Uncertainty - Part I
『 Note: It has been years since I’ve actually written something. Only recently did I start with headcanons, and even then I still have so much to improve with. This originally started as a brainstorm / headcanon, but I kept writing and eventually made it a bit too long. So, I will divide it into two parts. Apologies for the blandness. The second part is here! 』
“Are you sure about this, Zenyatta, sir?” You asked with hesitance, pressing a lock of hair behind your ear while looking around nervously. The wind became harsher as you tried to speak, your eyes finding it hard to meet the Omnic’s. “I mean, I’m not exactly the best at this. Not to mention, I…”
Zenyatta levitated a comfortable distance from you and studied your movements. Lowering your head, your body shivered at the thought of what you planned on doing. You held your arm tightly as you felt the Omnic observe you further.
He was silent, which didn’t exactly help at the current moment, but you knew he more than likely was trying to search for words of encouragement. Either that, or entirely unsure of what to say. It was more likely the former over the latter. as you and Zenyatta had been close for some time.
Biting the inside of your lip, you did your best to shake the worry that plagued your mind. That lasted for all of two seconds, as the Omnic curiously tilted his head and watched your behaviour as you became increasingly more anxious.
You had agreed to meet with the monk to meditate, but it soon turned more into a therapy session due to your inability to concentrate. Placing a hand to your forehead, you exhaled heavily and lifted your head to meet eyes with him.
“Zenyatta, sir, I-”
“You do not have to address me in such a manner. For as long as we’ve known one another, you have always been incredibly formal with me.” It was one of the rarer times that he interrupted you.
This caught your attention immediately, your eyebrow arching as his orbs became slightly brighter as they circled his head in their regularly synchronized rhythm. “If I may request that you simply refer to me as ‘Zenyatta’?”
“Oh, right, sorry…” Your voice trailed off as you shook your head. “It’s a bad habit, si- Um. Zenyatta.” You cleared your throat. “You know this. It’s just that, with all of this going on, my nerves act up… Of course, I’m not as formal as say-”
“Genji?” He questioned, drawing an immediate reaction from you. You tried your best to keep a poker face, but he simply watched as physically you were unable to do so. Your already pink cheeks became an even rosier shade, and you lowered your head again.
Had Zenyatta a human appearance, you feel he’d have the biggest grin. You turned to your left, once again avoiding eye contact, and instead distracted yourself with the scenery around you.
Currently, you had the day “off” from your usual work as an IT Technician for the high profile company that was Vishkar. Quietly you were at odds with how your company would treat not only its employees, but civilians as well, however feared leaving what you enjoyed most.
It wasn’t until a mandatory business trip through various countries that you had crossed paths with the peaceful monk, whose group was seen more as defects and nuisances more than anything. It intrigued you as to what their message was and why they were acting – what you saw at the time – so different and unlike usual programming for Omnics.
Fast forward, you kept contact with the monk as an initial attempt to understand what his motive was, but soon began to question your own following the more involved you became with him. You kept your political views of Omnics to yourself and away from work, wary of drawing attention to yourself, though soon found yourself to admire and appreciate Omnics for who they were.
Your mind troubled with uncertainty with your alignment with Vishkar, in addition to the general public’s disapproval, caused more than enough stress for you, and you were internally conflicted as to what to do. Zenyatta was willing to help you through your moments of weakness, and remained supportive.
That didn’t necessarily carry well with his cyborg pupil who you encountered on more than one occasion, much to your confusion and at even at times, frustration. It struck you as odd at first that not only was Zenyatta a Master, but had a student no less. While there was a time he was largely absent, you enjoyed hearing stories of him from Zenyatta.
Following his return over the years, you found that in his company you became more anxious. He was very polite and respectable towards you, but also hard to read. The times you would make acquaintance, or spend longer hours with both him and his Master, you found yourself finding more than admiration for his student.
It pained you to be around him at times, your usual calm composure shattered with sudden clumsiness and stammering, your heart beating faster when he came near you, or even Zenyatta mentioning his name.
Removing yourself from your thoughts, you held your hands up defensively. “N-No, Zenyatta, s- … Ah, Zenyatta. That’s not who I was going to say.” It was almost as if your lie caused Zenyatta to prolong his silence, and you laughed weakly. “I promise, I meant to say, um-”
“Genji,” Zenyatta repeated, his palms placed symmetrically in his lap as he hovered before you. You felt your ears get hot, and you crossed your arms defiantly as you stared at the other. It wasn’t like Zenyatta to press your buttons in this fashion, or perhaps he was simply misunderstanding you. Tilting your head, you narrowed your [colour] eyes and sighed once more.
The weather was slightly chilly, with clouds looming overhead casting a temporary shadow over you both. Cool weather was your favourite and kept you at ease. What you were trying to do, however, was the opposite of that and only peaked your anxiety. Zenyatta was at your side for support, or so it appeared, as you wanted to speak to him about why you were so flustered around his student. It frustrated you, and Zenyatta recognized this.
