i wrote something, i've been listening to Finding Melody by Gavin Luke on repeat so here you go.
They were not supposed to be there, and yet there they were, after everyone else had gone to sleep and they found the freedom that was rarely awarded to them.
She had seen him in the garden of the home and just barely stopped herself from running out to him. She still had to maintain some sense of decorum, no matter if anyone was awake to see it.
When she walked outside, she looked closer at what he had been doing, gazing at the flowers, chrysanthemums, those a delicate red like the rubies on the family ring that he wore.
She stood there, watching as he held each flower in his hand, inspecting it before moving on to the next. She didn’t want to disrupt him, and watching allowed her more time to etch him into her mind, making sure that if she could never see him again after that night, he would remain, only visible to her, but hers.
It had only been a few seconds before he looked up at her, a smile growing faster than his rather feeble attempt to stop it.
“You came.” He started, raising his eyebrows slightly as she replied with a nod.
“I had to; I couldn’t let you run off with all these pretty flowers before we have had a chance to fully see them,” she said, letting herself smile as he laughed, his laugh echoing the deep and warm tones of the cellos in his family’s music room.
“Forgive me, but only one will suffice, there is no need for more when the beauty in front of me outshines them all.”
She felt her cheeks heat up and she looked down, hiding her smile as he plucked one blossom from the bush and gently kept it in his coat pocket.
“Let us take a walk. It is really a very lovely night.” he continued, glancing at the moon as she placed her hand in the crook of his arm.
And it was a perfect night, the moon shining brightly upon them, complementing the twinkling stars in the dark sky, and yet the light, the pure, warm light, felt dull, almost like the moon and the stars were rejoicing in the fact that they were soon to be torn apart.
They walked through the garden, finding comfort in the silence between them.
They both knew that this could not last. She was soon to be wed to another and he was to depart for war. They both knew. But at least for one night, this last night, they would allow themselves to feel what they wouldn’t be able to again. At least for tonight, they would.
They soon found themselves in a clearing, perfectly illuminated by the moonlight. It was here that he turned to face her and asked, “Dance with me?”
She knew that she shouldn’t. Doing so would only make leaving harder, but she couldn’t stop herself from taking his hand with a smile and placing her other hand on his shoulder.
They started slow, the music of balls past playing in their minds as they waltzed around the clearing, the moonlight acting like a limelight shining upon them.
He soon lifted his hand to cup her cheek, brushing a strand of hair out of the way as he did so.
She looked up into his eyes, a dark brown like the noble trees that stood near her home, and leaned in slightly.
He looked into her eyes for a wordless confirmation before leaning in and letting their lips touch, and she felt the world come to a standstill. There was no wind, no chirp of the crickets, only the sync of their heartbeats as they stood there. There was no worry, no pain, no leaving, just them, the moon, and the stars shining upon them, what once was felt as a delight to their pain was now just the soft, pale light that wished to shower on them with the happiness they possessed.
He placed his hand on the back of her neck as he pulled her closer, not willing to let the moment end.
But like all in the world, this too must end, and when they broke, she laid her head on his chest, trying to hold back the tears at what was to come.
She felt him place another kiss on her head and held tightly onto him as the world around them came back to life and she remembered the pain that was to come for them.
Suddenly, the moonlight felt like a mocking spectator again as they both started the walk back to the house, the house where she was soon to live, silent once again.
They walked up to the balcony, determined to let the night last as long as they could.
It was a few minutes before he broke the silence, the world seeming to quiet again as he wondered aloud.
“Why must we bend to the whims of society and our families? We can go away, together. We will have a good life. I can provide for us. We can be happy. I know we can.”
Images of the possibility flooded her mind. Them together, happy, loved. Images of a decent house in the country, living with hardship but coming out of it together. Images of smiling, dancing, laughter. She almost smiled at the thought, but also came the images of her family in ruins, the loneliness of having to stay away from them, their reputation in shambles, causing her to cover her eyes to hide her pain.
“We can’t. We have to stay. I have to marry him, arranged or not. It is important to my family.” She replied, trying to hide the aching in her heart with every word.
“What about you? Both you and him do not want this. Is it unreasonable to assume that it can be done?” he asked, almost begging as his voice raised slightly.
“I know my duty and you know yours. We can’t, no matter how much we want to. There’s too much at risk. You know this.” She replied quickly, trying to hold back her tears.
He sighed defeatedly and ran his fingers through his hair as she turned away from him, hoping that if he believed that she didn’t care, it would be easier to do what had to be done.
She looked at the stars glittering in front of them as they stood there on that balcony and could feel his eyes on her as she finished and shifted the conversation to safer topics.
“Aren’t the stars beautiful?” she asked, trying to stop herself from turning to him, not wanting or willing to see the pain in his eyes.
She continued to feel his gaze on her as he murmured “Yes, the most beautiful.”
They stood there in silence once again, gazing at the stars. “Oh, how they must be laughing now.” She thought cynically, cursing the fact that her happiness was doomed to be close and yet far, forever just outside of her reach.
She soon raised her arm and pointed one star out, the one that shone the brightest, and asked, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice, “Do you think that there’s some version of us out there where we are happy?”
If he had moved closer to her, she hadn’t noticed, not until he had taken her hand and looked away from her.
“Maybe there, we stand on this same balcony, first of many nights where we can be…” his voice trailed off as he let go of her hand.
She laughed darkly, “Maybe there, we are free to dance in the hall instead of stealing away to the balcony when everyone is asleep.
“We will be happy somewhere. Here or somewhere else in the cosmos, but we will be happy.” He replied softly, reaching his hand out to grasp her hand again but soon dropping his own.
At that, she choked back a sob, gripping the rail tightly but staying quiet, not willing to say anymore.
She could feel him looking at her once again. Oh, how she wished he would stop. If only to make what she had to say next easier.
“Please leave.” She whispered, a catch in her voice as she tried to wipe her eyes. “I don’t think I can let you go if I look.”
She tightly closed her eyes as she heard him walk up to her and felt his hands on her shoulders. He said nothing, only bending down to kiss her head and fix her braid before walking back towards the door.
“Thank you for everything.” She heard him say, his voice barely above a whisper as she heard him open the door.
When she heard the door close behind him, she opened her eyes and looked at the stars once again. She let her hands go to her braid and felt what he had left at the base of it. She took it out and looked at it only to realize that it was the flower from the garden, the chrysanthemum, as red as the rubies that adorned his family ring. As red as the same heart that called for him.
“I love you.” It read.
“I love you.” It mocked.
She held it close to her chest and before she could stop herself, she surrendered to the emotions she had tried to hide, and she stood on that balcony and looked at those stars as her tears fell onto the rail before wiping her eyes and walking inside, resigning herself to her fate.
