to kill some people to make this happen--that’s how we do things.” Johnny sighed and tugged at the material still stuck at his neck. “But hey, if I die trying to get this piece of shit on, then I guess I don’t have to worry about it.”
Zinjai swept in then, somehow able to sense that his creation was going to be destroyed by someone’s knife (Johnny’s or Ell’s--both had hidden knives and daggers strapped to their waists and ankles in case they couldn’t reach a gun should things go south.)
“Mr. Gat, let me help. I accept that this garment will likely be torn to shreds by a fight during this meeting, but let’s at least have it start in one piece.” With a quick pull, Zinjai righted the material.
Ell had to take a moment then. The intertwining layers of fabric that made up the robe-like garment (traditional to the Zin but modified for a human body, according to Zinjai) may have been confusing, but once sat the way they were designed to they made Johnny look fantastic--all at once imposing yet dressed fancily enough for the occasion. She was half tempted to ask Zinjai to design other official uniforms for them, if only to see how handsome Johnny looked in them--so long as they could actually get into the new designs without breaking an arm.
Before she could think anymore on it, Zinjai was dragging them both to a glass walkway, connecting their ship to a huge dome, apparently stuck stationary in space. Quite how, she wasn’t sure. But as long as it didn’t go spinning wildly into the sun while they were on it, she didn’t care.
“This is it then?” She asked Zinjai.
“It is. You go in, make a claim for their planet, currently known as Xoatl 31, and offer peaceful resolution first. They would be allowed to leave and recolonize an empty planet, while we take their planet, then to be known as New Earth, as ours. If they refuse that, you formally declare war, and our waiting troops will start storming their shores before you’ve returned to the ship.”
“So we look pretty and talk? You should’ve had Pierce do this shit.” Johnny scoffed.
Zinjai shook his head. “Not possible. He is only a lieutenant to the Emperor, and does not have that power. Ell and yourself, as Emperor and Army Commander, are the only ones who have the power to make these declarations.”
Johnny turned to Ell, a grimace on his face. “See, this is why I’m almost glad I wasn’t there for the White House. Just more of this political nonsense we don’t have time for. Except now we have fucking alien rules to follow.”
Ell sighed. “I know. But if we’re lucky, they’ll turn us down fast and we can just declare war. Once we have boots on the ground we can take things down quick. We just need to actually say we’re doing it.”
“Let’s get moving then.” Johnny grumbled. He wasn’t going to be a ray of sunshine during negotiations, but she hadn’t expected that. That he still agreed to come, and had wrapped his hand around hers as they began their walk into the dome was the important part--his being there was enough.
Once inside, they were greeted by a bevy of creatures--big, small, and every color and shape under the sun (or near it, or behind, or who knew where really.) She tried not to stare, but failed at the sight of a creature seemingly made entirely of eyeballs.
“Do you think everyone there is an eye doctor?” She asked Johnny as they walked past the alien. She was hoping to lighten the mood a bit, even if they were basically going into what could be the most boring meeting ever.
“Is that really what you’re thinking about right now?” He asked, a smile playing on his lips.
“Well, we’ve got to have some fun while we’re here, right? Besides, we might not see any of these aliens again unless we conquer their planets.”
He shook his head. “We won’t be if we have to do this every time.”
Ell smiled. “If we win our new home planet, then we’ll have them scared. And we can take whatever we want then.”
Zinjai hushed them as he moved to walk in front of them. “Can you save the conquering talk for later? We’ve got to try and make a good impression before we can take anyone down--after all, it isn’t every day an empire gets to introduce a new Emperor.”
The last few steps took them into a huge conference room. Rows and rows of aliens were packed into the room, and for a moment Ell forgot to breathe. After all, this was just a bit out of her league, if she was honest. She didn’t know the rules here (not that she always played by the rules anyways) but it at least helped to have that knowledge under her belt.
“I’ve taken over multiple cities, and an empire. I can do this.” She murmured to herself.
“Hell yeah you can.” Johnny squeezed her hand and smiled as they followed Zinjai to the center of the room, towards a raised dais.
