Starjack Week Day 7 Freespace
Freespace: Confession cont.
The door closed with a hiss behind Wheeljack and as soon as he’s sure he’s gone, Starscream sits up, spark pulsing erratically. He gets up slowly, gaze locked onto the door as he steadies himself, recovering from just waking from recharge and the shock he’d just received. How long Wheeljack had actually been there, he doesn’t know, all he knows is that he had been there and had been acting strangely so he pretended to still be in recharge and, in truth, he was halfway in recharge. The touch had almost broken his facade, he’d almost miss the confession. He had been just about to break from his ruse, amused by the idea of embarrassing Wheeljack but then he had said… A cloud overcomes his mind as he wonders how many times Wheeljack could have done that. Was this the first? How long had Wheeljack… It’s too much and he’s suddenly too frustrated to think properly, frustrated at himself for letting something so small affect him so drastically. Starscream sighs, sitting back down at his desk, unsure of what he was thinking of doing in the first place. Sliding the reports that Wheeljack had dropped off over to himself, he tries to get back to work.
He fails. No matter how he tries and he does try, he can’t stop his thoughts from drifting to Wheeljack, the touch on his helm as he rested on his desk. Those words that Wheeljack had said echoing in his mind making his spark stutter every time and finally gives up on actually doing anything when the memory pops again abruptly, intruding into his mind like some kind of assassin. It makes his thoughts scatter and mix up until all he can think about are those three little words. He pushes his work away in frustration and puts his head in his hands, unable to think, unable to do anything. How Wheeljack managed to get under his plating he’ll never know but he’s sure that this is slowly becoming a problem he can’t ignore. If he’s honest with himself, which isn’t very often, he doesn’t want to ignore it. Grumbling nonsense, he looks once more to the discarded datapads and picks up one of the ones that Wheeljack brought that happened to actually be one of the scientist’s personal datapads. He runs his fingers over the well-worn scratches that have come with years of use, scratches that he’s memorized unwittingly and almost hates how easy it is for him to pick it out from the rest. There’s nothing left to do with it now that he’s finished all the paperwork that has to do with the relevant information. All that can be done with it is to be returned.
Starscream’s never used such a weak excuse before and is ashamed to admit that it is an excuse because it’s not as though he needs to be the one to return the datapad. He could just let it all go but at the same time he could never let it go, doesn’t want to let it go, so he marches forth and hits the panel to let himself into Wheeljack’s lab. With his usual casual flare, he strides into the room and inspects it half-heartedly as though to make it not as obvious that his true intention is to speak with Wheeljack. The scientist, formerly engrossed with his latest project, lifts his head up to greet Starscream only to roll his eyes at Starscream’s little display. Stopping right in front of Wheeljack, Starscream unceremoniously presents Wheeljack with the datapad without any comment. Wheeljack looks between the datapad proffered to him and Starscream before deciding he might as well take the thing already and so grips it carefully while leveling a calculating look at Starscream, all his uncertainty displayed quite plainly. Starscream tries not to let it get to him but it does because it’s Wheeljack and Wheeljack had confessed something unfathomable, unknowable. He shouldn’t but he expects something to happen but why would it? Wheeljack doesn’t know he knows, so he’ll act as he always does.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of the emperor delivering my datapad to me in person?” Wheeljack eyes him up and down, tossing his head back casually in a mock evaluation. It’s something Starscream should have seen before, should have noticed but he was so caught up in who he, himself is to ever bother.
“I had fallen into recharge so I didn’t get a chance to go over the reports with you before so I thought I’d do that now,” Starscream says as he leans against the counter.
Wheeljack doesn’t move for a moment then tosses the datapad into a pile of datapads cluttering a part of his lab and crosses his arms. A little startled, Starscream’s optics flick to the pile then back to Wheeljack, casual demeanor gone.
“Why are you really here, Starscream?” Wheeljack tilts his head at him.
Starscream doesn’t dare move, thinking of what to say, out of his comfort zone and at a loss of what direction he intends on taking this, he’s far too slow for his liking in his dilemma. Apparently, Wheeljack agrees with that statement, leaning on the counter and into Starscream’s space, he makes it clear with his optics that he’s not up for any kind of game today.
“You said you don’t lie to me,” Wheeljack points an accusatory finger at Starscream.
That’s enough to tick Starscream off in his already fragile position and for the first time in millions of years he speaks without thinking, snapping, “And you said you love me.”
As soon as the words are out of his mouth he knows that he messed up. This isn’t how he had wanted to bring it up, he didn’t even know how he had wanted to bring up just that this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Wheeljack seems to have taken it badly, slumping against the counter and optics wide with fear, with sadness, with what Starscream doesn’t know. Everything he’s ever learned about reading others, about understanding them flies out the window to some faraway place.
When Wheeljack speaks it’s soft and so unlike him, Starscream almost recoils, almost, “You heard.”
It’s not a question.
“Yes,” Starscream says and he knows that this moment is important, that its significant and something is supposed to happen. This moment will change them forever but… He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.
“Well?” Wheeljack asks in the pause, heavy with the unspoken, the unknown.
“Well, what?” Starscream parrots back and he does recoil this time as Wheeljack’s shoulders slump, “I heard you.”
“Oh,” he vents and hikes himself back up, not looking at Starscream, “Well, if that’s everything, I’m going to get back to work.”