“I don’t think speaking to him about this is the best of ideas, Zenyatta.” You stated, trying your best to calm your nerves as you unfolded your arms to fix your navy blouse. “After all, I can’t even understand why I’m so… Distracted. Asking to meditate between just the two of us would be… Uncanny. We don’t know one another too well. Ah, I mean, for the years I have known both you and him he’s still a mystery to me. I don’t have much to work with. He’s-” You stopped yourself from talking.
You blinked, the Omnic visibly calm as always. A soft whimper escaped your mouth and you slowly tried fixing your hair. At this point, you were trying to find any little thing to do to distract yourself but to also keep calm, though in front of your wiser friend you were quickly starting to question everything altogether. A thought crossed your mind for just a moment, and as you readied yourself to speak, you looked to the monk.
“If I am not mistaken,” Zenyatta began, “You may have, what you humans refer to, as a ‘crush’ on Genji.”
Your heart became heavy and you couldn’t feel your face from Zenyatta’s comment. Blinking, you shook your head in disbelief with a nervous laugh, trying to dismiss it. “Don’t be ridiculous, Zenyatta. That is not the case in the slightest. I’m sure there’s a reasoning as to explain my strange behaviour.” Your face was a very dark shade of red, and you didn’t notice your hands shaking slightly. “It is more than likely a result of my body experiencing a sudden change in my routine.”
Zenyatta paused. “If that is the case, why do I sense uncertainty from you?” The tone is his voice was concerning, but you couldn’t help but to retort his question. All the while, you were unsure of why you were becoming so defensive over the topic. What was wrong with you?
“It’s a biological reason, Zenyatta.” You answered abruptly, ignoring the painted blush on your cheeks still. “Perhaps I need to eat or am dehydrated. I do not have a crush on your student. That is preposterous.”
“I do not think he would mind meditating with you, [Y/N]. After all, he is a man of understanding. If he did not want your company, you would know.” While Zenyatta’s words were reassuring, you couldn’t help but feel a lump in your throat.
“Doubtful. He seems very select with the people he’s around, and I don’t think he’d enjoy his time regardless,” The latter of your words trailed off into a murmur.
“If that is how you feel, [Y/N], why not speak to him? I’m sure he’d be willing to listen.”
At this point, you felt as though you were speaking in circles with your friend. “No, this was a silly idea to begin with. I know that he- … Um, that-”
“Genji,” Zenyatta repeated his student’s name for a third time during your conversation, and at this point, you were growing tired of it. Again, Zenyatta was respectable and never one for cutting a person’s words short. You relaxed your posture for just a moment, trying to understand Zenyatta’s reasoning. Opening your mouth to speak, you were suddenly interrupted by a separate voice with added reverberation:
“Greetings, Master,”
“It is a pleasure to see you again, my student,” Zenyatta welcomed the figure, moving slightly closer to your direction. You pieced together that the times he called his pupil’s name, he was actually referring to Genji’s prescence. Or at least, you hoped the more recent time was the only instance. He looked from Genji to you, remaining quiet, as if it were your turn to speak. You felt your mouth become dry but stopped yourself from staring or appearing too anxious. “We were just speaking of you.”
“I am aware,” Genji responded, nodding to the Omnic monk. The ninja was silent with his movements, a trait that caught you off guard more than once. He walked forward and eventually stopped next to you, bowing before Zenyatta. He was taller than you, and standing next to him only made you feel smaller.
Following his bow, he turned to you and remained still. You felt his gaze but hesitated turning to make eye contact with his visor. Within the few seconds he watched you, a multitude of thoughts and scenarios raced through your mind, all becoming a jumbled mess. Your face was already hot, and feeling his stare was not helping in the slightest.
Wait, he was aware? How much of the conversation did he hear? How long has he been here? You thought, slowly beginning to plot a means of escape. In an attempt to prevent further awkwardness, you decided to speak. “Ah, um … Hello, it’s nice to see you, Genji-”
“It is a pleasure to see you as well, [Y/N].” He was silent for a moment. “If I may ask, are you feeling well? Your face is red.” He stated abruptly.
“Ah, yes.” You began, turning to look to Zenyatta, then back at him. “It was just… It’s nothing. I appreciate your concern, nonetheless.” Internally you were screaming at the thought of trying to speak further with the cyborg. Your [colour] eyes seemed to plead in an attempt, a drastic attempt, to signal to your friend to possibly change the conversation. Anything that would make you feel less awkward. The monk caught note and spoke,
“[Y/N] wanted to speak to you.”
You froze, your eyes widening at your friend’s words. Almost immediately you looked to Genji and waved your hands in opposition. “N-No, no, I didn’t mean for a meeting. Or, um, I didn’t call for us three to meet because I wanted to speak to you. I mean, I did, but perhaps not in the way Zenyatta means?” You stammered. “He’s not lying, I’m not saying he is at all. I do want to ask you about things, but, what he referred to is-”
You found yourself rambling and felt more embarrassed than you ever have before. You were making yourself look like a fool, you thought, and decided to end your rambling with a defeated, nervous laugh. Rubbing your temples, you started to step backwards, but luckily you weren’t clumsy enough to trip over anything and stumble.
Unfortunately for you, it became incredibly quiet after your ramble, with both Zenyatta and staring directly at you. Neither of them said anything as you shifted your focus between them, and neither looked amused in the slightest.
What you wouldn’t give to be at work right now.