The room went silent as she stood in front of the microphone floating before the dais. It adjusted to her height instantly, which made her feel good if only because she could sense how tall she was in the ungodly ridiculous heels she’d been given to wear. But they’d done exactly what she’d wanted, and she felt imposing now--a storm at its peak, a cloud of death and destruction ready to rain upon them that they wouldn’t realize was coming.
“Hello. My name is Ell. I am a human, of the now-destroyed planet Earth, and the new Emperor to the Zin. I have conquered enough enemies to lead me here--having conquered and taken over the Zin Empire in what I think you’ll find was record time. This should inform you of the proper choice to make in regards to my request--that the planet of Xoatl 31 should be ceded to our use at the smallest possible cost, so that it might become the New Earth for the Zin and the remaining humans in our care.” Her voice echoed in the chamber, and she pleased to hear that she sounded properly authoritative and even a bit scary. She didn’t want to fully frighten them, not yet--but the acoustics were proving that they would serve her purpose well, should she have to put the fear of death into their hearts and minds.
Her confidence shook as laughter reverberated around the room. She could hear Johnny move from his spot at the back of the dais to her side, and she didn’t need to look to know he was reaching for a throwing knife, more than ready to start taking people out.
She placed a hand on his arm, and whispered. “Wait. Give me a moment to try and save this.”
“And if you can’t shut them up by talking?” He whispered back.
“Then we shut them up by shooting and stabbing, of course.”
Ell took a deep breath. “You don’t realize the mistake you are making. And that’s alright--it won’t matter what you realize or know when you’re all dead.”
The laughter stopped. A dense silence fell across the room, until the emperor from Xoatl 31 stood.
“You would threaten us so openly? You are meant to be brokering a sale or declaring war--not blustering about the room as though we all have nothing better to do.” The alien sneered, their black eyes peering down at her as those she was an ant.
“This is not blustering. We are prepared to kill you all, if needed. You made it clear in your messages prior to this meeting that you would not cede the planet peacefully yet insisted on this meeting, and so we will take it by force. If this includes killing yourself and the other delegates here, then so be it.” Ell shrugged. It was the honest truth--she didn’t care at this point how they got the planet.
She just wanted a home that wasn’t a space ship or the simulation, where she and Johnny and the Saints could set up like they used to on Earth. Where she could run her empire from relative comfort, rather than feeling like she was constantly on the run, with nowhere to go. And where she could safely nap, without being woken up by Pierce and Jezebel singing, or Asha trying to teach Matt to block a punch without accidentally punching himself (though he was getting better at that, she had to admit.)
The alien glared at her. “Fine, you wish violence here, then you shall have it. I give you one challenge--shoot me dead with one shot, and the planet is yours. My people will, under my command here and now, bow to your empire and merge with it. Your army will grow, and then you can bother someone else and be their problem.”
Ell turned to Johnny and Zinjai, who were already rifling through the assortment of weapons they had brought in case of a blood bath.
“Look at that thing’s skin--it has to be all armor. We can’t know what’ll get through that.” Johnny said as he pushed aside gun after gun in search of something suitable.
Zinjai offered a terrified noise. “He’s right. This is most uncouth of them, and they know we aren’t likely to win this. Utterly abominable.”
“What about the eyes?” Ell asked.
Johnny turned to her, a high-power sniper rifle in his hands. “You’re a fucking genius. Asshole won’t see it coming.”
Ell groaned. “Really? Bad puns, right now?”
He just grinned, and handed the rifle to her. “Destroy that motherfucker, Boss. Sooner we do, the sooner we can go home.”
Zinjai was ignoring them now, tapping hurriedly on a handheld computer, searching for what she didn’t know or care. It didn’t matter, now that she had their victory at hand--and so easily, for once.
She turned back to the alien, the rifle heavy in her hands. She felt confident again--and very dangerous. But then, that always tended to follow confidence for her.
“Take your shot.” The alien said, in a voice dripping with superiority. A smug grin was affixed to their face.
For all of a moment, that was. It only took Ell a few seconds to fine-tune her aim (and bless that they were in an enclosed area with no wind or weather to worry about) and in what she guessed to be equal parts skill and luck, she struck the creature in the eye.
