SasuSaku Month 2015
Day 12 - White Flag
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Title: The End
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Summary: after years, Sakura finally decides that it's time to give up on that childish crush of hers.
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A/N: okay... If you guys have read Ao Haru Ride, then you'll probably recognize something... I took the general idea from there and I waited until the SasuSaku month to write this one. The genin days are finally over so get ready for more intense talks XD I hope you enjoy it.
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I give up.
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Those were the words that had put her to sleep on the night before and were also waking her up on that cold morning in Konoha. Those words marked the end of a cycle. They were the conclusion she had reached after months of thinking unstoppably and after years of unrequited love. She had had enough of thinking. Enough of suffering. Enough of waiting for something she wasn't even sure that would work out. After over a decade of uselessly fantasizing and daydreaming, Haruno Sakura was, finally, ready to leave it all behind. She was ready to give up on her love. She was ready to give up on him.
Another day in the village had just began and for most of the villagers that day was going to be just like any other normal day. The birds were singing and everyone was working and the reminiscent leaves were slowly falling. Winter had just started and, unlikely the dry leaves, Sakura was about to stand up like the Spring after long months spent crushed under the snow blanket. She had prepared everything for the great moment and was already fully dressed up to meet the boy who had once captured her hearts. The pinkette took one last breath before exiting her apartment and, finally, started her way towards one of the biggest decisions of her life. She left home knowing she would return as a different person. She left home knowing she would no longer be in love in the next couple of hours. And that would make all the difference.
As Sakura made her way through the streets of her so beloved village, the girl felt as if she was inside one of those girly books where the main girl notices every single detail around her. Her mind started to wonder about how her whole life would be different after she finished her unstarted relationship with the Uchiha. How her eyes would no longer be shining every time she saw a couple walking around nor how her heart would beat faster whenever Valentine's Day arrived. The Sun would feel different in her skin and the moon wouldn't be that nostalgic anymore. She would no longer feel the warmth inside of her chest nor the pain that would follow it and that idea certainly felt relieving. The world in her eyes would be a different world and a part of her couldn't wait to explore it. A world without a broken heart and a world where Sasuke would be just a teammate. That was what she had planned, at least. Unfortunately, things wouldn't be that simple. And something inside her knew it as soon as her eyes met him.
Standing in front of the flower shop, just like she told him in the letter she had sent, Uchiha Sasuke and his poncho were both in a perfect harmony with their surroundings. The negative looks no longer existed for people no longer feared him and it was clear that he had once again accepted Konoha as his home. Seeing him so serene and so charming certainly made her heart beat a little faster and it made her truly happy to know hatred no longer prevailed in his heart. Knowing he had found what he was looking for made her happy. And that happiness was something the pinkette intended to maintain during their future as friends.
" Sasuke-kun!" She waved, approaching him with that silly smile of hers.
" ah... Sakura."
" have you been here for too long already?"
" no. I've just arrived, don't worry."
" I'm glad!" She said, clapping her hands together and closing her eyes in happiness. If only they were kept opened, Sakura would have seen a faint blush spread around his cheeks.
" ... So, what is it that you want to talk to me?"
" ah... It is ... Uh..." She scratched the back of her head, making that truthful smile of hers disappear. " Can we go somewhere more private?"
"Hn."
With a slight nod, the raven haired boy waited for her to lead the way. He knew that what she had to discuss with him was a serious matter that time. For she was always so loud and extravagant, Sasuke knew right away that it wasn't going to be a simple talk like the ones they have while going out for a lunch or whenever he decides to walk her home after coincidentally passing by in front of the hospital at the same time her shift ends. The pinkette seemed to be tense and, when her smile disappeared from her soft pink lips, his intuition was telling him that there was something wrong. And his intuition about her was never mistaken.
The two ninjas walked in a comfortable silence around the village for some good 10 minutes until they were standing in the exact place where everything begun for them. The only way that led to the exit of the village and the one place where their words were once whispered in the darkness of the night. Out of all the changes in Konoha, the bench where he had left her unconscious was still untouched. And such thing did make both of them happy. It made them happy to know that, even after so long and after so many things, the places where they had created their memories were still there and were still preserved. Unlikely them, the places were unaffected by the time.
When Sakura finally stopped, her ears caught an almost inaudible sigh coming from his lips. So he did remember about that place, after all, she thought. He remembered about that night and about her words and certainly about her tears. He remembered hearing her confession and how he simply left her at that bench in the middle of the night. Sasuke would never forget about that moment, for sure. He would never forget about how right she was and how terribly wrong the path he had just chosen would be. If only he had heard her back then, his life wouldn't have been that huge mess that he was still trying to fix. He would have found love and happiness earlier. He wouldn't have almost killed his friends. He wouldn't have killed his brother. And that would have saved him from many of his nightmares. Still, the Uchiha was sure she wasn't there to talk about him. She was there to talk about them. And more than anyone he wanted to listen to her words.
