#sr newscasts

[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: thievery in some countries is dealt with swiftly and surely, the hand severed from the thief's arm. Local merchants are wondering, "can we learn something from this?". A rash of shelf-emptying smash and grab larceny has driven local merchants to the ends of their ropes. The Stilwater Police Department has been wholly ineffective in stopping this spree - private security firms are faring no better. And to add insult to injury, merchants tell us that they see their products showing up in the window fronts of pawn shops near-blocks away. Alarms ineffective, cameras blind to the crime, to the beleaguered local businessman, a human cry for ancient justice seems to be growing louder and louder. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: people will often say to me two simple words: "hi Jack". And I take it as a simple greeting, a pleasantry exchanged between friends, but take those two simple words and say them as one, and you'll find quickly they take on a whole new meaning on the mean streets of Stilwater. Increasingly the safety of the trucking industry has been stretched to its limits; hijacking is on the rise and the Stilwater police report that their hijacking task force or HTF has been retrained to take on this potent menace. Packages are stolen, vehicles are stripped for parts, and the market for bootlegged goods is a healthy one. What can one do? Little, it seems. Stilwater police advise tracking packages carefully and if you see a hijacking taking place, do not, repeat, do not attempt to retrieve your package during the melee. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: your tax dollars go not only to pay the salaries of government officials, but to pay for the most utilitarian and mundane of objects: fire hydrants, street signs, telephone poles; all defaced and destroyed in the rising tide of vandalism that has engulfed Stilwater. These items are hardly cheap: every run-over fire hydrant costs thousands of dollars to replace, each stolen street sign - days of labor to set right. And your money, having paid for these destroyed items once, now must pay for them again. Stilwater police are seeking your help in finding and arresting those responsible for these disrespectful activities. Call the tipline at 4-VANDALS if you see this vandalism occurring in your neighborhood. Let's keep Stilwater clean and carefree - together. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: hospital emergency rooms have become a little more swollen recently after admitting a few more unlucky participants in the hoodlum game known as street racing. These surface-street daredevils not only put themselves at risk, but endanger the lives of nearby citizens. The thrill of 90+ mile an hour speed is something this reporter remembers from his youth, but that was on the controlled environment of Germany's Autobahn. Here in Stilwater, however, the same cannot be said. Narrow lanes snaking through the city barely lend themselves to everyday stop-and-go traffic, let alone the treacherous nightmare of today's steel and chrome chariots. And as was seen last night... speed... kills. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: wondering why that package you'd been expecting is late or not arriving at all? Well we just might have the answer. Each and every day the highways and byways of Stilwater are a bustling windmill of commerce and business. Lately, some of that activity has been monkey business, as brazen thieves have been mercilessly commandeering 18 wheelers and other transport vehicles, stripping them of their precious cargo, only to resell it later on Stilwater's surging black market. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: carjacking, kidnapping, could this happen to you? Increasingly in Stilwater the answer, sadly, is yes. It doesn't appear that there is a method to their criminal madness; anyone and everyone is at risk, and that means you, stopped at a red light, waiting outside the convenience store - even the most mundane errand can turn into a nightmare for you and your family. And let's hope your bank balance can stand the pain. These hoodlums are not likely to simply visit the lost and found, no, they're asking big bucks to release their hostages unharmed. Vigilance, Stilwater, vigilance. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: In the '50s it was called "racing for pinks", and was seen as a rite of passage for the youth of America. But today, in Stilwater, far from seeing pink, local police and medical personnel are too often seeing red. High speed drag racing, circuits that wind through the roughest parts of town, and in almost every case, destruction, maiming, and death follow in these street racers' asphalt wakes. Innocent bystanders are not only suffering from fear and sleeplessness, they too can become victims, joining the drivers for trips to the emergency room. So far, authorities have not been able to bring this raging case of the speedies under control. For now, these criminals are moving too fast, leaving those authorities too furious. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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[thetwobosses]

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"I'm Jack Armstrong in the newsroom with this special report: the heroic act of coming to this country in search of the American Dream is never more starkly realized than the image of a simple immigrant and his pushcart. But today, serving a hot brat with grilled onions can be a dangerous proposition; imagine: attempting to fill the hungry stomachs of your customers with your hot food, while wearing a pleasant smile and engaging in English-as-a-second-language banter, only to be flattened by an errant vehicle piloted by an out-of-control vandal bent on the destruction of your property, jumping the curb, and bringing an abrupt end to your customer's lunch... and your life. So much for the American Dream, Boris. And it happens far too often in Stilwater - we've seen it more and more recently as the brazen criminals who run in gangs are also running roughshod over the populace and its property. For updates, tune to us for the latest details and information. For Jane Valderamma, Flying Officer Mike McCabe, and all of us in the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."

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