Blood gushed from its face, and screams echoed throughout the chamber and delegates ran from the room. The alien’s huge body thundered to the floor, covering them in blood as they watched the fall.
Zinjai tapped Ell on the shoulder as she stared triumphantly at her kill. “You’ve done your homework. How did you know that species’ weakness was their eyes?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t. What makes their eyes so weak? Aside from being, ya know, squishy globes of mush.”
Zinjai held up his handheld computer. “Well, as it says here, their biggest arteries and vital centers of the brain can be reached by a shot through the eye.” He cocked his head. “You really just guessed at this, didn’t you?”
“Yup.” Ell nodded, and handed the gun to Zinjai as she started to traipse through the river of blood now flowing through the conference room.
“Ell, come on now. Zinjai worked hard on that dress, we can’t let you ruin it like this.” Johnny said as he swept her up in his arms.
“Johnny, you can’t carry me all the way back. You don’t have to, at least. Not that I mind right now--I mean, holy shit, this is a ridiculous amount of blood. And that’s me saying this!”
“I’ll at least get you out of this mess. Besides, I wanna be the one to ruin that dress when I rip it off of you.” Johnny murmured.
“I heard that! And you’ll do no such thing--I spent hours on that and I am not retaking the Emperor’s measurements for a new one!” Zinjai called after them.
“Then you have to catch us before we reach the ship!” Ell yelled back.
Johnny took that as the cue to heft her over his shoulder’s in a fireman’s carry and took off out of the room and out to the walkway. They left Zinjai in the dust, and reached the ship in record time, laughing and out of breath.
“Your knee is gonna hate you for doing that.” Ell teased as Johnny set her back on her feet.
“Worth it. That was fun--at least the end was. Rest of it was a weird fucking mess full of asshole aliens, but as long as we get to kill someone by the end, then I’m happy.” Johnny led the way back into the ship and down the stairs to the ship’s common area.
The rest of Saints were sat there, crouched and leaning over the laptop in Kinzie’s lap. A stream of the conference room was visible, as well as the spiking lines of an audio stream.
“Oh good, you’re back! Nice job--even if that was kind of gross--and I mean the blood and that comment at the end, Johnny. But you got shit done.” Kinzie said.
“That’s why you keep me around, right?” Ell joked.
“You laugh, but we got to see and hear all of that. I had Zinjai line your clothes with a mic--pretty much the tiniest one they can make, almost impossible to see. It was enlightening, weirdly, to hear how you work when it comes down to just you and a crowd.”
Ell glared. “So you could have given me an earpiece and offered advice after those assholes laughed at me?”
“We could have, but you didn’t need it. The footage shows that.” Matt said.
“He’s right. You’re still not much of a diplomat, but it all worked out for the best here.” Asha added.
“Well thank you--I think.” Ell replied. “Now, how soon till we get to see our new planet?”
Shaundi stood, with her phone in her hand. “Zinjai just sent word saying he’s finishing up arrangements. You and Johnny sound like you’ll be... preoccupied for a bit,” She cleared her throat awkwardly, clearly not wanting to dwell on that topic. ”Pierce and I can do the initial run and touch down first--check for any potential assassins that are pissed you killed their emperor, things like that. Then we decide exactly how we want to start making it like Earth.”
“So we get to start over--again.” Ell sighed.
“Yeah, but this time we get to make the rules. That’s gonna make a pretty big difference for us.” PIerce said.
Ell looked to the wall of the space ship. She couldn’t see their new home, but the fact that it was out there was enough. “The world is ours then.”
SR2 fic (currently untitled) below the cut: Ell’s reaction to what happened to Carlos and the role she played in it. I know the game shows the Boss being a badass and Ell certainly can be but she’s not totally unbreakable and this is one time she breaks. Also includes OT3 stuff but nothing overt--just kind of silly and cutesy towards the end. This might not fit exactly with the SR2 canon game timeline, but I admit right out that for some reason I can’t keep track of that timeline--apologies in advance for that.
Trigger warning for brief descriptions of violence and blood.
They wouldn’t answer. She knew they wouldn’t, but she didn’t know where else to go. They’d be asleep, and she’d probably end up sleeping in their driveway in her car. That wasn’t ideal either, but she didn’t know where else she would go.