" Sakura... Why did you bring me here?"
" I figured it would be the perfect place, you know...? Where it all began for the team 7 and... For us."
She turned to face him, at last. There was a sad smile on her face as a cold wind played with her pink locks. There really was something wrong going on and, deep inside, the boy wasn't sure if he wanted to listen to it.
" Hn. What is it then?"
" Sasuke-kun...." Sakura took one last breath and, after all of that walk, her determined emeralds finally met his dark pearls. It was time to finish what they hadn't started. " I'm giving up on you... I'm giving up on us."
His eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat and his throat had never felt so dry. Why did those words hurt so much? Why on earth were his eyes on the verge of crying?
" giving up? W-What do you mean?" He asked, knowing exactly what they meant.
The girl with emerald eyes clenched her fists as if to hold onto something while she tried to look for the right words in her head. Sakura knew that doing that would probably be one of the hardest things she would ever do in her life but she also knew it had to be done. Even if she still loved him with all of her heart, keeping the fantasy that one day he would return and they would live happily ever after wasn't just fair with her. It wasn't fair with him either. Just like her, Sakura knew he should be allowed to find another girl and fall in love with her without any possible guilt of having a girl waiting for him somewhere. She didn't want her feelings for him to be a burden for him. She wanted him to be free from every possible thing that could stand in between him and his own personal journey. She didn't want him to feel obligated to return to her. But, what she never knew, was that he wanted to return for her. To her. He has always wanted that ever since he first left Konoha. Sakura has always been his reason to return. And he didn't want to lose that pink haired reason.
" it means... I'm not gonna be in love with you anymore... I'm waving the white flag." With one of her hands, she motioned the waving movement. That sad smile of a loser still suing in her lips. " I don't want this feeling to stand in between us anymore. I want to put an end to it."
" ..." His chest tightened even more as he tried to remain his characteristic calm glare. There was still something she wasn't telling him and you bet he wanted to know. " why are you saying this only now? And why did you have to come and tell me about this?"
" because, as I've said, I want to finish this... And after thinking for months, I've reached the conclusion that things won't end until I hear your answer..."
" my answer to what?"
" to my love confession... The one I've made years ago..."
"..." His eyes widened even more and, for the first time, his mouth went agape. Sasuke still didn't know where she was trying to get with all of that story but, somehow, the girl didn't seem to be heading to a happy ending.
" you see... On the night you left the village, I confessed my love to you... I was hoping it would stop you but it didn't... On that night, even if I screamed my feelings out, you left with a simple thank you. I never truly understood the meaning of that but I've reached the conclusion that, apart from your last words, you never did give me your answer... You never really rejected me."
"But, Sakura I-"
" that's why, Sasuke-kun..." She bit her lower lip, preventing her tears from falling. " I came here to be properly rejected and move forward." She looked at him with a sincere and painful smile and with equally sad eyes. If moving forward would really bring her happiness, as she was telling him, then why was she that sad? The Uchiha couldn't understand that and, honestly, he didn't want to. The only thing he knew was that he wanted her to be happy. No matter, no matter with whom, he wanted to see her happy. To see that smile of hers again.
"... I love you Sasuke-kun... Really really much and I don't think I'll ever love someone again... But I don't want this pain anymore. I don't want to wait without a purpose... I want to convince myself of a broken heart and then... I want... I want..."
Her tears were pooling in her eyes and she could already taste blood coming from her lips. Sakura had to be strong. She had to make it. She had to get rid of that pain. And she was going to make it.
" I want to move on... So, please, I need your answer... I need your rejection."
Those pleading eyes of hers were certainly making a hole in the left side of his chest. It was clear that he had hurt her too much and that she was right in wanting to get rid of it all. It was clear that she deserved to be happy and that she deserved better than a man who would barely be by her side. Better than a man who had tried to kill her. Sakura deserved more. A lot more. But, even if her lips were saying that she would get everything she was looking for if he rejected her, why, in her heart, he could see a girl begging to be loved by him? By that cold and monstrous heart of his? Why, deep inside, was she saying that she was lying? Sasuke certainly didn't know and, like always, he couldn't understand why that girl had fallen for him in the first place. Why didn't she get over that crush? Why did she let it turn into love? Why didn't he want to reject her?
