Normal Business Hours
for the @starkbucksbingo
Title: Normal Business Hours
Collaborator Name: Riot Card Number: 325 Square Filled: G4 - "If we get caught I'm blaming you."
Collaborator Name: GaySpaceSp Card Number: 317 Square Filled: I4 - Graveyard
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40054362 Ship: Winteriron Rating: T Major Tags & Triggers: humor, banter, implied graverobbing, just a necromancer and his zombie assistant Wordcount: 692 Summary: Tony and his newest assistant have a mission to accomplish, but first they have to contend with a locked gate.
art by the fantastical @gayspacesprinkles!!
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“Lift me up a little higher!” Tony says and then braces his foot on top of Bucky’s head, his arms stretched straight up as he reaches for the top of the chain link fence.
“I don’t understand why I can’t just break the lock on the gate,” Bucky grumbles, but adjusts his grip on the bottom of Tony’s other foot and tries to hitch him up a little higher.
“Because that’s how people notice, and why we can’t go back to the old graveyard,” Tony reminds him and Bucky can practically hear him rolling his eyes.
Bucky continues grumbling under his breath but does his best to steadily lift Tony up higher, and then sputters when Tony’s foot slips off his head and skitters down his face. “Watch it,” he snaps, jerking his head back and almost dropping Tony, “you nearly took my damn nose off.”
“I can just sew you on a new nose,” Tony says dismissively, and when Bucky jostles him hard he lets out a squeak and flails his hands out to grab for the fence again.
“But I like this nose, it’s mine,” Bucky says, glaring up at him, then pointedly taps the fingers of his left hand against Tony’s calf where it’s holding him steady as he adds, “I’m still not totally used to this new arm you slapped on me.”
“You’re such a baby,” Tony says with a laugh, “and I still say that you should have let me go with something bigger-”
“I don’t want to be lopsided-”
"Well maybe with a stronger arm you could actually get me over this fence sometime this year- hofuck-"
The shriek Tony lets out as Bucky all but throws him over the top of the fence is incredibly satisfying, as is the continued swearing and loud thump as he hits the ground. Sure, Bucky is probably going to be the one scrubbing mud out of Tony’s clothes, but it's totally worth it for the fact that Tony's face is also covered in mud when he lifts it to fix Bucky with a glare.
"You did that on purpose, you miserable undead bastard," Tony accuses, glaring harder, but it's really ruined by the twigs and dead leaves clinging to his face.
"Shh, stop being so loud," Bucky says, not even trying to fight down his wide smirk, "or you're gonna get us caught."
"If we get caught, I'm blaming you," Tony mutters as he pushes himself upright and starts wiping at his face, "and then I'm turning you back into a corpse."
"Promises, promises."
Tony huffs out a reluctant laugh as he pushes himself to his feet and then says "You are my worst reanimated assistant."
"Yeah," Bucky says brightly,"but I'm also your only reanimated assistant."
"What?” Tony asks, pausing in the middle of unlocking the gate from the inside to give him a confused look before realization dawns and he huffs out “you're not even counting Dummy?"
"Dummy is an abomination of random animal parts,” Bucky points out, wholly unimpressed, “and he spends most of his time trying to eat the furniture."
"He's doing his best," Tony says with a sniff and returns his attention to the lock, “besides, he was a very early attempt. And now look at you, you don't even eat furniture or crave the flesh of the living."
"Just yours," Bucky says with a toothy grin, then barks out a startled laugh when Tony responds by winking and wiggling his eyebrows. "Stop that," he says without any heat, "are you even allowed to make flirty-face at the zombies you make?"
"I'll definitely have to look into it," Tony says dryly as he finishes unwinding the chain that holds the gate closed, "because I clearly care so much about things like rules." The cemetery gate creaking open punctuates his point pretty well, and then Tony is spinning on his heel as he says "Now c’mon, we gotta collect the pieces for my next masterpiece before sunup."
"Well now you're just tryin' to make me jealous," Bucky says dryly, but follows him without complaint and grins when Tony throws his head back with a laugh.