The rain was coming down so hard it made it difficult for her to see as she drove--but her shaking hands and the tears running down her face made it even worse. She was amazed she hadn’t hit anything or anyone as she pulled into Aisha’s driveway.
She tried not to knock hard on the door, because she should let them sleep, she shouldn’t bother them, this was all her fault and had nothing to do with them.
She waited a few minutes, but the house seemed silent. She’d turned to walk back to her when the door cracked open and a bleary-eyed Johnny looked out.
“Ell, its three in the morning, what the fu--”
She didn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence before running back to him and wrapping her arms around him.
“Carlos is dead. I had to kill him Johnny he was just a kid and I killed him--they fucked him up so badly he was in so much pain and its all my fault it happened. I told him I’d take care of him; I was gonna teach him how to be a Saint; I--” Ell gasped as she clung to Johnny. She felt like she was drowning; she couldn’t catch her breath--but if she died now she figured she’d deserve it for letting Carlos go out the way he had.
Johnny was quiet as he led her into the house and to the couch, helping to hold her up. Aisha was standing on the landing of the stairs, but she ran over to them immediately once she could tell Ell was crying.
“Are you hurt?” Johnny asked, his tone unnervingly calm.
Ell shook her head. Aisha sat down beside her and started to look her over anyways. Ell didn’t blame her for not believing her--the way she was sobbing it would seem like she was injured.
Ell shook her head. She wasn’t sure she could repeat it all to them. She would have to, but she felt like she’d fall apart if she did.
“Ell.” Johnny sat on the other side of her and used a gentle hand to move her head so she was looking at him. “What happened out there?”
Without his trademark sunglasses, Ell had full contact with his eyes, full of worry and concern, and she broke into a fresh bout of sobs and turned away from him.
“We can’t help you if you don’t tell us.” Aisha said softly.
Ell took a breath and straightened up, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “Jessica and Maero’s crew took him. To get back at me for fucking up Maero’s face.”
“So you went to go find him, right?” Aisha supplied.
Ell nodded. “Jessica called me and told me where he was. And I thought I was going to get there in time to stop her. I tried, I really did, I drove as fast as I could and they were--they were dragging him from the back of one of their trucks.”
She stopped for a moment, and heard a sharp intake of breath from each of them.
“Keep going.” Johnny told her, but from the look on his face she guessed he’d rather she didn’t. And that made her feel all the worse, because it said a lot of see Johnny truly upset by violence.
“So I got them to stop. I’ve got like no fucking ammo for anything anymore, but they stopped. And I knew he wasn’t going to be in great shape but I thought maybe...I don’t know what I thought.” The image of Carlos’ face and body, bloody and shredded, flashed into her head and she thought she was going to be sick.
“Take your time.” Aisha said as she rubbed Ell’s back. She was obviously unsettled and uncomfortable hearing about all of this, but Ell admired and appreciated that she cared enough to listen and try and comfort her.
“He probably wouldn’t have made it to a hospital anyway. But I guess I don’t know that so maybe I should have tried to get him there. But he was in so much pain and he took my hand--” Ell took another deep breath. She was going to be sick; it was like doing it all over again. But she knew she had to finish telling them first.
“And I pulled my pistol and he nodded yes that I should--that I should end it for him. So I did. And he’s gone and he was just a kid and I did this to him. He was doing so well and he was gonna do great things with the Saints and god his poor fucking family and...” Ell couldn’t keep going.
She stood and ran back outside, and vomited at the end of the driveway. She sat there on the sidewalk for what felt like ages, with the rain soaking her sweatshirt anew. She’d done a lot of shit with and for the Saints, but this was the first thing to really rend her in two. This was one of the worst things she’d done, and she didn’t know if she could forgive herself for it.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out there when Johnny and Aisha came out to get her. She couldn’t get her legs to work; she felt numb--so Johnny carried her back into the house. She didn’t move after he set her on the couch--if she moved, then it would all be real and she’d have to face it as it replayed in her head over and over.