With his eyes still analyzing that hurt girl, the Uchiha started to consider his own wishes towards that confession. Back in those days, if not because of his blinding revenge, of course he would have accepted it. He would have also loved her and he would have certainly been happy by her side. All of his days would have been fun, for sure. But he couldn't let that pure love of hers being corrupted by his dark side. He had promised himself to answer her feelings once his revenge was over. He had selfishly longed for the day when he would return and she would be there to welcome him. In his own image of the future, Sakura would have waited for him. And, indeed, she had. She had waited for all of that time and, deep in his heart, he was more than just happy for that. He was more than just happy to still hold her heart. And you could bet he wouldn't let her go away after so long. He would make her whole waiting be worth it.
" Sakura... I really can't-"
" you don't have to worry about hurting me or anything, Sasuke-kun. I can take this rejection, I promise." She chuckled and that hurt his heart even more.
" that's not it... I-"
" just say it..."
" I won't reject you."
" what...?" Her heart skipped a beat and her mind froze. Out of all the possible answers she had expected, the one where he wouldn't reject her was never among them. She was waiting for him to end it. She was waiting for him to be a man and step out of that whole sentimental mess they had been trapped into for the past 10 years. She was not gonna accept not being rejected.
" I'm not gonna reject you, Sakura."
" why not?! ...Do you really hate me that much? Don't you want me to be happy?"
" that's the one thing I want the most in the world..." He took a step forward, shortening the distance between them. " if rejecting you would really bring you happiness, I would, believe me."
"... What do you mean by that?"
" I meant that stop loving me won't make you any happier, Sakura."
" how can you be so selfish!?" Her eyes were in flames as she took one step forward towards him. Backing up was not an option at that moment.
" selfish? Me?!"
" yes! Can't you see what loving has caused me!?" She glared at him.
" of course I can! Everyone can!"
" then why don't yo-"
" I see that your love for me has turned you into a strong woman. The strongest in the world and also the best medical ninja too!"
He held her hand tight and her eyes widened. Through that grip she could feel how tense he was and how nervously his heart was beating. It made her feel how angry he was and how he didn't want to let go. He didn't want to let go of her or of her love. He didn't want to let go of her hand. And she could see that clearly in the intensity of his voice when those words came out. What was that that he was saying?
"Your love for me... Your love for us..." He melted his fingers in between hers and their eyes were completely lost in each other. At last, her eyes had started to work on him. Those forest eyes of hers that could calm down even the angriest of the men. Those eyes of hers that could tame the beast that lived inside of him. The eyes he loved so much. " it has turned you into a splendid woman... The woman that I love with all of my heart."
" Sasuke-kun..." Their faces were getting closer by the seconds. Her heart was starting to beat even faster and there was a blush spread on her cheeks. Sakura certainly hated to be feeling like that in such a crucial moment like that but, unfortunately, there was nothing she could do. She would never be able to control her feelings with the Uchiha around.
" Don't say that... Don't... Don't do this to me..."
" ...why not?" His breath was close enough and it tickled her lips.
" because... Because that's just the opposite of everything that I'm trying to do... It's wrong... Loving you is... Is wrong."
" do you really believe in that? Say you do and I'll leave forever..."
" I.... I really bel-"
The boy didn't even give her a chance of trying before pulling her in a deep kiss. He used himself of her half opened mouth and, quickly, invaded her cavity with his tongue. He explored her every single inch while he was inside and lead her own tongue into a breathtaking dance. The Uchiha was surprised to see how fast Sakura had succumbed to her own stubbornness and joined him in that frenzy. Doing so probably went against all of the things she had planned on doing that morning but she didn't need to think much to understand that kissing him and loving him were the things that were making her happy the most. Loving him, indeed, had turned her into a much better person than she used to be, he was right when he said that. Loving him had made her who she was and, deep inside, she already knew all of that. Loving him, doubtlessly, was worth everything. It was worth the pain and the waiting and all of the good moments they would share in that strange world they lived in. Loving him would be worth fighting for, for sure.
" I-I hate you..." She said, trying to breath as her relieved tears streamed down her face.
" no you don't..." He said, smiling and trying to wipe her tears away.
" yes I do... This... This isn't fair..."
" Hn... You're annoying."
With a smirk on his face, Sasuke was also feeling a lot better. He still had her love. He still had her whole self for him. And, at that moment, he couldn't be happier for love being something so unfair. In the end, he was the one who gave up. He gave up and, finally, accepted her unconditional love.
White Flag
Summary: In which Sasuke’s small gestures of love are an act of surrender.
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Sakura had always known that Sasuke didn’t love casually. When he loved, it was fierce. It was his soul ripped wide open and raw. It was his whole heart on display. It was all that he was and everything he knew handed over like a gift. And she knew, that all he hoped in return was for it to be opened gently.
