The ice in your heart still slaps me across the face when I think about you; when I look back and remember everything that we used to be. Was I never good enough? Just not perfect, or plastic enough, to fit into your shallow spectrum? You repeated again and again that you would always stand by me; but now I know that if I had just looked in your eyes I would have seen the lies. Those monumental lies that ripped apart my soul and tore what was left of it into pieces. The shreds floated around me and I struggled to collect them, trying to put together my world. But every single time I thought I would finally be okay you ran me over and scattered my parts. My semblance just shattered, and you pretended not to notice as you walked away. I thought that you were part of my support; then you knocked my feet out and left me winded on the sidewalk. As I lay there bleeding I called out for you, confused and uncertain of what had happened. You had held me up from falling off of that cliff into the abyss and when you let go it felt like I would never stop falling. I was so fragile before I let you into my life. The darkness almost consumed me, but you were that light that shone through. And then you yanked it all out from under me. And when I called for you you realized what a mess I was, and then you ran. You ran as far away as you could when you saw what I was, when I was naked and my soul was bare. I almost hit the bottom. It almost killed me. But I survived. I was crippled, and in pain, and it felt like at any given moment I would fall apart again but I was still alive. I crawled at first, trying to get my bearings, but I slowly put the pieces back together. Some broke off, some were lost, most were heavily damaged, but I could manage to lift my head. I couldn't let you win; I vehemently refused to let you destroy me and I managed to find my feet. It took me years to stand back up again and I fell so many times along the way, stumbling over obstacles and wanting to give up, But I stood again. I stood without you or your support and though I was shaky I no longer needed you. I wasn't going to let that darkness win out because I could taste the light and I wanted it so badly. I reached out, hand over hand and tried so desperately to get up off the ground. Some days I wanted to lie down and let it take me but it never did. You broke me, and I became so much stronger. Maybe that is why you were put into my life. Sometimes I still have bad days but they're no longer accompanied by meltdowns and waves of hurt and harm. My demons still scream in my head but I no longer listen to them. They don't control me anymore. The pain you caused still hurts somedays but not like it used to. I had been in a bad place before you came into my life, you lifted me up, and then dropped me. I plummeted towards the dark place with my monsters screaming for blood. But when you lifted me I remembered happiness and I craved it. I wanted to feel something and I wanted to be "happy" again. So I stood up. And became so much stronger. What you did still stings when I look back, but I remind myself, I'm never going back to that place. So why look back when all I want to go is forward?