She didn’t say anything as they took care of her. Aisha was able to pull her up to sit just enough that they could get her wet sweatshirt off and pull one of Johnny’s old T-shirts over her head. She kicked off her shoes and socks without being asked before she flopped back onto the couch, but that was about as much as she could bear.
Johnny stayed out with her the rest of the morning. She knew he was hoping she’d sleep, but she couldn’t. Her eyes hurt and screamed for rest, but she just couldn’t manage it.
Aisha took the initiative to call Pierce and Shaundi to tell them what had happened. Ell felt awful for that; they should have heard it from her, but at the same time she was so incredibly grateful to Eesh for taking care of it for her.
She spent the rest of the day on their couch, knowing she’d have to get up and keep going at some point, but dreading having to do so. She’d have to face the rest of the Saints and, if she went to the funeral, Carlos’ family. And she just wasn’t sure she could do it; damn how might make her look to the Saints and their rivals.
Johnny and Aisha clearly knew to leave her be for the most part. They went about their day, periodically checking in on her to place a glass of water or a bit of food on the coffee table for her.
It was after she left the Freckle Bitch’s untouched that Johnny sat and talked to her again.
“You have to eat. You’re just gonna make yourself sick if you don’t. And I can’t run this show on my own so I need you to get up and try at least.”
She sat up and turned to him, expecting something like anger or frustration. Instead she only found fear and worry.
He’d taken his glasses off and wouldn’t break eye contact with her once she looked at him. And that was the worst, just as bad as it had been in the hours earlier--being able to so clearly see the fear and concern in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll be back to normal by tomorrow I just--” Ell sighed, frustrated with herself. She was supposed to be tougher than this.
Johnny shook his head. “I don’t need you to be back to normal, and it would be fucked up for me to expect you to be. I just need to you to try, to eat and go out and do something because if you don’t...look, it’ll only get harder to do the longer you sit and do nothing.”
He dropped his head into his hands and sighed. “I’m not trying to be insensitive, Ell, I swear to god, you know I love you and I know you’re hurting. But I’ve never wanted to run the Saints, and I’ve already got people asking what the fuck’s going on. So we have to do something.”
She moved closer to him as he leaned back into the couch, and he wrapped an arm around her to pull her to him. They sat in silence for a few moments, until Aisha walked over and joined them.
She leaned against Ell’s shoulder, and reached to take one of Ell’s hands in hers. “I know you don’t think you can do anything right now. And I didn’t know and don’t know much about Carlos--but I know he was a Saint, and that means he was important. He’d want you to keep going, wouldn’t he?”
Ell nodded. Eesh was right--if it had been someone else, and Carlos was here now to comfort her he would have been trying to get her out the door, to move and show the city that the leader of the Saints could take a hit and keep going no problem.
“Tomorrow we take care of Jessica, and after her, Maero. They’ll pay for what happened to Carlos.” Ell said, her voice finally stable and sounding almost confident.
“Okay.” Aisha said as she squeezed Ell’s hand. “You’ll stay here tonight, and tomorrow you and Johnny can head out and do whatever it is you’ve got planned for these people.”
“I take it you don’t wanna know what I’m thinking of for them, right?” Ell smiled.
“Damn right. I know you’ll do what you have to, and that’s all I need to know. Just do me a favor, both of you, and come back safe.” Aisha said.
“As if we’d ever come back to you in anything less than perfect condition.” Johnny said, sarcasm on the edge of his voice.
Aisha smirked. “Says the man who came home a few days ago and bled all over my kitchen from nearly being shot.”
“I got grazed, not ‘nearly shot.’ Skin bleeds a lot when that happens, that was out of my control.” Johnny said.
“She puts up with way too much with us, doesn’t she?” Ell asked as Aisha left the room.
“Yeah.” Johnny agreed.
“We don’t deserve her, do we?”
Johnny laughed. “Probably not. But she’s willing to put up with us, so that’s her choice.”
Ell settled against him. Careful banter like this was bringing her back to herself--she wasn’t going to be really okay for awhile yet, but she knew at least that she would be okay, even if the Saints were one member shorter and she never totally forgave herself for what happened. She still had Johnny, and Aisha, and the rest of the Saints who had her back. And that would be more than enough to keep her going.