And he does. Wheeljack goes back to working on his project like Starscream wasn’t there which stings somehow. Not knowing what to do, he stares, dumbfounded, as Wheeljack carefully moves his hands, tinkering as he always does and without another word, Starscream leaves. In the hall, his chassis feels tight, restrictive with a distinct pain in his spark and he understands Wheeljack is upset and now he’s upset that Wheeljack’s upset. Isn’t that a hell of a revelation? Starscream let’s out a laugh then chokes it off as it comes out more as a sob. He’s done something wrong. That wasn’t right. He forgot himself completely, he had no plan, of course, it all went sour. What was it that he was even trying to do?
From then on, things weren’t normal between him and Wheeljack. In meetings, they didn’t greet each other, they didn’t linger afterward to talk together with Starscream complaining about the delegates while Wheeljack listened patiently. During the day, there was barely a hello between them. Whenever Wheeljack needed to turn in a report, he gave it to Rattrap or Windblade and never on one of his personal datapads. Starscream never saw these things until they were gone, how much Wheeljack had become a part of his life and now that it’s gone, it hurts. There it was, all of it, right in front of him and he squandered it, like he squanders every glimmer of hope in his life which, admittedly, has not been many nor this precious. He didn’t know how badly he wanted it all before but he does now and it is significantly weighing on him to the point he can no longer hide it. So, to make it all worse, people were beginning to notice. People started skirting around the two of them awkwardly, staring at them both all the while as gossip and rumors filled the air, none of it pleasant. It was all blackmail or a twisted experiment that had gone wrong, wrong enough for him to grow a conscience.
He had to fix this. Somehow, he would fix it, he could still fix it. No matter his unease, he makes a plan so that this time, this time, he won’t mess it up. He knew everyone’s schedules like the back of his hand, so, it’s easy enough to figure out when he could get Wheeljack alone, where they could talk away from all the others without anyone hearing. It’s just after their daily meeting that’s more or less just everyone standing around, giving updates before it’s adjourned and they all head their separate ways. What’s useful about this meeting is that everyone is required to be there so even if he wanted to, Wheeljack wouldn’t be able to skip except for an emergency. So, Starscream’s able to make an excuse after he sees the scientist slip out of the room and tail Wheeljack down the hall until they come out into the gardens. Wheeljack is a mech of habit, and as such, has made a habit to come out here to clear his head after their daily meeting. Starscream, of course, knows this and waits until Wheeljack is at the same stone, railing he leans against to take it all in that’s in the more secluded part of the garden before he makes his approach.
He’s slow in his approach as if approaching a creature that’s easy to startle and with a sinking feeling, compares himself to a hunter because that might as well be what this is at this point: a hunt. Even so, he approaches and takes in Wheeljack as he does. His broad shoulders are relaxed and the sun shines down on him in soft light, turning parts of him into silhouette. Starscream stretches out his hand to touch Wheeljack’s back and get him to turn around before deciding against it and instead leans against the railing next to Wheeljack. Wheeljack tenses but gives no other inclination that he knows Starscream’s there. Starscream sighs, and lets his head fall. This is already going poorly.
“When we last talked…” Starscream begins before trailing off, steadying himself for what he wants to say.
“Wasn’t much of a conversation,” Wheeljack mutters back.
Starscream looks at him to find his optics still determinedly looking over the garden.
“That’s true,” Starscream doesn’t want the high ground, for once in all his life he doesn’t want all the power and he knows that’s exactly what’s happened. The power was his to make or break them. It’s terrifying.
“You want to talk about that?” Wheeljack shuffles to turn to Starscream, still leaning against the railing with one hand, the other on his hip.
“I do,” Starscream nods, and takes a chance placing a hand over Wheeljack’s, “I wanted to say… I’m sorry.”
Wheeljack doesn’t respond but he doesn’t pull away either so Starscream pushes on, “I don’t know what I want before you ask. I had no plan then and I have no plan now. What you said… It makes me happy to know that. This is… This isn’t coming outright.”
Starscream shutters his optics and puts a hand to his head, frustrated and aching and scared. His hand is tugged away gently and he looks to find Wheeljack even closer to him, making his vents stall.
“Say what you want to say,” Wheeljack tells him, his hand holding Starscream’s.
Starscream laughs bitterly even as some piece of hope comes back to his spark, “Isn’t that what I always do? I just say what I want to say and I mess things up. You made me stop thinking. What you said made me so unreasonably happy, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn’t know what to do. I had no plan. You made me forget everything you damned slagger. I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I just knew I wanted to be close to you. There is one thing I’ve figured out-”
His rambling is cut short before he even registers he’s rambling by a pair of lips on his and he blinks, taking a moment to understand that Wheeljack is kissing him. Then, just like that, the kiss is broken with Wheeljack smirking at him, his scars twist up with his lips. The sight makes Starscream’s spark throb.
“You figured out…?” Wheeljack continues for him.
“I love you,” Starscream whispers and a clatter erupts from off to the side.
They both turned to see Windblade looking between them, a pile of datapads scattered at her feet.
“Oh,” Windblade mumbles before hurriedly picking up the pads and making a quick retreat.
“She probably thought I was going to kill you,” Starscream mutters, “Didn’t she?”
“You almost did,” Wheeljack pulls him back.
“What?” Starscream cups Wheeljack’s face, concern written on his face.
“From a broken spark,” Wheeljack smiles and Starscream groans at the joke.
“That is so-”
Starscream wants to tear into him verbally for that but they’re kissing again, so, it doesn’t really matter.