So for him to truly let his guard down around her touched her heart very deeply. It was in the little things really; the flat expression on his face when he told a joke, the fact that he actually told a joke, the small twitch at the corner of his mouth, the smile in his eyes, the fluster in his cheeks when she smiled at him—it made her heart race. It made her love him even more.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Sarada asked. Her expression was curious, as her eyes flitted between her and Sasuke, who was arranging the dining table like it was a war strategy.
She shrugged and carefully handed her the plate of steamed fish.
“I hope you’re not thinking dirty thoughts,” Sarada warned with narrowed eyes, and the context of her tone sent a jolt down her arm, so that she almost knocked the bowls of rice off the counter. “Sarada!” She could feel her cheeks set aflame.
“What?” But she was already halfway down the room. And as Sasuke emerged from the strategic placement of dining room cutlery, he gave her a fleeting smile that made her heart race and her blood pump a million miles an hour. Her chest ached with an over flow of love and she had to turn around to get herself in control. That man had always been the end of her.
Title: Six degrees of separation
Author: Ella / ff.net’s xElla8D / youtube’s xHawtAMV
Summary: Day 12: White flag - in which we see a little insight of Sasuke’s redemption journey.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto, nor the song this was inspired by.
Prompt: White flag
Rating: K
Warning(s): Sakura Hiden related + spoilers of it.
Comments: I like to think that Sasuke thought of Sakura a lot while being away.
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11349882/12/Daily-spices
This week’s theme: Interlude ( adolescence/ young adulthood)
Unsent
Sakura sat at a desk in her room, her white flag splayed out in front of her, about to be stained with ink. She was in her pajama’s, it was her first night off for a long time and she wanted to attempt to be comfortable. Her hair was wet from a shower and it was splattered against the back of her neck, actually making her more uncomfortable, but she didn’t move from her chair. She sat poised with a pen in hand prepared to put her mark on the paper.
Dear Sasuke,she began. She had to get all of her feelings off of her chest. She was having a tough time with her emotions towards Sasuke, and over the next few hours she explained herself to him, got angry with him for how he had treated at her, displayed her tears and shouts to be captured by the words on the paper before her. Her letter was her white flag, her surrender, her final statement about Sasuke, so that she could move on with her life.
When Sakura finished expressing her anger with him, her short letter had grown to numerous pages of trapped emotions. However, it was then that she decided that she should also write to him about emotions besides anger and sadness and other negative feelings. She pulled out more paper and began to tell him that although she was angry with him, there were also emotions and thoughts within her that screamed for their turn to be shared. She truly loved him, and only wanted him to be happy, and didn’t want to see him fall further into darkness. Sakura explained her deepest feelings with words that still couldn’t fully articulate how much her heart ached to have him return, even if he didn’t return to see her, even if he didn’t return her feelings. After another few hours, with a candle and the moonlight that filtered through her window giving her the light to write by, she finished her surrender, her declaration that she was finally going to move on, but that she would always have a place for him in her heart, with a final Love, Sakura.
Sakura looked at the papers in front of her, she had a little more than doubled her amount of pages since she had started to write out her positive emotions. She put them neatly in a stack then rolled them up and put them into a scroll container, the ones that the messenger hawks of the villages carried. She then opened up one of her drawers and placed the scroll inside. She looked at the container for a moment before closing the drawer and standing up to go to bed. She climbed into bed and got under her blankets, fully knowing that she would never send her letter as her eyes slipped closed.
prompt: white flag
theme: adolescence/young adult
notes: this is still one of my favorite songs, believe it or not. How can I not write for it? Probably just before/around Iron Country.
It would be so easy, says those who do not understand, to give up on him. To look at what he has done, declare him a monster, and say: no more for me. To decide from this day forth that he is not worthy of love, of care, of anything other than a death sentence.
Except—
Love isn’t a choice.
Sakura never asked to fall in love; she just is. Has been since she was twelve years old. Love has grown into her; as much a part of the fabric of her as her identity as being Ino’s friend or a kunoichi of Konoha.
Love does not make her worthless as a fighter. Inexperience is what originally hindered her effectiveness; not letting herself take action. Love is what helped her overcome these obstacles, fed her drive to work harder, to bloody her knuckles, to get better faster.
Love for her village, for the people who make their lives there, for her family and friends: these forces are what make her blows powerful. What have turned her into the strongest woman in the world.
So why would the love she nurses for this one boy be any different? She cannot ignore her love when she makes her choices—to do so will only lead to disaster.
Wouldn’t it be wiser, after all, to still see herself clearly and recognize the conflict between her want and her need, than to nurse a delusion that he doesn’t matter.
Because he does. He will.
She cannot surrender; she refuses to give up on the forces that drive her.
She will not, no matter what others say, stop her heart.
They meet under a sky that knows every twist and turn of their story, that knows their every success, their every failure. It has heard hushed words of love, has seen the hidden expressions, and knows better than they do how it’ll end.
Face to face, but further away than ever before, it’s a tragedy waiting to happen. The day’s light shines upon them, not a cloud in sight, the sky will cry later when it’s all set and done.
She holds a weapon at his back, just inches apart, a thrust away from ending his life. But there she is, frozen in place and unable to move.
And in his eyes she’s a traitor, ready to stab him in the back with words of love falling off her lips. A stranger in the mask of a loved one. His heart, a heart he didn’t know he had, breaks at the realization that she’s just as bad, just as sinister as the rest of them. He can see the Sakura, his Sakura, in her eyes, he can see the love that she preaches in her green depths, feel her presence behind him one he knows so well.
But it’s no longer her.
It’s a liar and he’s fallen for her every word.
“That’s when it all began though…you and me…”
Suddenly she’s no longer untouchable, no longer Sakura and just Sakura. He remembers her teary eyes her voice as it broke at the end. He turns, head throbbing, everything in him telling him not to but he does not listen.
“If you were to leave me I would be as alone as you.”
His hands wrapped around her neck, pulse quickening under his touch, all he sees are patches of color, that remind him so much of her, of that little girl that he could not touch the one he needed to protect.
And her lies, every little one of them can’t erase the reality of his feelings. His anger doesn’t help him forget her words, it’s only for a single moment that he feels he can’t do it.
But he does.
His hold tightens around her neck
“I love you with all my heart! I would do anything for you…so please stay with me!”
By the time she’s out of his grasp, staring at him from a safe distance, he sees it all in her eyes. All that was then, is there still.
Seven months ago the war had been won, and he had returned home. Things had been difficult, not only was everyone adjusting to this newfound peace, rebuilding, and recovering, but now they had to accustom themselves to the presence of a former s-class criminal in their midst. The citizens were wary of him, and the shinobi looked upon him with distrust. A full Anbu squad discreetly followed him wherever he went. The only ones that were remotely welcoming to him were the remnants of the Rookie Twelve, and the new in-jutsu using addition to team Kakashi.
Naruto and Kakashi both worked relentlessly and used what power they had as a war hero, and new Hokage respectively, to keep a lynch mob from forming. The Godaime had been more than willing to retire and leave Kakashi to clean up the mess his former student had caused. Sasuke couldn’t really blame her – he hadn’t exactly endeared himself to her in the small amount of time he had known the woman before abandoning the village. Then again he couldn’t think of what he could have possibly done to endear himself to Kakashi-sensei during his time as an active member of team 7 either... At least the Uchiha knew why the jinchuuriki was so determined to help him out – the blond viewed him as a brother, and if Sasuke was being honest with himself he felt the same way. Thanks to the efforts of his two male teammates he was slowly but surely being accepted once more, but there was something missing.
He was home, and he had finally laid his family to rest, but there was a certain hollowness in him. The last Uchiha knew that he would eventually have to atone for his many sins, and had made decisions accordingly. One of those decisions he found however, he had to fight in order to stick to. When everything was once more settled in the Village and beyond he planned on setting out for his redemption (he had not told anyone yet). That decision had let to the formation of another – the one he currently struggled with.
Sasuke was determined to keep Sakura at arm’s-length (figuratively speaking) until he could return from his planed journey. The pink-haired kunoichi loved him, and being separated from him so soon after reuniting with him would do nothing but hurt her. All the Uchiha could do to lessen the coming pain was stay away from her for now; prevent her from once more becoming accustomed to his presence. It physically hurt every time he walked away from her these past few months. It had been so easy those years away from her; he could almost ignore the pain of separation because there was nothing to remind him of her.
Now he saw her almost every day. Sasuke did all he could to prevent himself from once more growing close to her – for her own sake. He only remained in her presence if the two were a part of a mixed group, and even then he could hardly stop himself from being next to her. The urge to converse with her – and ignore the others – practically choked him. The desire to agree to her offers of walks, or lunches, or anything just the two of them caused him to ache.
This was for her sake, but it was destroying him to deny her his presence, and to deny himself her’s. Uchiha Sasuke lasted seven months before he surrendered. That night he and Sakura sat together in her living room contently sipping tea as she talked about her day at the hospital. They would both hurt later when he left on his journey, but for now they were together.
Waving the white flag is a common euphemism for surrender or giving up.
